judgement – Upper Room Media Blogs

Sunday Police

By Dalia Fam

Originally seen on Fr Abraham and Dalia Fam’s blog goCoptic, 7 Feb, 2019.

As I was sitting one Sunday in church, a young girl who does not come much came and sat beside me. The first thing I noticed was that she was wearing a very inappropriate top and revealing way too much. So, I did what any “loving” mother of the church would do. I took a very long head covering, gently draping it over her shoulders, to cover the top of her body.

Some of you would agree with my actions. I mean after all my young son was beside me! She is a stumbling block to the other boys here! I am protecting others. Others will be distracted. I am teaching other young girls watching how to dress in church. I am teaching her how to respect the church. Love is shown through correction, as I correct my own children. I would have corrected my daughter if she came like this to church. Aren’t I treating her like I would my own daughter?

But, some select few of you, would see the hypocrisy of my actions. I may be covered up in clothing but my heart is full of judgment and pride. The outside of the cup is clean for me and I wear it proudly, religiously. Because I know how to dress in church, I look better than her. Because I come to church every Sunday, I know better than her. Because I am a servant or leader in the church, I am better than her.

Did I show her love or condemnation by covering her?

Instead of covering her with a loving hug, I covered her with disgrace and judgment. Rather than love her, I put her to shame. I humiliated her.

Instead of welcoming her to church, which she hadn’t come to in a long time, I pushed her back out the door emotionally and maybe even physically as well.

If we have grown up in the church, we have seen the fixation we have on correction. We are fixated with how people sit. Not crossing legs or not. Did I step into the altar with my right foot or not? Did I cover my hair? And many more examples.

I value that our churches have taught us how to respect the church. How to be disciplined and take the church serious. But have we forgotten about acceptance and love? I know I have.

One of the characteristics of our motto, “Every Church is a Mission Church,” is that a church openly welcomes and loves everyone, without discrimination. If we want to fulfill our calling that we are all called to be missionaries, then we have to practice this love and acceptance of others.

Yes, we should have respect in our churches. But what if we look at things backwards. What if I show love to someone and through that love, the person will eventually want to respect the presence of God? Seeing things backwards takes a much longer time to see change. But that is what Mission teaches us – there is no overnight, quick fix to mission. Correction will get a much faster solution. But correction without first loving and having a relationship is merely judgment. And most of the time, we spend our time correcting this way.

Once, I was at a church for a wedding of close friends of ours. We went the day before to help set up the church for the wedding. There was a youth boy there who lived right next door to the church and we heard rarely comes. He spent the entire day voluntarily mowing the lawn, preparing for this wedding for this family friend of theirs. As he walked into the church to greet a visiting priest, a visiting servant quickly scolded him not to enter the church because he was wearing shorts. The boy’s face is a face I will never forget as he turned to walk out the door.

I am not here to pass judgment on our servants or leaders. But, we have all seen or felt the stab of judgment and the criticism of correction without love. There are very few instances where we can share an example of someone building us up with total acceptance and love. And why I remember this story from years ago is because I have been guilty too.

I have hurt numerous people with my judgment. With my fixation on others to follow the rules before I have showered them with love. By being a Sunday police.

We have both seen the good and the bad in our churches. Let us see more of the good. Let us DO more of the good. Let us make a movement to shower others with love.

Let’s not focus on correction. Correction will come. But focus on love!!

The church is full of protectors of the rules but who will rise up and be a protector of love? The Love of Jesus.

What can I and others do to change this?

These are small ways we can teach ourselves and our children on how to openly accept everyone who walks into the door of our churches. Then, we live out this motto: Every Church is a Mission Church.

Remember our Calling

I love this verse from Ephesians 4:1-4:

I, therefore, the prisoner of the Lord, beseech you to walk worthy of the calling with which you were called, with all lowliness and gentleness, with longsuffering, bearing with one another in love, endeavoring to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. There is one body and one Spirit, just as you were called in one hope of your calling.

We are all called to live out this way. These are powerful verses challenging us on how to live out our calling to be missionaries. Through gentleness, loving humility, and perseverance when it gets hard or challenging. But above all, keep the unity of the Spirit because we are one body. Keeping the unity requires me to love unconditionally and accept without bounds.

Change your Perception

Instead of giving the people sitting next to me talking in church, a dirty look because they are “distracting” me; say, I am happy that these two people have found fellowship here at church instead of somewhere else.

When someone comes and not dressed appropriate; say I am glad she still decided to come when she could have chosen a hundred other places to go.

Instead of making the mother of a small, noisy child feel bad with a mean look, offer a helping hand.

If someone has not come in a while, sit beside them, then make them a cup of coffee after church.

Others will see your example and follow.

The Silent Spiritual Killer

Adapted from a sermon by Dr Adel Magdy

Passage Luke 7:28-35

In our lives, there are some sins that are very obvious. You fall into sin, and the manifestation is there immediately; murder, adultery, theft – the consequences are visible and immediate. We know instantly that we have sinned.

There are other sins in our lives that aren’t as obvious. They subtly creep into our lives, and eventually destroy us. These are the sins that are particularly dangerous because there are no warning signs.

In the field of medicine, there are some diseases that are known as, “silent killers,” for this very reason. They do not display symptoms until it is too late and the disease has completely ravaged the body.

The same applies to silent spiritual killers. They creep in slowly until its too late, because there are no pre-symptoms. The silent spiritual killer that we will focus on is the sin of judging others negatively and finding faults of others. This eventually consumes all our thoughts and feelings until we are drowning in sin.

The Lord highlights an upsetting passage and describes the Pharisees as such. They constantly degrade and judge those around them. Christ says,

‘We played the flute for you, And you did not dance; We mourned to you, And you did not weep. For John the Baptist came neither eating bread nor drinking wine, and you say, ‘He has a demon.’ The Son of Man has come eating and drinking, and you say, ‘Look, a glutton and a winebibber, a friend of tax collectors and sinners!’
Luke 7:32-34

No matter the circumstance, the Pharisees found a way to be judgemental. In the happy times, they were not happy. In sad times, they were not sad. When they saw someone fasting, praying, living a righteous life, instead of thinking thoughts of praise, they criticised and accused John the Baptist of being demon-possessed. When the Lord wanted to show them that He was One of us, immediately they criticised Him for being a Friend of drunkards and sinners.

This is a problem in all our lives, to some degree. Having a negative attitude, even silently in our hearts, can lead to our destruction.

I can typically tell when it is time for me to confess when I find myself critical toward others, or I look toward a situation and judge. Instantly, this is a reminder to confess and start fresh. The Lord lifts the scales from my eyes and I am renewed to an attitude that can make excuses for others.

If you consider someone in your life that is always negative and critical, it is exhausting to be around them. You can never please them. On a nice sunny day, they will complain of the heat. The next day is cold, and they complain that it’s too cold to even go outside. In the process of being critical, they destroy themselves spiritually.

The Lord is calling us to start fresh, and to look to others in a new light. To stop being critical and start trying to look through the eyes of the Lord. Today we can all promise the Lord to give the benefit of the doubt to those around us. When someone does something that I perceive as wrong, I make excuses for them. I stop judging them in my heart. Instead of being like the critical Pharisees, today I’ll start fresh. I’ll stop judging them.

When we look through the eyes of the Lord and we take away the hardness of our heart, we can no longer be critical of others. When we see people in the gentleness of the Lord, we grow in compassion for those around us.

How many times in the gospel did the Lord see a sinner? How many times did He condemn a sinner? Almost never. How many times did the Lord see the sinner and make an excuse, and not only that, but praise the goodness within them? He would take the one good thing and make them feel like they were the most special person on earth.

This is the message that we can take. That it is not our place to be critical of others, to be critical of the hierarchy, to be critical of my brothers and sisters. It is my place to be like Christ. To look at people with the same gentle and compassionate eyes of the Lord. To remember that when the Lord looks at my sins He doesn’t criticise me, so when I look at others I shouldn’t criticise them.

In Luke 5 we read the miracles of the leper who fell on his face before the Lord and implored Him saying, “Lord, if You are willing, You can make me clean.” This is a beautiful expression, that shows a multitude of virtues in the leper. He comes to the Lord and complete humility and acknowledgement of His power. There is something more subtle that we see, and that is, the Lord makes a point of touching the leper.

There are so many instances that the Lord heals with His words alone. There was no reason why the Lord needed to touch to heal. To understand the significance of the touch, we need to understand what it meant to be a leper. Leprosy, in those times, meant death. As the leprosy rotted the body, the smell became tremendous and meant that their social network was taken away. A leper was deemed unclean and could no associate with their own family. They had to live your life away from people, they had to wear a bell so people knew they were coming and could move out of their way. More still, they had to yell, “unclean” so people would run in the opposite direction.

In the midst of this, he cries out to the Lord, if You are willing, You can make me clean. The Lord would be expected to run away from the leprous man. For the very first, someone has taken a step toward him, instead of away from him. Instead of people throwing things in his direction, someone has drawn near to touch him, despite his leprosy.

This was a touch of, “I do not judge you, I do not criticise you, I love you.”

Instead of looking at people and seeing them as bad people, people that you’d rather run in the opposite direction of, I can make excuses from them. For the one that gives me a hard time, I promise that I will pray for them, instead of attempting revenge. I will show them love when I see them, even if it hurts. And I do this, for the sake of the Lord, because it is what I know He would do.