Category: Blog

No Doubt in the Ascension

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The Feast of the Ascension of our Lord Jesus Christ is celebrated by the Church forty days after His Glorious Resurrection, during which time the Lord taught the Holy Apostles, before leaving them and sending them the Holy Spirit after ten more days (Acts 1:8). While these are celebrated as
separate Feasts in the Church, these — like so many others — are intrinsically connected, and so must be understood as a continuous action by the Godhead.

The Ascension was not in any way an abandonment of humanity by the Lord, but was rather, as H.H. Pope Shenouda III expresses, the Lord “weaning” the disciples: “The Ascension was a declaration that the training period has ended, and the ministry has started.” Throughout Christ’s
complete ministry, the disciples relied on Him to teach, work miracles (although they did work their own), and refute opponents. Indeed, they were ill equipped to undertake their own spiritual ministries while in the shadow of Christ’s earthly incarnation. Through Christ’s Ascension, he
declared to them that they were of sufficient spiritual growth and maturity to complete the Lord’s ministry. It was in this mind that the Lord instructed,“Go into all the world and preach the gospel to every creature” (Mark 16:15); and also, “Go therefore and make disciples of all the nations,
baptising them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all things that I have commanded you” (Matthew 28:19-20).

His Ascension acted as the answer to those who doubted His glory and divinity following the crucifixion. They mocked our Lord, saying, “If you are the Son of God, come down from the cross…let Him now come down from the cross, and we will believe Him” (Matthew 27: 40-43). It was not only the sinners, scorners and opposers who stumbled at the Lord’s resurrection, but even the Holy Apostles showed a lack of faith, and even fear. They spent the time between the Lord’s death and His resurrection huddled together in one place, afraid to leave for fear of persecution. The glory of Christ in His resurrection thus acts to strengthen the faith of His followers. As St. Paul
writes, “…but we preach Christ crucified, to the Jews a stumbling block and to the Greeks foolishness, but to those who are called, both Jews and Greeks, Christ the power of God and the wisdom of God” (1 Corinthians 1:22-24).

The Ascension is thus an answer to both the Jews and Greeks; a demonstration of His glory, so that we may boast in the power of the cross.
We as Christians view Christ not in His separate glories, but rather as one whole; in His birth, crucifixion, transfiguration, resurrection and ascension. We hope that contemplating on the glory of the Lord during this joyous period implants in us awe, fear and obedience, so that we might feel
contrite and humbled before Him, remembering that we are but the dust of His footstool (Psalm 110:1).

Living with Open Hands

By Bethany Kaldas

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The traditional pose of prayer is to kneel or stand with eyes closed and hands open. But we tend to pay more attention to what we’re praying for than how we’re praying for it. That’s because, usually, we’re praying for the things we want in our lives, and these things are very important to us. After all, we spend much of our lives trying to attain certain things—a good job, education, monetary security, friends, a family— even things like improving our services, bringing more people into the church, and so on. Most of our activity is geared towards achieving our goals and averting disaster.

Because I think each of us, when we think about it, has a picture of what we want our lives to look like. It’s only natural—it’s very hard to go anywhere if you don’t know where you’d like to be. And it can be very fulfilling when we strive for something and eventually achieve it. But sometimes, no matter how hard we try, we fail to reach the goals we’ve dreamed of. Sometimes we just don’t get that job we really wanted, we can’t get the grades we’ve been working so hard for, the relationship we had our heart set on doesn’t work out, that service we’ve been putting all our energy into still hasn’t gotten on its feet, that illness we’ve been fighting so fiercely keeps coming back. And when our dreams are broken, it often feels like they break a bit of us with them.

Let’s be honest here—one of the reasons these kinds of situations are so difficult is because, although we may never dare to say it out loud, we feel that we were owed these things that we worked for. There’s at least a small part of us that feels ripped off because we were denied something we saw as rightfully ours. This can even apply to the things we haven’t worked for—what we do with our time, for instance. Everyone’s felt that deep sense of frustration when we’re caught in traffic on a given afternoon. We think, ‘There are so many better ways I could be spending my time than just sitting here!’. The feeling that we possess our time is so prominent that C. S. Lewis even notes it as one of the tools used by tempters.

‘You must therefore zealously guard in his mind the curious assumption ‘My time is my own’. Let him have the feeling that he starts each day as the lawful possessor of twenty-four hours. Let him feel as a grievous tax that portion of this property which he has to make over to him employers, and as a generous donation that further portion which he allows to religious duties. But what he must never be permitted to doubt is that the total from which these deductions have been made was, in some mysterious sense, his own personal birthright.’

C.S. Lewis, The Screwtape Letters

It feels unjust when these things have been stolen from us, and sometimes it really breaks our hearts. It can leave us wondering, if God really loves us like a Father, if He really wants us to be happy, why does He let our dearest dreams be shattered? When we are in our darkest hour, and we pray for this cup to be taken away from us, we cry to the heavens for this ache to stop, why does the sky feel so painfully empty?

‘You ask and do not receive, because you ask amiss, that you may spend it on your pleasures.’

James 4:3

This frustration is natural, it is worth expressing. It is not wrong to feel it and it is certainly not wrong to tell God exactly how you feel about it. You should. But perhaps this frustration comes from a misunderstanding—a misunderstanding about who exactly our lives belong to and what our role is in the whole thing. And perhaps, if we understood a little better, that ache of injustice wouldn’t have such a strong grip on us.

Because the truth is—the truth that we all say to others but often forget when it comes to our own circumstances—is that our lives were never our own, not really. From the very start, we were given our lives as a gift. You did not earn your existence—you literally couldn’t. And when we fall into the death of sin, we do not earn our return to life. That too is a gift. When He died on the cross for you, it was not because you had done all the right things to deserve your salvation. Nobody has—nobody could. We were given a chance to live not as a prize for all our good work, but as an opportunity to live with Him and for Him. And He is the one who knows the best road for us to walk, not us.

‘We are not necessarily doubting that God will do the best for us; we are wondering how painful the best will turn out to be.’

C. S. Lewis, God in the Dock

To become the creatures we were always meant to be—to accept what God deems best for us—we must learn to let go. Let go of the creature that you were, let go of the things you believe you should have, of the way you believe your life should look. Because you are not your own creator, you are not your own teacher, you are not your own saviour. So, what makes you think that you truly know what you need to become what you are meant to be?

To think that you possibly could is such a great burden anyway. One of the reasons mishaps give us so much stress is because we, for some reason, believe that we are the ultimate masters of our own destinies—that our role is to carve our own path in our lives and that we have somehow failed in that mission. But to be able to put all of this into the hands of Another—that is perhaps the greatest freedom of all. To be able entrust your future to the God who knows you better than you know yourself is to truly be able to live.

And once you do that, you start to see things differently. Perhaps you might have felt God’s love when He gave you what you desired—and that is a wonderful thing. But once you loosen your grasp on your own desires and start to trust God’s plan for you, you realise that everything He has done for you is an expression of His infinite love.

‘But when you hold lightly these dreams and fears, you can be open to receive every day as a new day and to live your life as a unique expression of God’s love for humankind.’

Henri Nouwen, Turn My Mourning Into Dancing

Uncertainty about your future is a disastrously painful thing if you are alone, if you feel that you are the one who is meant to be in charge of your fate. The realisation that God is always with you, that He has not forgotten you at any point and that at every moment He is working all things for good—that is when such uncertainty becomes not a terror, but a joy. The great martyrs and saints of our church could only endure so much because they knew that God was with them every step of the way, and they could only possess such courage because they knew that no matter what happened, God would use it for something, even if they never saw the results themselves.

‘We cannot live a life of prayer, we cannot go ahead Godwards, unless we are free form possession in order to have two hands to offer and a heart absolutely open – not like a purse which we are afraid of keeping open because our money will drop out of it, but like an open and empty purse – and an intelligence completely open to the unknown and the unexpected. This is the way in which we are rich and yet totally free from richness. And this is the point at which we can speak of being outside the Kingdom and yet be so rich inside and yet also so free.’
(Anthony Bloom, Beginning to Pray)

He has plans for you. I promise. Even if things haven’t been going your way so far, even if you’ve been trying your best and nothing has worked out. Even if you’ve lost so much more than you thought you would, and the pain is crippling. He is not oblivious to your hurt, He is taking every broken step alongside you. Nothing that has happened to you has taken Him by surprise—He knew of it all before you were even born, and He knows that all of it can be used for your good—if you would just give it to Him. Just close your eyes. Open your hands. And let Him take you on the journey He knows is best for you.

‘Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us, to Him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus to all generations, forever and ever. Amen.’

Ephesians 3:20-21

Purposeful Anger

By Caroline Guirgis

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Is your anger laced with mercy and loving intent?

I did not understand anger. Therefore, I did not know anger can be good and serve a Godly purpose.

“Be angry, and do not sin; ponder in your own hearts on your beds and be
silent.”

Psalm 4:4.

Growing up, I was joyful, blissful, and thought I lived in a perfect world. When faced with conflicts, despondency would overcome me and alter my disposition. As a result, I kept a safe distance from combats and disputes. I found angry people unapproachable and intimidating, so I avoided them. I rarely encountered angry people and when I did, it was not fortified with love.

Therefore, I never experienced good, wholesome anger. My definition of anger was not aligned with scripture and that was the source of my confusion. Simply stated, anger powers up from within to attack whatever impedes a person’s will. We are ruled by our convenience, expectations, pleasures, and fears. It is human to return evil for evil, but we know two wrongs don’t make a right. Anger wreaks havoc and creates more problems
than solutions. It is a brief madness, causing the person to become confused, bitter, blind, and crazy. How can I attest to that? I walked through this journey when I was swallowed up by uninvited occurrences. I could not escape them and was not prepared to deal with them.

Therefore, I mastered hiding my anger. Instead, I became tolerant. Tolerance led me down the wrong path. It compromised my morals and values. Anyone who opposed me planted a seed of anger. But I did not have the courage to confront them. Interestingly it caused me to become judgmental, internally. My primary concern was pleasing people and portraying a perfect image of myself. Over the years, this practice was exhausting. But what’s worse was losing my identity.

I lost myself when I did not express anger. I bottled it up and became tolerant. Tolerance can be detrimental if it goes against what I believed to be true. I was governed by my standards, expectations, agenda, and fears. For years I managed to not be influenced or succumb to people’s pressure. It was not easy to live this way, but I was determined to defend my beliefs. Once I assumed accountable roles, I was expected to compromise. So there arose another issue, I did not know how to compromise. Further, I did not think I needed to compromise.

Bad anger, uncontrollable anger was not productive. It did not help me. It set me back. Thankfully God turns our setbacks into comebacks. Understanding the reason behind the issue prepared me to overcome the problem. Every problem has a solution. To find the solution, I examined myself. I discovered I was the source of the problem. Everything was centered around me. Any opposition caused an outburst. Sadly, it was not the type of anger that resolved issues. It bred more. What got my attention was when my daughters began to distance themselves from me. I needed to seek the Lord’s help to overpower this toxic anger issue. God loves us too much to leave us the way we are. He desires to transform us and permits trials to teach valuable lessons. One situation unleashed all the anger that was accumulated. It was then that I seriously sought help.

In my search for good anger and healing from bad anger, I learned the purpose of anger. What does God’s anger look like? Why is His anger good? God’s anger is just, laced with mercy. He brings good into bad. He defends the weak. He convicts wrongdoers, promises them forgiveness, and renews them. His mercy edifies.

God’s anger is at the wickedness in people, and He combats their malice to overcome evil. His anger is rooted in love, reinforced with compassion and mercy. He does not react from hatred, selfish intentions, or overwhelming emotions. His only motivation is love and His purpose is to restore the relationship that sin destroyed. He wants to liberate people from wrongdoing to live in freedom.

Sin imprisons us. Anger laced with sin is a beast that holds us captive. How can we identify bad anger? I examined my heart, better understood my personality traits, and the purpose of my anger. God’s anger is good, it is never bad. I will not question or doubt God’s anger because I firmly believe His anger does not sin. As we draw nearer to God, we will better understand His ways and recognize they are not like ours. His ways, thoughts, and plans are better. God is love and all that He does stems from love. To fully appreciate God’s Good Anger, read and study the Bible and if needed, read it with fellow believers. I also read and recommend “Good and Angry: Redeeming Anger, Irritation, Complaining, and Bitterness” by David Powlison. The book gave me a Godly perspective on anger.

It helped me to examine my intentions to better understand the root of my anger. In doing so, it exposed some of my personality traits that are linked to anger. This discovery was only the beginning of the transforming and healing process. If you struggle like me, check in with yourself to see if you also possess the same traits:

• Entitlement
• Focusing on other’s behavior (spouse, children, parents)
• Regulate emotions by controlling one’s environment
• Refusal to compromise
• Refusal to see other perspectives
• Low tolerance for discomfort
• No tolerance for ambiguity
• Hyperfocus on blame
• A big ego
• Controlling

In conclusion, let’s commit to turning our anger from bad to good. Let’s use our anger to edify others, and not destroy them. Let’s season our anger with love, grace, and mercy. Let’s follow the only One who exemplifies righteous anger, our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

The Divine Triangle

By Caroline Guirgis

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And the two shall become one flesh

Ephesians 5:31-32

How can two people become one? What occurs during a matrimonial ceremony?

It is crucial we understand what the true meaning of marriage is. In doing so, we read the manual of the One who designed marriage. The Holy Bible is the primary resource we read to gain wisdom and understanding of this holy mystery. The Bible is the Word of Life and through the Holy Spirit we are enlightened, our minds are transformed, and we are conformed into the image of God. Marriage reflects God and His love for us.

It is imperative we value the purpose of God’s ambition of marriage. God designed marriage to reflect the relationship between Jesus Christ and the Church. The primary purpose was to demonstrate to mankind the intimate relationship He longs to have with us. God created us to abide with Him for eternity and He wants us to understand the depth of such an intimate bond. He wisely gifted us with the sacrament of marriage because the intimacy between a husband and wife is pure, sacred, and beautiful. Marriage is a mystery, a divine mystery — it contains and conceals a meaning far greater than what we see on the outside.

When we study the Coptic Church and its Matrimonial Ceremony, we begin to respect the significance of marriage. In the Coptic Church, the sacred name of a wedding is The Crowning Ceremony. We are not merely attending a wedding but are witnessing the divine and mystical union of the bride and groom becoming king and queen of their new Godly ordained kingdom. They become One with Christ through the Holy Spirit. It is the Divine Triangle.

Just like Jesus Christ, the Bridegroom, waits for us, the groom waits for his bride at the church. Together they process following the deacons and priests to the altar. The altar’s veil is drawn, and prayers are lifted to the throne of God. The repetitive prayers, raising of incense, and hymns invoke the mystical presence of God’s Spirit.

The priest ties the wedding rings with a scarlet ribbon and blesses them by making the sign of the Cross three times. As he prays over the rings, he blesses the covenant of love between the bride and groom in the name of Jesus Christ. The scarlet ribbon represents the greatest act of love, the blood of Christ shed on the Cross. As the couple hold this ribbon, blessings are being prayed upon them.

The prayers continue with selected scriptures which are specific to this holy union. The passage from Ephesians 5:22 – 6:3 lays down the foundation for the new home church. The Psalms reference the bridegroom (Psalm 19:5-6) and bride (Psalm 128:3), followed by the Gospel of Matthew 19:4 – 6 where the church orates the vows to the couple. The verses reiterate the law of monogamy, the two becoming one flesh, and the continuity of the marriage. Though the couple does not verbally exchange vows, they make a vow when they sign the marriage contract and receive the prayers.
The church places heavy emphasis on the anointing of holy oil. It is biblical and revered by the Orthodox church. The priest anoints the couple and prays: “As a weapon for righteousness and justice; an anointing for purity and incorruptibility; radiance and beauty that will never fade, and a renewal and salvation for their souls, their bodies and their spirits.”

The priest then prays over the vestments and the crowns so that the couple may receive glory, honor, wisdom, virtue, and strength. The priest crowns the newly married couple. The Priest puts the robe on the husband, declaring him the priest of the new church. Every marriage represents a new church. As the new priest of his home, the husband spiritually guides his family. This does not diminish the wife’s role, but the Lord created the woman to be the helper. When we reflect on the Trinity – God, Jesus Christ, Holy Spirit, we liken that relationship to marriage, God – Husband – Wife. The Holy Spirit is the Helper, the Comforter, and the Supporter. The Trinity would be incomplete without the Holy Spirit and marriage would not exist without the wife. Her role as the helper is just as vital as her husband’s.

The wedding rings are a mark of the covenant of love. The priest beseeches God to join and unite the couple, making them one flesh. The Holy Spirit descends on the rings, it is divine, mystical, and beautiful. The rings are placed on their left fingers, which are closer to the heart. The couple continues to hold hands symbolizing oneness in spirit and the priest covers their hands. They kneel before the altar to receive the exhortation, blessing, and absolution. They make a promise to each other in the presence of Jesus Christ. The marriage is now between three, The Divine Triangle = God + husband + wife. God is the strong bond that blesses and protects the marriage. He seals it with the Holy Spirit and mankind cannot break this union without grieving the Holy Spirit.

What now? Marriage’s struggle, some persevere while others are broken. In this world we continue to suffer tribulations. Husbands and wives are hurt, broken, and fallen people. Life happens. People have divorced and it may or may not have been their decision. It happens. So, what now? The Lord overcame the troubles of this world and won the war. He empowers us to fight the daily battles. The solution is profound yet simple. The formula was given to us, and God went so far as to give us the answer too. We have the answer key to the test. It is the Divine Triangle.

When marriage seems to be a struggle, we remember our eternal Bridegroom who struggled in love for us first. Set your eyes upon the eternal Bridegroom, and He shall direct you in all love to your earthly spouse. Set your spouse aside for now and pray for them, “Lord I present my spouse to you.” Moreover, “Lord have mercy on my spouse and change my heart.” Fast, pray, and receive communion without ceasing. Serve others while you struggle. The Lord is handling your situation and opens doors for you to spread His love.

The Holy Spirit that raised Jesus Christ from the dead is the same Spirit that made you one with your spouse. Remember our Lord is merciful, compassionate, and patient. Though we become angry at the one who strays, the Lord waits for that same one to return. And you know what is so sweet about that? The Lord waits on us, too. He never gives up on His children. . Please rest in His presence and trust His plan. Ultimately, all marriages united through the Holy Spirit belong to God first.
Pray for me as I prayed for you while writing this post.

The Myth of Independence

By Bethany Kaldas

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‘Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfil the law of Christ.’

Galatians 6:2

It’s a common goal of modern society to be strong and independent. There’s a certain shame attached to having to rely on others. Lots of young people don’t like to admit that they rely on their parents for money, and lots of old people don’t like to admit that they need their children’s help to get groceries. So much value is placed on being able to live our lives without anyone’s assistance. We love being able to do things on our own.

You can see this in young adolescents, when they start to be embarrassed of being seen with their mum or dad as they get dropped off to school. It’s suddenly ‘uncool’ to need a parent to guide you in the right direction—and they carry this through into later their teenage years, and often beyond.

But in younger children, notice, you don’t see quite as much of this. Little kids are very open about needing help—they often demand it quite loudly. Before a certain age, we knew something about ourselves that we don’t know quite as well now—we knew that we could do nothing alone, and honestly, I don’t think we wanted to anyway.

But it’s different when you become a grown-up, right? We were only ok with dependence when we had to be—it was a necessary evil, but a temporary one. Surely, the normal state of an adult is to be able to function without the aid of others. Needing assistance is a sign of dysfunction or failure—you see it in the handicapped, both mentally and physically, the extremely old or ill, those who have ended up in poverty, apparently due to some personal deficiency on their part. Not strong enough, not smart enough, not socially adept enough, simply not good enough—if they couldn’t get there on their own, they didn’t deserve to be there. If they need help to get on their feet, maybe the ground is where they belong.

‘Our Western society is showing its technological muscles in ever more threatening ways, but the experience of fear, anxiety and even despair has increased in equal proportion. Indeed, the paradox is that the powerful giants feel as powerless as a new-born babe.’

Henri Nouwen

We may think that we can reach a point past needing to depend on others. But I ask you—do you live in a building? If you do—did you build that structure yourself, without aid, or did you rely on someone else to build it for you? How about your fridge, or car, or even your health? If you’ve ever employed the services of a doctor, a mechanic, a cook—pretty much anyone—you’ve been subject to reliance on someone else to keep you afloat.

And if you think you’ve preserved your independence by claiming you’ve paid for all these things with your own money—well, how did you get the money? No, how did you come to be in a position where you could earn money at all? Did you not have someone who paid for your education when you were young? Parents or siblings or friends who helped you to learn without being paid for it?

Consider even, your everyday interactions with those close to you. When your parents or partner or sibling listens to you talk about your day, you are leaning on them for support without giving anything in return to ‘deserve’ it. When you have a problem, do you not seek advice from those you trust? And if you don’t…isn’t that a bit of a sad existence?

‘To be a minister means above all to become powerless, or in more precise terms, to speak with our powerlessness to the condition of powerlessness which is so keenly felt but so seldom expressed by the people of our age.’

Henri Nouwen

Whether we like it or not, we rely on each other. Humanity would not have lasted this long if we had not learned to support each other in times of need—and to accept support when we are weak.

‘Though one may be overpowered by another, two can withstand him. And a threefold cord is not quickly broken.’

Ecclesiastes 4:12

As much as we’d like to say we can be strong on our own, we will always be stronger together. And even together, we still need further support. Our ability to see, eat, walk, think, feel, breathe—the world around us, the substances we need to survive, the very ground we stand on—these are not things we earned out of our own independent efforts. These were all gifts from the One who relies on none, but created all to rely on Him.

‘You may forget that you are at every moment totally dependent on God.’

C. S. Lewis, Mere Christianity

Even if you live in complete solitude, you are not completely independent. You will always need Him—it’s a fact of your existence. And to try to resist that, to even entertain the contrary…that is a notion that resembles something quite diabolical. The devil’s mistake was not demanding too much of God—it was quite the opposite. It was believing he didn’t need Him.

You may think, however, that there is virtue in trying to not need the help of others. After all, to ask for help is to demand the resources of another for your own sake. Isn’t that selfish? Isn’t it better for you to suffer alone than to bring some else into your struggles?

Perhaps sometimes that may be true. There is a fine line between acknowledging your own need and simply being lazy (I will be the first to admit that I cross that line all the time). But there is genuine value in being able to admit that you need the help of someone else. Not only does it give the other person an opportunity to do the work with the Spirit—the ultimate Helper—but it also shows you, first-hand, what it’s like to be on the receiving end of charity.

‘The great illusion of leadership is to think that man can be led out of the desert by someone who has never been there.’ 

Henri J.M. Nouwen, The Wounded Healer: Ministry in Contemporary Society

If we very rarely find ourselves in a position of need, it is so easy to become condescending (in the worst way possible) towards the people we serve. We may start to feel as though we’re doing them a favour—not as though this is an intrinsic part of being a Christian, without which we ourselves would find ourselves hopeless and alone. It’s those moments when we have no choice but to rely on the compassion of others that teach us what it means to be compassionate.

‘If I may dare the biological image, God is a “host” who deliberately creates His own parasites; causes us to be that we may exploit and “take advantage of” Him. Herein is love. This is the diagram of Love Himself, the inventor of all loves.’

C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves

After all, it is when we recall that our eternal destiny relies on the self-sacrificial love of Christ that we see what it really means to love one another. Smaller images of that are seen when we find ourselves dependent on those around us. These are the moments that teach us true humility and brings us one step closer to being able to fully abandon ourselves and submit our lives to God.

‘For I, the Lord your God, will hold your right hand, Saying to you, ‘Fear not, I will help you.’

Isaiah 41:13

Is it Light or Dark?

adapted from a sermon by Dr David Ibrahim

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Passage Matthew 6:19-33

Before I begin, I have a confession to make. When I was young, I had a huge fear, and that fear was a fear of the dark. I know some will look upon this with mercy and think it is okay for a five year old to be afraid of the dark. Maybe for a five year old, a ten year old but maybe not for a teenager.

As a teen, there I was doing algebra by day and sleeping with a night light on while I slept. Eventually I overcame my fear of the dark with the help of a very wise friend. Now it serves as a bit of embarrassment but that time has passed.

As I grew older, I realised that there is something more shameful than shame of fear of the dark, and that is being unable to distinguish the light from the dark.

But if your eye is bad, your whole body will be full of darkness. If therefore the light that is in you is darkness, how great is that darkness!

Matthew 6:23

How shameful would it be if all this time I thought I was in the light, but I’ve actually been in darkness all along?

What does it mean to be in darkness? The first thing that comes to mind is being stuck in my sins. Those sins that I’m not able to shake. A certain temperament that I can’t change. My anger, my jealousy, my envy, maybe it’s the guilt of my past mistakes. Maybe it’s addiction. Within all my sins, I find myself in the dark. Maybe it is those areas of my life that I don’t want to acknowledge for fear of the extent of the darkness that will be revealed within me.

Even worse, maybe I’m thinking of Ephesians where St Paul writes, “but now you are light in the Lord. Walk as children of light.” (Ephesians 5:8). I think that I am okay because I am child of God so I must be walking in the light.

Maybe I’m so comfortable in my darkness, that is becomes my light. The darkness in my life is much more than my sins, my addictions, my mistakes, my guilt. It goes right back to the beginning.

In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth. The earth was without form, and void; and darkness was on the face of the deep… Then God said, “Let there be light”; and there was light. And God saw the light, that it was good; and God divided the light from the darkness. God called the light Day, and the darkness He called Night. So the evening and the morning were the first day.

Genesis 1:1-6

There is a clear distinction between light and darkness, and the two cannot mix. It is not just those dark patches in my life that cause me to live a life of darkness.

Darkness is anywhere where there is not light. Darkness is the absence of light, the absence of my Saviour.

What does this mean for me? Any area of my life where Christ does not reside is darkness. If God is not with me at work, then I am working in darkness. If Christ is not with me at home, then I am living in darkness. If God is not present on my mouth, then my words speak darkness.

While working, I met a girl about three weeks ago in prison. This girl had a severe mental illness and at the age of thirteen, she began to hear and see things that were not there. These voices spoke in the background, but over time became louder and louder and beckoned her to do violent things. First it was against animals, then against her friends and ultimately led to her imprisonment as a result of the murder of one of her family members at the mere age of fourteen.

When I met her, she said something very profound. She said, “I don’t want these urges. I don’t want these violent urges. I feel like there is so much darkness inside but I can’t get it out. What do I do?”

When I look upon the areas of darkness in my own life, I consider if I have made attempts to welcome in the light.

Do I have the desire to put Christ in the centre of my family, my home, my work? Do I have the desire to overcome the areas of darkness and wickedness that I have ignored for so long? The sins that I have accepted.

If I don’t have the desire, what should I do?

When St Paul recounts his conversions, he speaks about his walk in the darkness, without any knowledge of the true light, until the Lord came to him and pulled him out of his darkness (Acts 21).

The Lord tells us that He is ready and waiting for us, even in our darkness. He invites us to turn our darkness into light. He shines His light upon me, just as He shone His light on St Paul.

When I become comfortable in my darkness, yet those around me think that I am full of light. How could the thought of change ever come to mind? I may be trapped, but even so, the Lord calls out to me.

Even without the desire, the Lord still calls out to me. Today is an invitation to change. All I must ask, “what do I do, my Lord?”

I remember the words of the Lord, “The lamp of the body is the eye. If therefore your eye is good, your whole body will be full of light” (Matthew 6:22).

The eye is the intention – the desire to change. The eye is the mind where God enters my soul. The mind that chooses if I accept the darkness or I pursue the light.

For the girl in prison, the answer she received from my boss was that there are three things that you can do.

Recognise that you must remove the thoughts.

The night is far spent, the day is at hand. Therefore let us cast off the works of darkness, and let us put on the armor of light.

Romans 13:12

Salvation is nearer now then it has ever been. If I am serious about getting rid of the darkness, and I want to cast off all wickedness. I don’t leave the reminders of my past darkness. I remove every source of darkness. Never leave a thought remain that displeases the Lord. Cast off all distractions.

Be productive

Therefore lay aside all filthiness and overflow of wickedness, and receive with meekness the implanted word, which is able to save your souls.

James 1:21

Once the habits have been cast off, we must fill ourselves with the Word of God. Fill your day with the presence of God. Do not allow any time to remain idle.

When the urge arises, come and tell us

Arise and go into Damascus, and there you will be told all things which are appointed for you to do.

Acts 22:10

God tells St Paul to seek the help of His servant, Ananias. For us, we have confession. The Lord gives power to Ananias to heal the blindness of Saul. Go, and confess, so that your soul may receive light.

We know remaining in the light will always be a struggle. One time, the boss came and told us that the girl had said that she was trying to fight the thoughts. She tells us whenever there is an urge. She is trying to fill her days with good and productive things, but she was still feeling the darkness.

Christ addresses this in the remainder of the Gospel. Do not worry. How many times does He say, “Do not worry.” We continue seeking the righteousness of God despite the set backs.

He tells us that He sees our struggle, keep going, and do not worry.

Do not rejoice over me, my enemy;
When I fall, I will arise;
When I sit in darkness,
The Lord will be a light to me.

Micah 7:8

I start again, and I keep seeking. We all have areas of darkness, emptiness and voids that lack Christ. Even without the desire, it is okay. The Lord will meet us where we are and invite us into His light. Cast off all wickedness and enter into the light. I fill my day with the Word. When it gets too hard, I have confession and start again.

Have mercy on me, O Lord, according to Your great mercy. Come to me quickly according to Your goodness, O’ Master and reject not my prayer. It is true that even my repentance is impure. For I spend one day repenting and two days offending You. Send my heart fear of You and confirm my soul on the rock of true repentance. May the light of Your grace overcome the darkness that is within me. May the light of Your grace overcome the darkness that is within me.

St Ephraim the Syrian

An Unnatural Act: Forgiveness

By Caroline Guirgis

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Do I not destroy my enemies when I make them my friends?

President Abraham Lincoln

Forgiveness does not forget the past. It blocks the past from contaminating the future. It strengthens our faith to trust God for a better future. It offers a solution to an enduring cycle of anger and hatred. It replaces humanity with divinity. Being created in the image of God we are tasked with reflecting Him to the world. If Jesus Christ forgave the unforgivable, why can’t we?

We are the unforgivable. We are the sinners. We are the ones who sin. “Forgive us our sins as we forgive those who sin against us.” If only the Lord’s prayer stopped at “Forgive us our sins.” But it does not end there. We cannot overlook “as” which means “equally” or “since” or “because.” We cannot pray the Lord’s Prayer and not forgive others.

Forgiveness is not natural, and it cannot be done by our own power. We need God’s grace. God never intended for us to forgive others in our humanity, He invites us to enter His realm of infinite grace.

When we forgive others or are forgiven, we are not extending or receiving justice and fairness. We are giving and receiving grace. It is undeserved. None of us deserve to be forgiven but Jesus died for all sinners. And we are all sinners. We did nothing to warrant such love. He did not set conditions, limitations, or exclusions. He even died for that one person you cannot forgive because they hurt you deeply. They offended you, they betrayed you, they humiliated you, and they did the unforgivable to you.

Does that sound familiar? Was not the Lord Jesus Christ treated the same, or perhaps even worse? And yet, He willingly accepted the punishment we deserved. Would we die for that one person who mistreated us? In our humanity, we cannot. It is an unnatural act that requires grace. It costs nothing for the recipient but everything for the giver. God loves us so much, He gave up His all, His Son. Perhaps you would consider laying your life down, but would you give up your child’s life? Would you sacrifice your son for people who reject you? Grace is unfair.

Disgrace is fair and sadly, it is our natural human state. Behind every act of forgiveness lies a painful memory that lingers. But there is a deeper pain, one that keeps us in darkness. We mistakenly think God made forgiveness optional, leaving the decision up to us. When we choose to not forgive, we step into God’s role and deem the person unworthy of forgiveness.

Do you know who else wanted to step into God’s role? Lucifer, one of God’s most beautiful angels, the prince of angels, the bearer of light who became God’s rivalry. When we oppose God, we unite ourselves with the enemy. The suffering of betrayal from a loved one does not compare to the glorious life in heaven we are promised to live with Jesus. The wound we endure in this life hurts but fades in light of eternity. When we truly seek the kingdom of heaven and set our eyes on God, His grace is sufficient. It is the Lord within us that equips us to forgive, love, and extend mercy to others. We must remember the past but to only overcome it. We overpower it by the Blood Of Jesus Christ, the same Blood shed for you and me.

Let us step out in faith, love our enemies, overwhelm them with kindness, and make them our friends. That is the best form of love. Such love was demonstrated for all sinners when God sent His Son, Jesus Christ, to die for our sins. Because of His sacrificial love, and extension of grace upon us, He sent the Holy Spirit to dwell with us. It is by the Spirit that we forgive the unforgivable and love the unlovable. The good news is that we are forgiven and loved by our Lord Jesus Christ. As His image-bearers, let us show the world the merciful, compassionate, and loving God we serve.

Different Personality Types United in the Body of Christ

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By Ereeny Mikhail

Have you ever been in a situation and thought to yourself, why a person did a particular thing? Or why a person responded in a certain way? Or why a person made a specific decision? And then proceeded to think to yourself, I would have never done that.

Well, there’s one perfect reason for this – personality. The concept of personalities has been studied for a long time, and it has been found that the most accurate way to classify individuals, based on personality, is the Myer Briggs Test. The Myer Briggs Test is not a test that describes who we are, but rather helps us understand every individual’s natural preference. This means by your nature why you do or don’t do a certain thing. There are 16 categories but of course this does not mean there are only 16 types of people in the world, as personality is not the only thing that makes us who we are. Further to personality, experiences, talents, likes, dislikes, and environment also help us understand who we are.

And this is a great thing – as much as these differences may seem to separate us, they in fact, unite us together. Imagine if we were all created the same. Every situation we respond in the same way. We all have the same dreams. We all have the same flaws. This is something I ponder often in order to give myself a greater understanding into why a scenario played out the way it did. And I come up with the same conclusion every time. We are not robots. We are not all the same. Although someone’s response to a certain scenario may have been different to the way I would have responded, it is actually a good thing because it provides new ideas, opens new doors, and teaches us new things. The world develops and changes because of different personality types uniting.

Let’s think back for a second to the different personalities in the Bible. St Paul was Saul – Saul was aggressive, wasn’t he? Yet, St Paul would not have done the work he did without being Saul. He used this boldness to do mission trips and to preach. He stayed true to who he was but gave it to God. Now let’s compare that to St Mary – she was quiet and gentle and pondered things in her heart. Without being so, she would not have given us The King of Kings.

Contrastingly, St Peter was impulsive, and he transformed his impulsiveness to a passion which brought others to Christ. Again, differently, Mary Magdalene was courageous. Imagine being a woman in those days, waking up in the early morning, walking alone to the tomb, after watching the violence and crucifixion only a few days earlier. It’s scary to even think about. Yet again, without this courage, she would not have been the first to witness the resurrection of Christ.

St Augustine poses a question that may seem confronting, “How can you draw close to God, when you are far from your own self?” And this is true – in all the above scenarios, these individuals were true to themselves and thus, drew closer to God and drew others to God. Therefore, it is essential to fully understand ourselves. St Clement of Alexandria says, “Know yourself. He who knows himself will know God. He who knows God will become like God.” By knowing who we are we learn more about how God communicates with us, we learn more about our strengths and weaknesses and are therefore able to completely fulfil our purpose.

St Isaac the Syrian further contemplates on this and says, “Blessed is the man who knows his own weakness, because this knowledge becomes to him the foundation, root and beginning of all goodness.” Knowing our weaknesses gives us a greater understanding of how to respond to our sins in order to get closer to God. We can turn this weakness into our strength.

Let’s spend some time scratching the surface of the different personalities in the Myer Briggs test. Each personality consists of four letters. The first letter is either an I or an E meaning Introvert or Extrovert, respectively. Ultimately, this is where you go to recharge – whether you prefer quiet environments or loud environments.

The second letter is either an N or an S meaning Intuitive or Observant, respectively. This is how we gather information from the world around us. Intuitive individuals imagine the past and picture the future whereas Observant people assess facts.

The following letter is T or F whereby T means thinking, and F means feeling. Thinking are individuals who view things as either right or wrong whereas feelers view things more emotionally.

Finally, J and P means judging and perceiving, respectively, and is referring to how you get from point A to point B. J individuals are more calculating whereas P individuals are more spontaneous. Of course, there are gradings on each scale meaning no two individuals are the same.

Once we have learnt about ourselves, we cannot deny who we are, “For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them.” (Ephesians 2:10) The more we remove what we currently think we are and let Him take us over, the more true to ourselves we become. So, we should ask God to reveal our heart to us, and once it is revealed, we must accept it. As St Paul says in I Corinthians 15:10, “But by the grace of God, I am what I am…” And do not think that it is better to be any other way. God made you perfect. Not one personality type is perfect – all are perfect created in the body of Christ.

Although, we must recognise there is always work to be done. Our ultimate goal is to be in the likeness of Christ. Thus, handing over who we are to God, then trusting He will do the best with it. However, as with everything, this requires hard work. It is not an excuse to hurt anyone or be lazy. “And He said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore, most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.” (II Corinthians 12:9) We are all masterpieces because God made us, but this does not mean we won’t have imperfections. The Holy Spirit works in each personality type to attract different people and to have services of all kinds. We must glorify God in our uniqueness.

Let us pray like St Augustine, “Lord Jesus, let me know myself…”

He Will Grant Your Heart’s Desire

Translated from a sermon by Fr Louka Sidarous

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So let each one give as he purposes in his heart, not grudgingly or of necessity; for God loves a cheerful giver.

2 Cor. 9:7

The key to a person’s life is found in the heart. If each and every one us opens up our hearts, we shall receive. If your intention is to receive a blessing, then you will receive a blessing. If you touch the door of the church and someone says to you, “What are you doing?”

You reply, “to receive a blessing.”

Are you really taking a blessing? Is that what your heart is searching for?

If you intend to receive a blessing, you will receive it.

The lady with the uncontrollable flow of blood that touched the hem of Christ’s garment truly wanted a blessing from the depth of her heart. In all the crowds, she just wanted to touch His garments to receive a blessing. When she reached out, she was healed immediately. Her intention came from the heart.

A lot of people go in circles, searching for blessing, when the key has been in their heart all along.

May God grant you according to your heart’s desire. If I think there is blessing from the door of the church, then when I enter, I will receive blessing from the door of the church. If my heart is leaning elsewhere, then there is no blessing.

Many times we receive Holy Communion and we feel nothing. This is because our heart is elsewhere. The intention and direction of the heart is elsewhere. How many times have we thanked God for the gift of baptism and the New Man within us? Sometimes we take no notice.

I beg you, always be thankful for the great blessing that is in our health and our new beginnings. This is not a temporal seed, but an eternal seed that does not fade away. Our body is the temporal seed but the spirit within us is the eternal seed.

This is such a big blessing, but the only thing missing is that we comprehend and give thanks for it. The New Man becomes our state of being. I wonder what I look like on the inside. Am I reflection of Christ? What are my attributes? That is my inner man.

The inner man should be full of love, enough love to love even my enemies. Did Christ give us the command to love out of nothing? Or did He not actively preach it to every creature,

When He says, “love your enemies,”

We respond, “how can this be?”

To which He explains, “I will make you like new. I will make you a new creation. I will give you a new heart. Then you will be able to love others the way I do.”

The same love of Christ can reside in us. So what do we look like on the inside? After I have received the blessing of baptism and the new man, do I start to emulate Christ?

I describe Christ as meek, do I have a heart that is meek? If I am born of Christ, do I have the meekness of Christ within me? When I think that Christ is patient with sinners, do I have the same forgiveness in my heart? My behaviour should be a reflection of Christ. The image of Christ is imprinted in my heart from the day I was born. In turn, He is an image of Father – the first born of all creation.

To me, Christ is the image of the beginning. We are born in the image of Christ who was from the beginning. We are born with attributes to do good things. The result of the body is death but the soul remains eternal.

Sit with yourself often so that you have time to contemplate on His goodness and realise the blessing before you. During this time, we also prepare ourselves for service.

Can’t I live like the rest of the world? No. When we are baptised in the faith, we hand our lives over to the One that prepares our soul for eternal life. The only way we can hand our lives to God is through regular repentance and preparation for the desires of the heart. For what does the heart desire more than the One that can satisfy the soul? This is the true desire of the heart. May we never allow our hearts to be deceived by any other worldly desire, and glory to His Name, Amen.

Before We Shatter

By Bethany Kaldas

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‘Come now, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to such and such a city, spend a year there, buy and sell, and make a profit”; ¹⁴ whereas you do not know what will happen tomorrow. For what is your life? It is even a vapor that appears for a little time and then vanishes away.’

James 4:13-14

This year especially, I think we’ve all been reawakened to the unwelcome realisation that life is fragile. I’m sure I’m not the only one who knows someone who lost a friend or family member during this time, or at the very least felt the fear of losing someone you loved as they succumbed to illness or injury. You may even have experienced this yourself.

Our lives are delicate things—glass contraptions that rely on so much going right to function properly. Not only physically, but how we live our lives is subject to dramatic changes that are quite outside our sphere of control. What once were thought to be stable structures in our lives—simple things we never even really thought about previously—broke down into chaos and uncertainty. Suddenly, and quite unhappily, the familiar was shattered and we were left with broken pieces and no clue how to stick them back together again.

These last couple of years of plague and lockdown may have felt alien to us when they hit, but uncertainty has always been something that underlies our lives. Every time you’ve driven to work, you could’ve crashed. Every time you’ve slept in your bed, you could’ve been robbed. Every time you ate, it could’ve been infected. And even apart from all these external factors, you can never be sure there isn’t some nasty factor lying dormant in your genes or in your cells to take you out without warning.

Life is fragile, and the end is not always heralded by trumpets. So what do we do in the face of this uncertainty, the realisation that we have far less control over our own destinies than we may have thought? What do we do when we realise that our lives are made of glass?

‘Don’t give your heart over to grief; stay away from it, remembering your own end.’

Wisdom of Sirach 38:20

These moments of realisation are not the time to be crippled by fear or sorrow. They are calls to action. Calls to live as best we can with what we are given. And living as best you can means to try your hardest to be the person God made you to be—to instil virtue in your heart and remove sin from your soul—but it also means focusing on what matters, and letting go of what doesn’t.

Do not give your heart to grief, says the son of Sirach. That does not mean we don’t engage with grief at all. Loss is real, it must be dealt with. Prior to this verse, he also says that you should grieve for the appropriate amount of time—and this may be a long time indeed.

‘I thought I could describe a state; make a map of sorrow. Sorrow, however, turns out to be not a state but a process.’

C. S. Lewis, ‘A Grief Observed’

The pain may never fully go away. But you can’t let it consume your life. Express your grief, your anger, your bitterness—but don’t become them. Life is too short for that. Use your loss as a reminder that everyone has an end and the time you have now is precious.

We are constantly waiting to be less busy to do the things that matter. But that time may never come. Don’t wait to do the things that are important. Don’t wait to do the things that make you happy. Don’t wait to see old friends you haven’t spent time with in ages. Don’t wait to spend time with your family. Don’t wait to see the places you’ve always wanted to. Don’t wait to forgive. Don’t wait to make amends, or say the words that have gone unspoken for far too long already. And don’t wait to tell the people in your life how much they mean to you, how beautiful they are.

A dear friend of mine once told me of a saying she heard: ‘Give your friends their flowers while they’re here’. You don’t have to wait for a birthday, wedding or eulogy to tell someone they are loved. You may not get the chance. Everyone has their end. Including you. Including them.

‘See then that you walk circumspectly, not as fools but as wise, ¹⁶ redeeming the time, because the days are evil.’

Ephesians 5:15-16

Our lives may be glass—we could shatter tomorrow. But if you let His light shine through today, the beauty that comes could last an eternity.  It is only here and now that we can start to become what we are meant to be forever—and see that wonder in those around us. The time to do and say what matters is now. You may not get a tomorrow. Today is your chance.

‘He therefore, I believe, wants them to attend chiefly to two things, to eternity itself, and to that point of time, which they call the Present. For the Present is the point at which time touches eternity.’

C. S. Lewis, The Screwtape Letters