friendship – Upper Room Media Blogs

Eternal Summer

By Sandra; Co-written with Makrina

Original post by Becoming Fully Alive blogsite, 12 Sep 16

Sometimes we think that we are in need of a perfect home with everything neatly in place to show hospitality. And sometimes we think we need a perfect heart that has it all together to invite someone in and build that home. But there are homes we build with our friends not with hands but with conversations of openness and honesty, with the comfort to be as we are, who we are, where we are now. With all our sins and struggles and all our questions and doubts. Sharing death and grief, sex and desire, our needs, deepest inadequacies and regrets. We uncover the demolition in our hearts, unafraid of displaying the rubble, unafraid of leaving the keys to the doors we’ve always locked for someone else to walk in. In the face of each other’s rubble, there is no space for judgement, only the realisation that we all stand on the same levelled ground, a holy ground, where our pain and our struggles are communally felt, without measure, without degrees. Hospitality is the fearlessness to offer others a key into your warzone, and the fearlessness to choose to be present with another.

Many of us were raised strictly associating spiritual growth with the attendance of bible studies, worship evenings, quiet time and locking our bedroom doors in prayer. But there is spiritual growth at 2am at the back of a pickup truck, with seven hearts drawn in laughter and in love. There is growth in 6am swims through the river and in sharing water shoes when the rocks become too harsh beneath your feet. There is growth in conversations over eggs benedict and in sharing the words of people who have previously hurt and condemned us, and the relationships that have left us feeling less than who we are. There is growth in reconnecting with old friends and learning the hearts of new ones, because where there are people, there is God, and that is where we grow and self discover. There is growth in the daily victory of waking up and trying, trying, and trying again. There is growth in struggling through loss to believe that God is good, and there is also growth in firmly believing through the tragedy that God is good.

When we let God out of the man-made spiritual boxes we have created, we need not look far or deep or wide to see His face, but to the heart next to us to realise that He is here. For long we have found Him in foreign mission fields and in retreats, yet now we are awakened to find Him in His people, the church, the home that is built without hands.

After years of living under the weight of expectations and who we “should” be, many of us have locked so many doors of our hearts away for the fear of being known, for fear of being perceived as not spiritual, as not a man or woman of God. When we have tasted the condemnation of a community, labels that silences us, our fears can only be rational and our walk becomes heavy. We were never called to pretend a false state of perfection. We were created in the image of Community for community. A community that is real, that moves from individualism to a place where we can reach out and ask why we’re created in a fallen world or why it’s so hard to hear God’s voice sometimes.

We all naturally gravitate to the community that will accept us for all we bring to the table, so we find ourselves projecting the finished product of ourselves that we believe our community desires so that we can find our home. All the while we live with the fear of truly being known and found out. We live in fear that one day someone will tear down the door to our demolition and see the truth; to see our addictions and the tears that keep us up at night. But Christ was always interested in the real authentic version of ourselves. Christ was never interested in the finished product more than He was in our journey to wholeness. And community was only ever meant to be a place without fear. A place where all we ask is to see with loving eyes, instead of with defence or judgment, the person before us. All of the wonder, grace and godliness lying in the demolition that is yet to be restored. We hope in the yet to come but we love and live the now of each other – no matter how much is taken apart. Hospitality is loving without the need to put it all back together. And hospitality never demands an invite. It waits, it loves, it is patient.

“Maybe we’re all just shiny balls of light inside human machines. Maybe we’re all trying desperately to convince others that the noise they hear coming out of our mouths is an accurate reflection of the intentions of the shiny ball of light inside the machine. Maybe it screams, “I am real in here, I am real in here, I am real here.” Maybe the light inside me just wants to know, if you’re real too.”

-Iain Thomas

Original blog found at- https://www.becomingfullyalive.com/eternal-summer/

Friendship is…

Friendship is…

Reposted from Lilies and Thorns blog

”You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” “Tell me who your friends are, and I’ll tell you who you are.” “You become who you hang out with.” “If you want to see your future, look at your friends.” “When the character of a man is not clear to you, look at his friends” “You are who you are, by virtue of the company you keep.” Any of these sound familiar? Friendships are a crucial part of life, and the influence of friends on you is undeniable.

Friendship is First Loving Yourself

We should all aim to have a friendship like David and Jonathan. “Then Jonathan and David made a covenant, because he loved him as his own soul.” (1 Samuel 18:3) First, it’s important to note that they loved their own soul, and therefore were able to love each other with that same vigor. We should not be looking for someone else’s validation in a friendship. Before we chase love from others, we have to know our worth, and love ourselves first. We should not be looking to friends to fill the insecurities we have. Yes, they will encourage us and help us reach a better place, but getting rid of our insecurities is a journey between us and God.

If we fail to first love and invest in ourselves, we risk unknowingly placing a burden on our precious friends to fill that void for us, and this can be fatal to friendships. By knowing where we stand with God, we organically attract friends who are able to complement our beliefs, ambitions, and lifestyles.

Friendship is Built on Similar Values

Another common saying is “birds of a feather flock together.” This just means people who have the same interest and values tend to stick together. I can definitely attest to this in my life. I’ve had many friends throughout the years, but the one group of friends that I’ve kept for over 20 years are the ones I met in church. I’ve changed neighborhoods, schools, and even church parishes, but I’ve never changed my faith. Faith is an extremely strong tie that can withstand any time and place. So I hope you can find a God-loving group of friends that can help you stay on the right track. I’m not saying don’t have non-Christian friends; as long as they’re not a bad influence, have all the friends you want. You want friends to bring you closer to Christ (as you should also be doing for them), not further away from Him.

Friendship is Investing Both Ways

We’ve all had friends that make more withdrawals out of the friendship account than deposits. Some people require a lot of energy and attention, but don’t provide the same in return. Sometimes those friendships can leave us feeling drained. The seemingly Christian thing to do is to keep loving and giving, but I recognize we’re all human and might not always be able to handle the load. So maybe it might be time to cut back on the abundant giving, and don’t have such high expectations. I’m not saying cut them off, I’m just saying find a happy middle ground where you are both putting in the same effort into the friendship, that way there is no resentment or heavy feelings.

Friendship is Knowing What Load to Carry

“Do not be deceived: ‘Evil company corrupts good habits.’” (1 Corinthians 15:33) I’m cringing as I write this part, but the truth can be hard to face sometimes. There are times when friendships do more harm than good. I like to lean towards giving the other person the benefit of the doubt, and believing they have good intentions. But sometimes those intentions fail to show in their actions. If you find yourself in a friendship that is affecting you negatively, then it might be time to move on. I say this with caution, and urge you to consult your father of confession to seek guidance in the situation. I do not want you to stay in an unhealthy friendship (or any relationship) because you feel obligated to carry someone else’s load, when you can barely carry your own, and in fact, it is weighing you down.

Friendship is Edifying

Edifying friendships are the most beautiful friendships, and I pray you can all find them and keep them. My longest friendship started about 20 years ago, when I moved to America. Throughout the years we have journeyed together through middle school, high school, college, singleness, marriage, and now motherhood. We’ve leaned on each other countless times, always drawing strength from the Lord to give to each other. Our friendship was a two-way street of giving and taking. We’ve shared wonderful memories and hard ones too.

We’ve had our ups and downs, just like any normal friendship. We’ve had times where we didn’t see eye to eye, or misunderstood each other. But the one common thing that kept us together was our common love for God and each other, because “A friend loves at all times.” (Proverbs 17:17) In every situation we tried to see the best in the other person. We constantly communicated, even when the conversations were hard to have. When we found ourselves in uncomfortable situations, we stopped and tried to mend it. Not saying our friendship is perfect, but perfectly imperfect. And that’s the beauty of it.

God gave us friends so we can lift each other up.

“Two are better than one, Because they have a good reward for their labor. For if they fall, one will lift up his companion. But woe to him who is alone when he falls, For he has no one to help him up.”
Ecclesiastes 4:9-10

We can try to convince ourselves that we can go through life alone, but man, that can be super hard. Truth is, we need each other. The Bible says so, and even Christ sent out the apostles in groups of two.

If you are in a season in your life where you don’t have a strong friendship(s), then by all means ask God to send you a friend or two. Doesn’t He say, “Ask and it shall be given to you”? (Matthew 7:7)

I pray that you can all have fruitful and edifying friendships that bring you closer to Him, as well as be a great friend that someone can depend on. We should all be holding each other’s hands so we can help each other reach His.

“Ointment and perfume delight the heart, And the sweetness of a man’s friend gives delight by hearty counsel.”
Proverbs 27:9

Because He first Loved Us

Because He first Loved Us

By Pola Fanous

We love, because He first loved us. And how could it be any other way? In John 5:19, Jesus makes it clear that: “… the Son can do nothing of Himself, but what He sees the Father do.” It is only in imitation of Christ that we are able to love at all. Just as it is only by following Him to Golgotha, that we rise into Paradise with Him; only by sharing in His crucifixion, that we share in His resurrection. As spiritual beings, we know that love is the most natural thing on earth and in heaven. When we reject our divinity, we banish ourselves from the paradise of joy and are limited to primitive modes of being. We become mere self-centred animals to whom love is foolish and selfishness is wisdom. The charity at the heart of Agape love goes against the ethic of self-preservation in evolutionary theory. How fortunate we are, then, to have the wondrous example of Christ to protect us from selfishness:

“If I then, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another’s feet. For I have given you an example, that you should do as I have done to you.”
John 13:14-15

As Christ loves and protects His Church – evermore – so too does a godly husband love his wife! Without our God and his eternal and enduring example, how could we begin to stand a chance? St John Chrysostom, drawing on Christ’s example, advises husbands on how to address their brides:

“I have taken you in my arms, and I love you, and I prefer you to my life itself. For the present life is nothing, and my most ardent dream is to spend it with you in such a way that we may be assured of not being separated in the life reserved for us… I place your love above all things, and nothing would be more bitter or painful to me than to be of a different mind than you.”
St John Chrysostom, 20th Homily on Ephesians

In reading these words, my heart not only rejoices, but I marvel at the enormity of our God who is love in all its forms, including Eros! In Song of Songs, we see Christ’s intimacy with the Church demonstrated in erotic poetry so beautiful it eclipses the thousands of love poems I’ve read: “

Your navel is like an elaborate bowl… Your two breasts are like two fawns, the twins of a gazelle… And the fragrance of your nose like apples… Set me as a seal upon your heart.
Song of Songs 7-8

We must not forget that not only is Christ our example, He is Love incarnate. We cannot love without knowing love, and so, we cannot love without knowing God;

Beloved, let us love one another, for love is of God; and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God. He who does not love does not know God, for God is love.
1 John 4:7-8

Indeed, St Simeon the New Theologian writes of the Holy Spirit as the embodiment of God’s love – moving us, stirring us and inspiring us:

O Holy Love, he who knows you not has never tasted the sweetness of your mercies which only living experience can give us. But he who has known you, or who has been known by you, can never have even the smallest doubt. For you are the fulfilment of the law, you who fills, burns, inflames, embraces my heart with a measureless love. You are the teacher of the prophets, the offspring of the apostles, the strength of the martyrs, the inspiration of the fathers and masters, the perfecting of all the saints. Only you, O Love, prepare even me for the true service of God”
Saint Simeon the New Theologian, 11th c, Homily 53

Here, St Simeon speaks of Phila – the form of love most commonly called friendship. This too, must first be shared between man and God – for what greater friend have we than the King of Kings? In Exodus, God spoke to Moses like a man speaks to a friend; in James, God calls Abraham his friend. In John, God goes one step further, revealing that we who do his will are counted as his friends:

“You are my friends if you do whatever I command you. No longer do I call you servants, for a servant does not know what his master is doing, but I have called you friends, for all things that I heard from my father, I have made known to you.”
John 15:14-15

It is clear then, that love as Agape, love as Eros and love as Phila – are all spiritual forms of love, all beautiful, all sanctified, all demonstrated and gifted to us by our Lord and saviour Jesus Christ. However, we must also remember one final form of love – love as divine and perfect grace! We are only alive today because of God’s perfect sacrifice on the cross, his saving love towards us.

In short, we love because He first loved us: on every level, in every form, in every way. Glory be to the King of Kings and the Lord of Lords: our rescue, our hope, our example and always – Our Love.

Best Friends Forever

Best Friends Forever

By Demiana Salib

“Come on, Abanoub, it’s time to go.” I watch this priest finish tying up his shoes and walk out of the church of the Holy Sepulchre… alone. Was he talking to Abanoub, as in THE Saint Abanoub? Was I looking into things too much because I was expecting to see miracles being in Jerusalem? Very likely. But how cool would it be? Chilling in Jerusalem, the holiest of lands, with Saint Abanoub as your guide?

This isn’t as far-fetched as it sounds, but it does take effort. We read about the blessed friendships that existed between Tamav Ereeny and Abu Sefain or Pope Kyrillos VI and St Mina. The ones that seemed destined for sainthood even while still on earth.

But what about us? Why would a saint want to be friends with me? I have nothing to offer a great saint. Our typically friendships are based on a healthy give/take balance. With the saints, there is nothing I feel that I can give to them. Despite this, there is something about our human states, that makes the saints want to befriend us, similar to a mentor or older sibling.

Throughout the history of time, we see the heavenly guiding those on earth. When Isaiah stood in the presence of God, he was immediately drawn to repentance. Not because of his sins, but because of whose presence he was in. It was at this moment that the Holy Spirit implored him to uncover his sinfulness before the Almighty. He says;

“Woe is me, for I am undone! Because I am a man of unclean lips, And I dwell in the midst of a people of unclean lips;
For my eyes have seen the King, The Lord of hosts.”

The awareness of his sinful state did not draw him to despair but to joy at the grace and mercy that comes to the repentant. He goes on to say;

Then one of the seraphim flew to me, having in his hand a live coal which he had taken with the tongs from the altar. And he touched my mouth with it, and said:
“Behold, this has touched your lips;
Your iniquity is taken away,
And your sin purged.”

Through repentance, the heavenly hosts came to him to lift him up from his sin. For in any trials or tribulations that are given over to God, the heavenly come to the aid of us all. Prayer is not a quick fix to all our problems, but when praying with a repentant and contrite heart, we are elevated about all worldly concerns. The heavenly look upon this state with joy at the return of another one of Christ’s beloved children. When in communion with the heavenly, things are put into perspective; we look to the eternal and not the temporal. Isaiah was therefore, made clean and in turn, a vessel for God’s light to the nations. He goes on to say;

Also I heard the voice of the Lord, saying:
“Whom shall I send,
And who will go for Us?”
Then I said, “Here am I! Send me.”

For Isaiah, the strength that was given through the Seraphim that touched his lips gave him assurance he needed to commence his quest. The spiritual path is not one that we could ever do alone. We were meant to be in communion with those around us, especially the heavenly.

Father Lazarus El Antony says,

“Your prayers, your calling on the name of God, of Jesus, of St Mary, of St Anthony, of any saint, the saint which is closest to you – they will help you. The holy ones will help you.
We are not alone, this is not an empty place. How can I live here by myself on my own power? I cannot. Before I became a monk I was used to a sedentary life: I was a lecturer in university, I was never going outside of my car and my office and my house and here I am living in the mountain – how can this be? Not by my power, but by the help of the witnesses who are around me, the holy ones who help me to support me…these falls remind me, that I am in the hands of the holy ones.
And I advise all Christian youth, to put their lives in the hands of the holy ones who are around them; to hold them up, to support them.”

The best thing about friendship with the saints is that they choose you. They want to know you. They see something in you. The saints see your struggle, they understand and they want nothing more than to bring you back to Christ in repentance. A great way to figure out who your saint is, is to start reading some of their stories. Read the Synaxarium, find your saint!

There is a humility in pursuing a friendship with someone on a higher spiritual level, similar to our own spiritual guides. While humility is a complex thing, the saints would keep us grounded. They give something to strive for every day. For every time you think you did okay, the saints did better. For every time you didn’t do well, they were born the same and they had the same struggles. They overcame so that they could guide us to the means of repentance. In a world full of doubt and uncertainty, a friendship with the saints can relieve the associated anxiety. Your only quest now is to choose from the multitude of amazing saints…

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