Whom the Lord Loves, He Chastens
by Shery Abdelmalak
“For whom the LORD loves He corrects, Just as a father the son in whom he delights.” – Proverbs 3:12
In Proverbs, we have the image of a loving father and son relationship, the father corrects so that one day his son will be even better than him. But what does this mean to the rest of us, who am I to correct, and how do I receive correction?
When the people went to stone the sinner woman, Jesus stopped them saying, “He who is without sin, let him cast the first stone” (John 8:7). As Jesus said this, He was writing on the ground. While it is not mentioned what He was writing, the Church Fathers suggest that He was writing the sins of the people. By extension, if every time I condemn another person for their sin, God remembers my sin then any desire to “vent” or express any ill-feelings quickly disperses.
On the contrary, in Jeremiah, we read, “I shall forgive their error, and their sin I shall remember no more” (Jeremiah 31:34). How do we gain this forgiveness? By imitation of the One who taught us to love when He first loved us and died on the Cross for our sake (1 John 4:19). Love is what covers a multitude of sin (1 Peter 4:8). When we face sins committed against us, we can choose condemnation or we can choose love.
In condemnation, we do the same as those that stoned the sinner woman, and we know that in the remembrance of her sins, Christ remembered the sins of those that stoned her. To strive for justice and fairness also means being accountable for my own sins, and the price of sin is death (Romans 6:23).
More so, I need to consider my own dwelling place that I find refuge in at the end of each day. If I have hardened my heart all day, if I have spent my days defending my own honour and allowing no room for any kind of mistreatment, how can I soften my heart in prayer to the One that is Love?
If I learn to take the sins of others to the Cross, I soften my heart and prepare it as the dwelling place of the King. I can spend my days in prayer for those that have hurt me. I can see a glimpse of the love Christ has for me because I know that no matter what anyone does to me, I have done worse to my Beloved. I can be a part of God’s handiwork. Is that not exactly what God wanted for us? “As I have loved you, that you also love one another” (John 13:34).
When it comes to correction in love, it is only for the benefit of the other person. These are not irrational or emotion-filled words. When Nathan corrected David, it was the wake-up call that created the repentance of Psalm 51. He told him a story of a rich man that stole from a poor man all he had. He knew that this would arouse goodness within David for he knew David and he loved him (2 Sam 12:1-15). Correction cannot be separated from love, nor can it be effectively executed if ill-feelings are present.
When I look at how God deals with me, He doesn’t give me all the answers when I ask for them. When I am at the depths of despair, He shows me His love. He doesn’t tell me the mistakes I made that caused the turmoil I find myself in. So why do I attempt to correct His children? God has made me, fearfully and wonderfully, He has plans for me. Every sin, every weakness, every doubt in my mind, He is going to heal. We’re not meant to fake it, we’re meant to take it all to the throne of grace. St Peter says to take all your cares to Him, for He cares for you. Do I know Him enough to be giving myself life advice, let alone other people? Sometimes I can feel the love of God so strongly in my life, I feel safe, I feel secure, but even then, it is just a glimpse – a shadow – of His limitless love.
How can I make a judgement on another when my knowledge is limited? What I know about life is based on what God knows I can handle and what is relevant to me. He is giving the same grace to those around me. It’s not my job to teach them lessons He so carefully taught me. To be a friend of God is to support others along their journey. Recognise that I don’t have all the answers. I use what He has given me. I have strengths, but I don’t disregard my weaknesses. When someone comes to me in weakness, I don’t act high and mighty, I approach them with lowliness. I make sure that they don’t feel small when they’re in my presence. I don’t tell them my heroic stories. If I’m going to tell them anything, it is that what they’re feeling, I felt too. If they’re feeling weak, so am I, and I understand that it is in weakness my need for a Saviour becomes apparent.
Christ taught us to love beyond limit. He taught us that greater love has no limits than to lay down one’s life for his friends. He didn’t tell me to play Dr. Phil, He just told me to love, and love will cause the change. He didn’t tell me to lecture people into taking my superior life advice on board. Support your friends, pray for them, see a fault in them and pray all the more.
At a time when Noah was at his lowest, he was drunk and naked and his sons laughed at his shame, but he also had sons that covered his nakedness. Every time you see a fault in a person, you have the choice to cover them or to shame them. Be the one that covers their shame. It is a gift when God reveals the weaknesses of another to you, because it is in that moment that He is inviting you to share in the salvation of another. When we see the sins of others and pray for them, we partake in God’s ultimate plan for their life to grant them salvation.
I can’t forget how patiently God deals with me, He reveals glimpses of His love when I am down. When I have sinned and the repercussions are beyond me, He shields me from the damage my own sins have caused. The remembrance of my sins and the greatness of my God are what grant peace to the troubled heart.
Perpetual quietness of heart is to have no trouble. It is never to be fretted or vexed, irritable or sore; to wonder at nothing that is done to me, to feel nothing done against me. It is to be at rest when nobody praises me, and when I blamed and despised, it is to have a blessed home in myself where I can go in and shut the door and kneel to my Father in secret and be at peace, as in a sea of calmness, when all around and about is seeming trouble.
– Andrew Murray
Perhaps it is perpetual quietness of heart that causes change in another, more than our words of correction ever could. More so, that same spirit of peace is the prerequisite for turning any condemnation into helpful correction as we strive toward the ultimate goal of eternity with the One who is Love.