Purposeful Anger
By Caroline Guirgis
Is your anger laced with mercy and loving intent?
I did not understand anger. Therefore, I did not know anger can be good and serve a Godly purpose.
“Be angry, and do not sin; ponder in your own hearts on your beds and be
Psalm 4:4.
silent.”
Growing up, I was joyful, blissful, and thought I lived in a perfect world. When faced with conflicts, despondency would overcome me and alter my disposition. As a result, I kept a safe distance from combats and disputes. I found angry people unapproachable and intimidating, so I avoided them. I rarely encountered angry people and when I did, it was not fortified with love.
Therefore, I never experienced good, wholesome anger. My definition of anger was not aligned with scripture and that was the source of my confusion. Simply stated, anger powers up from within to attack whatever impedes a person’s will. We are ruled by our convenience, expectations, pleasures, and fears. It is human to return evil for evil, but we know two wrongs don’t make a right. Anger wreaks havoc and creates more problems
than solutions. It is a brief madness, causing the person to become confused, bitter, blind, and crazy. How can I attest to that? I walked through this journey when I was swallowed up by uninvited occurrences. I could not escape them and was not prepared to deal with them.
Therefore, I mastered hiding my anger. Instead, I became tolerant. Tolerance led me down the wrong path. It compromised my morals and values. Anyone who opposed me planted a seed of anger. But I did not have the courage to confront them. Interestingly it caused me to become judgmental, internally. My primary concern was pleasing people and portraying a perfect image of myself. Over the years, this practice was exhausting. But what’s worse was losing my identity.
I lost myself when I did not express anger. I bottled it up and became tolerant. Tolerance can be detrimental if it goes against what I believed to be true. I was governed by my standards, expectations, agenda, and fears. For years I managed to not be influenced or succumb to people’s pressure. It was not easy to live this way, but I was determined to defend my beliefs. Once I assumed accountable roles, I was expected to compromise. So there arose another issue, I did not know how to compromise. Further, I did not think I needed to compromise.
Bad anger, uncontrollable anger was not productive. It did not help me. It set me back. Thankfully God turns our setbacks into comebacks. Understanding the reason behind the issue prepared me to overcome the problem. Every problem has a solution. To find the solution, I examined myself. I discovered I was the source of the problem. Everything was centered around me. Any opposition caused an outburst. Sadly, it was not the type of anger that resolved issues. It bred more. What got my attention was when my daughters began to distance themselves from me. I needed to seek the Lord’s help to overpower this toxic anger issue. God loves us too much to leave us the way we are. He desires to transform us and permits trials to teach valuable lessons. One situation unleashed all the anger that was accumulated. It was then that I seriously sought help.
In my search for good anger and healing from bad anger, I learned the purpose of anger. What does God’s anger look like? Why is His anger good? God’s anger is just, laced with mercy. He brings good into bad. He defends the weak. He convicts wrongdoers, promises them forgiveness, and renews them. His mercy edifies.
God’s anger is at the wickedness in people, and He combats their malice to overcome evil. His anger is rooted in love, reinforced with compassion and mercy. He does not react from hatred, selfish intentions, or overwhelming emotions. His only motivation is love and His purpose is to restore the relationship that sin destroyed. He wants to liberate people from wrongdoing to live in freedom.
Sin imprisons us. Anger laced with sin is a beast that holds us captive. How can we identify bad anger? I examined my heart, better understood my personality traits, and the purpose of my anger. God’s anger is good, it is never bad. I will not question or doubt God’s anger because I firmly believe His anger does not sin. As we draw nearer to God, we will better understand His ways and recognize they are not like ours. His ways, thoughts, and plans are better. God is love and all that He does stems from love. To fully appreciate God’s Good Anger, read and study the Bible and if needed, read it with fellow believers. I also read and recommend “Good and Angry: Redeeming Anger, Irritation, Complaining, and Bitterness” by David Powlison. The book gave me a Godly perspective on anger.
It helped me to examine my intentions to better understand the root of my anger. In doing so, it exposed some of my personality traits that are linked to anger. This discovery was only the beginning of the transforming and healing process. If you struggle like me, check in with yourself to see if you also possess the same traits:
- Entitlement
- Focusing on other’s behavior (spouse, children, parents)
- Regulate emotions by controlling one’s environment
- Refusal to compromise
- Refusal to see other perspectives
- Low tolerance for discomfort
- No tolerance for ambiguity
- Hyperfocus on blame
- A big ego
- Controlling
In conclusion, let’s commit to turning our anger from bad to good. Let’s use our anger to edify others, and not destroy them. Let’s season our anger with love, grace, and mercy. Let’s follow the only One who exemplifies righteous anger, our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.