Holy Week in the Secret Place
By Shery Abdelmalak
“Your Father who sees in secret will Himself reward you openly.” – (Matthew 6:4)
A wise person once told me that they knew their spiritual life was failing when they prayed more at church than they did at home, this is a sure sign of a spiritual slump. If I go to church regularly, if I serve regularly, these become my norm. I enjoy doing these things. I feel like I am doing good. My outward display to those around me and even to myself is favourable. I don’t feel the need to fix something that doesn’t appear to be broken.
But an honest spiritual life starts in a secret place. There are no hidden motives in the secret place. In your room, with the door closed, where no one knows what goes on. Only God knows for certain, and it is in the stillness of prayer that He listens and our relationship with Him begins. Oftentimes the secret place is sought for refuge from the problems of this world, we gain peace, we gain clarity and we slowly drift away until the next problem comes along. If we use prayer in this way, there is much lost. We leave before Christ’s biggest blessings of grace come to us.
“It is amazing how many people prefer service more than prayer. And reading more than prayer. And contemplation more than prayer. And attending religious gatherings more than prayer. That is why they fail in their relationship with God. They therefore meditate, read, have a service and attend their meetings, but are separated from God. There is no relationship.”
HH Pope Shenouda III
Pope Shenouda is amazed at how much we devalue prayer. All that he lists have an external element attached that distinguishes them from prayer. In prayer, there is no external display and if we are valuing other aspects of our spiritual life more than our internal prayer lives, then it almost begs the question; has my relationship with God even started?
In the holiest of weeks, we commence a spiritual journey to the Cross, we put to death our worldly image and learn to love God from the inside out, no distractions. We must remember that this world is deceitful; what seems to be normal in the world is not what God intended for His creation. This Holy Week presents the perfect time to find Christ in the secret place, while the churches remain closed. Just you and your Beloved.
We spend Holy Week asking the question, “who are You, Lord?” and “reveal my sins to me so that I may be more like You.” We encounter Christ in secret; “We pray not to inform God or instruct God but to ask earnestly, to become intimate with God, to be humbled and reminded of our sins” – St John Chrysostom
HG Bishop Agathon once said that one single night at the monastery was the equivalent of ten years in the world. We know this to be true because of the reformation through prayer under the leadership of Pope Kyrillos VI. Fr Daniel Fanous says, “The broken [Patriarchal] staff, symbolic of a broken church, fractured and profusely bleeding, was placed in Kyrillos’ hands; and there, in twelve short years, it was mended and healed in ways that we will never truly comprehend.” In twelve years as Patriarch, he lifted the mocked Coptic church to the church that has spread to all nations, to nations that cannot imagine a life without it.
Now, a different struggle, a spiritual life without the physical church. Maybe this is how we will be risen with Christ this Holy Week. To start from scratch, in our own home churches, in our cells, we can try to find Christ in the secret place. Maybe now is the time to emulate the words of St John Chrysostom when he said, “When you pray, set aside all turmoil, as if you were being joined by choirs of angels and singing with the seraphim.”
Fr Anthony Mourad says that the sweetness of God is seen in all the ways He has made lemonade out of the lemon that is coronavirus. One of those ways is in the secret place of isolation that we now find ourselves in. For the first time in any of our lifetimes, the church is closed during Holy Week. I don’t want to be anywhere other than the church in this week, but we must make lemonade out of what is the sourest of lemons. If it was in the secret place that Pope Kyrillos VI mended our entire church, Christ can mend and reignite our relationships with Him, to one of pure love, void of all external motives.
Get your favourite deacons from Soundcloud ready! This is a Holy Week not to be missed! For the first few Good Fridays I can remember, Fr Yacoub would recite the Lamentations of Jeremiah and it didn’t feel the same when it wasn’t him, but now I know it will be him, it will be whoever I want it to be, no bad deacon voices this year! (but Jesus still thinks your voice is beautiful, Amen.) When I was in Egypt buying souvenirs, I saw this cute little shoraya that I thought would make a perfect candle holder. The lady selling it and my mum then proceeded to make some not funny Arabic jokes about how I wasn’t allowed to become a priest. That shoraya is now the most sought after object in our entire household. This is a year unlike any other, Fr Elijah told us to get excited for Lent, but now we get excited for a Holy Week that will be spent in our makeshift churches at home. The secret place is all we have left, but it is all we need.