Blog – Page 29 – Upper Room Media Blogs

21

by Monica Said

“When the Lamb broke the fifth seal, I saw under the altar the souls of all who had been slain for the word of God and for the testimony which they held.” Revelations 6:9

05/02/2015

I can hear the waves crashing against the shore and a tranquillity fills me. I breathe in the stinging cold air, paralysing my voice. The ocean breeze feels like a heavy blanket pushing against me, its tiny granules whipping my exposed ankles. The fresh air is a stark reminder of what it’s like to be alive. With every step, my feet sink into the wet sand dampening the rim of my orange jumpsuit.

I am led by a man clothed in black from head to toe, but I am following You. I see You ahead. Limping. Naked. Wounded. Carrying a large, wooden burden over Your bare shoulders. I watch You, oppressed, afflicted, being led as a lamb to the slaughter,

And as a sheep before its shearers is silent, You open not Your mouth (Is. 53:7). I watch as You stumble, getting up tirelessly every time until You collapse into near-unconsciousness. As I get closer, I can see the splinters digging into Your pale skin, moistening as they filled with Your blood. A woman rushes to You and wipes Your face with a cloth, Your blood absorbing through its yellow seams leaving behind a scarlet imprint of Your sublime face. The silence of the beach transposes into the ridiculing of a crowd, forming into a mob as they mock You, the loud muffled noise so real that it almost ruptures my eardrums. All these men and women have forsaken You – betrayed You! But I will still follow You. I will be loyal to my King.

You remained focused, walking along Via Dolorosa, while I keep my focus on You.

Love suffers long and is kind

05/02/2000

I breathed in the invigorating air smelling of grass and manure, running freely around the field with the sheep. My uncle smiled as he watched me.

“Bishoy!”He called out to me.

“Yes Umo [uncle]”I replied obediently, immediately planting my feet into the muddy ground.

“Come, I want to show my favourite 13-year-old nephew how I prepare dinner.” He said while waving his hard-laboured arm in the air, signalling for me to follow him.

“I’m your only 13-year-old nephew” I replied, raising my eyebrows whilst broadening my smile. As we laughed, he tousled my curly black hair.

“I’ll help you. What should I do first?” I asked naively.

“Your job is to choose a lamb from the flock and bring him to me.” He said.

I stopped in my tracks. Now a few steps ahead of me, my Uncle also stopped, turned and faced me. We momentarily looked at one another in silence. I must be obedient.

I ran around the field out of breath while chasing after the sheep, stumbling and grazing whilst my uncle stood steadfast watching me. I finally took hold of a young lamb, and held him in my arms, his soft coat tickling and warming my slick fingers. I walked towards my uncle who now held a coil of rope in his hands.

“Now bind his feet with these ropes”

05/02/2015

The handcuffs imprison my wrists, pinching the skin that remains where my Coptic Orthodox cross was tattooed. They knock against my back, the metal harmoniously clacking with my fellow brothers in the row of orange which is linked to the row of black. Although I cannot see You now, I precede to walk resolutely until we stop.

I am pushed softly into the sand allowing my weak knees to fall gracefully. The coldness of the wet Arab sand further numbs my knees, deadening my legs.

My weak body erects itself into a straight posture in Your felt presence. The commander begins speaking daggers into my ears. I can feel him waving his knife in the air, sending currents across my neck and chills down my frail spine. A whirlwind of fear encompasses me. What must I give up for my testimony…?

My life?

My wife?

My children?

I tilt my head to glance at my uncle and the others kneeling on their knees staring into the distance where the dark sand meets the freshly planted grass. Behind us stand the row of slaughterers clutching the collar of our jumpsuits from the back.

I stare helplessly into the clouds. I see You facing me now.

Love bears all things,

Believes all things,

Hopes all things,

Endures all things.

05/02/2000

The impotent lamb helplessly clicked its hooves together. My uncle laid the bound animal on the muddy grass to be slaughtered. It was innocent. Unblemished.

I sat on the grass next to the lamb with my legs crossed. I laid my hand on the lamb and as I stared into its eyes, it stared into mine. Its pupils dilated, its golden sclera now filled with twinkling black. Immediately I was filled with sympathy and distress, my chest wrenched with anxiety as my brows creased and tears uncontrollably ran down my tensed face.

It saw the terror and helplessness in my own eyes. It bent its head down in understanding.

It knew this had to be done.

I knew this had to be done.

05/02/2015

As the thin cold metal slides effortlessly across my neck, I feel a magnetic field surrounding me, although my head is being thrust into the sand, I am rising. I am drawn towards the sky – towards You. I stare into Your calming eyes of an unexplainable colour, almost a pale blue with a tinge of orchid, beneath Your perfectly shaped golden-brown eyebrows. An overwhelming feeling of joy and peace overcomes me. As You smile at me I am blinded by the glaring of Your milky teeth so pure a white that it makes the snowy clouds look grey. But this does not offset the fluorescence of Your glowing beard, each hair lit with electricity moving in the wind elegantly like a current. Your light proliferates throughout the entire sky, filling the atmosphere and metamorphosing into sweet smelling incense. So, bright that it sears into my retinas, burning into near blindness.

I stare into Your graceful eyes as my body dissolves into the sand.

I am one of the 21.

Love never fails.

“For the Lamb who is in the midst of the throne will shepherd them and lead them to living fountains of waters. And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes.” Revelation 7:17

How to Survive the Christmas Season

How to Survive the Christmas Season

by Meray Mansour

When we talk about Christmas what comes to mind? Or rather what should come to mind? The birth of Christ, Charity and spending time with family seems to be the obvious answer?

Unfortunately, it’s not that simple anymore in 2018. “Christmas depression”, “Coping with Christmas” and “Holiday blues”. These are our headlines today.

This holiday season which once symbolised hope, joy and a time for gratefulness has instead become an untameable reminder of loneliness, financial burdens and family quarrels. How has the definition of Christmas warped so much over the last few years? Nowadays, it essentially represents the exact opposite of the birth of Christ.

As you walk into shopping centres, you get blown away by the number of “SALE” signs, you pick your self up only to stumble on the “Buy one get one free”. That’s ok, you dust yourself off and continue your way but an “offer ends 30^thof Jan” comes at you with no warning and you’re left there on the floor staring at all those beautiful people wearing clothes, make up or gadgets, which you yourself could own for only 50% of the price. Of course, at this point, it wouldn’t be smart to turn your back on all those deals. Think of all the things you could have. This is the right thing to do and maybe along the way you’ll find something to buy for the family.

A present for you, and a present for family and friends. It sounds like a win-win situation.

“No one can serve two masters, for either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be loyal to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and money.” (Matt 6:24)

Is it really though? Let’s look at it from another perspective, what if Christmas hadn’t become a season of sales, what if the shops all closed for a week and what if Santa didn’t come this year. Maybe then we can walk around and see what we’re left with. Parents wouldn’t fret about having all the presents neatly wrapped under the tree, no one would complain about how stressful all the shopping for Christmas is and lastly, we would remember why we have these holidays in the first place.

We have commercialised Christmas so much that now generations have grown up not realising the foundation of it. It is a season to celebrate Jesus. This is the time, if not always, we remember what He did.

“It is more blessed to give than to receive.” (Acts 20:35)

Jesus gave. When given 5 loaves and 2 fish, He multiplied it for the people, when attending a wedding in Galilee He gave them wine even though His “time had not yet come” and lastly when they crucified Him, He gave them forgiveness “Father forgive them, for they do not know what they do” (Luke 23:34)

It might seem that after all of that, it is expected from us to never step foot inside a shopping centre again.

“The Lord is good to all, and His mercies are upon all His works” (Psalm 145:9)

In everything there are extremes and priorities. So rather than donating all our money we can start small. Change your perspective, instead of giving presents, give time. Buying a boardgame? OK now play with them. Buying a pair of shoes? take them out. Don’t spend all that money on Christmas decoration unless you plan on enjoying it with others.

So, after all that, how do we survive the Christmas season without any stress or anxiety?

Put yourself last.

“Just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many” (Matthew 20:24)

How to Transform Your Spiritual Life in 2019

How to Transform Your Spiritual Life in 2019

by Shery Abdelmalek

Have you ever looked back on the most difficult times of your life and remembered how close God was without you even trying so hard? The struggles that you went through have passed now but the spiritual peak was one to remember. There will always be highs and lows but we need to make the most of them both. If we aim for higher highs then the lows won’t be as low as they used to be.

At our lowest of lows, we can sometimes hide behind a mask of “I’m okay.” We were not called to be “okay.” God did not look upon His creation and think, “yeah, it’s okay.” He looked upon His creation – He looked upon you and I – and breathed His own breath, He made man in His image and in His likeness (Gen 1:26). He loves us with an everlasting and unfailing Love (Jer 31:3). His love surpasses all knowledge, and all ability to comprehend His excellence.

By heavenly standards, we should boast in our infirmities, and not resort to shame, as the world may fool us to believe.

Sarah and Abraham had prayed for a child for years. They implored God for a child, yet heard nothing in return. That was until they had aged past the point of child bearing. Sarah had endured tears, pain, anguish for a child that she had prayed earnestly for in her youth, that surely could not come after she had aged. Yet a visit from the Lord revealed to Abraham otherwise. “Therefore, Sarah laughed within herself, saying, “After I have grown old, shall I have pleasure, my lord being old also?”” (Genesis 18:12).

Sarah laughs innocently; what had once caused her much pain was now something she was resigned to. In laughter, her insecurities remain hidden – no one needed to know the pain of being barren. Sarah hid her shame through laughter to cover up what she thought was the delivery of false hope, but with God, all is exposed so that His glory may be made manifest. God couldn’t allow Sarah’s prayers to finally be answered without recognition of the value of trusting in Him, the One that makes miracles out of the impossible.

For Sarah to see the full blessing that the Lord was about to bless her with, her moment of weakness when she laughed had to be exposed. “So the Lord said to Abraham, “Why did Sarah laugh, saying, ‘Shall I surely bear a child, since I am old?’ Is anything too hard for the Lord? At the appointed time I will return to you, according to the time of life, and Sarah shall have a son” (Genesis 18:13-14). If even Sarah could give birth, then surely nothing that causes us pain will go unnoticed by our God.

To reach new peaks this coming year, find your hidden insecurities and weaknesses, and give them over to God, the provider of strength. Find joy in your imperfect self so that His grace becomes sufficient. His power is made perfect in our weakness (2 Cor. 12:9). We have assurance in trusting in the One that is perfect, without blemish, without change, and not we, ourselves.

Metropolitan Anthony Bloom of the Russian Orthodox Church says, “The spirit of slavery remains very close, and its standards are still there and very potent: a slave has somewhere to rest his head, a slave is assured of food, a slave has social standing, however low, he is secure because his master is responsible for him. So, to be a slave, however painful, humiliating and distressing the situation, is also a form of security, while to become a free person is a state of utter insecurity; we take our destiny into our own hands and it is only when our freedom is rooted in God that we become secure in a new way, and a very different one.”

Security in Christ is far greater than security in ourselves. For every humiliating, embarrassing detail of ourselves that we’d rather sweep under the rug, remember your Creator. Remember His promises, the One that promised Abraham that he would be the father of many nations, did not falter. “And not being weak in faith, he [Abraham] did not consider his own body, already dead (since he was about a hundred years old), and the deadness of Sarah’s womb. He did not waver at the promise of God through unbelief, but was strengthened in faith, giving glory to God, and being fully convinced that what He had promised He was also able to perform” (Rom 4:19-21)

If Abraham, can hold faith in the seemingly impossible, surely, we can reveal our weaknesses and sins so that we may be edified in Him. Our weaknesses allow us to approach Christ with a broken and a contrite heart. A broken and a contrite heart is the one that receives blessing, that receives virtue, that receives wings to soar like eagles (Is 40:31).

King David says, “a broken and a contrite heart, these O’ God You will not despise.” God knows you’re weak. He knows your brokenness. He knows that you will fall. These are not self-depreciating facts. These are the pre-requisites that will make you “holy, blameless and unreprovable in His sight” (Col 1:22). We think that if people knew our weaknesses, we would be despised, but God has purpose behind it all.

Where is there to hide? You were not made to justify yourself, but to be a “vessel of honour, sanctified, and fit for the master’s use” (2 Tim 2:21). To hide behind shame in fear of what God may think of us is in no way plausible. Whatever causes a state of brokenness and contrition of heart will put you in greatest of spiritual states- if you allow their exposure.

God cannot fill what is already filled. He cannot mend what is not broken. The key to answered prayer, to attaining any kind of virtue is a broken and a contrite heart. There are no long prayers or services that compare. The state of brokenness and utter dependence on Christ is what changes a person.

“If only the sinner knew that all his trespasses, transgressions and infirmities were but the point of God’s compassion, pardon and forgiveness, and that however great and atrocious they might be, they could never repel God’s heart, extinguish His mercy, or fetter His love even for a single moment. If only the sinner knew this, he would never cling to his sin or seek isolation from God as a veil to cover his shame from seeing the face of Christ, who is trying to show love toward him and who is calling them!” — Fr. Matthew the Poor

In this coming year, may we remember to approach Christ with a broken and a contrite heart, so that we may attain virtue and knowledge that can only be granted through grace.

My Coming to Faith

My Coming to Faith

by Anthony Zaccariotto

I come from an Italian Catholic background, was baptised at birth by my parents and received Holy Communion when I was 8 or 9 years old. It may have been as a means of pleasing my grandparents and keeping tradition but, after this, I never learnt about Christ or the Christian faith and religion seemed to be disregarded after that.

I was very spoilt growing up, my father would give me anything I wanted and more. Throughout high school and in my early twenties I was lusting, chasing girls, going to parties, drinking, smoking, spending, travelling, and was never really too concerned with study. I have been working ever since I finished high school and the majority of it has been in my father’s businesses.

Often in my life I felt very lonely, empty and like no one understood me. I was never satisfied no matter what I did whether it was partying, sex, drugs, drinking, smoking, travelling or making money. My heart was yearning for something that nothing in this world was able to satisfy. There was always this gap inside me that never seemed to be filled. No matter who I talked to in my life, I didn’t get an answer that helped me. Not from my family, friends or even my girlfriend at the time. This began my search for meaning and truth.

I started my search in literature; self-help books, philosophy, biographies etc. They were very interesting and did help quite a bit but they were still not filling the gap. A lot of them talked of success, ambition, contentment, gratitude and staying positive but they were not answering my questions. I can understand when people want to set goals, achieve success or want a better life for themselves and their families, but I did not really know what to do with them as I had been spoilt growing up and already knew that wealth and success was not enough. I have met many rich, wealthy and successful people and to my amazement it almost seemed like they were the ones who were struggling the most inside. I hope I don’t sound arrogant when I write this I am just opening up on how I felt.

Very shortly after my search I ran into a young man who I hadn’t seen since I was 14 years old. His name is Tony, and he also goes St Marks Church. I saw him at a cafe one day right next to the office where I work. Tony and I were good friends when we were in high school and would hang out quite a bit. However, this boy was probably the wildest, craziest, most disruptive student in the school. He would be cursing at teachers, vandalising as well as, receiving detentions and suspensions. It wasn’t long after commencing year 8 that he was told to leave the school. He gives me full permission to tell this story by the way, so I am not going behind his back here. We both still joke about it with each other.

Anyway, I see him at this cafe and our faces just light up, I sat with him and we had a big conversation. I noticed however something was very different about him. He was the exact opposite of what I remembered. I understand people mature in life as the years go by, but this was something way out of the ordinary. He told me about his story after he left high school; how he got into a bit of trouble, how struggled through pain and how he needed help and eventually found his faith in Christ.

Now this really intrigued me as it was not like anything I had ever encountered before.

Not long after this, I began to open up about my story to him. About how I was going through a tough time in my life trying to find answers, looking for meaning and purpose and trying to find what the universe wanted from me.

Tony said to me with great confidence and a cheeky little smile that what I needed was a Saviour and that he had one for me. He made me laugh and anyone who knows him knows how hilarious this man can be. I dismissed everything he said because it just sounded silly and religion was a topic I was not interested in.

After this run into each other we exchanged numbers and continued to meet up. It turns out he worked only a few doors down from my office. I kept opening up to him about I felt and how I was just sick of the life I was living. Even though to many people out there I had the ideal life, to me it didn’t feel that way.

Tony continued on how he understood what I was going through. He explained that I needed to pray and I needed to have faith in God but it still seemed silly to me. I’ll give you a direct quote from Tony: ‘Mate scrap all those books that you are reading, there is only one book you should be reading and that’s the Bible’. Anyone who knows Tony will know exactly how he would have said that. One day down the track he was even kind enough to buy me a Bible and other books about The Church such as ‘The Fear of God’, ‘Return to God’, ‘Love the summit of virtues’ – all books written by Pope Shenouda.

The whole thing still seemed ridiculous to me but I told him I would at least give it a shot, after all he was kind enough to get me these books. I started with Genesis and straight away I knew I was not interested, especially with what the world had programmed into my mind about ‘reality’, ‘evolution’, ‘science burying God’ and the whole lot. So I put it down and dismissed the whole thing. By the way, I need to add in a quote here from C.S. Lewis “a young man who wishes to remain a sound atheist cannot be too careful of his reading”.

He told me to come along with him to church and just give it a try. It was the night we had Gary Raymond preaching along with some of the fathers in the church. Probably some of the greatest sermons I have ever heard and they touched me in a very profound way. Soon I did some more research on the church, its history, its beliefs, Christianity and of course science. I was hungry for answers and the truth. I eventually found it. I guess it’s true when they say that when the student is ready the teacher will appear. A little J.P. Morlan quote to everyone who reads this -‘God maintains a delicate balance between keeping his existence sufficiently evident so people will know He’s there and yet hiding His presence enough so that people who want to choose to ignore Him can do it. This way, their choice of destiny is really free’.

I could go on and on here but I am trying to summarise as briefly as I can.

I had a meeting shortly after with Father Mark and we had a very nice talk. He was even kind enough to welcome me into the Coptic Church which was a real honour. This church had some of the most wonderful, kind and loving people I had ever met, mong many other wonderful attributes. The rest is history from there.

My closing statement to all you readers is best summarised by Ravi Zaccharias and Bill Craige: I have travelled the world, I have searched high and low, and I have found nothing that satisfies my mind, my heart and the deepest longing of my soul like Jesus does. If you are sincerely seeking God I promise he will make his existence evident for you. God bless you all and I can’t wait for you the reader to come and join me and transform the way I did.

Who Are the Four Living Creatures?

Who Are the Four Living Creatures?

by Fr Matthew Attia

On Saturday, 17th November 2018 the Church celebrates the Commemoration of the 4 Living Creatures who carry the Throne of God as seen by St. John the Evangelist,“The four living creatures, each having six wings, were full of eyes around and within. And they do no rest day or night, saying: ‘Holy, Holy, Holy, Lord God Almighty, who was and is and is to come!’” (Revelation 4:8-9).

“The first living creature was like a lion, the second living creature was like a calf, the third living creature had a face like a man and the fourth living creature was like a flying eagle.” (Revelation 4:7).

The Prophet Ezekiel, whilst in exile in Babylon, saw a heavenly vision depicting the 4 living creatures (Ezekiel 1:4-28). St. John Chrysostom says, “There is nothing like the four Living Creatures in their honour, neither in heaven nor on earth because they are carrying God’s throne. They are created of light and fire. They are very strong and powerful. They appeal to God for the forgiveness of sins of mankind.”

The Fathers of the Church, contemplating on the nature and role of the 4 living creatures emerged with the following interpretations:

1. The Four Living Creatures=refer to the Attributes of God

The Man refers to God’s wisdom and knowledge
The Lion refers to God’s power and majest
The Calf refers to God’s patience and justice
The Eagle refers to God’s glory, height and sight

2. The Four Living Creatures= refer to the Four Gospels

The Man refers to the Gospel of St. Matthew who commenced his Gospel with the genealogy of Christ as the Son of man
The Lion refers to the Gospel of St. Mark who commenced his Gospel with the voice crying in the wilderness
The Calf refers to the Gospel of St. Luke who commenced his Gospel with the sacrifices which Zacharias was offering in the temple
The Eagle refers to the Gospel of St. John who commenced his Gospel with the divinity of Christ

3. The Four Living Creatures=refer to the Redeeming Work of Christ

St. Irenaeus says:

The Man refers to Christ’s incarnation and humanity
The Lion refers to Christ’s power, courage and victory
The Calf refers to Christ’s sacrifice
The Eagle refers to Christ’s divinity and ascension to heaven

4. The Four Living Creatures=refer to the Sanctification of Human Nature

The Man refers to mental sanctification
The Lion refers to sanctification of human authority
The Calf refers to physical sanctification
The Eagle refers to spiritual sanctification

5. The Four Living Creatures=refer to Stages of Christ’s Salvation

St. Jerome says:

The Man refers to the incarnation
The Calf refers to the crucifixion and redemption
The Lion refers to the resurrection
The Eagle refers to the Ascension

6. The Four Living Creatures=refer to the Different Earthly Creatures

St. John Chrysostom says:

The Man refers to the human race
The Lion refers to the wild beasts
The Calf refers to the tamed animals
The Eagles refers to the birds

7. The Four Living Creatures=refer to the Living Church of Christ

The Man refers to the Bishops
The Lion refers to the Priests
The Calf refers to the Deacons
The Eagle refers to the Laity

8. The Four Living Creatures=refer to the Various Forces of the Soul

St. Gregory of Nazianzus says:

The Man refers to the gift of logic
The Lion refers to the forces of rage
The Calf refers to the carnal desires
The Eagle refers to the spiritual desires

The Holiness of the Sanctuary

Our Orthodox Church, desiring always that her children taste heaven on earth, place the Pantocrator (niche) in the inner sanctuary (before the altar) depicting Christ on the Throne carried by the four living creatures with the 24 priests before Him. The priest offers incense to the two side sanctuaries of the Church saying, “Hail to the sanctuary of our Lord Jesus Christ carried by the Cherubim and the Seraphim.

In the conclusion of the Doxologies of the four Living Creatures we say, “Intercede of our behalf O four Living Creatures, the ministers fervent as fire, that Christ may forgive us our sins.

Peace, Be Still

Peace, Be Still

by Samuel Saeed

The year 2018 was meant to be the best year of my life. Graduated from school, getting my license, starting university and even moving out of my own home and living with my friends. Ultimately, this was the year of freedom for me, the year where I would finally have everything I wanted and be happy, or so I thought.

I start the year, and everything goes wrong. Moving becomes a struggle for me, adapting to a new life is tiresome and strenuous. Basically, all the wrong that I thought I was invincible against, happened to me. Sound pretty depressing right? I thought this was meant to be the year for me. I thought this would be the best year of my life. What happened God, where did it go wrong?

The problem I soon uncovered later by the Grace of God was that I found that I was putting my sense of peace and happiness on the external circumstances. I thought that what was happening around me would give me happiness. Wow was I wrong. This occurs to everyone daily. For example, you get to work, your boss yells at you, you do something wrong and lose clients or patients, or whatever it may be. Sound familiar? Or how about you go to school, realised you flunked a test, someone may have bullied you, or a teacher may have yelled at you. We allow these types of circumstances to affect my peace, but all of these are external. What about the internal?

Let’s look at Joseph the Righteous. A man loved by his father, but hated by his brothers. Given many gifts, yet he was still sold as a slave. This man went through it all and only at the age of approximately 17 or 18. Imagine being sold by the people you called your brothers and who you thought loved you the most or being imprisoned for something you didn’t commit, not a great feeling. But the most amazing thing is not once did it say in the Bible that Joseph complained or was upset or hated his life. “The Lord was with Joseph, and he was a successful man” (Genesis 39:2). All of the external circumstances were against Joseph, yet his internal state was peace and this is what sustained him. His trust in God and love for God that sustained him regardless of his external circumstances. It was God’s peace that sustained him throughout all of these adversaries.

Let’s look at the example of Susanna and Daniel. This woman was sentenced to death for something that she didn’t do. Her life flashed before her eyes as the two elders lied to the assembly and she was being condemned to her death. Clearly, her external circumstances were appalling, however let us look on her internal state. She did not frail, nor did she complain, but rather, she cried aloud to the Eternal God in complete trust and faith and was saved the very same day. Susanna’s internal circumstance was one of peace and faith and this delivered her from death at the hands of the evil men.

What does this mean for us? We all go through periods where we just feel like the world is against us. We may feel as though whatever we try to do in life, it keeps on messing up and turning against us. God is telling us today, “peace, be still”. He is telling us with love, to leave all of our external circumstances in His hands and to focus on our own internal peace which is only from Him. Indeed, this is how all the martyrs lived. They didn’t care about death or torture, but rather they maintained their internal peace and trusted in God even until the point of death, and King David describes them as “the excellent ones on the earth” (Psalms 16:3).

Ultimately, when I put my sense of peace and happiness in God’s hands and not in the hands of the external circumstances, then nothing should hurt me except sin alone. I should truly become invincible. To finish with a story, there was once a man in my church whose wife had fallen ill and had to be delivered to hospital. She had lost all her memories and was bed-ridden and to be honest, it didn’t seem like things were going to end well for her. However, when I spoke to the husband, all he would say was “God is going to take care of everything, I know it”. Surely enough, she was healed and all her memories returned. Despite the external, this man did not allow his internal circumstance to waver from the peace that God gave him, and this is what we should all be aspiring towards.

Living a Purposeful Life

Living a Purposeful Life

by Shery Abdelmalek

“I will not give slumber to my eyelids until I find a dwelling place for the Lord.”

How many days have I wasted because I did not find a dwelling place for the Lord? All I had to do was give Him the smallest of parts of my day, yet I skipped it, as if it were insignificant. The days that turned into weeks and then months taught me one thing.

Every day that does not end in prayer and repentance is a day wasted. Repentance is the cure of all human disease. The very substance that keeps the soul alive. When we were made for the Creator, separation from Him will take its toll soon enough.

To think that in all that time, I could’ve been learning, I could’ve seen His glory, I could’ve been used to bring His children closer to Him – but I chose sleep. While the objective is not to dwell on the past, looking forward there needs to be a rationale for consistent reflection and repentance in prayer daily.

The key to a successful life is culminated in this very verse. While we get caught up in the day to day cycle of life – this verse is the reason why the days feel wasted. A day that is not started and ended with Christ as the foundation of everything.

Throughout all of King David’s afflictions, he knew that he had to find a dwelling place for the Lord. He wasn’t going to sleep thinking about the wars he was going to fight, he wasn’t going to sleep worrying about his enemies, or even his earthly kingdom. At the end of the day, he found a dwelling place for the Lord.

C.S. Lewis says, “If you live for the next world, you get this one in the deal; but if you live only for this world, you lose them both.” Being trapped in the cycles of life comes down to this – every time we rely solely on our own hard work, we’ve missed the bigger picture. It is hard for one to kick against the goads (Acts 26:14), but that is exactly what we do every time we rely on our own efforts, and not on the sustenance that comes from above. If King David could leave an entire kingdom in the hands of God, we can probably remember Him during our assignments, exams and job proposals, too.

So many monks and nuns were known for their lack of sleep. Tamav Ereeny would pray that her two hours of sleep would feel like eight so that she could spend her nights in prayer. St Bishoy hung a rope around his head that it would be lifted if his dropped in sleep while praying.

It took me a long time to even begin to realise the wisdom in this. In my ignorance, I would think, if they devoted their life to Christ why would it matter if they slept? They were going to wake up and keep praying anyway.

In the wisdom of the church fathers and mothers, we see the value of time. Every day that you do not find a dwelling place for the Lord before you sleep, is a day gone to waste. If the example of the monks and nuns is testament to anything it is that once you get a taste for the Lord, you can’t get enough of Him.

There is a direct correlation between wisdom and making the most of our time. St Paul says, “See then that you walk circumspectly, not as fools but as wise, redeemingthe time, because the days are evil.”(Ephesians 5:15-16). We can be fooled into thinking that what we don’t do today, we can do tomorrow. Everything in this world is finite, especially the days. In this present moment, can we see that we are ready to meet with Christ? We don’t know what tomorrow holds, we only know the here and now.

From the highest of highs to the lowest of lows, every night that you come before the Lord with a broken and a contrite heart, that is a meaningful day. St Jerome says, “Walk cautiously and prudently. Cast off folly. Take hold of wisdom. In this way, you will be able to avoid changing yourself constantly as you walk through the vicissitudes of the times. Rather you will find a unity within yourself even amid the diversity of the times.”

There is wisdom in spending nights in prayer that separates it from making the most of any other time of day. At the end of a long day, when all you want to do is rest, that is when prayers are heard loudest. We pray hardest when it is hardest to pray. For King David, that verse was written in his distress and afflictions. For the monks and nuns, they would pray to the early hours of the morning, when they were exhausted and the flesh was weak. For it is in those moments, where the flesh is unwilling, that we share in Christ’s suffering.

There should be a level of difficulty to prayer. If the flesh is weak then we can say with St Paul that, “I will boast in my infirmities that the power of Christ may rest upon me” (2 Cor. 12:9). That is the value in swapping rest for Christ. Christ matters more and I pray we never lose sight of this.

For every day, let there be a night where we find a dwelling place for God. Glory be to His Name forever, Amen.

My Perfect Self

My Perfect Self

by Senote Keriakes

I am writing this to share something which I have personally experienced, in the hope that someone might benefit from it. I aim to keep this reflective, and hopefully not in any way didactic.

For a very long time I thought that my barrier to living a fulfilling, God fearing life was sin. I have come to realize that perhaps this might not be the case.

In reality, at least for me, the wall that stands between me and repentance is erected long before I have committed a sin. It is erected in the moments right after I do something I perceive to be ‘good.’ As soon as I know I have committed a ‘good deed,’ I get that warm, fuzzy feeling and start to imagine the ideal version of myself that I will hopefully soon transform into, thanks to the deed which I have just committed.

My perfect self, let’s call him Senote 2.0 is the perfect Christian. He never misses the mass, never misses Sunday school service, is polite, never gets angry, is patient, doesn’t road rage and always remembers to pray his agpeya before going to bed.

Whilst it’s great to strive to be a better person, I’ve personally found that this train of thought can be quite toxic when it comes to my spiritual life.

The reason I describe this as being the point at which the wall between me and repentance is erected, is because this mentality keeps me in fantasy land. It makes me think that I really am perfect, when I am quite the opposite. The next time I fall into sin, I am struck with the realization that I am nowhere near the person I want to be. This realization is, quite understandably, deflating and demoralizing, and can then lead to a cycle of sin and lack of spiritual motivation. In my mind, I’m thinking ‘What’s the point in trying? I’ll never be Senote 2.0 L’.

I’m honestly not sure if other people do experience this, but in case you do, I’ll share with you what I have personally found to be helpful in dealing with this.

Firstly, I have found that its best to take it step by step when it comes to the spiritual stuff. I have tried to avoid thinking of Senote 2.0 for now, instead just focusing on the next step in my spiritual journey. That way when I do fall into sin, it only feels like I am falling from the small step which I took yesterday, rather than falling from the chimerically elevated Senote 2.0 which I’ve constructed in my mind. This makes the recovery back to God through repentance a much less daunting task.

Secondly, I have found that getting angry at myself when I do fall into sin is very counterproductive. Brother Lawrence in ‘The practice of the presence of God’ explains that he was someone who was in constant conversation with God. When something nice happens, he thanks God, when something inconvenient happens, he asks God for help. When he sinned, he asked God for forgiveness and moved on with his life. This, of course, does not negate the need for repentance and confession, as these things are essential for our forgiveness. It just means that there’s no need to dwell on that sin for too long. In one of his sermons, Fr Anthony Messeh says to “pray, but not too much,” in the sense that we should mention our concerns and petitions to God in prayer, but that we shouldn’t do it obsessively and to the point where this issue or sin becomes amplified in our minds.

It’s important to understand that we aren’t perfect, and that, as humans, we have a propensity to sin. A priest once explained this to me by comparing Christians facing the spiritual struggle to soldiers facing battle. A soldier doesn’t enter battle thinking he will come out unscathed. He knows that there is a great chance he will be injured. Similarly, we should understand that during the spiritual struggle it is quite possible that we will fall into sin. However, our response to sin should be asking for forgiveness rather than lambasting ourselves for the spiritual weakness which is part of our nature.

I will leave you with an excerpt from ‘The Practice of the presence of God’; “I can do no better without You, [Lord]. Please keep me from falling and correct the mistakes I make.”

New Comers to the Church

New Comers to the Church

by Anthony Zaccariotto

I write this for all people who have recently joined the Coptic Orthodox Church and are trying to adjust themselves to the customs, masses and crowds that come along with it. I am also writing this because I too would have liked to have come across a piece of writing like this when I first started. Just so I would have known a little bit more. I have also written a separate blog to this if you would like to hear more about my journey to the church and what persuaded me to become a Christian. Either way let’s get started.

The first thing you need to make sure of is that you don’t freak out when you see some of the traditions held in the church by the Coptic’s. When I first arrived at the church I saw some curious things that really confused me. I saw priests dressed in black cassocks with people kissing their hands, people kissing the floor, the drapes. I saw icons everywhere with confusing writing on the walls (Coptic). At the beginning I felt a bit uncomfortable and I felt like I was the minority. Don’t worry, you will later discover that you are not alone and you will fall in love with them all. You will also find when you begin to learn more about why they hold these customs and traditions you will want to know more about them too.

The second thing you need to be aware of is that everything involved in the liturgy (mass) is symbolic and represents something. There is no chaos in the church, so please don’t get caught up in thinking that this is all too weird and confusing and feel like you can’t adjust to these liturgies. Believe me if you really allow yourself to understand and scrutinise what is being demonstrated you will enjoy it more and more. Being in church is about drawing closer to God and when you allow yourself to be drawn into these liturgies and get more involved you will really feel God’s presence work through you. I remember the first time I came in I felt really awkward, as it was nothing I had ever experienced before, and I had a tough time getting my head around what was going on. If you ever get uncomfortable at the start just remember that this is the house of God, we are here for Him and there is nothing to be worried about.

If you are guy like me and the church provides you the opportunity to become a deacon I would highly recommend taking up the offer. There is nothing more beautiful and serene than serving on the altar and feeling the Divine presence up close. I have had many embarrassing experiences up there due to my lack of knowledge so please don’t hesitate to ask someone for help. You will often find everyone loves to help and serve so don’t be shy, we are all here for each other.

There is one last thing I need to mention before I finish. It is of utmost importance that you do not put a high standard on anyone in the church including myself. You need to remember that we are in the church for one reason and that is God. We are not to tie our happiness to the people in it. If you find yourself tying your happiness to the people rather than God Himself you may find yourself being disappointed. We are all human and we all have our own situations going on in life. If you find that someone disappoints you or upsets you, just remember that our beliefs are not based on how other people behave. I’m not saying this is going to happen to you I just need to give you a heads up because I really don’t want this to happen to anyone. Often times the biggest barrier to Christ in the world has been the Christians themselves. Make God your number one priority in the church and everything else will fall into place.

Coming to the church is all about starting a new journey with Christ. The more you grow in your relationship with Him the more you will begin to see things differently in your life. No one will be able to take away the peace that He brings into your heart. Everybody in life needs someone they can turn to for guidance, assistance, love and peace and this is what Christ offers us. He knows us better than we know ourselves and He has brought you to this church for a reason. Please don’t waste the opportunity to grow in this relationship with Him and enjoy the wonderful fruits that He has to offer. He will bring into your life the people that belong there and take out the people that don’t. You only need to trust Him. May our Lord Jesus Christ be with you all on your new journey and I look forward to meeting you all very soon.

Faith or Feelings

Faith or Feelings

by Shery Abdelmalek

Faith = the belief in the unseen. A belief that is unwavering through trials and external circumstances.

Feelings = ever changing and temperamental.

While having no comparison, when feelings are confused for faith, turmoil naturally results. We begin praying only when we feel like it and as a result, we inadvertently neglect God, our First Love, when we don’t.

What good excuse is there to put the love of your life on hold? Does anyone in a relationship ever take massive long breaks from their beloved and expect things to remain the same when they return? No chance.

You can make all the excuses you want. You can convince yourself that being apart from Him is the best decision for the moment. You can even, as the prodigal son did, choose to live and eat amongst a pigsty because you don’t feel like going home just yet – you can make it on your own. While you make these compromises within yourself, that is your very own pigsty. A pigsty that the devil has blinded you to believe is your own palace.

Even the devil used scripture in an attempt to convince Jesus to fall into temptation. Any word or phrase in the Bible can be twisted to suit any agenda. It all starts with one feeling. One feeling you don’t want to let go of. When a feeling or a thought becomes the cornerstone of our belief system, internal confusion and chaos result.

This is why we value faith – it remains constants throughout all trials and tribulations. St Paul says we walk by faith, not by sight. We can read this and think that faith must be the opposite of sight. That would mean faith is blind. Faith is not synonymous with being blind. Faith is seeing through spiritual eyes, and not earthly. Faith is believing in the One that has delivered you time and time again, will continue to do so. We must remain steadfast in our faith. The Word of God that took Flesh remains throughout all hurdles. The blessing of these hurdles is lost when we let go of faith and look with earthly eyes.

When feelings override faith, external influences begin to dictate our inward selves. The spirit doesn’t stand a chance. This is stage one of a faith that is slipping toward the desires of the flesh. Elder Thaddeus explains this saying:

“As soon as a desire or a worldly thought enters our mind, God immediately sends a warning. Instead of coming to our senses and blocking such thoughts and desires, we nurture them and long for them, and afterwards we wonder why bad things happen to us. These signs of warning come in the form of temptations.”

When temptations are not fought, the soul begins to suffer. Prayers change according to what has happened in the world around us on any particular day. You may have had a great day, you may have had the worst day imaginable.

Through it all, let one phrase be the pinnacle of your thoughts – It is what it is.
Controlling emotions is no easy task but we gain strength in feeding the spirit over the desires of the flesh. If the spirit is strong, there is little influence external events and circumstances can have. Feed the spirit before you feed body. Elder Thaddeus continues on saying:

“Our life depends on the kind of thoughts we nurture. If our thoughts are peaceful, calm, meek and kind, then that is what our life is like. If our attention is turned to the circumstances in which we live, we are drawn into a whirlpool of thoughts and can have neither peace nor tranquillity.”

The devil may trap you, through feelings, to believe you can go one day without His providence, weeks, months, years even. He may lead you to believe that He will never take you back. 2 minutes of repentance can cleanse years of separation. One step toward the Saviour of us all is all it takes. Sit with yourself, alone, for 2 minutes and talk to Him. Return to Him and He will return to you. The second He sees you coming from a distance, He will run to greet you. There is no shame attached. 2 minutes is all it takes, especially when we don’t feel like it. You don’t think the devil knows how to keep you away? He’s being doing this for much longer than you or I have been alive. All those doubts you have, the devil is the author of them all.

Don’t forget the One who made you and gave you the authority to trample over serpents and scorpions and over all the power of the enemy. You belong to God, don’t let the devil let you think otherwise. There is no good excuse to remain away. No sin too great He can’t forgive. No weakness. No sorrow. It’s amazing the doubts and excuses the devil can implant when we just don’t feel like praying. They can built up so much in the mind when in reality, God is waiting earnestly to greet you. Elder Thaddeus explains this cycle as follows:

“A person who is entrapped in the vicious cycle of chaotic thoughts, in the atmosphere of hades, or has only so much as touched, feels the torment of hell. For example, we read the newspaper or take a walk in the streets, and afterwards we suddenly feel that something is not quite right in our souls; we feel an emptiness; we feel sadness. That is because by reading all sorts of things, our mind becomes distracted and the atmosphere of hades has free access to our minds.”

Fight to discipline the feelings that come and go, only then will you have inward peace. In closing, Elder Thaddeus puts it best:

“This is how we must live – controlling our thoughts. It is not good to dwell on every thought that comes to us otherwise we lose our peace. If we learn to refuse such proposals, we are quiet. We do not fantasize or create any images in our mind.”

All quotes taken from “Our Thoughts Determine Our Lives: The Life and Teachings of Elder Thaddeus of Vitovnica”