healing – Upper Room Media Blogs

Eternal Summer

By Sandra; Co-written with Makrina

Original post by Becoming Fully Alive blogsite, 12 Sep 16

Sometimes we think that we are in need of a perfect home with everything neatly in place to show hospitality. And sometimes we think we need a perfect heart that has it all together to invite someone in and build that home. But there are homes we build with our friends not with hands but with conversations of openness and honesty, with the comfort to be as we are, who we are, where we are now. With all our sins and struggles and all our questions and doubts. Sharing death and grief, sex and desire, our needs, deepest inadequacies and regrets. We uncover the demolition in our hearts, unafraid of displaying the rubble, unafraid of leaving the keys to the doors we’ve always locked for someone else to walk in. In the face of each other’s rubble, there is no space for judgement, only the realisation that we all stand on the same levelled ground, a holy ground, where our pain and our struggles are communally felt, without measure, without degrees. Hospitality is the fearlessness to offer others a key into your warzone, and the fearlessness to choose to be present with another.

Many of us were raised strictly associating spiritual growth with the attendance of bible studies, worship evenings, quiet time and locking our bedroom doors in prayer. But there is spiritual growth at 2am at the back of a pickup truck, with seven hearts drawn in laughter and in love. There is growth in 6am swims through the river and in sharing water shoes when the rocks become too harsh beneath your feet. There is growth in conversations over eggs benedict and in sharing the words of people who have previously hurt and condemned us, and the relationships that have left us feeling less than who we are. There is growth in reconnecting with old friends and learning the hearts of new ones, because where there are people, there is God, and that is where we grow and self discover. There is growth in the daily victory of waking up and trying, trying, and trying again. There is growth in struggling through loss to believe that God is good, and there is also growth in firmly believing through the tragedy that God is good.

When we let God out of the man-made spiritual boxes we have created, we need not look far or deep or wide to see His face, but to the heart next to us to realise that He is here. For long we have found Him in foreign mission fields and in retreats, yet now we are awakened to find Him in His people, the church, the home that is built without hands.

After years of living under the weight of expectations and who we “should” be, many of us have locked so many doors of our hearts away for the fear of being known, for fear of being perceived as not spiritual, as not a man or woman of God. When we have tasted the condemnation of a community, labels that silences us, our fears can only be rational and our walk becomes heavy. We were never called to pretend a false state of perfection. We were created in the image of Community for community. A community that is real, that moves from individualism to a place where we can reach out and ask why we’re created in a fallen world or why it’s so hard to hear God’s voice sometimes.

We all naturally gravitate to the community that will accept us for all we bring to the table, so we find ourselves projecting the finished product of ourselves that we believe our community desires so that we can find our home. All the while we live with the fear of truly being known and found out. We live in fear that one day someone will tear down the door to our demolition and see the truth; to see our addictions and the tears that keep us up at night. But Christ was always interested in the real authentic version of ourselves. Christ was never interested in the finished product more than He was in our journey to wholeness. And community was only ever meant to be a place without fear. A place where all we ask is to see with loving eyes, instead of with defence or judgment, the person before us. All of the wonder, grace and godliness lying in the demolition that is yet to be restored. We hope in the yet to come but we love and live the now of each other – no matter how much is taken apart. Hospitality is loving without the need to put it all back together. And hospitality never demands an invite. It waits, it loves, it is patient.

“Maybe we’re all just shiny balls of light inside human machines. Maybe we’re all trying desperately to convince others that the noise they hear coming out of our mouths is an accurate reflection of the intentions of the shiny ball of light inside the machine. Maybe it screams, “I am real in here, I am real in here, I am real here.” Maybe the light inside me just wants to know, if you’re real too.”

-Iain Thomas

Original blog found at- https://www.becomingfullyalive.com/eternal-summer/

A Model of Repentance

By BFA Team

Originally seen on Becoming Fully Alive blog site, 12^th October 2016

This post is a homily by St Ephraim the Syrian on the sinful woman. May her story encourage us in our repentance!

Hear and be comforted, beloved, how merciful is God. To the sinful woman He forgave her offenses; yea, He upheld her when she was afflicted. With clay He opened the eyes of the blind, so that the eyeballs beheld the light. To the palsied He granted healing, who arose and walked and carried his bed. And to us He has given the pearls; His holy Body and Blood. He brought His medicines secretly; and with them He heals openly. And He wandered round in the land of Judea, like a physician, bearing his medicines. Simon invited Him to the feast, to eat bread in his house. The sinful woman rejoiced when she heard that He sat and was feasting in Simon’s house; her thoughts gathered together like the sea, and like the billows her love surged. She beheld the Sea of Grace, how it had forced itself into one place; and she resolved to go and drown all her wickedness in its billows.

She bound her heart, because it had offended, with chains and tears of suffering; and she began weeping (with herself): What avails me this fornication? What avails this lewdness? I have defiled the innocent ones without shame; I have corrupted the orphan; and without fear I have robbed the merchants of merchandise, and my rapacity was not satisfied. I have been as a bow in war, and have slain the good and the bad. I have been as a storm on the sea, and have sunk the ships of many. Why did I not win me one man, who might have corrected my lewdness? For one man is of God, but many are of Satan.

These things she inwardly said; then began she to do outwardly. She washed and put away from her eyes the dye that blinded them that saw it. And tears gushed forth from her eyes over that deadly eyepaint. She drew off and cast from her hands the enticing bracelets of her youth. She put off and cast away from her body the tunic of fine linen of whoredom, and resolved to go and attire herself in the tunic the garment of reconciliation. She drew off and cast from her feet the adorned sandals of lewdness; and directed the steps of her going in the path of the heavenly Eagle. She took up her gold in her palm and held it up to the face of heaven, and began to cry secretly, to Him who hears openly: This, O Lord, that I have gained from iniquity, with it will I purchase to myself redemption. This which was gathered from orphans, with it will I win the Lord of orphans.

These things she said secretly; then began to do openly. She took up the gold in her palm, and carried the alabaster box in her hands. Then hastily went she forth in sadness to the perfumer. The perfumer saw her and wondered, and fell into questioning with her; and thus he began to say to the harlot in the first words he spoke: Was it not enough for you, harlot, that you have corrupted all our town? What means this fashion that you show today to your lovers— that you have put off your wantonness and hast clothed yourself in modesty? Heretofore, when you came to me, your aspect was different from today’s. You were clothed in goodly raiment, and brought little gold; and asked for precious ointment, to make your lewdness pleasant. But lo! Today your vesture is mean, and you have brought much gold. Your change I understand not; wherefore is this fashion of yours? Either clothe you in raiment according to your ability, or buy ointment according to your clothing. For this ointment becomes not or is suited to this attire. Can it be that a merchant has met you, and brings great wealth; and you have seen that he loves it not, the fashion of your lewdness? So you have put off your lewdness and hast clothed yourself in meekness, that by various fashions you may capture much wealth. But if he loves this fashion because he is a chaste man in truth, then woe to him! Into what has he fallen? Into a gulf that has swallowed up his merchandise. But I give you advice, as a man that desires your welfare, that you send away your many lovers who have helped you nought from your youth, and henceforth seek out one husband who may correct your lewdness.

These things spoke the perfumer, in wisdom, to the harlot. The sinful woman answered and said to him, to the perfumer after his discourse, Hinder me not, O man, and stop me not by your questioning. I have asked of you ointment, not freely, but I will pay you its value not grudgingly. Take you the gold, as much as you demand, and give me the precious ointment; take you that which endures not and give me that which endures; and I will go to Him who endures, and will buy that which endures. And as to that you said, about a merchant; a Man has met me today Who bears riches in abundance. He has robbed me and I have robbed Him; He has robbed me of my transgressions and sins, and I have robbed Him of His wealth. And as to that you said of a husband; I have won me a Husband in heaven, Whose dominion stands for ever, and His kingdom shall not be dissolved. She took up the ointment and went forth.

In haste went she forth; as Satan saw her and was enraged; and was greatly grieved in his mind. At one time he rejoiced, and again at another he was grieved. That she carried the perfumed oil, he rejoiced in his inward mind; but that she was clad in mean raiment— at this doing of hers he was afraid. He clave then to her and followed her, as a robber follows a merchant. He listened to the murmurs of her lips, to hear the voice of her words. He closely watched her eyeballs (to mark) whither the glance of her eyes was directed; and as he went he moved by her feet (to mark) whither her goings were directed. Very full of craft is Satan, from our words to learn our aim. Therefore, our Lord has taught us not to raise our voice when we pray, that the Devil may not hear our words and draw near and become our adversary. So then, when Satan saw that he could not change her mind, he clothed himself in the fashion of a man, and drew to himself a crowd of youths, like her lovers of former times; and then began he thus to address her: By your life, O woman, tell me whither are your footsteps directed? What means this haste? For you hastes more than other days. What means this your meekness, for your soul is meek like a handmaid’s? Instead of garments of fine linen, lo! You are clothed in sordid weeds; instead of bracelets of gold and silver, there are not even rings on your fingers; instead of goodly sandals for your feet, not even worn shoes are on your feet. Disclose to me all your doing, for I understand not your change. Is it that some one of your lovers has died, and you go to bury him? We will go with you to the funeral, and with you will (take part with you) in sorrow.

The sinful woman answered and said to him, (even) to Satan, after his speech: Well have you said that I go to inter the dead, one that has died to me. The sin of my thoughts has died, and I go to bury it. Satan answered and said to her, (even) to the sinful woman after her words: Go to, O woman, I tell you that I am the first of your lovers. I am not such as you, and I place my hands upon you. I will give you again more gold than before.

The sinful woman answered and said to him, even to Satan after his discourse: I am wearied of you, O man, and you are no more my lover. I have won me a husband in heaven, Who is God, that is over all, and His dominion stands for ever, and His kingdom shall not be dissolved. For lo! In your presence I say; I say it again and I lie not. I was a handmaid to Satan from my childhood unto this day. I was a bridge, and he trode upon me, and I destroyed thousands of men. The eyepaint blinded my eyes, and (I was) blind among many whom I blinded. I became sightless and knew not that there is One Who gives light to the sightless. Lo! I go to get light for my eyes, and by that light to give light to many. I was fast bound, and knew not that there is One Who overthrows idols. Lo! I go to have my idols destroyed, and so to destroy the follies of many. I was wounded and knew not that there is One Who binds up wounds; and lo! I go to have my wounds bound. These things the harlot spoke to Satan in her wisdom; and he groaned and was grieved and wept; and he cried aloud and thus he spoke:— I am conquered by you, O woman, and what I shall do I know not.

As soon as Satan perceived that he could not change her mind, he began to weep for himself and thus it was that he spoke: Henceforth is my boasting perished, and the pride of all my days. How shall I lay for her a snare, for her who is ascending on high? How shall I shoot arrows at her, (even) at her whose wall is unshaken? Therefore, I go into Jesus’ presence; lo! she is about to enter His presence; and I shall say to Him thus: This woman is an harlot. Perchance He may reject and not receive her. And I shall say to Him thus: This woman who comes into Your presence is a woman that is an harlot. She has led captive men by her whoredom; she is polluted from her youth. But You, O Lord, are righteous; all men throng to see You. And if mankind see You that You have speech with the harlot, they all will flee from Your presence, and no man will salute You.

These things Satan spoke within himself, nor was he moved. Then he changed the course of his thought, and thus it was that he spoke. How shall I enter into Jesus’ presence, for to Him the secret things are manifest? He knows me, who I am, that no good office is my purpose. If haply He rebuke me I am undone, and all my wiles will be wasted. I will go to the house of Simon, for secret things are not manifest to him. And into his heart I will put it; perchance on that hook he may be caught. And thus, will I say unto him: By your life, O Simon, tell me; this man that sojourns in your house is he a man that is righteous, or a friend of the doers of wickedness? I am a wealthy man, and a man that has possessions, and I wish like you to invite him that he may come in and bless my possessions.

Simon answered and thus he said to the Evil One after his words: From the day that (first) I saw Him I have seen no lewdness in Him, but rather quietness and peace, humility and seemliness. The sick He heals without reward, the diseased He freely cures. He approaches and stands by the grave, and calls, and the dead arise. Jairus called Him to raise his daughter to life, trusting that He could raise her to life. And as He went with him in the way, He gave healing to the woman diseased, who laid hold of the hem of His garment and stole healing from Him, and her pain which was hard and bitter at once departed from her. He went forth to the desert and saw the hungry, how they were fainting with famine. He made them sit down on the grass, and fed them in His mercy. In the ship He slept as He willed, and the sea swelled against the disciples. He arose and rebuked the billows, and there was a great calm. The widow, the desolate one who was following her only son, on the way to the grave He consoled her. He gave him to her and gladdened her heart. To one man who was dumb and blind, by His voice He brought healing. The lepers He cleansed by His word; to the limbs of the palsied He restored strength. For the blind man, afflicted and weary, He opened his eyes and he saw the light. And for two others who besought Him, at once He opened their eyes. As for me, thus have I heard the fame of the man from afar; and I called Him to bless my possessions, and to bless all my flocks and herds.

Satan answered and said to him, to Simon after his words: Praise not a man at his beginning, until you learn his end; hitherto this man is sober and his soul takes not pleasure in wine. If he shall go forth from your house, and holds not converse with an harlot, then he is a righteous man and no friend of them that do wickedness. Such things did Satan speak in his craftiness to Simon. Then he approached and stood afar off, to see what should come to pass.

The sinful woman full of transgressions stood clinging by the door. She clasped her arms in prayer, and thus she spoke beseeching:— Blessed Son Who hast descended to earth for the sake of man’s redemption, close not Your door in my face; for You have called me and lo! I come. I know that You have not rejected me; open for me the door of Your mercy, that I may come in, O my Lord, and find refuge in You, from the Evil One and his hosts! I was a sparrow, and the hawk pursued me, and I have fled and taken refuge in Your nest. I was a heifer, and the yoke galled me, and I will turn back my wanderings to You. Lay upon me the shoulder of Your yoke that I may take it on me, and work with Your oxen. Thus did the harlot speak at the door with much weeping. The master of the house looked and saw her, and the colour of his visage was changed; and he began thus to address her, (even) the harlot, in the opening of his words:— Depart hence, O harlot, for this man who abides in our house is a man that is righteous, and they that are of his companions are blameless. Is it not enough for you, harlot, that you have corrupted the whole town? You have corrupted the chaste without shame; you have robbed the orphans, and have not blushed, and have plundered the merchants’ wares, and your countenance is not abashed. From him your heart [and soul] labour [to take]. But from him your net takes no spoil. For this man is righteous indeed, and they of his company are blameless.

The sinful woman answered and said to him, even to Simon when he had ceased: You surely are the guardian of the door, O you that know things that are secret! I will propose the matter in the feast, and you shall be free from blame. And if there be any that wills me to come in, he will bid me and I will come in. Simon ran and closed the door, and approached and stood afar off. And he tarried a long time and proposed not the matter in the feast. But He, Who knows what is secret, beckoned to Simon and said to him:— Come hither, Simon, I bid you; does anyone stand at the door? Whosoever he be, open to him that he may come in; let him receive what he needs, and go. If he be hungry and hunger for bread, lo! In your house is the table of life; and if he be thirsty, and thirst for water, lo! The blessed fountain is in your dwelling. And if he be sick and ask for healing, lo! The great Physician is in your house. Allow sinners to look upon Me, for their sakes have I abased Myself. I will not ascend to heaven, to the dwelling whence I came down, until I bear back the sheep that has wandered from its Father’s house, and lift it up on My shoulders and bear it aloft to heaven. Simon answered and thus he said to Jesus, when He had done speaking:— My Lord, this woman that stands in the doorway is a harlot: she is lewd and not free-born, polluted from her childhood. And You, my Lord, are a righteous man, and all are eager to see You; and if men see You having speech with the harlot, all men will flee from beside You, and no man will salute You. Jesus answered, and thus He said to Simon when he was done speaking:— Whosoever it be, open for him to come in, and you shall be free from blame; and though his offenses be many, without rebuke I bid you [receive him].

Simon approached and opened the door, and began thus to speak:— Come, enter, fulfil that you will, to him who is even as you. The sinful woman, full of transgressions, passed forward and stood by His feet, and clasped her arms in prayer, and with these words she spoke:— My eyes have become watercourses that cease not from [watering] the fields, and today they wash the feet of Him Who follows after sinners. This hair, abundant in locks from my childhood till this day, let it not grieve You that it should wipe this holy body. The mouth that has kissed the lewd, forbid it not to kiss the body that remits transgressions and sins. These things the harlot spoke to Jesus, with much weeping. And Simon stood afar off to see what He would do to her. But He Who knows the things that are secret, beckoned to Simon and said to him:— Lo! I will tell you, O Simon, what your meditation is, concerning the harlot. Within your mind you imagine and within your soul you said, ‘I have called this man righteous, but lo! The harlot kisses Him. I have called Him to bless my possessions, and lo! The harlot embraces Him.’ O Simon, there were two debtors, whose creditor was one only; one owed him five-hundred [pence], and the other owed fifty. And when the creditor saw that neither of these two had anything, the creditor pardoned and forgave them both their debt. Which of them ought to render the greater thanks? He who was forgiven five hundred, or he who was forgiven fifty? Simon answered, and thus he said to Jesus, when He had done speaking:— He who was forgiven five hundred ought to render the greater thanks. Jesus answered and thus He said: You are he that owes five hundred, and this woman owes fifty. Lo! I came into your house, O Simon; and water for My feet you brought not; and this woman, of whom you said that she was an harlot, one from her childhood defiled, has washed My feet with her tears, and with her hair she has wiped them. Ought I to send her away, O Simon, without receiving forgiveness? Verily, verily, I say unto you, I will write of her in the Gospel. Go, O woman, your sins are forgiven you and all your transgression is covered; henceforth and to the end of the world.

May our Lord account us worthy of hearing this word of His:— Come, enter, you blessed of My Father, inherit the kingdom made ready for all who shall do My will, and observe all My commandments. To Him be glory; on us be mercy; at all times. Amen!

Original blog available at- https://becomingfullyalive.com/a-model-of-repentance/

Healing from the Inside Out

Healing from the Inside Out

Adapted from a sermon by Fr Michael Fanous

Passage Matthew 12:22-28

There was a man that was demon-possessed, blind and mute. Normally those who are mute are usually deaf as well. It would have seemed that nothing was going right for this man.

What does it mean to be demon-possessed? In essence, it is madness. How do we describe madness? The mind that cannot reason or think logically and is constantly confused. All the thoughts produced by this mind are not in line with reality. There are a multitude of problems.

What does it mean to be blind? He was also deprived of seeing the beauty of creation around him, and for him.

On top of that, being mute and deaf meant he could not express or explain himself. We could go so far as to presume that this was a useless person. A man that is not in the image that we know.

But this is the exact state of humanity after Adam and Eve sinned. When we do not know what is good for us, when we cannot reason right from wrong, when we cannot see creation for the beauty that God created it to be, when we cannot praise God, then we are like the madness of this man.

When Adam and Eve were in the Garden of Eden, the devil corrupted their minds. The serpent questioned God’s command saying, Has God indeed said, “You shall not eat of every tree of the garden?” (Gen. 3:1). He deceived and confused them so that they forget what God had taught them. The serpent convinced them that the only source of life was from the one tree they were told not to eat from. They were blinded from seeing the good creation of the Lord.

When God called out to Adam when he was hiding, Adam responded, “I heard Your voice in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; and I hid myself” (Gen. 3:10). What happened to Adam at the point? Had he not heard the voice of God before? What made this time different? Adam became deaf to the voice of the Lord also.

This is the state of humanity when sin entered the world. But Jesus came to bring back normality to the world. He came to earth and gave us baptism so that we may think clearly, see the good of creation and hear the voice of the Lord.

When the Lord healed the man, He renounced Satan, in this same way we renounce Satan before a person is baptised. The person raises their left hand and faces the west where Satan is and they say, “I renounce you, Satan, with all your trickery and hypocrisy”

Christ in the gospel renounces Satan and this brought healing to the man. Healing puts us back to our original state. In baptism, we look toward the east and raise our right hand and says, “I believe in You, Christ.”

In Christ, we can uses our senses for the glory of God. Everything becomes clear – our mind, our thoughts, our sight. We can praise the Lord.

Eventually, we sin again, but the church provides for us the means to return to our original state. The church provides a place where God is upon the altar. We can see and hear God. We have the saints to fill our eyes with goodness. The church gives us the Cross so we can see the Love of God in its fullness. The church gives us the smell of incense that takes us to heaven. The church provides the Holy Body and Blood of Christ to give us power, wisdom and understanding. Then, we are normal again. The things of the world cannot distract the soul that is satisfied in Christ. We look to heaven, and the things of the world become meaningless in comparison.

The Lord tells us, “Every kingdom divided against itself is brought to desolation, and every city or house divided against itself will not stand” (Matt. 12:25). This is the case when we fall into sin. My kingdom is my internal state. If my mind is divided from my heart and the body is doing what it likes, while the eyes are free to wander, I cannot stand.

The heart says I should be Christian, the mind agrees that this is the right thing to do, but then the body wants to enjoy the pleasures of the world. We become confused and divided against ourselves. How can we stand? This breeds guilt and confusion. We cannot reason when we are divided. The Lord tells us that if he can heal the man that was possessed, blind and mute, He can heal us, too. He can heal us through the church. This gives us eternal satisfaction.

The saints gave all their senses to the Lord, these worked together. They raise their hands to pray, they prostrate, their heart and mind are with God. The spirit moves within them to make them a complete person, lacking nothing and free from all bondage. A true son or daughter of Christ is completely free, nothing can bind them or upset them. Nothing can hold them back.

I will praise You with uprightness of heart when I learn Your righteous judgements
Psalm 119:7

This is the goal – to praise and thank Him for our minds and our senses. We can be whole again, we can be pure, we can be sons and daughters of the Highest.

What Goes Unheard

What Goes Unheard

By Makrina Williams

Originally seen at goCoptic blog (September 19, 2019)

There is a woman who despises her femininity; loathes any sign of beauty that can welcome trespassers, like the time she was 7 years old. Because he took what was never meant for him, and amongst the broken pieces he shattered, he left her not only hating him, but hating herself too.

Behind her tough exterior, she is beautiful and she is soft. To everyone, she hides her vulnerability and femininity; no one ever thought to look deep into her heart. No one ever thought to ask her why. Instead, they criticize and laugh.

We sit in each other’s presence; ask questions like we are students of each other’s heart. She opens out her beating muscle and shows me every place that it has been pierced. And though there are puncture wounds that cause my body to shut down in anguish, I keep listening, and watch the map of her unfold before my weary eyes.

For we are more than what we choose to display on our surface. We are more than the stories we tell every day. We are all a uniquely precious story.

She asks me what it feels like to live with both my parents.

I tell her the truth; it is both beautiful and painful. Beautiful in the security and love I have always known. Painful because I know a beauty that many people have been robbed of. I tell her that sometimes it hurts and I think it is not fair, that I fight with God, asking why only me. I tell her I wish she had what I had. I tell her I’m sorry.

She tells me he raped her at 7 years old and no one believed her. How he’s still a free man, walks down the same streets as she does, without any punishment. She sees him, but can’t bear the thought or sight of him. She desires to kill him with her own bare hands.

Her father is a polygamist. Aside from her mother, whom he left, he now has two wives. He can afford to pay double of all her needs, yet he does not pay even a tenth. She loves him and she hates him, and she prays that he would know that someone in the world is searching for him. He tells her she’s an adult now, that she has no need of a father. But she looks at me and tells me she craves fatherly affection.

She asks me what it feels like to not be heard.

She asks me what it feels like to be disowned.

I am unqualified to answer. But I ask her right back.

What if we are called to be pursuers of each other’s stories? Instead of living on the surface of each other, caressing only the superficial layers. What if we are to whole heartedly pursue the truth in others, like when Christ met the woman at the well, pursuing her story beyond what people see and know, asking her real questions. Because to Him, the heart matters.

What if this is the real liturgy we are called for; the real work of the people? To hold hands and embrace hearts, to learn the story behind every war, and never let a day fall without calling out the beauty from the ashes left by the wars.

What if this is the real liturgy; witnessing the presence of Christ in everyday life? To behold Him in the man with post-traumatic stress, within the ache of every father wound, amidst the hunger for power and success, more than in the steeple and in the liturgy books?

Sometimes the books, the services, all equate to great things, but what if the Greatest is found on the streets? Like the Mama by the roadside selling fritters, who greets me daily, the woman who cries out for Jesus no matter how intoxicated she is. What if the battle stories, and the scars, those tears and the way they have formed behaviors are the most glorious thing we will ever encounter? Like Christ who lived most of his days not in the synagogues but on the streets, and allowed every interruption to befall him.

What if living lies right here, amidst the stories of love, loss and abandonment. What if these stories are what we are called to pursue?

This here is her story. This is her voice.

True Christian spirituality is not just about “my soul” or the “self.” Spirituality that is Christian is always about taking responsibility for belonging to others, about sharing their concerns, about bearing others’ burdens and washing each other’s feet. – Kevin Irwin, Models of the Eucharist

What can you do?

There are many with her story and others like her.

Of women with a broken past and they try to find their healing in the streets.

There are now over 20 women who work daily and not with their bodies. Some nights they are back on the streets, not to sell themselves again, but to reach out and empower other women. They take food to their sisters on the street, they pray and share the Word of God with them, and encourage them to come and start earning money in a new way. This ministry is now led by these courageous women who chose to leave the street that they may have life.

Sometimes the mission field sounds glamorous and easy, but for many of these women, leaving their former life behind is extremely difficult. After years of quick, easy money and sensual pleasures, it is difficult for them to now deal with the emotional wounds they once masked. Recovery and healing are a long road to walk, and we are so proud of our sisters for choosing to take on this journey.

The need here is greater than ever before, and the devil’s playground is ripe and ready for Gods laborers.

“being confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ”
Philippians 1:6

(c) Fr Abraham and Dalia Fam (September 19, 2019). goCoptic. What Goes Unheard by Makrina Williams. Original post – https://gocoptic.org/what-goes-unheard/

Facing Reality (Barriers to Repentance)

Barriers to Repentance 7/7

Facing Reality

by Shery Abdelmalak

If I am accountable to my own standards then I am righteous in my own eyes. Where was this logic adhered to? Judges – a time of utter chaos. By accepting this logic, we choose internal chaos over the healing of repentance, since our sins must first be brought to light before we can be healed.

Humans are creatures of habit and of routine. Change is a scary thing for us all. Sometimes we even prefer to accept our sins than to overcome them. We choose to remain in our human states than to pursue the heavenly. We choose to be waves of the ocean, tossed back and forth, lacking stability and a firm foundation. We must look to be righteous in God’s eyes, and pursuing His standards and not our own.

“I can’t repent because I don’t remember my sins”

Pray to remember. We are held to our own standards and it is our duty to expose our sins for the purposes of overcoming them. To him who knows good and does not do it, to him it is sin (James 4:17). We are not called to live an indifferent life. We are called to sanctification. If those around you do not see a difference between you and others, then something is wrong. Pray for your weaknesses and your sins to be revealed to you. Something as simple as eating a meal would cause tears of repentance in Abba Isidore. He says,“I am ashamed of myself because, being a rational being, I eat the food of an irrational creature; I desire to live in Paradise where I shall enjoy the food that is imperishable.”Abba Isidore knew that there was always something higher than him and repented for things that none of us would classify as sin.

“Spiritual life is too hard. Why do I have to give up so many of things that I love?”

Don’t go looking for weaknesses without first arming yourself with Christ. HH Pope Shenouda III says, “You reveal your weaknesses to obtain power from him. You reveal with regret all your sins, then He will grant you Absolution and forgiveness.” You are choosing to fight a losing battle if you do it alone. If this is the case, then your reluctance is a given. Arm yourself with Christ. Empty yourself and you will be filled with all strength and knowledge to withstand the wiles of the devil.

“But I know myself. I know how God made me. I can’t change that.”

If this does not implore you to repentance then how could you truly know yourself? If you knew yourself, you would recognise your worth can only come from the One that dwells within. Delve deeper and see your true self. It makes no sense by human logic that looking for flaws could be joyful but God doesn’t play by our rules. In Him, our weaknesses are turned into perfect strength.

A monk once asked the Abbot of the monastery to pray for him as he was struggling to overcome the devil. The abbot then spoke to the devil about this monk…

“Please go easy on this servant. He is struggling greatly with the temptations you have you put before him.”

“Who? I haven’t been anywhere near him.”

There are two keys things to note from this interaction.

The monk that claimed he was fighting against the devil was really fighting his own will.
The abbot of the monastery was in communication with the devil. He had a relationship with the devil.

The fight against the devil will only commence when we fight against our own wills and desires. Otherwise, the devil will not waste his time on you. The true tragedy in our spiritual lives is when the devil makes no effort to fight us at all. Only when our weaknesses and sins are given over to God in true repentance, will the devil ever validate our spirituality by giving us any form of challenge in temptation.

To have a relationship with God is one thing, to have a relationship with the devil is a whole new level. When the Jews saw the works of St Paul and St Peter that even their handkerchiefs and aprons were enough to heal the sick and exorcize evil spirits, they began to imitate their actions.

“We exorcise you by the Jesus whom Paul preaches!”

“Jesus I know, and Paul I know; but who are you?” The devils answered, before overpowering them and prevailing against them so that they fled out of the house naked and wounded (Acts 19:15).

The devil will only make himself known to those who fight in repentance to be near to our God.

St Athanasius recounts the struggles St Anthony faced during his time in the desert;

“Straightaway phantasms of this kind caused a phantom earthquake, and they tore apart the four corners of the house, and entered into it in a body from all sides. One had the form of a lion, another had the appearance of a wolf, another was like a panther, and all the others were in the forms of serpents, vipers, and scorpions. The lion was roaring as a lion roars when he is about to slay; the bull was ready to gore him with his horns; the panther was prepared to spring upon him; and the snakes the vipers were hissing.”

Reading this, knowing would be more than enough to scare anyone away from a life of spiritual struggle. Not for the one that is filled with Christ. At this moment, he laughed. St Athanasius continues, “The blessed man Anthony was not disturbed by their commotion, and his mind remained wholly undisturbed.”

St Anthony was filled completely with Christ, even to the very cells that comprised his being. He was not his own. He belonged wholly and completely to Christ. He had the authority of Christ trample under foot serpents and scorpions and all the power of the enemy.

The devil doesn’t fight fair. Lucky for us, neither does God. For while we were still sinners, He died upon the Cross for our salvation (Romans 5:8). How could routine ever compare to a life with Christ? Let us pray to overcome routine and face the reality of our weaknesses so that Christ may dwell in our hearts and minds. Glory be to God forever, Amen.