forgiveness – Upper Room Media Blogs

That They May Be Saved, Even if I Perish

Adapted from a sermon by Fr Daniel Fanous

Passage: Mark 10:17-31

Perhaps the most famous words in this gospel are the words that Christ teaches. He says, “For with God, nothing will be impossible.” But these words are misplaced, misinterpreted, taken out of context, and then used for everyone to put on the walls. I remember when I was studying for my HSC, my mum put these words all over my desk: with God, all things are possible – as if God’s intent and purpose was for me to get the highest possible mark. People say it when they’re going through tough times: with God, all things are possible. And even though it’s beautiful, the problem is that Christ is speaking those words in a very particular context.

Laying down my life for others – that is impossible. It is possible, perhaps, to lay down your life for friends and family, but for people you don’t know, even enemies, it is impossible. That is the context of Christ saying that with God all things are possible. And it’s really important we understand it like that. This entire gospel is a response to a question – a man who is wealthy comes to our Lord and asks: “what shall I do that I might inherit eternal life?” After Christ tells him the commandments, the man says: “all these things I’ve done since my youth” – I have done everything commanded of me. I’ve obeyed the scriptures. But Christ says there is one thing he lacks – Christ says “take up your cross and follow me”. And it says that he was sad and sorrowful… because he couldn’t lay down his life for others. He couldn’t follow Christ to the cross. All that he was doing was good and righteous. But unless it was tied and directed to that last command, it is fruitless.

Christ says to take up your cross and follow Him. Follow him there to lay down His life for others, for us. And unless I have that feeling in my heart that my life is worthless in comparison to those around me, and I am willing to lay it down for others, everything else I do has no purpose, and no fruit. It’s as St Paul says: even if we give our bodies to be burnt, martyred, and I don’t have love, it is fruitless. It us useless. It is senseless noise, like a clanging cymbal, making noise with no direction. (1 Corinthians 13:1). Christ said to us: “A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another; as I have loved you.” (John 13:34)

There’s nothing new in the commandment to love one another. This was taught in the Old Testament. The difference here is to “love one another; as I have loved you”, by laying down my life for you. Even those who I don’t know, who aren’t family or friends, for those who abuse me – I lay down my life for them.

So when Christ says that with God things all things are possible, He means to love and lay down ones life. There’s a remarkable story of the desert fathers in the fourth century, about St Anthony the Great (who was called this not only because he was one of the first, but because he was considered the greatest one). When monks and other people would see him, they’d all go silent, and say that the great one was among them – someone who was transfigured with the light of Christ. When people would see him, the monks would see him they would all go silent. And they would say the great one is among them, someone that was transfigured with the light of Christ. St Anthony therefore prayed to God and said, “Lord, I love you to such a degree that I cannot imagine that anyone would love you as much as I do.”

God then directed St Anthony to a certain cobbler living in Alexandria. St Anthony left the desert to find this cobbler and asks: are you the one the Lord showed me when I prayed asking if anyone loved the Lord more than I did? I expected a monk, an ascetic, a hermit, but he showed me a cobbler. What is it that you do?” The man then explained that there was nothing he did particularly: he gave a third of his income to the church, a third to the poor, and a third he kept. St Anthony looked at him and laughed. This man had sacrificed some, St Anthony had sacrificed everything to go live in poverty in the desert. Surely there was more to it. So he asked the cobbler again: “what do you do in your heart?”

The man responded with these words: “I do nothing special. Only as I work, I look at those who pass by me and and pray that they may be saved and that only I will perish.” That was it. Not a feeling or emotional reaction or empty words. They were the prayers of his heart each and every day. Let these pagans who don’t know God be saved, and let me perish.

Jesus says: “One thing you lack: take up your cross and follow me.” He says: “A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another as I have loved you.”

For the cobbler, that lead his heart in one direction, to pray that everyone around him would be saved, even if that would mean that he would perish. It was that which made him greater than St Anthony, the greatest ascetic who gave up everything to live in the middle of the desert, in celibacy, in poverty, in obedience and in daily struggle. Because his heart became like Christ’s heart, aching with the love that Christ’s heart aches with for those around us, that he was ready to lay down his life for those he didn’t even know.

This is not something foreign to us. Moses prays when the Lord was about to destroy his people (Exodus 32). He says: “Yet now, if You will forgive their sin—but if not, I pray, blot me out of Your book which You have written.” (verse 32) He begs the Lord to blot out the sins of the people around him, and if not, to take his name out of the Book of Life.

St Paul writes to the Romans: “For I could wish that I myself were accursed from Christ for my brethren, my countrymen according to the flesh” (Romans 9:3). St Paul’s whole life was for Christ, but even then, he was willing to be cursed and separated from Christ for his brethren to be saved. Their hearts, like the hearts of the cobbler, ached with the love of Christ for everyone, even the haters, the abusers and the spiteful. This is what Christ meant when He said that with God all things are possible.

Metropolitan Anthony Bloom, who was a an incredible Russian Bishop in England, some years ago once told this story: after World War Two, in the Jewish concentration camps, a piece of paper was found. It had a man’s last words, before seeing his friends and family die and dying himself, which said:

Lord, when you come to this earth to judge, do not condemn the people that have done these atrocities to us. Do not hold against them the cruelty of our suffering and the violence in our despair. But look at the fruits which we have borne: patience, humility, fortitude, forgiveness, loyalty, solidarity. May these fruits be accounted in their salvation.

He doesn’t asked the Lord to remember how they harmed and killed and murdered for no reason but their ethnicity. He says, look at our fruits and account that to them. It’s a remarkable attitude. I don’t know who wrote that piece of paper, whether they were a Jew or not, but it was someone regardless in whom Christ dwelt, because this is the heart of Christ – that He lays down his life for all. He says like the cobbler: “that they may be saved, let me perish”. He says like Moses: “if you can’t save them, blot me out from the Book of Life.” He says like Paul: “let me be accursed from Christ if only my countrymen would come to know Him”.

Jesus says: “One thing you lack: take up your cross and follow me.” He says: “A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another as I have loved you.” This feeling must be mine if I follow Christ. I must lay down my life for those around me, even those who pass me by and my enemies. This is the thing that weighs my heart. If I care only for my family, only for my friends, only for my own, in my heart is not Christ’s heart.

So let us turn to Him in our hearts that we may feel His love for the world. That is the centre of prayers in our religion, the centre of the Eucharist in the Orthodox Church. During the institution in the mass, we say: “He instituted for us this great mystery of godliness – the Eucharist – being determined to give Himself up to death for the life of the world.” May we give ourselves to the life of the world. Glory be to God forever, Amen.

Listen to the sermon here!

A Model of Repentance

By BFA Team

Originally seen on Becoming Fully Alive blog site, 12^th October 2016

This post is a homily by St Ephraim the Syrian on the sinful woman. May her story encourage us in our repentance!

Hear and be comforted, beloved, how merciful is God. To the sinful woman He forgave her offenses; yea, He upheld her when she was afflicted. With clay He opened the eyes of the blind, so that the eyeballs beheld the light. To the palsied He granted healing, who arose and walked and carried his bed. And to us He has given the pearls; His holy Body and Blood. He brought His medicines secretly; and with them He heals openly. And He wandered round in the land of Judea, like a physician, bearing his medicines. Simon invited Him to the feast, to eat bread in his house. The sinful woman rejoiced when she heard that He sat and was feasting in Simon’s house; her thoughts gathered together like the sea, and like the billows her love surged. She beheld the Sea of Grace, how it had forced itself into one place; and she resolved to go and drown all her wickedness in its billows.

She bound her heart, because it had offended, with chains and tears of suffering; and she began weeping (with herself): What avails me this fornication? What avails this lewdness? I have defiled the innocent ones without shame; I have corrupted the orphan; and without fear I have robbed the merchants of merchandise, and my rapacity was not satisfied. I have been as a bow in war, and have slain the good and the bad. I have been as a storm on the sea, and have sunk the ships of many. Why did I not win me one man, who might have corrected my lewdness? For one man is of God, but many are of Satan.

These things she inwardly said; then began she to do outwardly. She washed and put away from her eyes the dye that blinded them that saw it. And tears gushed forth from her eyes over that deadly eyepaint. She drew off and cast from her hands the enticing bracelets of her youth. She put off and cast away from her body the tunic of fine linen of whoredom, and resolved to go and attire herself in the tunic the garment of reconciliation. She drew off and cast from her feet the adorned sandals of lewdness; and directed the steps of her going in the path of the heavenly Eagle. She took up her gold in her palm and held it up to the face of heaven, and began to cry secretly, to Him who hears openly: This, O Lord, that I have gained from iniquity, with it will I purchase to myself redemption. This which was gathered from orphans, with it will I win the Lord of orphans.

These things she said secretly; then began to do openly. She took up the gold in her palm, and carried the alabaster box in her hands. Then hastily went she forth in sadness to the perfumer. The perfumer saw her and wondered, and fell into questioning with her; and thus he began to say to the harlot in the first words he spoke: Was it not enough for you, harlot, that you have corrupted all our town? What means this fashion that you show today to your lovers— that you have put off your wantonness and hast clothed yourself in modesty? Heretofore, when you came to me, your aspect was different from today’s. You were clothed in goodly raiment, and brought little gold; and asked for precious ointment, to make your lewdness pleasant. But lo! Today your vesture is mean, and you have brought much gold. Your change I understand not; wherefore is this fashion of yours? Either clothe you in raiment according to your ability, or buy ointment according to your clothing. For this ointment becomes not or is suited to this attire. Can it be that a merchant has met you, and brings great wealth; and you have seen that he loves it not, the fashion of your lewdness? So you have put off your lewdness and hast clothed yourself in meekness, that by various fashions you may capture much wealth. But if he loves this fashion because he is a chaste man in truth, then woe to him! Into what has he fallen? Into a gulf that has swallowed up his merchandise. But I give you advice, as a man that desires your welfare, that you send away your many lovers who have helped you nought from your youth, and henceforth seek out one husband who may correct your lewdness.

These things spoke the perfumer, in wisdom, to the harlot. The sinful woman answered and said to him, to the perfumer after his discourse, Hinder me not, O man, and stop me not by your questioning. I have asked of you ointment, not freely, but I will pay you its value not grudgingly. Take you the gold, as much as you demand, and give me the precious ointment; take you that which endures not and give me that which endures; and I will go to Him who endures, and will buy that which endures. And as to that you said, about a merchant; a Man has met me today Who bears riches in abundance. He has robbed me and I have robbed Him; He has robbed me of my transgressions and sins, and I have robbed Him of His wealth. And as to that you said of a husband; I have won me a Husband in heaven, Whose dominion stands for ever, and His kingdom shall not be dissolved. She took up the ointment and went forth.

In haste went she forth; as Satan saw her and was enraged; and was greatly grieved in his mind. At one time he rejoiced, and again at another he was grieved. That she carried the perfumed oil, he rejoiced in his inward mind; but that she was clad in mean raiment— at this doing of hers he was afraid. He clave then to her and followed her, as a robber follows a merchant. He listened to the murmurs of her lips, to hear the voice of her words. He closely watched her eyeballs (to mark) whither the glance of her eyes was directed; and as he went he moved by her feet (to mark) whither her goings were directed. Very full of craft is Satan, from our words to learn our aim. Therefore, our Lord has taught us not to raise our voice when we pray, that the Devil may not hear our words and draw near and become our adversary. So then, when Satan saw that he could not change her mind, he clothed himself in the fashion of a man, and drew to himself a crowd of youths, like her lovers of former times; and then began he thus to address her: By your life, O woman, tell me whither are your footsteps directed? What means this haste? For you hastes more than other days. What means this your meekness, for your soul is meek like a handmaid’s? Instead of garments of fine linen, lo! You are clothed in sordid weeds; instead of bracelets of gold and silver, there are not even rings on your fingers; instead of goodly sandals for your feet, not even worn shoes are on your feet. Disclose to me all your doing, for I understand not your change. Is it that some one of your lovers has died, and you go to bury him? We will go with you to the funeral, and with you will (take part with you) in sorrow.

The sinful woman answered and said to him, (even) to Satan, after his speech: Well have you said that I go to inter the dead, one that has died to me. The sin of my thoughts has died, and I go to bury it. Satan answered and said to her, (even) to the sinful woman after her words: Go to, O woman, I tell you that I am the first of your lovers. I am not such as you, and I place my hands upon you. I will give you again more gold than before.

The sinful woman answered and said to him, even to Satan after his discourse: I am wearied of you, O man, and you are no more my lover. I have won me a husband in heaven, Who is God, that is over all, and His dominion stands for ever, and His kingdom shall not be dissolved. For lo! In your presence I say; I say it again and I lie not. I was a handmaid to Satan from my childhood unto this day. I was a bridge, and he trode upon me, and I destroyed thousands of men. The eyepaint blinded my eyes, and (I was) blind among many whom I blinded. I became sightless and knew not that there is One Who gives light to the sightless. Lo! I go to get light for my eyes, and by that light to give light to many. I was fast bound, and knew not that there is One Who overthrows idols. Lo! I go to have my idols destroyed, and so to destroy the follies of many. I was wounded and knew not that there is One Who binds up wounds; and lo! I go to have my wounds bound. These things the harlot spoke to Satan in her wisdom; and he groaned and was grieved and wept; and he cried aloud and thus he spoke:— I am conquered by you, O woman, and what I shall do I know not.

As soon as Satan perceived that he could not change her mind, he began to weep for himself and thus it was that he spoke: Henceforth is my boasting perished, and the pride of all my days. How shall I lay for her a snare, for her who is ascending on high? How shall I shoot arrows at her, (even) at her whose wall is unshaken? Therefore, I go into Jesus’ presence; lo! she is about to enter His presence; and I shall say to Him thus: This woman is an harlot. Perchance He may reject and not receive her. And I shall say to Him thus: This woman who comes into Your presence is a woman that is an harlot. She has led captive men by her whoredom; she is polluted from her youth. But You, O Lord, are righteous; all men throng to see You. And if mankind see You that You have speech with the harlot, they all will flee from Your presence, and no man will salute You.

These things Satan spoke within himself, nor was he moved. Then he changed the course of his thought, and thus it was that he spoke. How shall I enter into Jesus’ presence, for to Him the secret things are manifest? He knows me, who I am, that no good office is my purpose. If haply He rebuke me I am undone, and all my wiles will be wasted. I will go to the house of Simon, for secret things are not manifest to him. And into his heart I will put it; perchance on that hook he may be caught. And thus, will I say unto him: By your life, O Simon, tell me; this man that sojourns in your house is he a man that is righteous, or a friend of the doers of wickedness? I am a wealthy man, and a man that has possessions, and I wish like you to invite him that he may come in and bless my possessions.

Simon answered and thus he said to the Evil One after his words: From the day that (first) I saw Him I have seen no lewdness in Him, but rather quietness and peace, humility and seemliness. The sick He heals without reward, the diseased He freely cures. He approaches and stands by the grave, and calls, and the dead arise. Jairus called Him to raise his daughter to life, trusting that He could raise her to life. And as He went with him in the way, He gave healing to the woman diseased, who laid hold of the hem of His garment and stole healing from Him, and her pain which was hard and bitter at once departed from her. He went forth to the desert and saw the hungry, how they were fainting with famine. He made them sit down on the grass, and fed them in His mercy. In the ship He slept as He willed, and the sea swelled against the disciples. He arose and rebuked the billows, and there was a great calm. The widow, the desolate one who was following her only son, on the way to the grave He consoled her. He gave him to her and gladdened her heart. To one man who was dumb and blind, by His voice He brought healing. The lepers He cleansed by His word; to the limbs of the palsied He restored strength. For the blind man, afflicted and weary, He opened his eyes and he saw the light. And for two others who besought Him, at once He opened their eyes. As for me, thus have I heard the fame of the man from afar; and I called Him to bless my possessions, and to bless all my flocks and herds.

Satan answered and said to him, to Simon after his words: Praise not a man at his beginning, until you learn his end; hitherto this man is sober and his soul takes not pleasure in wine. If he shall go forth from your house, and holds not converse with an harlot, then he is a righteous man and no friend of them that do wickedness. Such things did Satan speak in his craftiness to Simon. Then he approached and stood afar off, to see what should come to pass.

The sinful woman full of transgressions stood clinging by the door. She clasped her arms in prayer, and thus she spoke beseeching:— Blessed Son Who hast descended to earth for the sake of man’s redemption, close not Your door in my face; for You have called me and lo! I come. I know that You have not rejected me; open for me the door of Your mercy, that I may come in, O my Lord, and find refuge in You, from the Evil One and his hosts! I was a sparrow, and the hawk pursued me, and I have fled and taken refuge in Your nest. I was a heifer, and the yoke galled me, and I will turn back my wanderings to You. Lay upon me the shoulder of Your yoke that I may take it on me, and work with Your oxen. Thus did the harlot speak at the door with much weeping. The master of the house looked and saw her, and the colour of his visage was changed; and he began thus to address her, (even) the harlot, in the opening of his words:— Depart hence, O harlot, for this man who abides in our house is a man that is righteous, and they that are of his companions are blameless. Is it not enough for you, harlot, that you have corrupted the whole town? You have corrupted the chaste without shame; you have robbed the orphans, and have not blushed, and have plundered the merchants’ wares, and your countenance is not abashed. From him your heart [and soul] labour [to take]. But from him your net takes no spoil. For this man is righteous indeed, and they of his company are blameless.

The sinful woman answered and said to him, even to Simon when he had ceased: You surely are the guardian of the door, O you that know things that are secret! I will propose the matter in the feast, and you shall be free from blame. And if there be any that wills me to come in, he will bid me and I will come in. Simon ran and closed the door, and approached and stood afar off. And he tarried a long time and proposed not the matter in the feast. But He, Who knows what is secret, beckoned to Simon and said to him:— Come hither, Simon, I bid you; does anyone stand at the door? Whosoever he be, open to him that he may come in; let him receive what he needs, and go. If he be hungry and hunger for bread, lo! In your house is the table of life; and if he be thirsty, and thirst for water, lo! The blessed fountain is in your dwelling. And if he be sick and ask for healing, lo! The great Physician is in your house. Allow sinners to look upon Me, for their sakes have I abased Myself. I will not ascend to heaven, to the dwelling whence I came down, until I bear back the sheep that has wandered from its Father’s house, and lift it up on My shoulders and bear it aloft to heaven. Simon answered and thus he said to Jesus, when He had done speaking:— My Lord, this woman that stands in the doorway is a harlot: she is lewd and not free-born, polluted from her childhood. And You, my Lord, are a righteous man, and all are eager to see You; and if men see You having speech with the harlot, all men will flee from beside You, and no man will salute You. Jesus answered, and thus He said to Simon when he was done speaking:— Whosoever it be, open for him to come in, and you shall be free from blame; and though his offenses be many, without rebuke I bid you [receive him].

Simon approached and opened the door, and began thus to speak:— Come, enter, fulfil that you will, to him who is even as you. The sinful woman, full of transgressions, passed forward and stood by His feet, and clasped her arms in prayer, and with these words she spoke:— My eyes have become watercourses that cease not from [watering] the fields, and today they wash the feet of Him Who follows after sinners. This hair, abundant in locks from my childhood till this day, let it not grieve You that it should wipe this holy body. The mouth that has kissed the lewd, forbid it not to kiss the body that remits transgressions and sins. These things the harlot spoke to Jesus, with much weeping. And Simon stood afar off to see what He would do to her. But He Who knows the things that are secret, beckoned to Simon and said to him:— Lo! I will tell you, O Simon, what your meditation is, concerning the harlot. Within your mind you imagine and within your soul you said, ‘I have called this man righteous, but lo! The harlot kisses Him. I have called Him to bless my possessions, and lo! The harlot embraces Him.’ O Simon, there were two debtors, whose creditor was one only; one owed him five-hundred [pence], and the other owed fifty. And when the creditor saw that neither of these two had anything, the creditor pardoned and forgave them both their debt. Which of them ought to render the greater thanks? He who was forgiven five hundred, or he who was forgiven fifty? Simon answered, and thus he said to Jesus, when He had done speaking:— He who was forgiven five hundred ought to render the greater thanks. Jesus answered and thus He said: You are he that owes five hundred, and this woman owes fifty. Lo! I came into your house, O Simon; and water for My feet you brought not; and this woman, of whom you said that she was an harlot, one from her childhood defiled, has washed My feet with her tears, and with her hair she has wiped them. Ought I to send her away, O Simon, without receiving forgiveness? Verily, verily, I say unto you, I will write of her in the Gospel. Go, O woman, your sins are forgiven you and all your transgression is covered; henceforth and to the end of the world.

May our Lord account us worthy of hearing this word of His:— Come, enter, you blessed of My Father, inherit the kingdom made ready for all who shall do My will, and observe all My commandments. To Him be glory; on us be mercy; at all times. Amen!

Original blog available at- https://becomingfullyalive.com/a-model-of-repentance/

Growing through Reconciliation

Growing through Reconciliation

By Lilyan Andrews

Original seen at Lilyan Andrews’ blog Lilies and Thorns, 3 Oct, 2020.

Confrontation. It’s an uncomfortable word, but a necessary one.

It is only through confrontation that we can arrive at reconciliation. When you face a problem with someone, what is your first reaction? Is it to brush it off and pretend that nothing happened? Or is it to face it right on and address it?

For many years I took the first approach. I was too wrapped up in pleasing everyone and wanted everyone to like me. So when a problem arose and something bothered me, I told myself to be the “bigger” person and just let it go. In hindsight, I can see that was not the best approach. I was definitely fooling myself when I thought that being the bigger person meant ignoring the problem. When I would “let things go” on the surface, I was actually burying it so deep down that it unconsciously festered in an unhealthy way. So if I lost my cool one day it would all come bursting out in an ugly way.

My friends, if I could give you one small piece of advice, I’d say… If someone does something that bothers you, don’t bury your feelings, but speak up with love.

Therefore, putting away lying, “Let each one of you speak truth with his neighbor,” for we are members of one another. “Be angry, and do not sin”: do not let the sun go down on your wrath, nor give place to the devil.
Ephesians 4:25-27

And just because you approach someone with love and speak truthfully it doesn’t mean that what you have to say will always be received positively. Even with the best intentions and great communication, some will choose to not accept your viewpoint. In the case of friendships or relationships, you have to ask yourself, is this friendship/relationship worth working on? If the answer is yes, then roll up your sleeves because it’s going to require some serious work (depending on how big the issue is). If the answer is no, then you do your best to make sure there are no hard feelings, and might have to let this friendship fizzle out. Do this all without disrespect, without resentment, and without sinful anger like it says in Psalm 4:4, “Be angry, and do not sin.”

It might even require involving a third party to resolve the issue. This is where a father of confession, a wise servant, or someone you trust can come in handy. The Gospel says the following, “Moreover if your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he hears you, you have gained your brother. But if he will not hear, take with you one or two more, that ‘by the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established.’” (Matthew 18:15-16). It is your duty as a Christian to try to resolve the issue, but don’t always expect it to be smooth sailing.

I have a friendship that is near and dear to my heart. The way we always resolved issues was surely not the best. If someone said or did something that upset the other person unknowingly, we would never bring it up. What ended up happening over the years looked something like this: I messed up. It bothered my friend. She didn’t say anything about it, because she loved me and didn’t want to risk ruining our friendship. But I had no idea it bothered her, so I kept doing it. Until one day it all exploded. It got pretty ugly, to the point where I wanted to avoid events we were both invited to. It took us months (or actually more like years) to figure out how to mend this friendship that we both valued. It was nothing other than the grace of God that gave us healing and allowed us to move forward. Forgiveness is a beautiful gift that we sometimes take for granted.

Confrontation isn’t easy for me, it gives me that knot in my stomach feeling, makes my voice shaky, and my heart beat a little too fast. I could tell confrontation wasn’t easy for her either, that’s why we both played the avoidance game for so long. We could have never come to where we are today if we didn’t pull the trigger on that tough initial conversation (and many more that followed). Confrontation and reconciliation shaped our friendship to become a beautiful, resilient, sacrificial, and healthy one. That’s not to say that Satan won’t try to mess with it again, I’m sure he will. But by the grace of God our loving hearts can resolve any difficulties that might arise.

Oftentimes, it is only through these tough, yet earnest and well intentioned, conversations that we can help one another become better people. King Solomon writes, “As iron sharpens iron, So a man sharpens the countenance of his friend” (Proverbs 27:17). The sharpening of a tool is not painless or resistance free. The very nature of the process requires friction between the hard surfaces. The end result is clear – a sharpened countenance. The key here is to learn how to sharpen and be sharpened, how to confront in an empathetic and loving manner.

If you are familiar with the first hour of the Agpeya (Book of Hours), you know that the following is read from the Pauline Epistle:

As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace. There is one body and one Spirit, just as you were called in one hope of your calling; one Lord, one faith, one baptism; one God and Father of all, who is above all, and through all, and in you all.
Ephesians 4:1-5

That’s the kind of Spirit we should all live by. A Spirit that is led by humility and gentleness that is always striving for peace. This is the only way to really grow. Growth isn’t always easy like I previously mentioned. I pray we can all experience this peace, even if it means enduring the uncomfortableness of confrontation in order to arrive at reconciliation and forgiveness.

(c) Lilyan Andrews (2020). Growing through Reconciliation by Lilyan Andrews. Available at https://www.liliesandthorns.com/post/growing-through-reconciliation

The Silent Lamb

The Silent Lamb

by Marina Giurgius

‘Like a lamb that is led to the slaughter, and like a sheep that before its shearers is silent, so he opened not his mouth.’
Isaiah 53:7

A solider completely silent in the midst of war. Not a single war cry or victory scream. That same solider later forgives his enemy on the battlefield, in the midst of his agony. You and I can both agree that this all sounds somewhat unrealistic, unbelievable perhaps? Well this solider was Christ and his battlefield was Golgotha. Does that make it any more comprehendible? As we journey into Holy Week, let’s try to make sense of it.

Every aspect of death on the Cross had a ghastliness about it. It was the most agonising of Roman capital punishments and to make it crueller it was not a direct road either. Christ first underwent a patronising trial, excruciating torture and a mockery and all whilst remaining silent. He did not speak during these events and spoke only 7 things on the Cross, all of which were not for his own profit.

Lord, what stopped You from crying out to defend Yourself against the affliction? What satisfied Your heart so much, that it was worth the suffering?

It is not you and I alone questioning His silence. Many at the time and to this day may say that Christ was silent as a means of escaping His tribulation however, it is in fact the complete opposite. It was simply a still submission to the will of His Father and a depiction of His great love for mankind as ‘Love does not seek its own’ (1 Corinthians 13:5). Just as He left to go to the wilderness, the abyss of silence it was rather a spiritual battlefield than a means of an escape. His silence is perhaps one of the most overlooked lessons on forgiveness given from the Cross. His silence was not fear, but sacrifice.

When we speak many words it only satisfies our hollow weaknesses within us but serves little purpose to our soul belonging to God. It is a challenging task to ask someone to accept an injustice without getting caught up in a confrontation or an argument. Is this not what Christ did on the Cross when He paid the price for our sins in silence? The most difficult of tasks is to not speak in the midst of chaos “A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger” (Proverbs 15:1). This is the first step to forgiveness as we begin to silence our anger and resentment with silence itself.

The word ‘give’ makes up the word FORGIVE and so it is no surprise that this is moreover at its centrality. The Silent Lamb broke His silence only to give. He gave his enemies and persecutors forgiveness. He gave the Right-Hand Thief the keys to paradise and eternal life. He gave the solider who speared his side a kindness that later made him a great saint. He gave His blessed mother a son and carer. He gave his Father a ransom paid in full and He gave humanity redemption and salvation from an eternal inferno. He gave only to receive a gift of humiliation, grief, suffering and pain embellished with a crown of thorns.

The first words of Christ at the Cross:

“Father, forgive them for they do not know what they do” (Luke 23:34)

St John, the Mother of Christ and the three Mary’s are all at the foot of the cross and before speaking to them, Christ breaks his silence with a request of forgiveness for his enemies. He prays for his enemies before He addresses His own Mother and His own anguish. Not only was it a simple request of forgiveness on behalf of His enemies but a firm shield of defence and an exemption of their ignorance. How comforting is it to know that Christ is our chief advocate before the throne of God, for there is no earthly defender that can compare to such. Christ continually provides us with the benefit of the doubt for our sins, excusing our sins but how often do we do this with others? St John Chrysostom explains that waiting for your enemy to come to you seeking forgiveness is vain and a heavenly reward will only come to those who make peace with their enemy on the same day despite criticism. Setting an excuse for your enemy will allow you to forgive before they ask and is an ultimate expression of love, the core lesson from the cross.

Even the pain of the Cross did not amount to the pain He felt one night earlier in the garden of Gethsemane. Upon Christ’s great anguish kneeling before the Father with sweat dripping from his holy temple in the form of blood, He requests,‘Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done’ (Luke 22:42). We can be comforted knowing we have been promised condition-less forgiveness without needing to ask,“If you are willing, forgive me”.

St Anthony the Great says “If we remember our sins, God forgives them but if we forget our sins, God remembers them.” It is with a continual remembrance of our sins that it becomes impossible for us to say our own sins are lesser than those committed against us and this too will help us forgive.

Our ultimate role-model Jesus Christ even on the Cross in the peak of His torment did not cease to guide and inspire us to forgive. So here are the four things taken from the Cross that we can use to forgive.

Spend time with God in silence
Make excuses for people that you feel may have wronged you
Give whenever you can to the best of your ability
Always remember your own shortcomings and sins

Because of sinfulness, man lost the crown of perfection that God had granted him in the Garden of Eden, and instead crafted at Golgotha a new crown made of thorns, of that very earth that God cursed when man fell. Forgiveness is the love that compelled our creator to bear this crown and cross whilst silencing its suffering on our behalf.

Glory be to God forever.

Forgiving God (Barriers to Repentance)

Barriers to Repentance 3/7

Forgiving God

by Shery Abdelmalak

Forgive God does not need to be said in theory. In practice, in a life full of tribulation and faith that is not yet fully formed, blame is misplaced. We would all love to say, like Job, “Naked I came from the womb and naked I shall return, blessed be the name of the Lord” (Job 1:21).

Job, you lost your children, your livelihood, blessed be who?

While we should be aiming to bless His Name through tribulation the way Job did, sometimes we can’t find the strength to even stand, let alone praise God. As Christians, we are gifted with the knowledge of faith. No matter what we go through, we are assured of His grace and that good will come out of the seemingly hopeless. Giving glory to God when things go right is easy, what becomes difficult is giving Him glory when things are not so good. What should be glory turns into blame, into resentment, into despair.

It is His fault that your plans did not go the way you wanted. It is His fault that He’s going to give you more than you could ever imagine, but for now, you can only see two steps ahead of you. If you knew what His plans were, if you knew the reason why you are in the tribulation you are in now, you would be on your knees in awe and amazement of the undeserving Love He has bestowed upon you.

While the end result is what we strive for, during the thick of tribulations, where can we draw faith from? This is when it gets difficult to stand and pray when the One that could get you out of tribulation at the click of His fingers, doesn’t. When you can’t see what He sees. When you are not capable of understanding of what He can do. When you think He has forgotten you. When you doubt that maybe you’re not His favourite anymore. Maybe He’s busy. Maybe He doesn’t love you anymore. As absurd as these all sound, these are the things that get in the way of repentance.

Job’s wife spoke as any one of us would when she told Job to forsake the God that had left him with nothing. As much as Job’s wife is ridiculed for what she said, we need to be sure we are not saying the exact same thing when troubles come our way. God didn’t fulfil our plans? On to plan B. There is an elevation of faith and of spiritual maturity when we put our desires aside for nothing more than to be united with our Lord. There is beauty in seeking Christ for who He is and not what He can offer. We remember Job, not his wife, who remains nameless. We remember Job as he was filled with faith and patiently endured tribulation. You have a choice; to chase a life like Job that is credited to him for faith or at best, be forgotten, like his wife.

What is pivotal to the story of Job is the moment he questioned God. To this, God responded to him in a whirlwind of anger and rebuked him for questioning that His love could ever fail. For the emotional outburst that was Job’s wife’s moment when she lacked faith, Job responded gently. The same way God gently responds to our lack of faith. We were never called to follow Him blindly. In peaceful silence, He waits for us to return to Him. He waits for us to stop focusing on ourselves and focus back on what truly matters – a life with Him.

If God does not respond to you in a whirlwind like He did to Job, know that your faith is not yet fully formed. How else can He show you His love? When you are going through tribulation, know that He is reaching out to you. This is not the time for you to let go. Cling to Him for surely He is the only One holding you together.

Job had lost everything, he was condemned as a sinner by his own friends and felt that the God whom he served had also forsaken him. For the moment that Job looked to himself instead of looking up to God, he fell into deep despair. He started to believe that God owed him something. If we are ever struggling to forgive God it is because we have fallen into the same trap – looking to ourselves instead of looking up to Him. There is purpose to your pain. If you can’t see it, look harder, look up to Him and He will reveal Himself to you. How can we ever question Him when we don’t even know how wisdom enters the mind, or who has given understanding to the heart? (Job 38:34).

Repentance is key to ensuring the virtues and lessons God has instilled in the tribulation you are in are fought and won. In true repentance, we stop looking to ourselves. We let go of the entrapment of our minds and look to Him. We look to His perfection and spread the love we are filled with to those around us. To think that some kind of reconciliation between you and God is necessary because He has wronged you makes no sense. You are not living a life to fulfil your own desires. You are living for Him. Focus on Him and His children and you will never be shaken by tribulation. Where were you when God made the heavens? Who are you to question His plans? A faith formed through trusting God when everything feels like it is going wrong is what makes questions like these fade away to nothing.

He is doing what is best for you, all that is left for you to do, is to thank Him, repent and make sure that no lesson is gone to waste. Let us pray for a faith that only grows and is not shaken by the tribulations of this world. Glory be to God forever, Amen.

Forgiving Yourself (Barriers to Repentance)

Barriers to Repentance 2/7

Forgiving Yourself

by Shery Abdelmalak

God instructed us to forgive one another, but the forgiveness we have to offer others is largely dependent on the forgiveness we have for ourselves. He told us to love our neighbours as ourselves (Mark 12:21). But what if we don’t love ourselves? What if we’re held back by shame and guilt for the sins of our past? If we approach sin with regret, guilt and shame, these are all we have to offer to those whom we love most.

The world teaches us to approach a problem with possible solutions. This is very simple when applied to sin. You do a sin. You know it was wrong. You try to fix it. This is not how God asked us to approach sin. You may be able to overcome a sin on your own a few times but eventually you’ll get worn down. You’ll soon realised that the higher you reach, the further you’ll fall.

As morbid as this sounds, God teaches us to approach sin in a way the world will never understand. When you are resigned to sin and you come to Him in prayer, you may fall again but there is a comfort in knowing He is always there to pick you up – a comfort in knowing that He is not just a fall back but the very core of your strength. St Paul says, “I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me”(2 Cor. 12:9). If we can truly give the glory to Him, we know that our flaws and mistakes will work for good for those who love Him and are called according to His purpose (Romans 8:28).

Even by worldly logic, fighting sin on your own doesn’t make sense. Saint Moses the Black was one of the strongest men on Earth. The devil tried to physically fight him and so naturally, he fought back. He fought back, and was knocked down. The devil is stronger than the elites of this world. We need to shift our logic and stop trying to fight sin unarmed. There needs to be an understanding of where we truly stand in this world. If the only One stronger than the devil is God and He is able to crush Satan under your feet, how could you try to fight without Him?

Elder Mattaous says, “If someone is described as ‘humble,’ this is not, in my opinion, a characteristic of human nature, for how can dust be humble?Dust was taken from the ground, so if someone looks at dust, would he consider it to be pearls or precious stones?”

If you truly see yourself as dust, there would be no shame or guilt for sin. A curse of the modern era is oversupply. We no longer need to pray for our daily bread- it’s a given. Our lack of need extends to our lack of ability to see our own sins and even more to overcome them. We are largely self-sufficient, and so for anything we lack, we turn to ourselves before we turn to Christ.

In repentance, we turn over our weakness to Christ to be moulded as the Potter moulds a clay vessel. A clay vessel need not worry about the lumps and bumps that take a little while longer to be smoothed out, for in the hands of the Potter, all will be perfected according to His Image in due time.

“But indeed, O man, who are you to reply against God? Will the thing formed say to him who formed it, “Why have you made me like this?” (Romans 9:20). He has made no mistake. Your sins are for your ultimate edification and renewal in His image. They are not for you to fix, but to recognise your need for a Saviour who will deliver from all evil and the death of sin.

Sometimes we like the idea of repentance because we think that is how God forgives us; that we need to apologise before He can forgive or that a great display of prayer and almsgiving is what sways God to forgive us. While it may help you feel better about sins of the past, a broken and a contrite heart is all He desires. Before you were even formed in your mother’s womb, God sent His Son to die on the Cross in anticipation of the sins of the world. The father of the prodigal son did not wait begrudgingly for his son’s return. No, he ran out to greet him for he who was dead was alive again, he who was lost was now found (Luke 15:32). We need to realise that after we sin, God is not angry at us, the guilt you feel comes from knowing that you should’ve done of better. God doesn’t care that you fell, He just wants to you to get back up and renew your love for Him once more.

After His resurrection, Jesus asked Peter three times if He loved him in remembrance of the three times Peter publicly denied Him. For every time that Peter denied Him, he renewed his love for Him. Peter was overly zealous and believed in his own self. Through his repentance his zeal was renewed into godly zeal and an unshakable faith that would go on to convert the nations. Christ was imploring Peter to renew his love for him – all was forgiven but reconciliation had to be made. Peter had to put aside his guilt and shame and remember the One whom he loved more than the entrapment of sins past.

Let us pray that with every fall, we recognise and learn from our mistakes through repentance, and we are transformed according to His Love. Glory be to God, forever. Amen.

Forgiving Others (Barriers to Repentance)

Barriers to Repentance 1/7

Forgiving Others

by Shery Abdelmalak

Forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us

How easy it is for us to pray this daily while being detached from our brothers and sisters. By praying this, God has lowered Himself to our level so that He may elevate us to His.

He won’t forgive until I forgive? The thought of this question once distressed me. I know that my ability to forgive is flawed by my human nature, but My Lord, in His perfection, does not struggle to forgive the way I do. It’s not a matter of CAN He forgive. He can forgive, and He does. Even before you come to Him, He has forgiven you. What is not possible is to be united with God while we are not united with one another. Just as the father of the prodigal son waited earnestly for his son’s return, God waits earnestly for us to accept His forgiveness and to be reconciled and renewed in Him once more through repentance.

If forgiveness equates to love, then a lack of forgiveness equates to hate. Where there is hate, God could never co-exist.

A truly repentant heart does not struggle to forgive others. A repentant heart knows its own sin and knows that although they are not the true imitation of Christ, they strive to be more like Him daily. When you are just a work in progress yourself, you can forgive and pray for the faults you find in others, no matter how hurtful the sin may be. God is working in them, just as He works in you, even if it may seem like some require more work than others.

Often, we can see a fault in a person and this may drive us away from them. But to truly love with the spirit of repentance is to pray for them, to pray that God reveals the riches of His glory to them. To pray that they are strengthened with might through His Spirit in the inner man. To pray that Christ dwells in their hearts so they may comprehend the width, the length, the height, the depths of the love of Christ which surpasses all knowledge (Ephesians 3:16-19). That level of love. Not trust, not a return to what your relationship once was, just Love.

We can love with worldly love but what credit is that to you? Even sinners love those who love them (Luke 6:32). This kind of love is limited to worldly understanding. Anyone can love someone that has given them enough reason to love them. But we strive for Limitless Love that comes only from above. The type of love that suffers long and is kind. That does not envy nor parade itself nor is it puffed up. Does not behave rudely or seek its own. Does not envy. Is not provoked. Does not rejoice in iniquity but rejoices in the truth (1 Cor. 13:4-6) – A Love that would lay down its life for its brethren. A Love like this does not concur with human understanding, but neither does the gift of grace in our salvation through Christ. This is the love that forgives unconditionally. Without it, there is no place for forgiveness.

Our lack of forgiveness generally comes from a good place. You were wronged. You were hurt. You didn’t deserve it. You are a good person and a bad thing happened to you that you couldn’t prevent. But Jesus was a good person, too. Jesus was wronged. Jesus was betrayed. Those that anticipated His coming for their salvation betrayed Jesus. More still, His own friends betrayed Him. Jesus was sacrificed, for a sin you and I committed. Now you want to go to God and tell Him that what was done to you was too much? God, being the kind and compassionate God that He is, surely He would understand that there is no way forgiveness is plausible. After everything Jesus did for you, you can forgive. Not for the sake of the one who harmed you, but for His.

There is a hurt however, that is far beyond my own understanding. I by no means think that you should just get over it because Jesus went through worse. Jesus did go through worse, not so you could feel ashamed when you struggle to forgive, but so you know that no one can offer you empathy and compassion quite like Him. The very fact that you come to Him when you cannot forgive is credited to you. Some wrongs may take weeks or months or years of prayer but do not be disheartened, but rather, put on the whole armour of God that you may stand against the wiles of the devil (Ephesians 6:11). Fight to forgive. Don’t pretend like everything is okay, don’t pretend that you were not hurt, don’t pretend that you don’t remember the hurt because you cannot handle coming to terms with what it means to you.

Robert Dean Enright says, “When unjustly hurt by another, we forgive when we overcome the resentment toward the offender, not by denying our right to the resentment, but by trying to offer the wrongdoer compassion, benevolence and love (2).” Fr David Milad (2015) explains this as forgiveness through an acknowledgement of what was done to you and the conscious decision to positively work through the situation in order to grow spiritually. Compassion, benevolence and love is the goal of repentance. This really is all He ever wanted from us – to spread His love through forgiveness to His children. “But love your enemies, do good, and lend, hoping for nothing in return; and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High.“ (Luke 6: 35)

When struggling to forgive another, it is important not to lose sight of what you can control – your own sins and your own repentance. To repent, in its most basic form of the word, is to say you’re sorry. Even when you are stuck in the hurt of sins committed against you. If so, start by saying you’re sorry. Say you’re sorry for your blind ignorance that is yet to see its own sin. Start small and ask Him to reveal your sin to you. That small step you take toward repentance, is one small step that you have taken toward Him. “Draw near to God and He will draw near to you” (James 4:8). You will feel His peace the closer you draw to Him, so for that reason, repent.

May we repent so that we can pray in all sincerity, “forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.” Glory be to God forever, Amen.

Self Denial

Self-Denial

By Fr Yacoub

“And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.” Romans 12:2

In many aspects of modern day life, there exists a clear disparity between the life Christians are called to lead, and the life lived with the influence of Western culture. This distinction is not seen any more clearly than by looking at the quality of self-denial, a concept that is highly foreign to many Western cultures.

“Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself. Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others.” – Philippians 2:3-4

This idea of denying oneself – forsaking personal desires for the interests of others – is unfamiliar and even unacceptable in most perspectives. Notions of submission have highly attached negative connotations in modern society, and are associated with feelings of weakness and limitation. Contrary to this perspective, true Christianity sees things differently.

Self-denial may be considered a core value in Christian life, led and taught to us by Christ on Earth. With the mindset of “not My will, but Yours, be done.” (Luke 22:42), Christ set the perfect example, a didactic life of denying oneself.

But what benefit does self-denial have? In a modern day society crowded by those blowing their own horns, gloating in their perceived success and absorbed in their own selves, where does self-denial fit? Let’s explore.

Inner peace
Denying oneself allows a grace and gift of true inner peace. How can anything disturb someone, who denies themselves to live for the Lord? Self-absorbed sins of envy, jealousy and bitterness will dissolve. With the “helmet of salvation” Ephesians 6:17, the obsession with oneself is displaced by the focus on the Lord… a recipe for true peace.

Forgiveness
One who truly denies themselves will only have forgiveness in their hearts. It is a barrier, a protection of the anger that can lead to grudges and enmity with neighbors. How can you get angry if someone hurts your “dignity or status”, if you deny yourself?! You will be satisfied, no matter what one may do to you.

Loved by all
Paradoxically, the act of denying yourself draws hearts of love and friendship. You will be a friend of Heaven and Earth. Let’s consider a married couple. In the wedding ceremony, they recite vows from St Paul’s epistle. What is this commandment really saying? Self denial. If a spouse truly denies themselves for their partner, the only result is for the partner to submit. In The Paradise of the Monks, it is quoted that “the best thing for two people living together, is self-denial”. Let us use this not only with our spouses, but in everyday life with all. Trial with the grace of God, and see.

Let us shift now to the question; “How do I really know if I am denying myself?”

We see many attempts and examples, most with pure intentions of humility, but oftentimes misguided. Some may say, “On a table with issues being discussed, I do not join in. I keep my opinion to myself, it is a way of humility.” This has many risks – you may sit and feel yourself higher than those around discussing – the exact opposite of intended humility.

Again, one may say “I always wait to be last in anything, it is a way of humility” – of course this may be for some, but again it carries the same risks. So how do we truly deny ourselves?

I heard from a priest conference once, the following words.
The only way to acquire true humility and self-denial is to accept accusation and abuse from others.

There is a reward for those who are truly humble, and that is grace from Our Lord.

In his last visit to Australia, HH Pope Shenouda III came to St Mark’s Church. I needed him to help me in my spiritual life. He invited me in front of the congregation and kept humiliating me. He continued to ask, “What is this?! Where are the youth?!” I knew the youth to be upstairs in the English church, watching the event by TV connection, but I didn’t say so. I responded “I will look for the youth Saydena”.

Meeting him the next day in the monastery, I asked him “Are you truly upset with me Sayedna?”. In his wisdom he responded, “Father, is it better for me to praise you and say ‘you are a good priest, you have a good church’? Or for me to use this opportunity for you to improve in your spiritual life? You can be satisfied that the church if full of youth, but how will you grow? Will you look for the lost sheep?”

This is the culture of the monks in Egypt. They are tough with each other, to allow each other to grow. From Sayedna’s firmness, I have stayed many nights thinking and apply what he said. To survive and strive in this culture if firmness, humility and self-denial is not only beneficial, but completely necessary. Let us adopt these characteristics.

One may ponder on the difference between self-denial and low self esteem. There exists one clear and important difference. Though you may have low self-esteem, it is imperative to know that “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me” Philippians 4:13. We are weak alone, but vessels for the glory of God through His grace.

We pray that the Lord grant us grace to deny ourselves as He did. “For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life.” John 3:16. With His life as the perfect example, let us live for His glory alone.

Glory be to God Amen.