From Theology, with love: Eponymous
by Tom Seodyu
My thanks to A,
with ornery irony,
you above others are responsible
for my most mature spiritual ideas
and incendiary hopes for this life.
You’ve asked me why I even bother with this (and you).
And again, I have repeated the only real answer I can give –
it’s because you have a beautiful soul, and are a misunderstood sort.
I understand why you hate this answer. Even more so because you don’t believe I am being sincere:
‘I’m just another person he has decided to be nice to today.’
‘He’s only listening to me because he’s naïve for the church and rituals.’
That you’ve mistaken me for a liar makes it hard for me not to feel hurt. But I know why you would think that way – that I’m some “Sunday school agent” here to pretend that he cares long enough to return you to “the quack priests who cannot give [you] a straight answer”, who are totally worthless and despicable to you. You’ve even asked before, “if you really understand how incompetent our church is, why don’t you speak up about it?” Because I learned long ago that this earthly body of Christ does not need any more ‘fixing’ by way of noise, and recommendations, and complaints (especially Facebook rants). Rather, it needs Christ; examples of His love, and a serious personal start – and perhaps, if I myself cannot succeed in setting this example, and inspire change through that love, then I am another mouthy critic. Though I am too ironic, and sarcastic to be that example…
I know that you are a sweet person (since you care so much about those who are nice to you and the suffering of innocents,) which begs the first question you asked. What is all this for? Because of all the commandments you had to stomach being raised here; of all the beliefs that we possess, the one that you feel most betrayed by; is the commandment to love our neighbour.
“If it’s real then why is it, when we try to love our neighbour, we act more out of pressure than genuine love?”
Perhaps it’s our poor understanding of Gospels and the story of the Good Samaritan:
A man left beaten and half-dead, ignored by the priest and the Levite but rescued by the Samaritan; bandaged with oil and wine, and taken into an inn in care and mercy. We were told growing up that the Samaritan was the enemy, but because he loved his ‘neighbour’ he overcame this and we are called to become like him and treat everyone like our neighbours with our love. But even atheists can ‘become the Good Samaritan’, loving their neighbor; like we were taught.
But no church father has ever understood the parable like this…
For them, we do not play the role of the Samaritan, but rather the dying man on the road.
Chrysostom wrote:
“Here then was man (that is Adam) lying destitute of the aid of salvation, pierced with the wounds of his sins, whom neither Aaron the high priest passing by could advantage by his sacrifice […] Nor again could his brother Moses [the Levite] assist him by the Law […] Naked and afraid we lie. Until the Good Samaritan – who is Christ – rescues us. He poured in wine, that is, the blood of his passion, and oil, that is, the anointing of the chrism, that pardon might be granted by His blood, sanctification be conferred by the chrism. The wounded parts are bound up by the heavenly physician, and containing a salve within themselves, are by the working of the remedy restored to their former soundness […]”
Since it was Him who first showed us great love through His Incarnation, all humanity is called to love to the end, without exception.
Augustine wrote:
“He shows mercy to us because of His goodness, while we show mercy to one another because of God’s goodness. He has compassion on us so that we may enjoy Him completely, while we have compassion on another that we may completely enjoy Him.”
If we tried to love everyone from our own power, without remembering – and deferring first and foremost to the lover of mankind – how could we not become practitioners of guilt and slide inevitably into hypocrisy and sin in exhaustion? Likewise, if the atheist has no one who loves them and can return to to be refreshed, how can they prevent despair and not abandon their righteous instincts?
Ambrose said:
“Since no one is closer than He who tended to our wounds, let us love Him as our Lord, and let us love Him as our neighbour. Nothing is so close as the head to the members.”
You may despair about your upbringing and your surroundings, but always remember Him, for He is blameless in His love for you. You may not accept this parable, or even believe that this love is a real contending force on this miserable earth. But I see evidence of a girl, who (though, all her life is one long disaster) races eagerly to feel embraced. Her head leaning into the other, cradling into the warm tenderness available for her. Held in the envelopment, she experiences in those moments the idea that she has found a home that reciprocates her – and she thinks, for a single moment, for one absurd second, that it may really be possible that God had sowed this friend into her life.
This leads me to your second question…
Even if, in the end, you still cannot find meaning, or purpose, or drive in your life remember that you and I who are so young have very limited right to nostalgia. You need only to learn what Life is.
Smile sweetly to strangers on your walks.
Learn humility from nature.
Listen to music that makes you want to sing and look ridiculous!
Laugh and be full of good humor.
And young woman,
do not forget to pray.
And with that,
I want you to know that I meant it when I said I loved you.
Christ be with you always.