Tag: growth

Growing through Trials

Growing through Trials

By Lilyan Andrews

Original post by Lilyan Andrews’ blog, Lilies and Thorns, 10 Oct 2020.

Sometimes I stop and look at my husband and say, “Wow, we have a great life, thank God.” But, that doesn’t mean we have an easy life. Find me someone who has an easy life, and chances are they’re not really living. We didn’t get here accidentally either. There is no denying that God has blessed us tremendously, but even among the blessings, there are many trials and tribulations.

I’ll never forget that year we spent serving in another state. We were far from family, friends, and our usual support system. Looking back on it, I can admit that I was not ready for what was coming, but I’m so thankful for the experience. I was an optimistic young wife who really wanted to serve God in any capacity, and never said no to anything. So when my husband and I were asked to go serve a church in another state we easily said yes (this is after we almost moved to Australia to serve, but that’s another long story). Needless to say, I had no idea what was coming.

Adjusting to a new environment was tough on its own. And on top of the normal struggles of supporting a husband who is serving full time, I had a new job that I did not feel qualified for, and with no friends or family nearby, my world got flipped upside-down. Not only did it take a toll on my mental health, but also on my physical health. I had trouble sleeping, I lost my appetite, and lost a lot of weight without even noticing. My internal struggles manifested in an unhealthy physical way.

I remember reading 2 Corinthians 11 & 12 and finding comfort in learning how St. Paul dealt with his struggles. Of course my struggles were nothing compared to his, but in my little world, they were huge.

And lest I should be exalted above measure by the abundance of the revelations, a thorn in the flesh was given to me, a messenger of Satan to buffet me, lest I be exalted above measure. Concerning this thing I pleaded with the Lord three times that it might depart from me. And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ’s sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

(2 Corinthians 12:7-10

By the grace of God I finally made it out on the other side. With the help of my father of confession, talking to mentors, and lots of prayers, I was able to move past the hardships I was facing. When I felt comfortable enough to share this experience with friends, I called it “growing pains.” Like the growing pains a baby goes through then they’re teething. They are miserable and in pain, but it’s a necessity, they need their new teeth to grow in. The same was happening with me, I needed to go through this pain in order to grow. I would not have been ready for the next step in my life (my husband’s ordination to priesthood) if I had not gone through this experience. God taught opened my eyes and softened my heart to many things.

Behold, I have refined you, but not as silver; I have tested you in the furnace of affliction.

Isaiah 48:10

God really does refine us by fire. Just look at the story of Job, Joseph, Moses, Jonah, or just about any other person in the Bible. Tertullian said, “The greater our trials, the greater our rewards.” It definitely doesn’t feel good as we’re going through it, but I can’t argue that it yields greatness. And no matter how hard the tribulation is we have to remember to be of good cheer, but He has overcome the world (John 16:33).

My friend, Youstina Asaad, was diagnosed with breast cancer earlier this year and is currently undergoing chemotherapy treatment. It not only came as a shock to her, but to all her friends and family. She was in denial that a 28 year old with no risk factors and no family history would have cancer. She felt fine, healthy, working hard as a surgery resident, and planning a wedding that was two months away. Her life was in full bloom.

She said, “I knew that God sometimes sent trials and sometimes allowed them in our lives, and I was okay with that, but there’s no way that it would happen now, would it? Once the doctors confirmed that it was definitely cancer, to be completely honest, I was very shaken. Every possible worst case scenario went through my head in that moment. I then realized that this was a gross lack of faith – what happened to “be anxious for nothing”? The mere fact that this was so unlikely and a “very random thing” as my doctors described it, is evidence that it could only have happened by God’s allowance, and I know that, “All things work together for those who love God.” Whatever it was, whatever would happen, would be for good. What more could I want?”

I asked her how she thought God was using this experience in her life, and she told me, “I have yet to see His grand plan for this season of life, and maybe I won’t get to see it in this lifetime, but I pray that He uses this as fire, and I hope to be as gold, purified and refined.”

What a beautiful prayer that is! How many of us can truly ask to be purified and refined by fire? It’s not as crazy as it sounds. St. Augustine said, “In my deepest wound I saw Your glory, and it dazzled me.”

It’s through the fire, the trial, the tribulation, the chastisement, that God really refines us to bring us closer to Him. To get closer to becoming His image and likeness. After all, He sacrificed His life for humanity. I wish there was an easy way to get there, but no where in the Bible is life promised to be easy. We’re told that we have to go through the narrow gate to get to the Kingdom, and that it will be filled with trials and tribulations. So are you willing to let God take you on that journey of growth?

(c) Lilyan Andrews (2020). Growing through Trials by Lilyan Andrews. Available at https://www.liliesandthorns.com/post/growing-through-trials

Growing through Reconciliation

Growing through Reconciliation

By Lilyan Andrews

Original seen at Lilyan Andrews’ blog Lilies and Thorns, 3 Oct, 2020.

Confrontation. It’s an uncomfortable word, but a necessary one.

It is only through confrontation that we can arrive at reconciliation. When you face a problem with someone, what is your first reaction? Is it to brush it off and pretend that nothing happened? Or is it to face it right on and address it?

For many years I took the first approach. I was too wrapped up in pleasing everyone and wanted everyone to like me. So when a problem arose and something bothered me, I told myself to be the “bigger” person and just let it go. In hindsight, I can see that was not the best approach. I was definitely fooling myself when I thought that being the bigger person meant ignoring the problem. When I would “let things go” on the surface, I was actually burying it so deep down that it unconsciously festered in an unhealthy way. So if I lost my cool one day it would all come bursting out in an ugly way.

My friends, if I could give you one small piece of advice, I’d say… If someone does something that bothers you, don’t bury your feelings, but speak up with love.

Therefore, putting away lying, “Let each one of you speak truth with his neighbor,” for we are members of one another. “Be angry, and do not sin”: do not let the sun go down on your wrath, nor give place to the devil.

Ephesians 4:25-27

And just because you approach someone with love and speak truthfully it doesn’t mean that what you have to say will always be received positively. Even with the best intentions and great communication, some will choose to not accept your viewpoint. In the case of friendships or relationships, you have to ask yourself, is this friendship/relationship worth working on? If the answer is yes, then roll up your sleeves because it’s going to require some serious work (depending on how big the issue is). If the answer is no, then you do your best to make sure there are no hard feelings, and might have to let this friendship fizzle out. Do this all without disrespect, without resentment, and without sinful anger like it says in Psalm 4:4, “Be angry, and do not sin.”

It might even require involving a third party to resolve the issue. This is where a father of confession, a wise servant, or someone you trust can come in handy. The Gospel says the following, “Moreover if your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he hears you, you have gained your brother. But if he will not hear, take with you one or two more, that ‘by the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established.’” (Matthew 18:15-16). It is your duty as a Christian to try to resolve the issue, but don’t always expect it to be smooth sailing.

I have a friendship that is near and dear to my heart. The way we always resolved issues was surely not the best. If someone said or did something that upset the other person unknowingly, we would never bring it up. What ended up happening over the years looked something like this: I messed up. It bothered my friend. She didn’t say anything about it, because she loved me and didn’t want to risk ruining our friendship. But I had no idea it bothered her, so I kept doing it. Until one day it all exploded. It got pretty ugly, to the point where I wanted to avoid events we were both invited to. It took us months (or actually more like years) to figure out how to mend this friendship that we both valued. It was nothing other than the grace of God that gave us healing and allowed us to move forward. Forgiveness is a beautiful gift that we sometimes take for granted.

Confrontation isn’t easy for me, it gives me that knot in my stomach feeling, makes my voice shaky, and my heart beat a little too fast. I could tell confrontation wasn’t easy for her either, that’s why we both played the avoidance game for so long. We could have never come to where we are today if we didn’t pull the trigger on that tough initial conversation (and many more that followed). Confrontation and reconciliation shaped our friendship to become a beautiful, resilient, sacrificial, and healthy one. That’s not to say that Satan won’t try to mess with it again, I’m sure he will. But by the grace of God our loving hearts can resolve any difficulties that might arise.

Oftentimes, it is only through these tough, yet earnest and well intentioned, conversations that we can help one another become better people. King Solomon writes, “As iron sharpens iron, So a man sharpens the countenance of his friend” (Proverbs 27:17). The sharpening of a tool is not painless or resistance free. The very nature of the process requires friction between the hard surfaces. The end result is clear – a sharpened countenance. The key here is to learn how to sharpen and be sharpened, how to confront in an empathetic and loving manner.

If you are familiar with the first hour of the Agpeya (Book of Hours), you know that the following is read from the Pauline Epistle:

As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace. There is one body and one Spirit, just as you were called in one hope of your calling; one Lord, one faith, one baptism; one God and Father of all, who is above all, and through all, and in you all.

Ephesians 4:1-5

That’s the kind of Spirit we should all live by. A Spirit that is led by humility and gentleness that is always striving for peace. This is the only way to really grow. Growth isn’t always easy like I previously mentioned. I pray we can all experience this peace, even if it means enduring the uncomfortableness of confrontation in order to arrive at reconciliation and forgiveness.

(c) Lilyan Andrews (2020). Growing through Reconciliation by Lilyan Andrews. Available at https://www.liliesandthorns.com/post/growing-through-reconciliation

Personal Growth

Personal Growth

By Lilyan Andrews

Originally seen on Lilyan Andrews’ blog, Lilies and Thorns, Sept 26, 2020.

The personal development/personal growth industry has become over a $10 Billion dollar industry. As we go through the motions of life we find ourselves at crossroads, looking for direction, or absolutely clueless as to where we want to go. This is where this incredibly sought-after industry steps in and saves the day. Now, I’m all for a good personal development book, podcast, video, course, coach etc., but all those things won’t cause positive change in your life unless you want them to. You have to struggle to become the best version of yourself through your own will. No one can push you the way you can push yourself.

As a matter of fact, the idea of this blog came to me after I finished reading a personal growth book. It was filled with great content and overall empowering. After I finished reading it, I thought to myself, “I wish I had something like this when I was growing up that addressed all the struggles a Christian (or Coptic) girl faces in today’s society.” I did some research and couldn’t find exactly what I was looking for, so I worked up the courage to create this blog. That’s how “Lilies and Thorns” was born.

We are holistic beings. We are spiritual, mental, physical, emotional, and social beings with great depth. Each of those areas are grown in different ways. Some easier than others.

I want to start by pointing out the obvious: in order to really know ourselves, we must first know God. After all, we are made in His image and according to His likeness. If you want true growth, you must draw from the source of all goodness Himself. Seek Him first, struggle in your relationship with Him, and all the other aspects of your life will come together in harmony.

But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.

Matthew 6:33

So much of our time and energy goes to focusing on our worldly success, especially in our adolescent and young adult years. We want to get good grades, so we study really hard. We want to get into a good college, so we do everything we can to make our college applications undeniable. We want to get a good job, so we obsessively polish our resumes. We want to find a life partner, so we keep looking until we find someone who’s marriage material. The list can go on forever.

What we often forget to focus on is our personality, and how it’s being shaped by all these circumstances. Whether the situations are joyous or painful, we should be growing from every single one of them. Are we being resilient in the midst of a mental battle? Are we being persistent in the midst of rejection? Are we being immovable in the midst of negative social influence? Are we being firm in our faith in times of doubt?

Personal growth can be transformative if we allow not just the good, but also the “bad” moments to be lessons. When we lift up all those experiences in prayer to Christ, they can be pivotal in allowing us to grow. Prayer and spiritual guidance can help us gain clarity and see the direction we want to take our spiritual, mental, physical, emotional and social life in.

We might have some deep wounds that are covered by flowery bandages. We can ignore them all we want, but in order to truly grow we have to take a deep look at ourselves. What are those ugly and dark parts of ourselves that we try so hard to hide from others? Whether those things are a result of our own mistakes or someone else’s mistakes, I urge you to face them straight on. You might need the help of a counselor or therapist to rip off that bandage and start really healing your wounds. There is never any shame in seeking help. That’s the first part (and maybe the easier part), the second part is actually doing the work to self-heal. Let your wounds become beautiful battle scars, letting each one tell a story of how you’ve grown and conquered your struggles!

“My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing.” (James 1:2-4)

Over the next few weeks I’ll be writing about how we can grow in many different ways. How we can grow from pain. Not self-inflicted pain, but pain that God allows us to go through for the purpose of refining us. How we can grow from conflicts in our friendships and relationships if we address them properly. Reconciliation is a Christian concept we often don’t know how to approach. How we can grow from grief, specifically the loss of a loved one (this will be a guest post). I hope you come along for the ride, and I pray you all benefit from this series.

(c) Lilyan Andrews. Personal Growth by Lilyan Andrews. Availabe at https://www.liliesandthorns.com/post/personal-growth

Lord Teach Us To Pray Part 1

Lord, Teach Us To Pray 

Part 1

by Andrew Boutros 

On a random Tuesday in July, 2011, I received a phone call from my dad telling me to book a flight and go to Kenya. I had no idea where Kenya was on the map nor what people do in Kenya. But I decided to go with the idea since I love traveling, little did I know that this mission trip would be the first of many more trips and would be a new milestone in my relationship with God.

I was 19 years old in my junior year of college with no major, no purpose and no goals in life. I landed in Kenya August 11th, 2011 not knowing anyone or anything about mission work. The first two days were extremely rough for me since the schedule I had to follow was a very rigorous one. Waking up at 7am to do my quiet time (reading the Bible), then prayer then Bible study followed by breakfast for 45 minutes. Then we would go out and preach and do outreach from 10 am to 4 pm, come back have lunch then two hours of free time followed by prayers, Bible study and a small prayer meeting before we sleep!

That was way too much for me since I didn’t have a lot of knowledge or any knowledge about the Bible at that time and my prayer life was on hold during the first two years of college. I had so many questions about the Bible and God, but I was never given a satisfying answer, so I was just Christian by name more of an agnostic, believing that God exits but having no relationship whatsoever with Him.

On August 13th, 2011 I had my first very fight with God, I was so mad because I felt so useless in the first 2 days in my mission trip, everyone around me seemed to know what they were doing or what to preach EXCEPT me, they had a different kind of joy and zeal for Christ. So, that night I prayed and told Him “God I want this kind of joy that they have, I want you to change my life because I’m sick of the life I’ve been living. Lastly God, if you allowed this change to happen in me, I want people to see Christ in me the rest of my life.”

The 20 days that I spent in Kenya after that became very different and marked the beginning of a new phase and a new lifestyle. The change that happened in me was more of a mindset change that eventually led to my behaviors to be changed. I started waking up early to do my quiet time and ask questions if I didn’t understand anything. I started praying very small prayers asking Him to teach me how to preach, how to read His word, how to talk to Him, and how to maintain this joy. By the end of the 23 days I spent there He made it clear for me that this is the new lifestyle He wanted me to live. BUT it all started with that very first fight with God, that one prayer on August 13th, 2011. God literally held my hands as a Father holds his child’s hand and taught me how to talk to Him, how to listen to Him, and how to follow Him one step at a time. I never understood the meaning of praying the Agpya prayers, I used to be always distracted during liturgy because I never understood the depth or the meaning of the prayer, but He taught me slowly and carefully.

Sometimes the starting point can be overwhelming. What do I say when I stand in prayer? What do I do for 2 hours at the liturgy? We need to understand the difference between all these various types of prayers and the different levels of prayers as well. The church fathers explain to us that there are three levels of prayers;

  • Prayers of the mouth
  • Prayers of the min
  • Prayers of the heart.

Prayers of the mouth are the first level of prayer where we recite the words of prayers without understanding the words, experiencing the depth, or meditating on it. This is the level we all start with when we are learning how to pray, you could be at church and just reciting the hymns with the congregation but not necessarily understanding every word that you say.

The second level of prayer is the prayer of the mind where you step up the game and start meditating on the words you are saying. You are stopping at some words during your prayer time and meditating on these words even if it’s for few minutes.

Then the last level of prayer is the prayer of the heart where you let your mouth, mind, and heart be fully engaged while praying. So, you move from the memorization or recitation level to experiencing more depth and warmth in prayer that you forget yourself, you forget your own needs and requests and you are fully immersed in God’s heart.

Throughout our spiritual journey here on earth we typically fluctuate between the three levels, but our aim should always be the prayer of the heart where every part of us is fully occupied with Jesus. If we understand the different levels of prayers and set it as our aim to reach the prayer of the heart, then it eases our way to understand and practice the different types of prayers.

The two main types of prayers are the formal prayers and the conversational prayers. The formal prayers are the prayers that the church has set for us to reach this union with God such as the liturgical prayers and the Agpya prayers. While the conversational prayers are the heart to heart prayers that you say to God anytime. One analogy that will make it easier to understand these levels and types of prayers and makes it application easy is the seed and tree analogy. If you want to plant a tree, it all starts by throwing a seed in the ground. You need to have patience, right amount of sun light, good soil, right quantity of water every day, and someone to take care of it. So remember that when you start developing your prayer life God will take you through the same journey this tiny seed goes through until it becomes a huge tree that becomes a shelter to many birds and you too will grow a become a giant in the faith and will be a shelter to many people and guide them to Christ. Your heart is the ground and you already have the seed in your heart so pray today that He starts the development process in your heart so you can reach this union with Him.