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Loveable Self-Image

Loveable Self-Image

By Lilyan Andrews

Originally seen on Lilyan Andrews’ blog Lilies and Thorns, September 19, 2020.

Self-Image Definition: the way you think about yourself and your abilities or appearance.

The topic of self-image is a near and dear one to my heart. I’ve previously mentioned it in an earlier post about confidence, and as I promised in that post, here is more about it.

I recently asked people on my Instagram how they view their self-image, and here are some of the responses I got:

Not as I would like myself to be
As someone who has failed in life
A very broken work in progress
Too chubby not so smart

Do any of these sound familiar? We are always our own worst critic; quickly pointing out our flaws and failing to see how great we are. So how do we get out of that negative mentality?

The secret is to focus on the positives, and rewire how you look at the negatives. You also have to figure where these negative thoughts are coming from and how to overcome them.

So I am going to start out with giving you a little homework assignment. I want you to take a long look in the mirror and write down three things that you see that you love about yourself. The next day add more to that list, and the following day do the same thing, and keep going. If you hit a roadblock just ask your close friends or family what they like about you, and I bet their list is probably longer than yours.

Since this topic is about self-image, I’m talking about writing down physical attributes. Yes, your personality is wonderful too, but I hope you already know that (if you don’t, check out the other posts in this series). So if you love your hair, arms, eyes, smile or anything else, write that down, because too often when we look in the mirror the first things that jump out at us are our “flaws.” For example, if you don’t like your legs, that’s the first place your eyes will go when you look in the mirror. And here is an even bigger challenge. Ask yourself, “Why don’t I like my ______?” (you fill in the blank).

Is it because I see other girls that look better and it makes me feel less-than? Is it because I’ve been bullied to believe I am not beautiful enough or thin enough? Is it because I was told to dress a certain way to hide my femininity? Let’s explore these thoughts together.

Our self-image really takes a big hit when we compare ourselves to others. In the world of social media we can be bombarded with thousands of people who are picture-perfect. Please do yourself a huge favor and ignore the Instagram models. Do you know how long it takes them to look like that? I’d argue it takes a few hours to do full hair and makeup and pose for a hundred pictures until they get the perfect one. Not to mention the photo editing that follows. Trust me, the whole “woke up like this” thing is a myth. So if you find yourself feeling down after looking at those posts, it’s totally okay (and highly recommended) to unfollow them. You have full control over what fills your newsfeed. I suggest following people with a similar body type, who you can tell from the way they dress have similar values to you. That means their page isn’t full of bikini pictures and provocative poses.

Ladies, don’t let your self-worth be defined by the likes and how many fire emojis you get in the comments. Don’t you dare give people that much power over your self-confidence. Stop giving people on the internet or in real life any power over how you feel!

If you give an ear to people’s negative comments then you start believing their hurtful judgement. This is where you have to take things in one ear and out the other, which is easier said than done. Bullies exist and unfortunately sometimes they are unavoidable. They could be your classmates, or sadly even your family members. I write this with a heavy heart because I know it’s sometimes our own parents that are constantly putting us down about things like our weight. To that I say, if you are doing your best to be healthy and take care of your body then forget whatever anyone else says! But if you’re not, then what’s stopping you from taking care of your body like the temple it truly is?

“Or do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and you are not your own? For you were bought at a price; therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God’s.”
1 Corinthians 6:19-20

Our community sometimes doesn’t know how to properly teach us to love our bodies. The main message you might have heard growing up is to be modest and cover up. While there is a truth to that, this message might have been delivered and also taken the wrong way by some. I do believe that no one should be flaunting cleavage or wearing super tight clothing that shows just about everything. However, I don’t ever want you to believe that there is something wrong with your body or your curves that you need to go to extremes to hide them. Embrace your femininity in a healthy and God-fearing way.

I knew a girl in high school that would always tie sweaters around her waist to cover her backside. She was a little blessed in that area, and was so self-conscious about it that she felt the need to always hide it. She didn’t realize that God made her that way on purpose and that there was absolutely nothing wrong with being comfortable in her own skin. It’s not her fault that popular culture sometimes over-sexualizes a woman’s figure, and she was trying to be mindful not to draw the wrong kind of attention to herself.

Girls, God created Eve with all that beauty for a reason, and He doesn’t make mistakes. After all, we were created in His image. “So God created man in His own image; in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them.” (Genesis 1:27). You are the Lord’s handiwork, and to judge your appearance as anything less than beautiful is to deem God’s work as inadequate.

I totally believe in the idea of “look good, feel good, do good.” I’m all about healthy self-care. It’s totally fine to spend time on your hair, your outfit or your makeup if you choose, as long as your self-worth isn’t based on that. Because we all have bad hair days, and our self-love should not disappear on those days. Love yourself and be confident in yourself no matter what your outside appearance looks like. As long as you are following St. Peter’s advice in 1 Peter 3: 3-4 then you’re good. “Do not let your adornment be merely outward—arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel—rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God.”

Candace Cameron Bure does a great job talking about this point in chapter five of her book “Kind is the New Classy.” She focuses on practicing healthy self-care and knowing that what’s on the inside is more important than what’s on the outside.

On that instagram question I mentioned in the beginning, I also got some good answers. Some people wrote:

His daughter
Beautiful
Priceless; my “price tag” is the blood of Christ
Resilient and confident… wasn’t always like this actually

These are the kind of answers I want you to have when you think about your self-image. Confidence doesn’t just show up overnight, it is something you work on, struggle with and conquer by the grace of God. And if you ever need any encouragement, I’m always a message away!

(c) Lilyan Andrews (2020). Loveable Self-Image by Lilyan Andrews. Available at: https://www.liliesandthorns.com/post/lovable-self-image

Intentional Self-Love

Intentional Self-Love

By Lilyan Andrews

Originally posted on Lilyan Andrews’ blog Lilies and Thorns, Sept 5, 2020.

Self-Love Definition: Love of self: an appreciation of one’s own worth or virtue.

It looks like this title caught your attention and you’re here to read more about it. Awesome. Now tell me, what thoughts or feelings did that title evoke in you? Are you struggling with self-love? Or do you have a good sense of self-love and want to grow it even more? Or is this a foreign concept that you’ve never heard of?

Whatever your answer is, please allow me to walk you through why I think self-love is one of the most important things you can do for yourself. And how it is the foundation of every other relationship in your life.

God is the Source of All Love

Let’s start with where to get this self-love from. God Himself is the epitome of love. So where else would we find love other than the source himself? God proved His ultimate love for us by sending His Son to die on our behalf, so that we may be reunited with Him. His love for us is everlasting and unconditional. When Christ died for mankind on the cross, He did not only die for everyone, but especially just for you. I know that can be a hard concept for us to wrap our minds around, but it’s a foundational concept we must understand. His love for each of us is personal and special.

God loves you and therefore you should love yourself. If the most perfect Being loves you to the point of death, then why in the world would you not also love yourself? What is holding you back from diving straight into loving yourself? Is it the thought and shame of your past mistakes?

Forgiving Yourself is Essential for Loving Yourself

If your sins are hindering you from self-love, you need to know that this is from Satan and not from God. Because once you’ve repented and confessed, your sins are erased and you’re as good as new. We read in 2 Corinthians 5:17, “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new.”

Satan has a way of making us feel worthless and unlovable, and that’s total (for a lack of a better word) garbage. Ladies, forgive yourself. If the Almighty Judge has already forgiven you, why are you still punishing yourself? Lift your head up high and walk confidently knowing that forgiveness renews all, and from that you can start or continue on the path of self-love.

Let’s take the Samaritan woman as an example. When God’s love touched her, she could not contain her joy. She ran to the town people and told them about Christ. “And many of the Samaritans of that city believed in Him because of the word of the woman who testified, ‘He told me all that I ever did.’ ” (John 4:39). Here is a woman who went to draw water from the well at the most undesirable time so she would not run into anyone. She was embarrassed about her lifestyle, and when the Lord asked her about her husband she didn’t give him the whole story. But through His gentle and loving way she found forgiveness and was made new. There is no doubt that her self-love and love for God grew tremendously through that experience.

Love Yourself so You Can Love Others

There is a great Ted Talk I listened to about self-love (if you can’t already tell from last week’s post, I love Ted Talks). In it the speaker says, “Once you decide to love who you are, you can then take that love that you have for yourself and spread it to other people. Because without that self-love you limit your ability to pour into the loves of other people and add value to them.” I’m going to take that idea a step further and say that on top of self-love you need to be also filled with God’s love.

God is the source of all good things. From Him we learn what true love looks like. And as human beings we long to receive love and give love. But in order to give love you must draw that love from Him. We cannot give what we do not have.

How many relationships in your life are depending on love? Maybe it’s love to your parents, siblings, friends, or – if applicable to you – a spouse. All those people need love from you, but you can run dry if you are not filled with love for yourself and love for God.

So here is a simple breakdown:

Love God
Love Yourself
Love Others

Before I got into a relationship with my husband I was at a place where I was very comfortable with who I was as a person. I wasn’t looking for someone to complete me. God was already doing that for me. I struggled a lot to get to a place where I fully loved myself, but thank God I made it there somehow. And because of that I could give love and receive love in a healthy way. Self-love is instrumental in any serious relationship.

An issue that can occur when we lack self-love is trying to find it in an unhealthy way. Some people lack that self-love and place such a heavy burden on the close people in their life to fill that hole for them. Or in their search for love, they can compromise themselves and their values just to get the attention they so desperately want. If you are struggling with this I pray that your eyes are open to see your true worth, and you fall so deeply in love with God and yourself that you are no longer tempted by false love from others.

Self-Love is Key

Loving yourself means you are in control of your own joy. You recognize that God’s love is the first and foremost love that you need, and that you actually already have it! You’re working on loving Him and getting to know Him. Once you’re filled with self-love fueled by His love, you can now love others. That self-love is such an important foundation for everything else in your life.

Practical Tip

I love to write things down. I’ve started getting into the habit of writing letters, especially when I’m super zealous, to myself to open at a future time. The letters are usually titled, “Open When You Need Encouragement,” “Open When You Feeling Like Quitting,” and “Open When You Need a Reminder that You are Enough.” I’ve recently added one titled, “Open When You’re Lacking Self-Love.” I encourage you to do the same. Your letter has to be personal to you, write about your struggles and your motivations for overcoming them. Keep that letter around and read it when you need a little boost of positivity.

(c) Lilyan Andrews (2020). Intentional Self-Love by Lilyan Andrews. Available at https://www.liliesandthorns.com/post/intentional-self-love

Cracked Hearts and Open Arms

Cracked Hearts and Open Arms

By Bethany Kaldas

‘But love your enemies, do good, and lend, hoping for nothing in return; and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High. For He is kind to the unthankful and evil. Therefore be merciful, just as your Father also is merciful.’
Luke 6:35-36

One of the hardest things in life is to love and not be loved in return—or perhaps even worse, to love and be mistreated in return. I’m not mainly speaking in a romantic sense (in fact, to take this in a romantic sense may be quite unwise)—this goes far deeper than that. A parent who does everything he can to show love to his child and yet gets nothing but angst and rebellion and spite in return goes through just as much, if not more, agony as the unrequited lover. A servant may feel the darkest despair when she pours her whole heart and soul out to reach the young girl who is straying from Christ, only to have the girl fight back like she’s the enemy. You may do everything you can to hold on to a dear friend, but sometimes they still walk away.

I’ve heard it said occasionally, within the Church, that it is better to guard your heart against the world, not to love anyone or anything too much, because nothing here lasts. There is some truth to that—though, perhaps, not the way it first seems. But you can see why the idea seems to make sense, right? People quarrel, they leave, they change from being caring to being cold, they can turn against you on the slightest provocation. Even if none of this happens, everyone dies eventually. Even pets, even places, even inanimate objects are unlikely to outlast your affections. You’ll be burned in the end.

The truth is, no matter how much effort you put into a relationship—of any kind—and even if you do everything right, there is no such thing as a safe love. There is a way in which pain and love are inseparable. You must have open arms to love, and it is when your arms are open that you are at your most vulnerable.

So why go through with it? If open arms mean broken hearts, then wouldn’t it be better to always keep your guards up? Why would you ever let anyone in? Who could possibly be worth it?

‘There is no safe investment. To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket – safe, dark, motionless, airless – it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. The alternative to tragedy, or at least to the risk of tragedy, is damnation. The only place outside Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers and perturbations of love is Hell.’
C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves

If you live in constant fear of death, you will never live at all. If you only love when you are certain your heart will not be wounded, you will never love at all. Love of any kind is the inevitable risk of being broken apart.

‘Most assuredly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the ground and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it produces muchgrain.’
John 12:24

A grain doesn’t just need to be buried to live—it also needs to be cracked open. You can’t walk out of a tomb before the stone has been rolled away, no matter how exhausting and painful that process is, no matter how much the sunlight burns your eyes. And it will burn. Love is a leap. Love is a risk.

‘The leap of faith always means loving without expecting to be loved in return, giving without wanting to receive, inviting without hoping to be invited, holding without asking to be held. And every time I make a little leap, I catch a glimpse of the One who runs out to me and invites me into his joy, the joy in which I can find not only myself, but also my brothers and sisters. Thus the disciplines of trust and gratitude reveal the God who searches for me, burning with desire to take away all my resentments and complaints and to let me sit at his side at the heavenly banquet.’
Henri J.M. Nouwen, Return of the Prodigal Son

Love is not safe. Your heart will be broken. But there is One who broke His heart for you first. A Love that shone so bright, not from the safety of a throne as you know it, but hung in agony from a cross, pierced by nails and thorns. His heart broke so that all the cracks in yours, so small by comparison, can shine with the light of His.

Love’s as hard as nails,
Love is nails:
Blunt, thick, hammered through
The medial nerves of One Who, having made us,
Knew The thing He had done,
Seeing what all that is
Our cross, and His
C. S. Lewis, Love’s Warm as Tears

Believe it or not (and people are very unlikely to ever say this to you out loud in actual words) but everyone—even the most stubborn, arrogant, irritating people you know—has a cracked heart. Everyone wants to be loved, even if they don’t always act like they care. Love is never wasted, but they may sting you. When they see the cracks in your heart they might strike. After all, that is what we did to Him.

When you open your heart, when you love knowing it might break you, that is when you see Him. That is when you become like Him. He died, not that you might remain safe in the tomb, but that you might meet Him beyond it. There’s no light in that tomb, no breath, no life. Life awaits you beyond the walls you’ve put around your heart. He awaits you still. For all the cracks you’ve put in His heart, all the nails in His hands, still He awaits you with arms open.

God has given you a heart, and although cracks run through it, however deep, however wide, He has filled it with His love. Let that love shine through the fractures in your own heart to theirs. Show them what it means to be loved regardless. He’s shown you that you’re worth it—take that risk. Show them they are too.

‘We love Him because He first loved us.’
1 John 4:19

Carrying the Cross

Carrying the Cross

adapted from a sermon by Fr Mark Basily

The feast of the Cross is an ancient feast that the church has held for seventeen years.

After Emperor Constantine accepted the Christian faith in the 4^th century, his mum, Queen Helena, wanted to protect the Holy sites in Jerusalem. Her method of protecting the Holy sites was to build churches over them.

She went to Jerusalem and identified the place of Christ’s crucifixion and His burial and she built a Cathedral over these holy lands. She invited the Patriarchs of the churches to consecrate the church of the Holy Sepulchre (the church of the Resurrection) and they brought the Cross of Christ.

Amongst them was St Athanasius of Alexandria. This celebrate began of the consecration of the church and the laying of the Cross of Christ was in this church. This marked the feast date of the Cross.

The Cross was once a symbol of torture and the means of execution of the worst criminals in the Roman empire, now it has been adopted as the identity of Christians.

When people see the cassock of Orthodox priests, it can appear off-putting – a very Arab garment. It is only on closer inspection and when the Cross becomes visible, that people are comforted.

As I was walking in the shopping centre, there was a lady coming toward me that appeared afraid but as soon as she saw the Cross, she was reassured. Another lady came and sat next to me and said, “you know I wasn’t going to sit next to you.”

I asked why and she replied, “Only when I saw the Cross did I feel safe enough to sit next to you.”

What is it about the Cross that makes people feel safe and comfortable?

An interaction between Christ and His disciples begins when He asks them the question- “Who do men say that I, the Son of Man, am?” (Matthew 16:13).

Who do people say that I am? What do others think of me?

The disciples respond with a range of names including John the Baptist, Elijah, Jeremiah or one of the prophets.

Christ pushes them asking, “But who do you say that I am?”

Peter responds, “You are the Christ, the Son of the living God.”

Christ being impressed with this answer says, Blessed are you, Simon Bar-Jonah, for flesh and blood has not revealed this to you, but My Father who is in heaven. And I also say to you that you are Peter, and on this rock I will build My church, and the gates of Hades shall not prevail against it. And I will give you the keys of the kingdom of heaven, and whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven.”

The Catholic and Orthodox churches interpret this response very differently. The Catholic church read that Christ was building the church on Peter; on the person, Peter. Thus, the successor of Peter will always be the head of the church.

The Orthodox church believes that it wasn’t the person of Peter that Christ built the church on but the faith within him. The church is built on the proclamation of faith given by Peter. Faith in Christ, as the Son of the living God, that is the cornerstone of the church.

If you go down a little bit further and the dialogue continues, Christ declares to the disciples that He must suffer and be killed and finally raised. Peter responds, “Far be it from You, Lord; this shall not happen to You!” A natural response to the upcoming ill-events of a loved one.

Christ responds, “Get behind Me, Satan! You are an offense to Me, for you are not mindful of the things of God, but the things of men.”

This is a sharp contract to the praise He gave him just before, calling him the rock on which His church shall be built. Within minutes, He refers to him as Satan.

How did we go from the rock of faith to Satan? The reason we have this shocking response was because Peter did not understand the Cross. Christ was telling them about the Cross to come. Peter could not fathom the Cross and so was, rebuked as Satan. The faith he uttered without understanding or living the Cross was meaningless.

The Cross was central to Christ’s mission, ministry, life and expression of love to the world, and if this cannot be understood, then faith is nothing. Everything was about the Cross.

“If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow Me. For whoever desires to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it” (Matthew 16:24). The Cross was not only a part of Christ’s life and ministry, but a requirement for Peter and the disciples understanding. Furthermore, it serves as a constant reminder for us to carry our Cross with Christ. Without the Cross, there is no Christianity, there is no life. This is what makes a Christian- the Cross. Living a life of carrying our Cross with Christ.

Part of our calling as Christians is to carry the Cross, happily, joyfully, faithfully, with Christ. Not only do we carry our Cross but we help others carry their Crosses. The Cross becomes a model of sacrifice, selflessness and love that we bestow upon those around us.

Who is my neighbor?

St Luke’s transcribed sermon by Fr Daniel Fanous

The gospel today is a well-known gospel that ends with a passage. A passage where a lawyer comes to question our Lord. He comes to the Lord standing up- all details we should pay attention to- and asking, “what shall I do to inherit eternal life?”

So, our Lord sensing and knowing that the lawyer has come to deceive Him doesn’t answer but instead asks the lawyer a question;

“What is your reading of the law?

The lawyer responds saying ‘You shall love God with all your mind and all your strength, and you should love your neighbour as yourself’. These two that he mentions are known as the 2 tables of the law; the vertical table and horizontal able. The vertical being the love of God and the horizontal being the love for neighbours. So, Christ hearing this says, “do this and you shall live”. A direct response to his question, but it continues further, and we miss what immediately follows this. The lawyer then asks another question wanting to justify himself; “who is my neighbour?”

In 1^st century Palestine, as it is in the middle east today, a teacher would actually sit while the students would stand, opposite to what we have now. So, the lawyer is standing is faking humility, pretending to be a student ready to listen when in fact he isn’t.

So, who is this neighbour he asks? As a response, Christ gives the story of the Good Samaritan.

The beaten man in the story is assumed to be a Jew because he is travelling from Jerusalem to Jericho. And as he is being beaten, he is left beaten and stripped and a priest passes him by. Most priests at the time would have lived in Jericho, so he would have gone to Jerusalem to pray and go back home. Due to the number of priests, the priests most likely prayed once or twice in the holy of holies throughout their lifetime. So, the priest passes by, most likely not even walking because due to the priests being quite wealthy at the time. Christ is very specific in saying that “when the priest had seen the man, he passed by the other side.” There was no ignorance, he saw him and then chose to walk on the other side; he saw a man that was beaten, disfigured and stripped. So, looking at him all he knew is that he wasn’t a Jew; he could have been a pagan, Samaritan, Greek, he could have been anything. The priest couldn’t distinguish whether he was a Jew because he was stripped, and blood covered the majority of the man. The priest also couldn’t tell if he was dead or not. Back in those days if someone was dead and you touch them, especially a priest, they would become defiled. Consequently, there would be a 1-week ceremony to cleanse them. During that week there were a lot of restrictions on what he could and couldn’t do. To the priest, all of this was not worth the risk, so the priest walked past, considering the man not to be his neighbour.

Next up was a Levite, who were generally known to be assistants to the priests. The Levite replicating the actions of the priest.

And then Christ continues;

“But a certain Samaritan as he journeyed came where he was and when he saw him (notice the words that he used, they’re very specific, translating to ‘he had compassion’), so he went to him and bandaged his wounds, pouring on them oil and wine. And he set him on his own animal, brought him to the inn and took care of him. On the next day when he departed, he took out 2 denarii and gave them to the innkeeper and said to him, ‘take care of him, and whatever more you spend on him when I come again I will repay you.’”

The Samaritans were a very unique sort of people. In the old testament, the Assyrian kingdom conquered the northern tribes of Israel, the 10 northern tribes. What they did was very interesting. Their system to break a culture was with the aim to prevent any revolt from happening later on so they would deport Israelites all around and would also bring people from all around the world to settle them in Israel. So, they couldn’t band together for a revolution. There was a hybrid of people living there together in the northern part of Israel. God because their practices and evil it is said in scripture that he sent lions there to kill them. So, they thought that the gods must be against us, and banded together to make a new temple. They formed a new hybrid religion; a mix of Judaism and a mix of Assyrian religion. And so, the people of Israel hated the Samaritans as they are a mixed-race and as far as the Israelites are concerned, they defile the temple.

This means that when Christ mentions a Samaritan everyone would have been shocked and confused. It is the Samaritan that saw the man and had compassion. The priest, Levite and Samaritan all saw the same man, they all had eyes. The Samaritan would have also been unsure if the dying man was his neighbour, and in fact, it is more likely that the man was a Jew, his enemy. Meanwhile, the others would have been more convinced it was their kinsman. And yet the Samaritan saw him, he had compassion upon him. The Samaritan was moved deeply within to help, this isn’t someone who has decided for the first time in his life to do a good deed. But rather this is somebody who has a spirit of goodness, that chooses to give himself to people because he sees himself as their neighbour. He was moved deeply within for someone who may or may not has been his neighbour. Everyone expects Christ to say that a priest passed him by, then a Levite and after that a certain Jew or farmer comes and helps and maybe that the person that was dying on the ground was a Samaritan who would have been their enemy. So, they expected this to be a parable about how good some Jews can be, and yet Christ does the exact opposite. He’s beautifully subversive. Instead of that, He talks about one of their enemies having mercy on them.

A Samaritan helped a man who was passed by a Priest Levite who both were so concerned about who their neighbour is. Just as the lawyer was asking who is my neighbour?

The Samaritan then uses all that he has to help the man;

He uses his bandages, wine and oil for the wounds
Puts the man on his own animal
Risks his life by going into a Jewish town

Imagine the look of a Samaritan walking into a Jewish town with a near-dead Jewish man on his donkey. There was a cost to loving his neighbour.

So, Christ then asks;

“So, which of these three was neighbour to the one who fell among the thieves?”

The lawyer replied, “He who showed mercy on him”, he couldn’t even say the Samaritan. Notice how Christ worded it from the perspective of the hurt man saying, “who was a neighbour to him.” And so, the question isn’t who is my neighbour but who am I a neighbour to?

Christ defines the neighbour is one who has mercy. In fact, it is Christ who is our neighbour, the one who loves and has mercy on us. In Patristic thought, they always understand that it is Christ Himself who is the Samaritan in this case. He is the one who sees us all, no matter where I’m from or who I am, He sees us. He moves deeply within, He binds our wounds, He heals us with the wine and oil that is his, and then He carries us who are beaten on His own animal. As Origen says;

“Christ carries us to Church, that Inn is the church. And he promises to the Innkeeper that He will return and care for us again.”

Christ showed us that he was the man’s neighbour not that the man was His neighbour. It is possible for us to imitate Christ and care for those who are among thieves. Only if we are like Christ and serve all and become a neighbour to all, only then will we hear the words of Christ;

“Do this and you shall inherit eternal life.”

To conclude, St Anthony once said, “Our life and our death is with our neighbour.” How you treat the person next to you is either your life or your death.

Glory be to God forevermore, Amen.

The Transformational Power of the Lives of the Saints

By Bishoy Sharobim

Originally seen on Fr Anthony Messeh’s blog (2 Nov. 2018)

This is a guest post from Bishoy Sharobim, from the Coptic Orthodox church of St. Mary and St. Mina in Sydney, Australia. In today’s post, Bishoy discusses a spiritual practice that has long been part of our Orthodox heritage, but unfortunately has become less appealing to our modern world. You can find more of Bishoy’s work on his Facebook page, The Art of Orthodoxy. If you too are interested in guest posting on my blog, please visit my Guest Post guidelines for more info.

When I say “the lives of the saints”, I’m not talking only about the church’s synaxarium, which is filled primarily with accounts in the first millennium. I’m talking about accounts of saints’ lives that are high quality translations written in excellent English and that are about modern-day saints who reposed in the last few decades. Such examples of recent saints and holy souls are Fr. Faltaous El Sorianni (-2010), Fr. Fanous El Anba Paul (-2012), Pope Shenouda III (-2012) and many more others.

Why is reading the lives of the saints important or I’d even say extremely beneficial for our salvation? Pope Kyrillos VI – a recently canonized saint in the church – once wrote: “Whoever reads the books of the saints, seeking to know the way of righteousness, the way of righteousness will be opened to them.”

To properly understand this concept, I present to you a testimony of a wonderful experience a self-admitted lukewarm youth in America had upon reading the 1st book of the highly saintly nun Tamav Erini who reposed in 2006.

She writes…

“My life has totally changed after having read the valuable life story of Tamav Erene. Before hand, I was only interested in whatever was worldly. However, from the moment I read this book, Tamav’s life touched mine. I cried bitterly and told her, ‘Please be my mother and attract me to heaven and to whatever is holy.’ When I came to Egypt, I decided to come to the convent and to visit Tamav’s shrine to ask her to help me change my life and to come closer to God.

Truly, my life has changed in such a way that surprised me personally. I started to pray and fast, so I felt a power that helped me to achieve what seemed difficult. I asked God with the prayer of Tamav Erene to help me give up all my bad habits. I started with songs which I was crazy about and many of which I knew by heart. While I was in Tamav’s shrine, I told her, ‘Please divert my attention from these things.’

Indeed overnight, and with God’s help, I started to listen to the holy Mass and religious hymns instead. I also used to enjoy gossiping and judging people. I asked Tamav to handle this habit so that I would renounce it totally. I did. Moreover, one of my acquaintances was really upsetting me. I was so angry that I imagined that I would never be able to talk to her again. However, I found myself calling her and telling her that I would be visiting her at her home. I did, and the whole issue was resolved.

Today, 11/8/2007, I came to ask Tamav to help me for the salvation of my soul. I have to admit that I feel her support every step of the way to my repentance. Now joy fills my heart and my whole being and the light of God and His saints has become the torch that guides my life.” (Taken from “Tamav Irene: book 2”)

Indeed I repeat the words of our holy and saintly patriarch, “Whoever reads the books of the saints, seeking to know the way of righteousness, the way of righteousness will be opened to them.” But off course we must read such works with tremendous discretion, wisdom and common sense, growing with the utmost gradualness and struggling according to our current spiritual levels and our current life circumstances.

What impact might reading the lives of the saints have on spiritual life? Maybe it’s worth a shot to find out…

(c) Fr Anthony Messeh (2018). The Transformational Power of the Lives of the Saints by Bishoy Sharobim. Available at http://www.franthony.com/blog/the-transformational-power-of-the-lives-of-the-saints

The Key to Confidence

The Key to Confidence

Adapted from a sermon by Fr Yacoub Magdy

Sometimes your requests will never be rejected from our Lord. Our struggle often comes from a lack of confidence in the Lord.

We can ask for the Lord’s help but we are still unsure of ourselves. This effects our performance and belief in our own abilities. We need to find the recipe for confidence to sustain us. Our confidence is in the Lord, the Provider of all good things.

Can you out-give God? Can you give God more than He gives you? The answer is a firm, “no.” Otherwise, how could He be God?

We could never give God more than He gives us, this is a rule that has remained steadfast for centuries. It is impossible. If you give God more, then He will give you much more. Some people give their entire lives to the Lord, then their reward is in eternity. It is impossible for the Lord to deny the reward of the one who gives.

This is our first rule in the recipe of confidence- we can never give more than God.

What can I give in return? If I live in sin, I have bad habits, my life is a total mess. I have nothing to offer the Lord, and so, I assume that the Lord cannot give me anything. This brings us to rule number two. Time is a commodity created on earth, but eternity is timeless. Our Lord is not bound to the constraints of time. The present, past and future are the same. This is strange to grasp as humans as we see life as sequential, everything in order, in due time.

God created time for a reason, but He is not bound to time. Even if we haven’t given Him anything in the past, I can give in the future. This is called a vow – to borrow from the future. My past is not good, but my future can be.

We can gain confidence by making vows to the Lord. It might be good to write our vows down so that we do not forget what we have promised to the Lord. Vows are serious, as the Bible says – “Better not to vow than to vow and not pay” – Ecclesiastes 5:5.

We must be careful, but if we can fulfil, we should vow. The Bible encourages us to fulfil our vows;

When you make a vow to the Lord your God, you shall not delay to pay it; for the Lord your God will surely require it of you, and it would be sin to you. But if you abstain from vowing, it shall not be sin to you
Deuteronomy 23:21-22

In vows, the Lord glorifies us and we will give thanks to Him. We can give God vows in service, vows in prayer, vows in any way that may glorify the Lord. Whatever we like from the Lord, we can make vows, and He is faithful to repay.

We must be cautious not to vow more than what we can fulfil. Consult your father of confession to ensure these vows are realistic. Some get afraid that they cannot fulfil their vows. The key is in our hands. If your vows are strong and reasonable and you fulfil them, you will never be disappointed. How the Lord works, we never really know.

Success is not a figure, but a relationship with God that guarantees glory in every aspect of your life.

The elderly are not tempted like the young. They are not faced with the same temptations. As St John writes,

I have written to you, young men, Because you are strong, and the word of God abides in you, And you have overcome the wicked one
1 John 2:14

Some vows we can consider when we are young –

Short and honest confessions. In confession, many people are honest and to the point. Others speak, tell stories, make jokes. These will generally leave feeling like they do not benefit from confession. Of course they did not benefit, for they didn’t confess. You didn’t embarrass yourself, you did not break your heart.

Money is another; with any skill we have, we can use this to help others and the profits to give the poor.

Pray for one another, use your time in prayer to pray for others.

We have a key to the power of God. He is very real, and encourages making and fulfilling vows. They are Biblical. The risk is that you make a vow and cannot fulfil it. We must always pray for one another, in unity. If you are not affected personally but see others around you struggling, share with them in prayer.

Our confidence is derived from using all our talents for the glory of God. No matter the career, we remain servants of the Lord for eternity.

If anyone serves Me, let him follow Me; and where I am, there My servant will be also. If anyone serves Me, him My Father will honor.
John 12:26

Have you not always practiced love?

by Francella Brown

Originally seen at Phoebe Farag’s Mikhail blog, Being in Community

To my friends. My sweet friends.

Dry your eyes. Lift your chin. Fix your face. Shake your guilt.

Thank you for thinking about me and asking if I’m ok.

But why the guilt in your voice? Haven’t you always loved me? Haven’t you always supported me? Haven’t you always fed me? Haven’t you always treated me with respect? Haven’t you always called me your sister and loved me as such? Who convinced you that this isnt true?

Not God. Not me.

Sweet friends. Dry your eyes. Lift your chin. Fix your face. Shake your guilt.

Who lied to you and told you that you were the problem? Who’s bullying you into posting hashtags and shouting slogans? Who’s trying to make you repent of sins you’ve never committed?

Not God. Not me.

Sweet friends. Dry your eyes. Lift your chin. Fix your face. Shake your guilt.

Who’s guilt tripping you into making public declarations of where your loyalties lie, as if your life isn’t declaration enough? Who’s convincing you that you’re someone you’re not?

Have you not always practiced love? Have you not always set the standard? Have you not always been you? Who dares to dispute that?

Not God. Not me.

Sweet friends. We wouldn’t be friends if these things weren’t true.

And there wouldn’t be a single problem in the world if everyone was like you.

So when you call me and ask me, ‘What should I do?’

The answer is simple: Keep being you.

Dear friends,
I’m ok.
Are you ok, too?

(c) Pheobe Farag Mikhail (June 26, 2020) – Being in Community. Have you not always practiced love by Francella Brown. Original blog – https://beingincommunity.com/have-you-not-always-practiced-love/

The Work of a Witness

The Work of a Witness

By Laura S. Jansson

Originally see at Pheobe Farag Mikhail’s blog Being in Community (April 23, 2020)

I’m a doula, and not everybody knows what that is. When I’m asked what my work involves, it’s tempting to resort to the dry textbook answer: “We provide emotional, physical and informational (not medical) support to people having babies.” But a few examples can help to bring the job description to life for people. When my client is in labor, I’ll say, I might cool down a washcloth to mop her brow, take some news out to the crowd in the hospital waiting room, rub her lower back just so, or speak up with a few words of steadiness when discouragement strikes.

But after fifteen years in this role, I’ve been wondering recently if all the tiny actions a doula undertakes in the course of her work don’t add up to more than the sum of their parts. It seems that, as with many roles, what I offer is encapsulated more in what I am than in what I do. And what I am, largely, is a witness. I am fully present for the woman I serve as she faces with staunch grace some of the hardest moments life has ever dealt her. I watch, marveling, as she dredges up the bravery to drink the cup which no one can take from her. I’m there for her – simply there – as she is called on to shed her preferences, her modesty, and her very blood for the love of another. I bear witness as she looks up from the newborn image of God in her arms, saying, “See what I did there?”

And I do see. Not everyone has the privilege of seeing. Some, like the family members in the waiting room, are not invited; they may be too squeamish, anxious or disinterested to attend. Others are present but do not notice the spiritual significance of what is happening, like the nurse who must be on the lookout for blood loss and meconium staining rather than for sacraments, or the protective husband whose doe-eyes become hawk-eyes under stress. In such a situation, to be the one who has not let meaning go unnoticed feels like an important ministry.

It really does seem to make a difference. To witness to another’s struggle turns out to be healing work, allowing green shoots to come forth from a lifeless stump. A laboring woman who says (as most of us do, at some point), “I can’t do this anymore”, can be revived by the mere words, “you are doing it; I’m here to see you doing it, and you’re doing it very well”. And when a mother is looking back on her baby’s birth the work of witnessing often turns out to have a life-long significance. A nurse who happened to be on shift that one night years ago would be impossible to contact; sometimes even a marriage breaks apart, so that the witness of a shared birth experience shatters with it. To know that there is even just one person who saw her slay the dragon is a powerful weapon against future beasts who might cross her path. Whether their relationship develops into bosom friendship or she never sees her doula again, she knows there will always be someone to share the burden of the memory, to hold the truth of what happened, to keep the flame of her human dignity alive.

The spiritual importance of a witness is exemplified, but not confined, within the birthing room. The powerful act of attesting to one another’s struggles is a great gift each one of us can extend to those in our families, friendships, parishes and communities. Daycare pickup time may bring us an encounter with a sleep-deprived mother who is beginning to doubt her ability to go on, and we can stop to note how much she is already doing, and voice what we see in her that is admirable. Or reading between happy social media smiles, we may suspect a co-worker is in trouble, and set some time aside to check in. Perhaps a knowing smile for the discouraged teenager packing our grocery bags is all it takes for him to feel seen. Or at church, we can refuse to take “fine” for an answer from the elderly man in the next pew who seems so lonely.

It may feel like nothing much, but the work of witnessing has a holiness to it because it partakes in the action of the Holy Trinity: “For there are three that bear witness in heaven: the Father, the Word, and the Holy Spirit” (1 Jn. 5:7). The three divine persons are bound together in a relationship of mutual attestation which confirms their Godhead, in keeping with the ancient principle that (in the words of Christ Himself) “the testimony of two people is true” (Jn. 8:17 – see also Num. 35:30, Deut. 17:6, Deut. 19:15-21, Matt. 18:15-16, 2 Cor. 13:1 and Heb. 10:28). The Father is affirmed as the Father by the Son and the Holy Spirit; the Son is affirmed as the Son by His Father and the Holy Spirit; and likewise the Holy Spirit is affirmed by the Father and the Son. And this witness to the truth is so central to the life of God as to be the reason Christ gives for his coming into the world (Jn. 18:37).

As we are drawn into God, we too become witnesses, affirming and drawing forth this divine love in the reality of one another’s personhood. The ones who have perfected this art and already live fully in its reality are the saints: the “forefathers, fathers, patriarchs, prophets, apostles, preachers, evangelists, martyrs, confessors, ascetics, and every righteous spirit perfected in the faith” spoken of in the Divine Liturgy of St. John Chrysostom. They bear perfect witness not only to God but also for each one of us, even when we are without another witness in the world. They surround us like “so great a cloud,” as the writer of Hebrews says (12:1), wrapping us in their support like incense thick in the air. During the times when we feel completely unseen and alone, these witnesses call us back to a proper remembrance of ourselves in the light of God with Us. “Be strong and take heart,” they tell us, “all you who hope in the Lord” (Ps. 31:24).

The words “witness” and “martyr” mean the same thing, and among the unseen witnesses we think of the women martyrs whose blood spilled on the sandy floors of Roman arenas, giving their lives and deaths for the sake of love. These people, whose names we know, feasts we celebrate and icons we venerate, might be considered our spiritual foremothers; without them the faith would have died out long before it could reach our twenty-first century ears. But equally, those who surround us are our foremothers in the flesh, whose fireside instruction and daily example were what ensured that the true faith was passed to each new generation. Their blood was shed in secret on the sheets of birthing beds, not sand, but like those we more typically consider martyrs, their blood too speaks to us of how new life can come forth when we embrace our human pain and death for the sake of Love.

One mother shared the story of the role of the “great cloud” during the birth of her child. Though this was her seventh baby, it was her first as an Orthodox Christian, and as she says, “I get teary-eyes just remembering how very, very sweet and mystical the whole experience was. It felt so… holy.” She labored in a birth pool in her bedroom, overlooked by the icons of saint whose lives spoke to her. There were Blessed Matushka Olga (a midwife with a life story similar to her own grandmother’s), St. Julianna of Lazarevo (her mother’s patroness), St. Anna and her daughter the Theotokos, and St. Sophia and her three daughters – a community of mothers surrounding, protecting and renewing her strength as she worked to bring her own daughter into the world. Her husband stood by, chanting prayers and anointing her head and belly with holy oil. Her prayer rope stretched several inches longer as she circled round it with the Jesus prayer. As the sun was setting over their home, the baby was born. “I’ve never been so cognizant of the “cloud of witnesses” around me as in those moments,” she says.

Let us strive to be such witnesses for one another.

(c) Phoebe Farag Mikhail (April 23, 2020). Being in Community. The Work of a Witness by Laura S. Jansson. Original post – https://beingincommunity.com/the-work-of-a-witness/

Can’t I Just Pray?

Can’t I Just Pray? Joy and Mental Health

By Phoebe Farag Mikhail

Originally seen at Phoebe Farag Mikhail’s blog Being in Community (October 25, 2019)

I’ve been asked, on more than one occasion, if someone experiencing depression can just read my book about joy and feel better—in other words, just read my book rather than see a therapist or take medication.

My short answer has always been no. Anyone who is suffering from clinical depression or other form of mental illness or mood disorder should always seek the professional help of a trained and licensed therapist, counselor and/or psychiatrist. Spiritual books can help, but they are no replacement for visiting a therapist. When my carpal tunnel syndrome flares up, I rub my wrists with holy oil AND take two ibuprofen. It’s not important which one is the cause of symptom relief – they may, in fact, be working together.

And that’s why my longer answer is still no, but a nuanced no.

Spiritual practices that help us experience joy – the experience of giving and receiving sacrificial love, as described in my book, Putting Joy into Practice – can certainly give us an emotional and even physical boost. Many of these practices have been linked scientifically to positive emotional and physical outcomes. See Robert Emmons’ work on thanksgiving, for example, or the various studies showing how helping others increases oxytocin, the “happiness hormone.” Surely, putting joy into practice in an ongoing and consistent way might be good for our both our spiritual health and our mental health.

Social isolation is a proven contributing factor to many forms of mental and physical illness, and community and connection, the kind we experience when giving and receiving hospitality, for example, are proven antidotes to this. We all know that infants who are hugged and snuggled grow more quickly and thrive more than children who are not, even though they may be fed the same amount and offered the same amount of medical treatment. Studies of resilience in adults often point to consistent belonging and participation in a faith community as a positive factor.

In addition, one of the “joy thieves,” or the “passions,” as I describe in my book, is “acedia,” or despondency, a form of spiritual restlessness or apathy. Its symptoms can mirror some symptoms of clinical depression. The line between them, in fact, might not be a hard one. One unchecked, in fact, might lead to another. And thus, we should not treat one without treating the other. Someone experiencing acedia (or “the noonday devil” as the desert fathers and mothers described it) should certainly visit a father of confession, participate in church and community life, pray, fast, reach out to friends and family. These may suffice, but why not also get an appointment with a therapist?

A therapist might be able to help identify if there are symptoms that are more related to an underlying pathology and need additional care. Similarly, someone already being treated for clinical depression or other related illnesses stands only to benefit from the spiritual practices that will help heal the spirit and the soul as medicine heals the body.

Because Ecclesiasticus (the Wisdom of Sirach) is a deuterocanonical book in the Bible, many of us are not familiar with its wisdom. Yet perhaps our hesitance to seek help when we need it – both medical and spiritual – would disappear if we took this wisdom seriously:

My son, in thy sickness be not negligent: but pray unto the Lord, and he will make thee whole. Leave off from sin, and order thine hands aright, and cleanse thy heart from all wickedness. Give a sweet savour, and a memorial of fine flour; and make a fat offering, as not being. Then give place to the physician, for the Lord hath created him: let him not go from thee, for thou hast need of him. There is a time when in their hands there is good success. For they shall also pray unto the Lord, that he would prosper that, which they give for ease and remedy to prolong life.
Wisdom of the Son of Sirach 38:9-14

If this applies to doctors who care for our physical health, how much more so to practitioners who care for our mental health? We are integrated human beings. Our thoughts are linked to our emotions, our emotions to our bodies, our bodies to our spirits. When Christ became incarnate, He took on all of those things.

In the twenty-first century we are now starting to recover from over a century of science and medicine that has attempted to divide our bodies from our minds and souls. “Holistic” and “integrated” medicine are becoming part of mainstream health care vocabulary. We are now recognizing how much our mental health is a complex system that is connected to our physical, emotional and spiritual health. There should be no stigma attached to caring for our emotional and mental health—we should celebrate and encourage this.

On the Fountains of Carrots podcast recently, one of the hosts told the story of a married couple who experienced infant loss. Knowing ahead of time that couples who experience infant loss can also experience troubles in their marriage, they lined up couples’ therapy to help them work through their grief even before they actually experienced troubles in their marriage. They didn’t wait to determine if they would need help or not – they preemptively acted. What a model for us.

In the Coptic Orthodox Litany for the Sick, we pray,

All souls that are distressed or bound, grant them mercy, O Lord; grant them rest, grant them refreshment, grant them grace, grant them help, grant them salvation, grant them the forgiveness of their sins and their iniquities. As for us also, O Lord, the maladies of our souls, heal; and those of our bodies too, do cure. O You, the true Physician of our souls and our bodies, the Bishop of all flesh, visit us with Your salvation.

The healing that God grants is mercy, rest, refreshment, grace, help, salvation and the forgiveness of sins. The absence of these truly affect both our bodies and our souls. And thus we should also never be ashamed to tell our doctors that we are praying and asking our friends and family to pray for us, of asking for a priest to come and anoint us with oil. And when we are suffering from any sort of illness, physical, emotional, mental, we should not deprive ourselves of the help that community can provide.

Let’s erase the stigma of seeking help. The idea that we can live this life alone and conquer all our difficulties—physical, emotional, mental, spiritual—on our own is a dangerous myth. We need each other.

(c) Pheobe Farag Mikhail. Being in Community. Can’t I Just Pray? Joy and Mental Health. Original post – https://beingincommunity.com/cant-i-just-pray-joy-and-mental-health/