Upper Room Media Blogs

Purity

The Key to Answered Prayer

Focus Quote

Children, I beseech you to correct your hearts and thoughts, so that you may be pleasing to God. Consider that although we may reckon ourselves to be righteous and frequently succeed in deceiving men, we can conceal nothing from God. Let us therefore strive to preserve the holiness of our souls and to guard the purity of our bodies with all fervor. Ye are the temple of God, says the divine Apostle Paul; If any man defile the temple of God, him shall God destroy.”
St. Nicholas of Myra

Purity

The Key to Answered Prayer

New Testament Passage

Matthew 5: 1-12

And seeing the multitudes, He went up on a mountain, and when He was seated His disciples came to Him. Then He opened His mouth and taught them, saying: “Blessed are the poor in spirit, For theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are those who mourn, For they shall be comforted. Blessed are the meek, For they shall inherit the earth. Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, For they shall be filled. Blessed are the merciful, For they shall obtain mercy. Blessed are the pure in heart, For they shall see God. Blessed are the peacemakers, For they shall be called sons of God. Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness’ sake, For theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are you when they revile and persecute you, and say all kinds of evil against you falsely for My sake. Rejoice and be exceedingly glad, for great is your reward in heaven, for so they persecuted the prophets who were before you.

Discussion Questions

Blind Pharisee, first cleanse the inside of the cup and dish, that the outside of them may be clean also (Matt 23:26). Do we only look at the outward appearance? Or do we clean the inside (our hearts)?
To see God means to be admitted to His presence. How often do we spend quality time with the Lord completely undistracted and filled with His love?
To have a pure heart means to cleanse it from all falsehood and double-mindedness. It is to wholeheartedly, will one thing which is full and total allegiance to God. King David says, “Cleanse me and I shall be whiter than snow” – how do we strive for such purity?

Old Testament Passage

1 Samuel 16:7

But the LORD said to Samuel, “Do not look at his appearance or at his physical stature, because I have refused him. For the LORD does not see as man sees; for man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.”

Discussion Questions

What does it mean to have a double mind? How can we practically keep our minds on the Kingdom and our Father in heaven?
What obstacles can get in the way of achieving purity? Think of some obstacles in your own life and make a plan of action to overcome them.

Sunday Police

Sunday Police

By Dalia Fam

Originally seen on Fr Abraham and Dalia Fam’s blog goCoptic, 7 Feb, 2019.

As I was sitting one Sunday in church, a young girl who does not come much came and sat beside me. The first thing I noticed was that she was wearing a very inappropriate top and revealing way too much. So, I did what any “loving” mother of the church would do. I took a very long head covering, gently draping it over her shoulders, to cover the top of her body.

Some of you would agree with my actions. I mean after all my young son was beside me! She is a stumbling block to the other boys here! I am protecting others. Others will be distracted. I am teaching other young girls watching how to dress in church. I am teaching her how to respect the church. Love is shown through correction, as I correct my own children. I would have corrected my daughter if she came like this to church. Aren’t I treating her like I would my own daughter?

But, some select few of you, would see the hypocrisy of my actions. I may be covered up in clothing but my heart is full of judgment and pride. The outside of the cup is clean for me and I wear it proudly, religiously. Because I know how to dress in church, I look better than her. Because I come to church every Sunday, I know better than her. Because I am a servant or leader in the church, I am better than her.

Did I show her love or condemnation by covering her?

Instead of covering her with a loving hug, I covered her with disgrace and judgment. Rather than love her, I put her to shame. I humiliated her.

Instead of welcoming her to church, which she hadn’t come to in a long time, I pushed her back out the door emotionally and maybe even physically as well.

If we have grown up in the church, we have seen the fixation we have on correction. We are fixated with how people sit. Not crossing legs or not. Did I step into the altar with my right foot or not? Did I cover my hair? And many more examples.

I value that our churches have taught us how to respect the church. How to be disciplined and take the church serious. But have we forgotten about acceptance and love? I know I have.

One of the characteristics of our motto, “Every Church is a Mission Church,” is that a church openly welcomes and loves everyone, without discrimination. If we want to fulfill our calling that we are all called to be missionaries, then we have to practice this love and acceptance of others.

Yes, we should have respect in our churches. But what if we look at things backwards. What if I show love to someone and through that love, the person will eventually want to respect the presence of God? Seeing things backwards takes a much longer time to see change. But that is what Mission teaches us – there is no overnight, quick fix to mission. Correction will get a much faster solution. But correction without first loving and having a relationship is merely judgment. And most of the time, we spend our time correcting this way.

Once, I was at a church for a wedding of close friends of ours. We went the day before to help set up the church for the wedding. There was a youth boy there who lived right next door to the church and we heard rarely comes. He spent the entire day voluntarily mowing the lawn, preparing for this wedding for this family friend of theirs. As he walked into the church to greet a visiting priest, a visiting servant quickly scolded him not to enter the church because he was wearing shorts. The boy’s face is a face I will never forget as he turned to walk out the door.

I am not here to pass judgment on our servants or leaders. But, we have all seen or felt the stab of judgment and the criticism of correction without love. There are very few instances where we can share an example of someone building us up with total acceptance and love. And why I remember this story from years ago is because I have been guilty too.

I have hurt numerous people with my judgment. With my fixation on others to follow the rules before I have showered them with love. By being a Sunday police.

We have both seen the good and the bad in our churches. Let us see more of the good. Let us DO more of the good. Let us make a movement to shower others with love.

Let’s not focus on correction. Correction will come. But focus on love!!

The church is full of protectors of the rules but who will rise up and be a protector of love? The Love of Jesus.

What can I and others do to change this?

These are small ways we can teach ourselves and our children on how to openly accept everyone who walks into the door of our churches. Then, we live out this motto: Every Church is a Mission Church.

Remember our Calling

I love this verse from Ephesians 4:1-4:

I, therefore, the prisoner of the Lord, beseech you to walk worthy of the calling with which you were called, with all lowliness and gentleness, with longsuffering, bearing with one another in love, endeavoring to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. There is one body and one Spirit, just as you were called in one hope of your calling.

We are all called to live out this way. These are powerful verses challenging us on how to live out our calling to be missionaries. Through gentleness, loving humility, and perseverance when it gets hard or challenging. But above all, keep the unity of the Spirit because we are one body. Keeping the unity requires me to love unconditionally and accept without bounds.

Change your Perception

Instead of giving the people sitting next to me talking in church, a dirty look because they are “distracting” me; say, I am happy that these two people have found fellowship here at church instead of somewhere else.

When someone comes and not dressed appropriate; say I am glad she still decided to come when she could have chosen a hundred other places to go.

Instead of making the mother of a small, noisy child feel bad with a mean look, offer a helping hand.

If someone has not come in a while, sit beside them, then make them a cup of coffee after church.

Others will see your example and follow.

Healing from the Inside Out

Healing from the Inside Out

Adapted from a sermon by Fr Michael Fanous

Passage Matthew 12:22-28

There was a man that was demon-possessed, blind and mute. Normally those who are mute are usually deaf as well. It would have seemed that nothing was going right for this man.

What does it mean to be demon-possessed? In essence, it is madness. How do we describe madness? The mind that cannot reason or think logically and is constantly confused. All the thoughts produced by this mind are not in line with reality. There are a multitude of problems.

What does it mean to be blind? He was also deprived of seeing the beauty of creation around him, and for him.

On top of that, being mute and deaf meant he could not express or explain himself. We could go so far as to presume that this was a useless person. A man that is not in the image that we know.

But this is the exact state of humanity after Adam and Eve sinned. When we do not know what is good for us, when we cannot reason right from wrong, when we cannot see creation for the beauty that God created it to be, when we cannot praise God, then we are like the madness of this man.

When Adam and Eve were in the Garden of Eden, the devil corrupted their minds. The serpent questioned God’s command saying, Has God indeed said, “You shall not eat of every tree of the garden?” (Gen. 3:1). He deceived and confused them so that they forget what God had taught them. The serpent convinced them that the only source of life was from the one tree they were told not to eat from. They were blinded from seeing the good creation of the Lord.

When God called out to Adam when he was hiding, Adam responded, “I heard Your voice in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; and I hid myself” (Gen. 3:10). What happened to Adam at the point? Had he not heard the voice of God before? What made this time different? Adam became deaf to the voice of the Lord also.

This is the state of humanity when sin entered the world. But Jesus came to bring back normality to the world. He came to earth and gave us baptism so that we may think clearly, see the good of creation and hear the voice of the Lord.

When the Lord healed the man, He renounced Satan, in this same way we renounce Satan before a person is baptised. The person raises their left hand and faces the west where Satan is and they say, “I renounce you, Satan, with all your trickery and hypocrisy”

Christ in the gospel renounces Satan and this brought healing to the man. Healing puts us back to our original state. In baptism, we look toward the east and raise our right hand and says, “I believe in You, Christ.”

In Christ, we can uses our senses for the glory of God. Everything becomes clear – our mind, our thoughts, our sight. We can praise the Lord.

Eventually, we sin again, but the church provides for us the means to return to our original state. The church provides a place where God is upon the altar. We can see and hear God. We have the saints to fill our eyes with goodness. The church gives us the Cross so we can see the Love of God in its fullness. The church gives us the smell of incense that takes us to heaven. The church provides the Holy Body and Blood of Christ to give us power, wisdom and understanding. Then, we are normal again. The things of the world cannot distract the soul that is satisfied in Christ. We look to heaven, and the things of the world become meaningless in comparison.

The Lord tells us, “Every kingdom divided against itself is brought to desolation, and every city or house divided against itself will not stand” (Matt. 12:25). This is the case when we fall into sin. My kingdom is my internal state. If my mind is divided from my heart and the body is doing what it likes, while the eyes are free to wander, I cannot stand.

The heart says I should be Christian, the mind agrees that this is the right thing to do, but then the body wants to enjoy the pleasures of the world. We become confused and divided against ourselves. How can we stand? This breeds guilt and confusion. We cannot reason when we are divided. The Lord tells us that if he can heal the man that was possessed, blind and mute, He can heal us, too. He can heal us through the church. This gives us eternal satisfaction.

The saints gave all their senses to the Lord, these worked together. They raise their hands to pray, they prostrate, their heart and mind are with God. The spirit moves within them to make them a complete person, lacking nothing and free from all bondage. A true son or daughter of Christ is completely free, nothing can bind them or upset them. Nothing can hold them back.

I will praise You with uprightness of heart when I learn Your righteous judgements
Psalm 119:7

This is the goal – to praise and thank Him for our minds and our senses. We can be whole again, we can be pure, we can be sons and daughters of the Highest.

Discovering your Purpose

Discovering your Purpose

By Lilyan Andrews

Originally seen on Lilyan Andrews’ blog Liles and Thorns, 23 Oct 2020.

80,000 hours. That’s how many hours the average American works in their lifetime. That’s 40 years x 50 weeks x 40 hours (according to www.80000hours.org).

In the Egyptian community (and most other immigrant communities), those 80,000 hours were clearly defined. I’m sure you’ve heard the joke about the 4 professions you can pursue as an Egyptian:

Doctor
Lawyer
Engineer
Failure

Did our parents or grandparents come to this land of opportunity to only give us the opportunity to choose from a very narrow list of professions?

All joking aside, this standard can feel really daunting and impossible at times. You never want to spend 80,000 hours of your life working in a field chosen for you by someone else, a field that you are not convinced about. That’s a recipe for an adult nightmare.

Our families want the best for us, that is undeniable. However, the pressure they put on us to pursue a career that we are not passionate about is not something we should have to carry for the rest of our lives.

If you’re one of the lucky ones that obeyed your parents’ suggestion and ended up loving the career, then good for you! Keep on thriving! But if you’re not, that’s okay, there is always hope. Know that you are not alone and that there is always a way out. A way that can lead you to bigger and better things. Let me share with you a little bit about my journey.

I’ve changed my mind about my career more than I can count. I entered college as an architect major, but quickly saved myself and made the right move to civil engineering (architects and civil engineers have an ongoing joke about the other’s profession, I know they’ll appreciate the humor here). But on a serious note, as soon as I started working in the engineering world I was not happy. I loved what I studied in college, but I was not using it in the way I thought I would.

I know that is a heavy statement to make, but ask anyone that knew me. When people would ask how work was going, I’d answer along the lines of, “It’s good, I work for a great company, and I’m surrounded by a great team. The pay and benefits are good too. But I just don’t really feel fulfilled.” I know this may sound like a first world problem, and that I should be content with having a job in the first place. I was definitely thankful, but something felt off. I said to myself if I was going to spend half my day somewhere working on something, it better be worth it. My job had to have meaning for me, and be worthy of 80,000 hours of my life.

One day I discovered that there were people, professionals, whose job was to help you find the right career. Yes, I’m talking about career coaches. I randomly saw a Facebook post about a professional career coach. I signed up and the journey I took with Mariam was insanely eye-opening. I did a few sessions with her where I explored other careers that I was always curious about, but ended up realizing engineering was the right place for me. Luckily engineering is a huge umbrella and there are many different paths under it. I realized I had to use my skills to make a difference I could directly see. I decided on working in healthcare. I now work in a hospital where I manage construction projects that renovate or expand hospital spaces. I know my purpose there and I get to see how my work directly impacts the doctors, hospital staff, and patients. And it’s pretty darn cool!

Because of the coaching and all the self-reflection Mariam walked me through, I no longer doubt my decision or question my engineering career path. In fact, I am feeling really great about how I got to this place that it lit a little fire in me to help others who are struggling with similar things. I recently started the process to become a certified professional coach.

At the end of the day remember your real purpose, and His true will is your sanctification (1 Thessalonians 4:3). So whatever profession you end up in, what truly matters is that you are being the light of the world and are always glorifying His name.

The world may need more doctors, lawyers, and engineers, but it also needs more teachers, social workers, construction workers, IT experts, and many more professions that are sometimes overlooked by our community. God has blessed us all with different talents (1 Corinthians 12), and its our duty to use those talents (Matthew 25: 14-30).

Here are my two cents: find someone you’re good at (a.k.a your talent), fully learn it, and then apply it. When you do something you’re good at, you’re more likely to succeed, and that success will make you a happier employee. If you want to take it a step further, do something that makes a difference in the world. When you do something that has meaning to you, it will bring you that feeling of fulfillment and purpose that ultimately leaves you feeling satisfied with the work you’re doing.

Are you reading this and feeling like it’s too late for you? Maybe you’re almost done with schooling, or are even mid-career and feel like it’s too late to pursue something that ignites your passion and gives you fulfillment. Fear not my friends, because there is an Almighty force behind you. Romans 8:28 has to be one of my favorite verses. “And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.” Pay attention to that last part, “called according to His purpose.” If you truly want to please God in everything you do and follow His will, no matter how things may start out, or how hard they might become, they will always work for the good.

I feel like I’m only in the beginning of seeing the wonderful things God has in store for me. It’s both exciting and nerve-racking. Where are you in your journey? Have you tasted the “good” St. Paul talks about? Or are you still wrestling for your blessings like Jacob? Wherever you are, stop and thank Him. Then ask Him for guidance and clarity.

I know how hard it is to live life with foggy vision, it’s not pleasant. Sometimes that clarity about your talents will become as clear as day all on its own by God’s grace. And sometimes you need someone to help you navigate through that fog to get to the sunshine that’s right around the corner.

(c) Lilyan Andrews (2020). Discovering your Purpose by Lilyan Andrews. Available at https://www.liliesandthorns.com/post/discovering-your-purpose

Hope for the Hopeless

Hope for the Hopeless

Adapted from a sermon by Fr Yacoub Magdy

A very handy message comes for the disheartened when we read about the miracles of the catch of fish in Luke 5:1-11. When our hopes are dashed and we feel that nothing is going right. When every door has been shut in our face. When I need the ultimate revival – this is where our hope lies.

This is a message that calls the consecration of the heart. St Peter knew Jesus, and this event happened after He heals his mother in law. Jesus had been to St Peter’s house and it was likely that He had slept there overnight. This was not the call for consecration, this came later with the miracles that ensues.

St Peter was a fisherman and he toiled with some other fishermen over two large ships. A day in the life of a fisherman began at about midnight. Six to eight people were employed to pull on the ropes. They went to the lake to make a full circle with the nets. This process takes about 30 minutes to throw the net. The net stood vertical so it would reach the floor of the waters. This process takes about two hours. Altogether, it takes about four hours to pull the rope until the big circle that is made with the nets becomes narrow enough to only hold the catch of fish. The fishermen don’t know if they have caught any fish or not until the process is complete.

They then go and sell the fish in the morning, and they can pay the workers their wages from selling the fish. Until now, fishermen attribute success and failure to luck. All over history this mentality remained.

On this particular night, they had spent the whole night at sea but caught nothing. Added on top of this was the payment of the workers’ wages. They spent all night in hope, but came to morning and their hope was shattered.

This would have been distressing to St Peter, especially since Jesus had been at his home for the past few days. Jesus, that did so many miracles before him, even healing his mother-in-law, yet when it came to fish, he caught nothing. Did Jesus bring him bad luck?

Nevertheless, they had to mend the net so that no big fish could eat the little fish that were caught. This was also a time consuming process. While they were doing this was when Jesus passed by. He had a large crowd following Him to hear the Word of God.

People are always to hear the Word of God. Wherever the Word of God is, people will follow. If we want our service to flourish, we must always use the Word of God, because people do not come for your wisdom or understanding, but the Word. The crowd followed to listen to His words. For Jesus to address them from the shore, He had to pull out a little way so He could see them all.

Jesus must have had a strong voice, for He would preach before thousands and they would hear Him. He asked St Peter to move the ship out to the water a little way so He can see them all on the shore. He started teaching, the exact time He was teaching, we do not know but we can presume it was a long time.

St Peter may have been still mending his net but was still listening. The process of elevating us from our sadness begins with hearing the Word of God. We do not know what Jesus said, but surely it was a message of hope. As St Peter listened, we can presume that his heart was moved.

When Jesus finished speaking he told Peter to throw his net into the sea once more. It was well known that as the sun starts rising, it is very difficult to catch fish. The fish can see in the light and escape. They catch fish in the dark because they cannot see in front of them and are easily caught.

They rely on darkness to deceive the fish, so it was not the time to go catching fish. St Peter was still obedient, and trusted Jesus, who was a Carpenter, despite spending his life fishing. He was polite saying, “Master, we have toiled all night and caught nothing; nevertheless at Your word I will let down the net” (Luke 5:5).

This is the pre-consecration of the heart – When I am down, when I have no hope, when I have no where left to turn, when I laboured in vain – but at the Word of the Lord, I will try again.

The joy that comes to the heart cannot be fathomed. The word used in the Greek language translates to, ‘ecstasy.’ The combination of tremendous joy and not knowing where it came from. It was no longer about the fish but the possibility that the Lord could perform such miracles.

Where did the fish come from? How did this happen? It was at this point that St Peter surrendered completely to the Lord – “When Simon Peter saw it, he fell down at Jesus’ knees, saying, “Depart from me, for I am a sinful man, O Lord!”” (Luke 5:8). Having no hope and no help but then the Word of the Lord changes the hopeless to hopeful and fills them with ecstatic joy.

The Lord is true, and He in my life. I follow the Lord, it is not about what He can give me, but who He is. The evidence of this is in St Peter’s broken heartedness when he fell at the knees of the Lord. If you want to know if you are on the verge of the consecration of the heart, you must first fall at the feet of Jesus saying, “Depart from me, for I am a sinful man!” I am not worthy of the grace He bestows upon me.

Jesus appeases his fears saying, “Do not be afraid. From now on you will catch men.” St Peter was called to bring men to the Kingdom of God. If I come to stages of hopelessness where I feel I have nowhere to turn, I begin to listen to the Word of God and this begins to revive my hope. Until I see the Hand of God clearly and it could be nothing other than divine intervention that uplifts me, it is at this point that I fall to my knees before the Lord.

We become for the Lord and nothing in this life satisfies us, just like the ships that were left flooded with fish for hope in the Lord.

Full sermon

Growing through Trials

Growing through Trials

By Lilyan Andrews

Original post by Lilyan Andrews’ blog, Lilies and Thorns, 10 Oct 2020.

Sometimes I stop and look at my husband and say, “Wow, we have a great life, thank God.” But, that doesn’t mean we have an easy life. Find me someone who has an easy life, and chances are they’re not really living. We didn’t get here accidentally either. There is no denying that God has blessed us tremendously, but even among the blessings, there are many trials and tribulations.

I’ll never forget that year we spent serving in another state. We were far from family, friends, and our usual support system. Looking back on it, I can admit that I was not ready for what was coming, but I’m so thankful for the experience. I was an optimistic young wife who really wanted to serve God in any capacity, and never said no to anything. So when my husband and I were asked to go serve a church in another state we easily said yes (this is after we almost moved to Australia to serve, but that’s another long story). Needless to say, I had no idea what was coming.

Adjusting to a new environment was tough on its own. And on top of the normal struggles of supporting a husband who is serving full time, I had a new job that I did not feel qualified for, and with no friends or family nearby, my world got flipped upside-down. Not only did it take a toll on my mental health, but also on my physical health. I had trouble sleeping, I lost my appetite, and lost a lot of weight without even noticing. My internal struggles manifested in an unhealthy physical way.

I remember reading 2 Corinthians 11 & 12 and finding comfort in learning how St. Paul dealt with his struggles. Of course my struggles were nothing compared to his, but in my little world, they were huge.

And lest I should be exalted above measure by the abundance of the revelations, a thorn in the flesh was given to me, a messenger of Satan to buffet me, lest I be exalted above measure. Concerning this thing I pleaded with the Lord three times that it might depart from me. And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ’s sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
(2 Corinthians 12:7-10

By the grace of God I finally made it out on the other side. With the help of my father of confession, talking to mentors, and lots of prayers, I was able to move past the hardships I was facing. When I felt comfortable enough to share this experience with friends, I called it “growing pains.” Like the growing pains a baby goes through then they’re teething. They are miserable and in pain, but it’s a necessity, they need their new teeth to grow in. The same was happening with me, I needed to go through this pain in order to grow. I would not have been ready for the next step in my life (my husband’s ordination to priesthood) if I had not gone through this experience. God taught opened my eyes and softened my heart to many things.

Behold, I have refined you, but not as silver; I have tested you in the furnace of affliction.
Isaiah 48:10

God really does refine us by fire. Just look at the story of Job, Joseph, Moses, Jonah, or just about any other person in the Bible. Tertullian said, “The greater our trials, the greater our rewards.” It definitely doesn’t feel good as we’re going through it, but I can’t argue that it yields greatness. And no matter how hard the tribulation is we have to remember to be of good cheer, but He has overcome the world (John 16:33).

My friend, Youstina Asaad, was diagnosed with breast cancer earlier this year and is currently undergoing chemotherapy treatment. It not only came as a shock to her, but to all her friends and family. She was in denial that a 28 year old with no risk factors and no family history would have cancer. She felt fine, healthy, working hard as a surgery resident, and planning a wedding that was two months away. Her life was in full bloom.

She said, “I knew that God sometimes sent trials and sometimes allowed them in our lives, and I was okay with that, but there’s no way that it would happen now, would it? Once the doctors confirmed that it was definitely cancer, to be completely honest, I was very shaken. Every possible worst case scenario went through my head in that moment. I then realized that this was a gross lack of faith – what happened to “be anxious for nothing”? The mere fact that this was so unlikely and a “very random thing” as my doctors described it, is evidence that it could only have happened by God’s allowance, and I know that, “All things work together for those who love God.” Whatever it was, whatever would happen, would be for good. What more could I want?”

I asked her how she thought God was using this experience in her life, and she told me, “I have yet to see His grand plan for this season of life, and maybe I won’t get to see it in this lifetime, but I pray that He uses this as fire, and I hope to be as gold, purified and refined.”

What a beautiful prayer that is! How many of us can truly ask to be purified and refined by fire? It’s not as crazy as it sounds. St. Augustine said, “In my deepest wound I saw Your glory, and it dazzled me.”

It’s through the fire, the trial, the tribulation, the chastisement, that God really refines us to bring us closer to Him. To get closer to becoming His image and likeness. After all, He sacrificed His life for humanity. I wish there was an easy way to get there, but no where in the Bible is life promised to be easy. We’re told that we have to go through the narrow gate to get to the Kingdom, and that it will be filled with trials and tribulations. So are you willing to let God take you on that journey of growth?

(c) Lilyan Andrews (2020). Growing through Trials by Lilyan Andrews. Available at https://www.liliesandthorns.com/post/growing-through-trials

Growing through Reconciliation

Growing through Reconciliation

By Lilyan Andrews

Original seen at Lilyan Andrews’ blog Lilies and Thorns, 3 Oct, 2020.

Confrontation. It’s an uncomfortable word, but a necessary one.

It is only through confrontation that we can arrive at reconciliation. When you face a problem with someone, what is your first reaction? Is it to brush it off and pretend that nothing happened? Or is it to face it right on and address it?

For many years I took the first approach. I was too wrapped up in pleasing everyone and wanted everyone to like me. So when a problem arose and something bothered me, I told myself to be the “bigger” person and just let it go. In hindsight, I can see that was not the best approach. I was definitely fooling myself when I thought that being the bigger person meant ignoring the problem. When I would “let things go” on the surface, I was actually burying it so deep down that it unconsciously festered in an unhealthy way. So if I lost my cool one day it would all come bursting out in an ugly way.

My friends, if I could give you one small piece of advice, I’d say… If someone does something that bothers you, don’t bury your feelings, but speak up with love.

Therefore, putting away lying, “Let each one of you speak truth with his neighbor,” for we are members of one another. “Be angry, and do not sin”: do not let the sun go down on your wrath, nor give place to the devil.
Ephesians 4:25-27

And just because you approach someone with love and speak truthfully it doesn’t mean that what you have to say will always be received positively. Even with the best intentions and great communication, some will choose to not accept your viewpoint. In the case of friendships or relationships, you have to ask yourself, is this friendship/relationship worth working on? If the answer is yes, then roll up your sleeves because it’s going to require some serious work (depending on how big the issue is). If the answer is no, then you do your best to make sure there are no hard feelings, and might have to let this friendship fizzle out. Do this all without disrespect, without resentment, and without sinful anger like it says in Psalm 4:4, “Be angry, and do not sin.”

It might even require involving a third party to resolve the issue. This is where a father of confession, a wise servant, or someone you trust can come in handy. The Gospel says the following, “Moreover if your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he hears you, you have gained your brother. But if he will not hear, take with you one or two more, that ‘by the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established.’” (Matthew 18:15-16). It is your duty as a Christian to try to resolve the issue, but don’t always expect it to be smooth sailing.

I have a friendship that is near and dear to my heart. The way we always resolved issues was surely not the best. If someone said or did something that upset the other person unknowingly, we would never bring it up. What ended up happening over the years looked something like this: I messed up. It bothered my friend. She didn’t say anything about it, because she loved me and didn’t want to risk ruining our friendship. But I had no idea it bothered her, so I kept doing it. Until one day it all exploded. It got pretty ugly, to the point where I wanted to avoid events we were both invited to. It took us months (or actually more like years) to figure out how to mend this friendship that we both valued. It was nothing other than the grace of God that gave us healing and allowed us to move forward. Forgiveness is a beautiful gift that we sometimes take for granted.

Confrontation isn’t easy for me, it gives me that knot in my stomach feeling, makes my voice shaky, and my heart beat a little too fast. I could tell confrontation wasn’t easy for her either, that’s why we both played the avoidance game for so long. We could have never come to where we are today if we didn’t pull the trigger on that tough initial conversation (and many more that followed). Confrontation and reconciliation shaped our friendship to become a beautiful, resilient, sacrificial, and healthy one. That’s not to say that Satan won’t try to mess with it again, I’m sure he will. But by the grace of God our loving hearts can resolve any difficulties that might arise.

Oftentimes, it is only through these tough, yet earnest and well intentioned, conversations that we can help one another become better people. King Solomon writes, “As iron sharpens iron, So a man sharpens the countenance of his friend” (Proverbs 27:17). The sharpening of a tool is not painless or resistance free. The very nature of the process requires friction between the hard surfaces. The end result is clear – a sharpened countenance. The key here is to learn how to sharpen and be sharpened, how to confront in an empathetic and loving manner.

If you are familiar with the first hour of the Agpeya (Book of Hours), you know that the following is read from the Pauline Epistle:

As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace. There is one body and one Spirit, just as you were called in one hope of your calling; one Lord, one faith, one baptism; one God and Father of all, who is above all, and through all, and in you all.
Ephesians 4:1-5

That’s the kind of Spirit we should all live by. A Spirit that is led by humility and gentleness that is always striving for peace. This is the only way to really grow. Growth isn’t always easy like I previously mentioned. I pray we can all experience this peace, even if it means enduring the uncomfortableness of confrontation in order to arrive at reconciliation and forgiveness.

(c) Lilyan Andrews (2020). Growing through Reconciliation by Lilyan Andrews. Available at https://www.liliesandthorns.com/post/growing-through-reconciliation

Personal Growth

Personal Growth

By Lilyan Andrews

Originally seen on Lilyan Andrews’ blog, Lilies and Thorns, Sept 26, 2020.

The personal development/personal growth industry has become over a $10 Billion dollar industry. As we go through the motions of life we find ourselves at crossroads, looking for direction, or absolutely clueless as to where we want to go. This is where this incredibly sought-after industry steps in and saves the day. Now, I’m all for a good personal development book, podcast, video, course, coach etc., but all those things won’t cause positive change in your life unless you want them to. You have to struggle to become the best version of yourself through your own will. No one can push you the way you can push yourself.

As a matter of fact, the idea of this blog came to me after I finished reading a personal growth book. It was filled with great content and overall empowering. After I finished reading it, I thought to myself, “I wish I had something like this when I was growing up that addressed all the struggles a Christian (or Coptic) girl faces in today’s society.” I did some research and couldn’t find exactly what I was looking for, so I worked up the courage to create this blog. That’s how “Lilies and Thorns” was born.

We are holistic beings. We are spiritual, mental, physical, emotional, and social beings with great depth. Each of those areas are grown in different ways. Some easier than others.

I want to start by pointing out the obvious: in order to really know ourselves, we must first know God. After all, we are made in His image and according to His likeness. If you want true growth, you must draw from the source of all goodness Himself. Seek Him first, struggle in your relationship with Him, and all the other aspects of your life will come together in harmony.

But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.
Matthew 6:33

So much of our time and energy goes to focusing on our worldly success, especially in our adolescent and young adult years. We want to get good grades, so we study really hard. We want to get into a good college, so we do everything we can to make our college applications undeniable. We want to get a good job, so we obsessively polish our resumes. We want to find a life partner, so we keep looking until we find someone who’s marriage material. The list can go on forever.

What we often forget to focus on is our personality, and how it’s being shaped by all these circumstances. Whether the situations are joyous or painful, we should be growing from every single one of them. Are we being resilient in the midst of a mental battle? Are we being persistent in the midst of rejection? Are we being immovable in the midst of negative social influence? Are we being firm in our faith in times of doubt?

Personal growth can be transformative if we allow not just the good, but also the “bad” moments to be lessons. When we lift up all those experiences in prayer to Christ, they can be pivotal in allowing us to grow. Prayer and spiritual guidance can help us gain clarity and see the direction we want to take our spiritual, mental, physical, emotional and social life in.

We might have some deep wounds that are covered by flowery bandages. We can ignore them all we want, but in order to truly grow we have to take a deep look at ourselves. What are those ugly and dark parts of ourselves that we try so hard to hide from others? Whether those things are a result of our own mistakes or someone else’s mistakes, I urge you to face them straight on. You might need the help of a counselor or therapist to rip off that bandage and start really healing your wounds. There is never any shame in seeking help. That’s the first part (and maybe the easier part), the second part is actually doing the work to self-heal. Let your wounds become beautiful battle scars, letting each one tell a story of how you’ve grown and conquered your struggles!

“My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing.” (James 1:2-4)

Over the next few weeks I’ll be writing about how we can grow in many different ways. How we can grow from pain. Not self-inflicted pain, but pain that God allows us to go through for the purpose of refining us. How we can grow from conflicts in our friendships and relationships if we address them properly. Reconciliation is a Christian concept we often don’t know how to approach. How we can grow from grief, specifically the loss of a loved one (this will be a guest post). I hope you come along for the ride, and I pray you all benefit from this series.

Every Effort

By Michael

Originally seen on Becoming Fully Alive blog site, 6 March 2014

So the other day I was reading Hebrews 4 and came across this verse;

“Let us, therefore, make every effort to enter that rest, so that no one will perish by following their example of disobedience.”
Hebrews 4:11

I didn’t think much of it at first but then the Holy Spirit spoke loudly to me and has had me thinking deeply about it since.

As you know every word in the Bible is inspired by the Holy Spirit – nothing’s just there haphazardly. But I couldn’t help but feel like those words “every effort” were a little daunting. Every time I read this verse, this is exactly what I pictured;

St. Paul did says “every effort to enter that rest,” right?! So surely this is the “every effort” he’s referring to… I have to push the huge boulder that is the world to enter God’s rest… I have to overcome temptation, pride, anger and all the sins that entangle me to enter that rest, and realistically that’s just never going to happen… I have to toil and labour and I should just accept the fact that this spiritual journey is going to be difficult and tiresome… I’m probably going to give up soon and get completely crushed by this boulder which means I’ll never enter His rest. I allowed a chain reaction of these negative thoughts to continue to infest my mind for a while but the Holy Spirit quickly came to my rescue (as He always does!) and lifted me higher so I can view the situation from a bird’s-eye view.

Fast forward to verse 15 in the exact same chapter and it says “For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are — yet he did not sin.” Hebrews 4:15. Wow. Isn’t Jesus just amazing? Our high priest, the King of kings, my Creator the Almighty God empathizes with my weakness. He understands! He gets the struggle I have with sin. Because He himself suffered when He was tempted, He is able to help those who are being tempted (Hebrews 2:18). He’s not asking me to do something that He’s never had to go through – He was tempted too except He completely overcame sin. I’m in awe at the level of humility my Creator must have in order to allow Himself to be tempted by Satan. And not only can He 100% relate to my struggle. Verse 12 says “For the word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow…” Hebrews 4:12. He tells me that His word can penetrate absolutely anything, even the filthiest innermost parts of my soul that I’ve successfully hidden from everyone else – yes even those parts! His word is active and has power to terminate once and for all the sin I’ve so willingly allowed to grow in my soul.

I went to liturgy today and the Gospel reading was about our Lord Jesus feeding the four thousand. You know that overwhelming, warm, peaceful feeling that you get when you’re in the presence of the Lord and He whispers sweet words to your soul… yep I got that wonderful feeling through the following verse; “Jesus called his disciples to him and said, ‘I have compassion for these people; they have already been with me three days and have nothing to eat. I do not want to send them away hungry, or they may collapse on the way.’” Matthew 15:32. I instantly heard the Holy Spirit whisper in my ear “remember Hebrews 4:11? do you still think that asking you to make every effort to enter My rest is daunting?”. When Jesus saw these people following him for three days straight, He had compassion on them. Our God is a God who feels. He didn’t want to send them away hungry so they don’t collapse on the way home – how loving!! He really, really cared for the well-being of these people. He knew their needs and out of His sweetness provided them with food that they hadn’t even asked for! ….Then it clicked.

Yes, God does ask me to make every effort to enter His rest… but every effort through Him! Of course the image in my mind was me really struggling to push this giant boulder…I completely took God out of the equation – I removed Jesus from Hebrews 4:11. I thought that I was going to have to struggle on my own so I can reach His rest and forgot that Jesus, my God who loves me abundantly, is walking right beside me through every spiritual struggle. My loving Jesus will look at my effort to walk with Him and straight-away provide me with the nourishment I need so I don’t collapse. I know that He’ll do that because He, being perfect, allowed Himself to be tempted by Satan – He empathizes with my weakness and knows that I need His support. I’m not on my own, I simply need to run into the arms of Love. And in those arms, I discover His word that is alive and active, able to penetrate my soul and rid me of my sin.

I’m not making every effort by myself. I’m making every effort through my God’s power.
Now there’s a new image engraved in my mind;

“The Lord will fulfil his purpose for me; your love, Lord, endures forever.”
Psalm 138:8

Original blog available at- https://becomingfullyalive.com/every-effort/