Tag: love

The Realest Relationship

The Realest Relationship

Adapted from The Purpose Podcast, hosted by Christina Ibrahim and Daniel Mawad, featuring Fr Mark Basily

To understand the concept of having a relationship with God, we look back at the beginning of creation of man. This begins to give us an explanation of the necessity of a relationship with Christ, or the purpose of even knowing Him.

This begs the question, why did God create us? Sometimes we need to look beyond the standard answer of, “God is Love,” or “He did it because He loves us.” Anything more than this may seem too difficult to comprehend.

To answer the big questions, we can start with smaller questions; why do I want to have children?

If you think of it logically, it doesn’t make sense. Kids are a drainer; they drain your money, your time, your sleep. And they give you nothing in return. The reason why there is an inherent desire for children is the promise of a potential relationship. This compels us to have children. To share love. To enjoy life.

From here, we begin to see why Christ wants to have a relationship with His creation. The purpose of creation is to form a relationship, God is Love, and wants to share that love. This may suggest that God was missing something before the creation of man. The belief in the Trinity and the three Persons of the Trinity nullifies this theory.

God was not alone, and therefore did not need creation. He was already in a relationship with the Persons of the Trinity. What makes Christianity unique is that it was always about a relationship. God wanted to be in a relationship with humanity.

Thus, sin can be seen as a break in the relationship with Christ. Religion poses a series of rules, if you break one of these rules then you have sinned. This is a constrained way of living, because if I step out of line that would make me a sinner.

As Christians, this is not how we perceive our all-loving God. All throughout scripture, God presented Himself to the church as the Bridegroom. If this is the relationship – as close as a bride and groom – then any break is not just sin but adultery. It is being unfaithful to your Beloved. Christ presented it in this way is to show that sin is missing the mark in your relationship with Him; not a set of rules.

A key difference in our relationship of God compared to our relationships with others is that God will never give up on us. God gives us free-will and the ball is always in our court to make a change. For as long as there is breath within us, we are given the opportunity to know Christ. He presents Himself as a waiting Father, take the parable of the prodigal son for example. The father waits for his son’s return. He never gives up on creation.

Despite this, we, as humans do not always want a relationship with Christ, even as Christians. As humans, we’re clever at burying our heads in the sand. We search for happiness and are often willing to pursue Christ if this doesn’t bring us immediate satisfaction. Christianity can be too much, sometimes I just want to live day to day, enjoy life. I don’t want to think too deeply. It can be a struggle to be happy when trying to maintain a relationship with Christ.

How do we get to a point where we are happy to strive for a relationship? There are so many dimensions to take into consideration. If we have a journey with Christ, we progress toward a destination, we should be quite confident that we are developing a relationship. We are all at different levels, but on a journey. I know Christ and I’m growing in faith over time. I haven’t reached the destination but I am on a path that will lead to Christ. I’m not proud because I’ve made it and I do not despair because I haven’t reached my destination yet.

What should we expect on the journey? We all have a cross to carry, and the answer can seem to be that if you have relationship with Christ then that is the solution. A relationship with Christ transforms our life. It transforms the good times and the tough times. When you are connected to Christ, you have His support, you have power, you have patience, you have hope for a better tomorrow. The reality is that we receive power by being connected to Him. When going through difficult times, they don’t go away but I am given strength to push forward. In times of joy, He magnifies my joy.

Having a relationship with Christ is transformative, and pleasantly surprising even at the start. We are more than physical beings, we have spirits and souls, we have been breathed on by the breath of God. If we only live physical lives, then we cannot be fully content. As soon as we embark on a relationship with Christ, the void begins to be filled and this is most transformative part of a relationship with Christ.

Our life should be viewed in the context of eternity. Some people have extremely difficult lives. A relationship with Christ helps, but it doesn’t make our problems disappear. Christ Himself said, “In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.” – John 16:33.

He doesn’t say, I will take away your problems, He says I have overcome the world. Be of good cheer because there is another world to come. Even when I struggle, I have another life to look forward to, and this is my hope in Jesus Christ. Will the relationship help with my issues? Yes, it definitely helps, and there is power and strength to help me overcome, but they do not disappear.

If we want to start a relationship with Christ, the journey begins with communication. Narrow is the path that leads to life and not many find it. The followers of Christ are the minority. People come to realise that there is a place for Christ.

When you come to realise that nothing in this life satisfies you, there is only one conclusion – that you were created for another life

C.S. Lewis

We must have been created for something more than the temporal world we know. Not only do we claim eternity, but we enjoy life on earth in a different way. When you taste God, the struggle becomes more beautiful, all good things take hard work. Doesn’t mean that it’s not genuine because it’s a struggle. On the contrary, anything that is precious, requires effort.

Our lives can be transformed if we see Christianity as a relationship with Christ. It is the pearl of great price.

Sensitivity For Others

Adapted from a sermon by Fr Samuel Fanous

Passage: Luke 9:10-17

The words of the Gospel today from Luke 9 begin with a realisation about something that’s happened. The disciples had been travelling with Jesus and multitudes had been following to hear him speak. And then it says, “when the day began to wear away” – when the people were exhausted and the day had come to its close, the disciples said to Christ, “Send the multitude away, that they may go into the surrounding towns and country, and lodge and get provisions; for we are in a deserted place here.”

You hear those words – “send them away” – and they can sound arrogant. It almost sounds as if the disciples are annoyed – that they’ve had it with these people that they’ve been with for an entire day, even days perhaps, following them, serving them, caring for them. So in annoyance, they say: “send them away”.

But one of the most remarkable this is that this is not how the early church read these words. St Cyril of Alexandria in the fourth century spent almost an entire homily talking about these words, “send them away”. He said

“[the disciples] seized with love toward the multitudes, and beginning to have a concern for the people…”

They were beginning to have concern for them.

When they say, “send them away”, they aren’t doing it out of annoyance or frustration or arrogance – they’re doing it because they’re starting to feel people. They’re starting to become sensitive to the needs of people. So they ask the Lord to send them away to the surrounding towns before it gets dark so that they can go and eat and sleep – because this is a deserted place. It’s likely the multitude themselves hadn’t realised it – it had just started to get dark, and perhaps they were distracted, unaware of their needs that would come in just a few hours. So the disciples start to become very sensitive – St Cyril is very specific that they “seized with love… beginning to have a concern for the people”.

St Cyril goes on to say,

“for to draw near, and make supplication on the people’s behalf, is an act becoming to the saints”.

To be sensitive to people and their needs is the beginning and act of becoming to the saints. So from here, Christ commands the disciples: “You give them something to eat”. Christ could feed the multitude, but he wanted the disciples to share in that. They told Him that they had no more than five loaves and two fish, so He takes those, blesses them and gives them out to people in groups of 50, to feed perhaps 50,000 people – an event which we call the Blessing of Multiplication or the Blessing of the Little – a remarkable miracle which would’ve reminded people of the days of Moses when Manna would come from heaven and the people would eat from it.

All of this comes first in the beginning of sensitivity. Sensitivity to others, and not myself. It creates the space in which God can work, can heal and can love through us. But that sensitivity requires me first to move out of myself. It means I have to move out for my own lusts, desires, ambitions – I have to see others.

If we do not see others, we cannot be sensitive to them. We can’t feel them or their needs. If we see ourselves, we only care for ourselves. This is actually where the word “narcissism” comes from – it’s a word that we painfully throw around at others who are quite self-absorbed – but actually, the word “narcissism” comes from one of the Greek gods in mythology, Narcissus, a handsome young Greek man who was being chased by a woman, the nymph Echo, and rejected her.

He didn’t want to be loved or to love somebody else. She wasn’t beautiful enough for him. One day after hunting he came before a pool of water, and he sat down in front of the pool, as he went down to drink, he saw himself. He looked at that image, and couldn’t stop looking at it because it was so beautiful. Eventually, after hours of staring at his own image in the water, he realised he couldn’t consummate his love. He couldn’t embrace the person. And so after gazing, enraptured in his own image, he killed himself – because he couldn’t attain the object of his desire. And that’s where we get the word narcissism – somebody that was so self-absorbed, all they could see was themselves.

Yet Christ is the exact opposite. Something that always strikes me in the gospels is that if you pay attention to the words carefully you see how many times Christ sees people. How many times, the evangelists stop to make a point that He looks and sees somebody.

“And Jesus, walking by the Sea of Galilee, saw two brothers” (Matt. 4:18). He saw Nathaniel, and said, “Before Philip called you, when you were under the fig tree, I saw you.” (John 1:48). With the paralytic man, it says, “When Jesus saw him lying there, and knew that he already had been in that condition a long time, He said to him, “Do you want to be made well?”” (John 5:6). In Matthew, Jesus “saw the multitudes, He was moved with compassion for them, because they were weary and scattered, like sheep having no shepherd” (Matthew 9:36). When Christ sees the rich young man and is asked how he can be saved, it says, “Jesus, looking at him, loved him” (Mark 10:21). When Jesus looks up at Zacchaeus, it’s up in the sycamore tree, and he is hiding because he is so embarrassed as a tax collector to be seen by people. It says, “when Jesus came to the place, He looked up and saw him, and said to him, “Zacchaeus, make haste and come down, for today I must stay at your house.” (Luke 19:5).

These are just a few examples – the gospels are littered with them. Christ sees us. He is sensitive to our needs. He feels our needs. He looks beyond himself, He sees others, and so He is sensitive to our needs. Sensitivity to others is the beginning of saintliness. It is the beginning of drawing near to Christ and becoming like Him.

Many years ago, perhaps when I was in my first year of university, I didn’t attend university very much. I was a very poor student – I was probably attending about half an hour a week – so I had nothing to do and took up many hobbies that no 18-year-olds do.

One priest had asked me to help him – so I used to pray one liturgy every Thursday morning from 5-7 a.m., and afterwards I would drive around this elderly priest to help him give people communion, sometimes for four or five hours, sometimes until 2 p.m.

And every time after we’d finished the liturgy, I would watch this priest take the Eucharist and put on his head, and I’ve never seen anyone do what he does. He would refuse to drive – he let me drive – and he would sit in the car with the Eucharist on top of his head for five hours, going from place to place with incredible reverence. Often I would drive in silence for hours because I didn’t want to disturb him, until we’d visit the very last person receiving communion, after which, I would try to go to the drivers seat but he would refuse to give me the keys and let me drive, and say the exact same words: “before you drove because you were driving Christ. But now it is Yohanna, and I cannot allow you to drive Yohanna.” He would refuse to let me drive him, ever – but I could drive when Christ was on top of his head. This went on for a year, every Thursday, until one Thursday we came to the last communion. He told me to park the car and stay in the car, because the person he was visiting had a personal issue that he didn’t want anyone to know about except for his priest.

So as I went to park the car, I went straight into a brick wall and knocked off the bumper bar. So I sat there for a nervous half an hour trying to find the way to bring the bumper bar up, so the priest wouldn’t notice that I knocked off his bumper bar, until eventually, the priest came after the last communion as I was down on the ground trying to fix it, and in just one glance, he saw what the situation was and he looked away. I opened my mouth to begin to apologise – but he just laughed and said, “it’s nothing”. He went into his pocket and threw me the keys, and said “quick, let’s drive”.

For a year, he refused to ever let him drive him after communion, because I couldn’t drive Yohanna, I could only drive the Eucharist. But after I crashed his car with the bumper bar hanging off, he threw me the keys just so I wouldn’t be upset.

He was sensitive. Because he feared that I would become upset or feel guilt or shame because I crashed his car, he gave me the keys and let me drive him. In that moment, I possibly receive the greatest lesson of my life.

To become sensitive to others. To feel them. And that means, forgive me, we need to look very carefully at ourselves. Do I see others or do I see myself only?

How many times each day do I see others? Do I feel for others? Do I live for others? How many times a day, if at all?

And yet if I don’t go out of myself – beyond my desires, needs and ambitions, and I cannot see or feel others, I cannot be sensitive to their needs or feel for them. And if I don’t live for them, I don’t live for Him.

But if I see others, if I feel their needs much more deeply than they themselves feel their own needs, and I live for them, then I live for Christ. And that is why St Cyril of Alexandria says, being sensitive to others is an act of becoming of the saints. It was the entire beginning of the Blessing of the Multiplication story, with the disciples becoming sensitive to others.

So let us all, as one church, especially in the coming weeks, let us train ourselves to become sensitive to others. To see others and to feel their needs. To look beyond ourselves and our needs, but to see others.

Glory be to God Amen.

Love Your Soul

Love Your Soul

By Monica

Original post by Becoming Fully Alive blog site

Have you ever felt like you were playing with fire? That its smoggy, ashy fumes are choking you but you still don’t draw yourself away, even when your hand is being burnt.

It’s a picture of captivity. Why don’t I guard my soul as vehemently as I guard my body? Perhaps it’s because I just don’t know how valuable my soul is.

When Scriptures speak of Jonathan’s love for David the prophet, it says, “the soul of Jonathan was knit with the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul.” (1 Samuel 18:1)

So what does it really mean to love your own soul?

“Know O beautiful soul that you are the image of God, know that you are the glory of God, know then, O man, your greatness and be vigilant.” -St Ambrose of Milan

Sometimes we are blinded from this very greatness that St. Ambrose speaks of. We feel so human, in every broken kind of way. Our memory fades from the calling to which we received. We have unlearnt that we are made for greatness, by Greatness. Our minds haven’t quite descended into the depths of our hearts to know these truths.

“The more we get what we now call ‘ourselves’ out of the way and let Him take us over, the more truly ourselves we become.” -C.S Lewis

If only we knew of the way God looks at you and me. It’s in the same way He looked at a shepherd boy—David—and saw in him a king. Each of us is in the process of becoming. Becoming beauty out of the ashes. Living in the dirt of our own sin, but destined to be butterflies. Perhaps living the resurrection just means being yourself, in the fullest way. Dark but lovely. No matter how dark we are, “God’s gifts and His call are irrevocable” (Romans 11:29). Not even an inch of darkness can out shadow the shine of your lovely.

“Like Michelangelo who looked at a rough, shapeless stone one day and saw a statue of David in it, Jesus was constantly looking at people in terms of what they can become. We may be defeated, degraded, soiled, enslaved by our pas­sions, yet through Christ we can be redeemed.”  -Anthony Coniaris

It’s in this knowing that we learn to guard our souls zealously. We learn to build the walls of Jerusalem because we know that deep inside there is treasure. So, brush off the dirt and be ready to receive the promise of the Father.

“For you have need of endurance, so that after you have done the will of God, you may receive the promise.” Hebrews 10:36

The promise of the Father, the Holy Spirit, will bring to your remembrance all things. Remembrance of who you really are. We were made for worship, and every moment in our lives we are bowing down to something, so if in those moments we don’t see God, we are worshipping an idol. So, allow Him to bring us prostrate before the throne of grace – let Him point us back home, back to where we belong.

“He is the source of holiness an intellectual light for every rational power’s discovery of truth, supplying clarity, so to say through himself. He is inaccessible in nature but approachable in goodness. He fills all things with power but only those who are worthy participate in him. He is not participated in all at once but shares his energy in ‘proportion to faith”. He is simple in substance but manifold in powers. He is present as a whole to each and wholly present everywhere. He is proportioned out impassibly and participated in as a whole. He is like a sunbeam whose grace is present to one who enjoys him as if he was present to such a one alone.” -On the Holy Spirit, St Basil the Great.

 Original blog found at- https://becomingfullyalive.com/love-your-soul/

Friendship is…

Friendship is…

Reposted from Lilies and Thorns blog

”You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” “Tell me who your friends are, and I’ll tell you who you are.” “You become who you hang out with.” “If you want to see your future, look at your friends.” “When the character of a man is not clear to you, look at his friends” “You are who you are, by virtue of the company you keep.” Any of these sound familiar? Friendships are a crucial part of life, and the influence of friends on you is undeniable.

Friendship is First Loving Yourself

We should all aim to have a friendship like David and Jonathan. “Then Jonathan and David made a covenant, because he loved him as his own soul.” (1 Samuel 18:3) First, it’s important to note that they loved their own soul, and therefore were able to love each other with that same vigor. We should not be looking for someone else’s validation in a friendship. Before we chase love from others, we have to know our worth, and love ourselves first. We should not be looking to friends to fill the insecurities we have. Yes, they will encourage us and help us reach a better place, but getting rid of our insecurities is a journey between us and God.

If we fail to first love and invest in ourselves, we risk unknowingly placing a burden on our precious friends to fill that void for us, and this can be fatal to friendships. By knowing where we stand with God, we organically attract friends who are able to complement our beliefs, ambitions, and lifestyles.

Friendship is Built on Similar Values

Another common saying is “birds of a feather flock together.” This just means people who have the same interest and values tend to stick together. I can definitely attest to this in my life. I’ve had many friends throughout the years, but the one group of friends that I’ve kept for over 20 years are the ones I met in church. I’ve changed neighborhoods, schools, and even church parishes, but I’ve never changed my faith. Faith is an extremely strong tie that can withstand any time and place. So I hope you can find a God-loving group of friends that can help you stay on the right track. I’m not saying don’t have non-Christian friends; as long as they’re not a bad influence, have all the friends you want. You want friends to bring you closer to Christ (as you should also be doing for them), not further away from Him.

Friendship is Investing Both Ways

We’ve all had friends that make more withdrawals out of the friendship account than deposits. Some people require a lot of energy and attention, but don’t provide the same in return. Sometimes those friendships can leave us feeling drained. The seemingly Christian thing to do is to keep loving and giving, but I recognize we’re all human and might not always be able to handle the load. So maybe it might be time to cut back on the abundant giving, and don’t have such high expectations. I’m not saying cut them off, I’m just saying find a happy middle ground where you are both putting in the same effort into the friendship, that way there is no resentment or heavy feelings.

Friendship is Knowing What Load to Carry

“Do not be deceived: ‘Evil company corrupts good habits.’” (1 Corinthians 15:33) I’m cringing as I write this part, but the truth can be hard to face sometimes. There are times when friendships do more harm than good. I like to lean towards giving the other person the benefit of the doubt, and believing they have good intentions. But sometimes those intentions fail to show in their actions. If you find yourself in a friendship that is affecting you negatively, then it might be time to move on. I say this with caution, and urge you to consult your father of confession to seek guidance in the situation. I do not want you to stay in an unhealthy friendship (or any relationship) because you feel obligated to carry someone else’s load, when you can barely carry your own, and in fact, it is weighing you down.

Friendship is Edifying

Edifying friendships are the most beautiful friendships, and I pray you can all find them and keep them. My longest friendship started about 20 years ago, when I moved to America. Throughout the years we have journeyed together through middle school, high school, college, singleness, marriage, and now motherhood. We’ve leaned on each other countless times, always drawing strength from the Lord to give to each other. Our friendship was a two-way street of giving and taking. We’ve shared wonderful memories and hard ones too.

We’ve had our ups and downs, just like any normal friendship. We’ve had times where we didn’t see eye to eye, or misunderstood each other. But the one common thing that kept us together was our common love for God and each other, because “A friend loves at all times.” (Proverbs 17:17) In every situation we tried to see the best in the other person. We constantly communicated, even when the conversations were hard to have. When we found ourselves in uncomfortable situations, we stopped and tried to mend it. Not saying our friendship is perfect, but perfectly imperfect. And that’s the beauty of it.

God gave us friends so we can lift each other up.

“Two are better than one, Because they have a good reward for their labor. For if they fall, one will lift up his companion. But woe to him who is alone when he falls, For he has no one to help him up.”

Ecclesiastes 4:9-10

We can try to convince ourselves that we can go through life alone, but man, that can be super hard. Truth is, we need each other. The Bible says so, and even Christ sent out the apostles in groups of two.

If you are in a season in your life where you don’t have a strong friendship(s), then by all means ask God to send you a friend or two. Doesn’t He say, “Ask and it shall be given to you”? (Matthew 7:7)

I pray that you can all have fruitful and edifying friendships that bring you closer to Him, as well as be a great friend that someone can depend on. We should all be holding each other’s hands so we can help each other reach His.

“Ointment and perfume delight the heart, And the sweetness of a man’s friend gives delight by hearty counsel.”

Proverbs 27:9

Because He first Loved Us

Because He first Loved Us

By Pola Fanous

 We love, because He first loved us. And how could it be any other way? In John 5:19, Jesus makes it clear that: “… the Son can do nothing of Himself, but what He sees the Father do.” It is only in imitation of Christ that we are able to love at all. Just as it is only by following Him to Golgotha, that we rise into Paradise with Him; only by sharing in His crucifixion, that we share in His resurrection. As spiritual beings, we know that love is the most natural thing on earth and in heaven. When we reject our divinity, we banish ourselves from the paradise of joy and are limited to primitive modes of being. We become mere self-centred animals to whom love is foolish and selfishness is wisdom. The charity at the heart of Agape love goes against the ethic of self-preservation in evolutionary theory. How fortunate we are, then, to have the wondrous example of Christ to protect us from selfishness: 

“If I then, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another’s feet. For I have given you an example, that you should do as I have done to you.”

John 13:14-15

As Christ loves and protects His Church – evermore – so too does a godly husband love his wife! Without our God and his eternal and enduring example, how could we begin to stand a chance? St John Chrysostom, drawing on Christ’s example, advises husbands on how to address their brides: 

“I have taken you in my arms, and I love you, and I prefer you to my life itself. For the present life is nothing, and my most ardent dream is to spend it with you in such a way that we may be assured of not being separated in the life reserved for us… I place your love above all things, and nothing would be more bitter or painful to me than to be of a different mind than you.”

St John Chrysostom, 20th Homily on Ephesians

In reading these words, my heart not only rejoices, but I marvel at the enormity of our God who is love in all its forms, including Eros! In Song of Songs, we see Christ’s intimacy with the Church demonstrated in erotic poetry so beautiful it eclipses the thousands of love poems I’ve read: “

Your navel is like an elaborate bowl… Your two breasts are like two fawns, the twins of a gazelle… And the fragrance of your nose like apples… Set me as a seal upon your heart.

Song of Songs 7-8

We must not forget that not only is Christ our example, He is Love incarnate. We cannot love without knowing love, and so, we cannot love without knowing God;

Beloved, let us love one another, for love is of God; and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God. He who does not love does not know God, for God is love.

1 John 4:7-8

Indeed, St Simeon the New Theologian writes of the Holy Spirit as the embodiment of God’s love – moving us, stirring us and inspiring us: 

 O Holy Love, he who knows you not has never tasted the sweetness of your mercies which only living experience can give us. But he who has known you, or who has been known by you, can never have even the smallest doubt. For you are the fulfilment of the law, you who fills, burns, inflames, embraces my heart with a measureless love. You are the teacher of the prophets, the offspring of the apostles, the strength of the martyrs, the inspiration of the fathers and masters, the perfecting of all the saints. Only you, O Love, prepare even me for the true service of God” 

Saint Simeon the New Theologian, 11th c, Homily 53

Here, St Simeon speaks of Phila – the form of love most commonly called friendship. This too, must first be shared between man and God – for what greater friend have we than the King of Kings? In Exodus, God spoke to Moses like a man speaks to a friend; in James, God calls Abraham his friend. In John, God goes one step further, revealing that we who do his will are counted as his friends: 

“You are my friends if you do whatever I command you. No longer do I call you servants, for a servant does not know what his master is doing, but I have called you friends, for all things that I heard from my father, I have made known to you.”

John 15:14-15

It is clear then, that love as Agape, love as Eros and love as Phila – are all spiritual forms of love, all beautiful, all sanctified, all demonstrated and gifted to us by our Lord and saviour Jesus Christ. However, we must also remember one final form of love – love as divine and perfect grace! We are only alive today because of God’s perfect sacrifice on the cross, his saving love towards us. 

In short, we love because He first loved us: on every level, in every form, in every way. Glory be to the King of Kings and the Lord of Lords: our rescue, our hope, our example and always – Our Love. 

Called to Blessings

Called to Blessings

Adapted from a sermon by Fr Augustinos Nada

Passage Luke 6:27-38

What is expected from us as people of God? The Lord gives the sermon on the Mount as instructions on how to live as Christians; how to live as the children of God. These may seem completely different to what the world teaches us. He is saying, “love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, and pray for those who spitefully use you.”

Human nature tells us that this is difficult to accomplish. It is difficult to love an enemy, to do good to those who do evil. The Lord is trying to give us an understanding that a person of God is different. We need to be different. If we want to have a life in Christ, to love Christ and to love the church, there are higher expectations placed. You have to shine differently to others. This is why He says, “you are the light of the world” (Matthew 5:14). We may be living in the darkness of the world, but it is the duty of a Christian to take light from Christ and shine in a dark place.

What Christ is asking of us today is to go the second mile. To push harder when human nature tells us it is enough. It is not easy to love those who hate you, to bless those who curse you, to pray for those that spitefully use you.

The world teaches us to not associate with those that hate us, we should not love them, we should not pray for them. St Charbel is a 19th century saint of the Maronite church that many miracles are attributed to. He was a hermit monk that lived in the mountains of Lebanon. The Turks were invading the country at that time and they were persecuting many of the Christian monasteries. The Lebanese monks were very strong and full of zeal for the faith. They decided to take arms against the Turkish armies and defend their monastery. These monks went to St Charbel wounded and hurt, seeking his advice. St Charbel was greatly disturbed when he saw them and said, “What are you doing? The Lord calls us and says, love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, and pray for those who spitefully use you, so you haven’t done what the Lord has instructed you.”

It was from that moment that the monks changed their approach to the persecution. They were not loving the enemy but fighting them. It defeated the purpose of the Christian faith to hate your enemies.

The Lord continues, “to him who strikes you on the one cheek, offer the other also. And from him who takes away your cloak, do not withhold your tunic either. Give to everyone who asks of you. And from him who takes away your goods do not ask them back.” Do we give to anyone that asks of us? Do we give the clothes on our back in addition to the clothes that were taken from us?

“But if you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners love those who love them. And if you do good to those who do good to you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners do the same.”

We love those who love us because it is easy to do, but the Lord is telling us this is of no credit to us. He goes on to talk about specific characteristics of our Christian faith. You cannot reach these levels unless there is an internal change. I have to be a certain person that understands the love of God and has a strong relationship with my Lord. I must strive daily to build virtues of love and forgiveness. It requires a person that has such great love for the Lord that these difficult commands become second nature. If you live a life of sin, it is impossible to forgive your enemies. If you are living a distant life from God, there is no way you can pray for those that hate you. If you live a lukewarm life, you will not bless those that curse you, or pray for anyone that spitefully uses you. If you don’t have a relationship to please God, these things become impossible.

In my own internal struggle, I must look within myself and see if I have any kind of hatred or animosity concealed within my heart. It’s okay to stay away from them but if they are near to me, do I retaliate? Do I seek revenge? Do I wish bad things for them? For me to be a person that loves my enemies and does good to those who hate and prays for those that spitefully use me, I need to be a changed person.

We see this in many of the saints. St Moses the Strong was a thief and head of a gang that murder, stole, committed adultery – an extremely violent person. He was the opposite of what the Lord commanded in the Sermon on the Mount. A man full of hate and of the world. What made him transform into a saint?

His repentance. His life with God. His struggle to overcome wrongdoing.

It may take time, but if we have the willingness then the Lord will give us strength to overcome.  Everything that the Lord tells us is a reflection of His character. If He tells us to love those who hate us, it is because He loves those who hate Him. If He tells us to do good, it is because His goodness does not depend on our deeds. He says bless those who curse you, because He blesses those who curse Him.

All these qualities are exemplary of how the Lord deals with you and me. He will never hate you, no matter what you did against Him, He continues to do good. On the contrary, He loves you even more. He shows boundless mercy, He tells us to forgive so that we may be forgiven. We know that He forgives us all, even on the Cross, He says, “Father forgive them for they know not what they do.”

What amazing forgiveness. He was suffering and in pain but His focus was on their forgiveness. This was the greatest act of forgiveness and when we look at Christ on the Cross, surely we can look within ourselves and see why I need to forgive, why I need to love those who hate me, why I need to pray for those who use me, why I need to bless those who curse me.

A lot of people will come and say, “Abouna, it is hard to forgive those who hate me.”

But the early church fathers teach us the best way to overcome wrongdoing is to pray for them by name. Sometimes it may be difficult at the start, but if you are encouraged enough to name that person in your prayers, do you not think that God will hear you?

That person will change before you. Their evil will turn to good. Their hatred will be dispersed. And your heart will change toward them also. God will channel inner peace within you to accept the circumstance. When you feel the grace of God within your heart, nothing of this world can move you. The peace of God supersedes all your troubles on earth. The trick is to mention that person in your prayers by name.

Dear Lord, remember ____ make them a person that I can love again. If they are at fault in any way, help me to forgive them. Make them the person that You have called them to be.

When we mention them by name, it breaks our pride. We stop thinking that we are owed an apology. They may never apologise, but if this is what you truly need to forgive, it becomes more probable when you pray for them by name. They could change toward you, and more importantly, you want good feelings toward them to flourish in your heart.

With any difficult instruction, there is always reward from our compassionate Lord. “Judge not, and you shall not be judged. Condemn not, and you shall not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven. Give, and it will be given to you”

If you do good, good will come back to you. So often in our church, giving is the most powerful tool. We always see how God repays those who give. He can’t help but give back to those who give in love. Practice giving and see how God will give to you. If God hasn’t given back to you, remind Him of His promises. All of God’s promises are justifiable before our eyes.

✨ Full sermon ✨

Put off Worldly Lust, Put on Spiritual Nourishment

The New Man Part 2: Put off Worldly Lust, Put on Spiritual Nourishment

By Ereeny Mikhail

I want you to think to a time you bought your favourite treat. A box of Favourites chocolates. A dozen of Krispy Kreme donuts. A container of cookies. You bought it at the end of the week after you’ve spent the week eating healthy and exercising. You tell yourself I will only have one. Then you have one, enjoy it and carry on with your day. But then you see the rest of the treats sitting there…you eye it…think about it…then you have one more. And once you start, you can’t stop.

How do you feel after it? Guilty? Angry with yourself? Upset? Or maybe you feel happy? Joyful? Satisfied?

Our initial aim is self-control but when the temptation presents itself, we often act on impulse, desire and lust. You may ask yourself; why don’t I have self-control? Why are others able to control themselves with certain things while I cannot?

Let me reassure you, there is an explanation to all this. There are different parts to the brain which control for these responses. The frontal lobe, specifically the prefrontal cortex, controls for resisting temptation. It is actually responsible for something described by scientists as “executive function”. In simpler terms, “executive function” refers to judgment/decision making, focusing, planning, coordinating, social control and emotional control. Individuals who have less activity in this part of the brain may struggle with impulse control problems, lack of self-control, trouble learning from past experiences amongst others. Of course, each individual is affected differently depending on the level of activity. There are multiple other sectors of the brain which ultimately play a role in our fleshly lusts such as the limbic system which supports different functions including our emotions. Our hormones are also responsible for feelings of joy and happiness which results in people seeking certain fleshly lusts. Essentially, multiple factors play a role in temptation. These all interact in ways that we still do not fully understand.

Does that mean we give up? When my brain is wired like this, is there a point? If my brain tells me to fulfil the lusts of my body, should I do it?

St Paul tells us in Ephesians 4:20-24: “But you have not so learned Christ, if indeed you have heard Him and have been taught by Him, as the truth is in Jesus: that you put off, concerning your former conduct, the old man which grows corrupt according to the deceitful lusts, and be renewed in the spirit of your mind, and that you put on the new man which was created according to God, in true righteousness and holiness.” He specifically says to ‘be renewed in the spirit of your mind.’ St Jerome reflects on this and says:

“We are not being renewed in our thinking process apart from the renewal of our spirits. Nor are we renewed in our spirits without thinking.”

We can only renew our spirits when we renew our mind and vice versa. How can we renew our mind if we are wired as such? Again, let me reassure you, the mind controls the brain, which is the single most malleable organ in the entire body. As it says in 2 Timothy 1:7, “For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.” God has given us a sound mind which we can train.

I am reminded of the story of the World War II veteran, Louis Zamperini, who later became a Christian evangelist. His biography “Unbroken: A World War II Story of Survival, Resilience, and Redemption,” is the exact example of the flexibility of the mind. At the beginning of his story, he and two others survive a plane crash which leaves them stranded at sea for 47 days. Zamperini and one other plane crash survivor, Phil, live through the extreme circumstances. The third plane crash survivor, Mac, on the other hand, who does not believe he will survive, is the one that dies. All three individuals were put under the horrible circumstances with the same supplies. However, Mac dies because he believed he would die. After the 47 days, they are caught by the Japanese and become prisoners of war. They are faced with extremely harsh and violent conditions but still continue to survive. Zamperini, specifically, is violently targeted by the Japanese corporal, Mutsuhiro Watanabe. Watanabe often hurt Zamperini, leaving him weak and hungry. On a day, when Zamperini’s body was not able to continue working at the camp, Watanabe punishes him by telling him to carry a heavy beam above his head. Watanabe asks the guard to shoot Zamperini if he drops it. Zamperini, put his mind to it, lifts the beam and held the beam above his head for an impossible 37 minutes. Through his weakness, he controlled his mind to believe he could do it and he did. If the mind is focused on something, it can achieve it. No matter the circumstance, no matter the temptation, no matter the spiritual warfare, the ‘sound mind’ Christ has given us can do anything. Thus, we must exercise our mind to overcome our fleshly lusts.

As I mentioned, both the mind and the spirit work hand in hand, not one before the other. St Paul in Galatians 5:16-17 tells us, “Walk in the spirit, and you shall not fulfil the lust of the flesh. For the flesh lusts against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh; and these are contrary to one another, so that you do not do the things that you wish.” The mind can be trained by ‘walk[ing] in the spirit’. And, if we train our mind, then our spirit is also lifted. By doing this, we overcome the lusts of the flesh.

I think the first hurdle to train our mind and spirit, should really be answering the almighty; WHY? Why should I overcome the lusts of the flesh? St John Chrysostom reflects on this and says;

“Pleasures often are destructive. They end up being not really pleasures but bitterness and deceit and pretense, like a theatrical illusion.”

Our lusts are but masked happiness which lead to eternal condemnation. We must not live in lust, because we don’t know when our last day may be. We often tell ourselves, its ok if I overindulge today, I will be better tomorrow. By we must deny ourselves because “…you do not know what will happen tomorrow. For what is your life? It is even a vapor that appears for a little time and then vanishes away.” (James 4:14) Likewise, “His spirit departs, he returns to his earth; in that very day his plans perish.” (Psalm 146:4)

A priest once described to me the notion of something called a “beloved sin.” He said it was a sin that a certain individual always finds themselves returning to, a sin they sometimes think they have no control over, a sin they might even enjoy. Let’s return to the donut, the cookie, the chocolate…I asked a question…How do you feel after it? You might feel guilt, upset, or angry. Or you might feel happy, joyful, and satisfied. Our favourite treat is like our ‘beloved sin’, our fleshly lust. We may be burdened by our fleshly lust, we may feel we have no control over our fleshly lust, we might even enjoy fulfilling our fleshly lust. But because our life is but a ‘vapour’, we must put on spiritual nourishment. “If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross and follow Me. For whoever desires to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it. For what profit is it to a man if he gains the whole world, and loses his own soul?” (Matthew 16:24-26) We must endure and deny our burden, that is our fleshly lust, whether that be money, sexual desire, gluttony, or other sins… because as St Peter says in 1 Peter 2:11 it is a “…war against the soul.”

Most importantly, we are reminded of God’s love. That love is the single, most epic love of all time. No other love can compare. If our body, mind and spirit recognise this love, then all impulse drive in our mind, all emotions in our systems, and all hormones which are associated with temporary fleshly lust, will then desire that eternal love because it is the only way to feel full for longer. Like in the story of the Samaritan woman, “Whoever drinks of this water will thirst again, but whoever drinks of the water that I shall give him will never thirst. But the water that I shall give him will become in him a fountain of water springing into everlasting life.” (John 4:13-14)

Now that I have answered the almighty WHY, we know that our fleshly lusts may be a burden, an ‘illusion’ of happiness and to overcome it we are reminded of Christs love and must take up our cross. How do we practically take up our cross? The contemplations of the Saints guide us.

“But the Word of God kills in such a way as to make the dead one come alive. He then seeks the Lord whom he did not know before his death. He does not corrupt but kills the old man…As the outer man decays the inner man is renewed.”

St Jerome

“When you control your body, the spirit will do its job and the might of the body will be controlled by fasting.”

Pope Kyrillos VI

“Ignore the needs of the body when you stand for prayer. Even if you are bitten by a fly or an insect, do not be bothered by it so as not to lose the great benefit of prayer.”

St Evagrius

Through fasting, prayer and the word of God, we put off our fleshly lusts. We put on spiritual nourishment. We become one with God.

“Let us see how the saints reached heaven. They did not have an easy life but had to struggle in patience and great long suffering. The Scriptures gave us the commandments, and the saints left us their experience regarding the path leading to the Kingdom. Let us see how much they loved God. Let us contemplate their lives. We will realize that they lived in humility and meekness, in hard work, in struggle, in love for God and others, in vigilance and prayer, in addition to their manual work.”

Tamav Ereeny

Finding the Light

Finding the Light

Adapted from a sermon by Fr David Shehata

Passage: John 12:35-50

Many years ago, I wanted to get a great present for my household to make life easier. I thought a robotic vacuum would be the perfect solution. The sales man described it as a miracle solution, the entire house would be clean at the push of a button. It would take it a while to navigate and get around everything but in a few weeks, it would know exactly where to go.

I took it home and tried to turn it on. I came back 30 minutes later and found it spinning in circles. I called the sales man and told him the issue and he said to give it a bit more time to adjust. I tried it in a different room, turned it on and came back after 30 minutes to find it spinning in circles.

I took it back to the sales man and he asked if I had been using it in day or the night, if I had the left the blinds closed or open. Turns out that because I had been leaving it in the dark, it didn’t know where to go.

This reminds me of the Gospel of today. Sometimes in our lives we act robotically, we only walk into areas where there are light. Have you ever tried to walk in area that is completely dark? Our lives are full of unseen territory, we don’t always know what will happen next year, next month or tomorrow even. Although we can predict certain things, there is a good chance we may stumble if we cannot see clearly.

But Christ tells us, “I am the light of the world.”

Unless you are walking in the light, then there is a good chance that you will stumble. You might just be going around in circles, and getting frustrated that you’re not moving forward. Walking in the light is something that the Lord stresses for He knows the importance of seeing for our own progress.

It makes sense, where the light is on, you can see where you’re going. We are not fearful when we walk in the light, but fear begins when we are in darkness and we cannot predict what is coming next. When we are in darkness, we are likely to fall into trouble. In the light, even if something bad is coming, it helps and it reassuring to see it first. Christ is telling us, “I know life can have tribulation, but I am the light. Stay close to Me and I will guide you.”

When we say, “Life is too hard” – It is true, being Christian doesn’t mean you won’t be exposed to trouble and the tribulation of the world. Christ even said, “narrow is the gate and difficult is the way which leads to life.” He acknowledges the problem, and gives us the solution, Yes, you will have hardship, but He is with you. He is the light of the world.

The devil may try to mimic the light by giving us assurance in the temporal. Our current times are the proof of that. So many that once relied on health, on riches, on success, may have found that this is now in jeopardy. God is always with us, and He is the light that remains constant in our lives. Nothing can diminish this light.

In other parts of the Gospel we hear Christ say, “You are the light of the world. A city that is set on a hill cannot be hidden. Nor do they light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a lampstand, and it gives light to all who are in the house. Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven.” – Matthew 5:14-16

The Lord is the source of light. If I am His son/daughter, then I can’t sit back and think that my salvation is secured. There is no such thing as a passive Christian. When Christ resides in us, we reflect His light, His glory and the way, truth and life to rest of the world. The purpose of life is to be close to God, enter into salvation and to to bring as many people with us as possible.

The beauty of our church is in the 2000 years of history of pillars of light. Both early saints and modern day saints that have walking along a path. Every path is different but the destination is the same – to be with Christ.

St Pope Kyrillos VI lived as an ascetic monk for three years in the mill. In that time, he says that he, “saw the light,” and was transformed into the hero of our church. He saw the light and then became the light.

The martyrs were being convinced to renounce their faith but they were so filled with the light that they would not let anything materialistic be taken away from them. On any Coptic icon, there is a gold metallic background. When you put a candle in front of them it reflects the light. They don’t emanate light but they reflect the light.

When we ask ourselves if we are truly Christian, a good test is to see how much we reflect Christ’s light? My responsibility as a Christian is to reflect the light of Christ. Am I fulfilling that responsibility?

There can be detrimental outcomes, like we see with St Augustine. His mother tried to bring him to Christ but when he would go to church and see how the Christians of the church acted, he wanted nothing to do with Christianity. This was until he saw St Basil – a true example of Christianity. He was transformed from the moment he saw the reflection of Christ’s light in St Basil.

This is our responsibility. What I say, what I do and the way I behave reflect my Christianity. Yes, I will fall, but how long does it take me to get back up again?

We see an example of what stopped the Pharisees from spreading Christ’s light when St John recounts, “Nevertheless even among the rulers many believed in Him, but because of the Pharisees they did not confess Him, lest they should be put out of the synagogue; for they loved the praise of men more than the praise of God.” – John 12:42-43.

Isn’t it incredible that I can believe in something, have faith, but because of what other people say and other worldly consequences I am stopped? How many opportunities have I had to preach, to follow the commandments and to spread the light of Christ? How many times do I second guess myself because of concerns I had for the perception of others? This is easier said than done, but we can grow in courage by spending time with Christ. When I spend time with Him, I grow in love for Him and He becomes everything beautiful in life and all else becomes meaningless in comparison.

The Lord says, “Seek ye first the kingdom and all these things shall be added unto you” (Matthew 6:33). The things of the world will pass, they can never give us peace. Christ tells us, “I am not coming to judge, but to bring you to the Father.” Time spent with God is never regretted but in the last days, we will regret not taking the opportunity to spend time with Him. We pray and beg the Lord to help in joyful times that we see Him as the true light and we remain unmoved about the opinions of others.

?Full sermon?

A Lesson on Worship

A Lesson on Worship

Adapted from a sermon by Fr Daniel Habib

The story of the Samaritan woman is one of the most amazing stories of the Gospels. We see how she discovers that Jesus was somebody special. She first infers that He may be a prophet. She thinks it’s a conversation about water but then He says, “I will give you living water!” She inquiries about this water and He tells her to call her husband and He will tell her about this living water. He commends her for speaking honestly but then reveals that she has had five husbands and the one she is living with is not her husband.

Suddenly, lights are going off in her head and she begins thinking this Man is important. At this, she asks her first big question about worship – “Our fathers worshiped on this mountain, and you Jews say that in Jerusalem is the place where one ought to worship” (John 4:20).

The Samaritans had left the worship of Jerusalem, they left the temple, they separated themselves from the Israelites, and they became people mixed with the Gentiles, they took some of the Jewish faith, but essentially, they left the worship of the temple.

This is important to understand, because the worship of the temple was everything. You couldn’t worship God outside the temple. God was in the temple – His presence was in the temple. Hence if you wanted to worship God, you had to go to the temple. This idea of personal prayer was not as developed. In the Jewish mind, prayer had a corporate appearance of worship.

She is not asking about personal prayer, she is asking about corporate prayer. She says “We worship here. And you Jews say that in Jerusalem is the place where we ought to worship, so tell me, what do You make of our worship? are the Jews right, and we are wrong? Can we both be right? Can we worship here, and can we worship there?” And Jesus responds in almost the most direct we hear from Him, “Woman, believe Me, the hour is coming when you will neither on this mountain, nor in Jerusalem, worship the Father. You worship what you do not know; we know what we worship, for salvation is of the Jews. But the hour is coming, and now is, when the true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and truth; for the Father is seeking such to worship Him. God is Spirit, and those who worship Him must worship in spirit and truth (John 4:21-24).”

In English, we read, “salvation is of the Jews.” The more accurate Greek translations is, “salvation is from the Jews,” meaning Jesus Christ came from the Jews, and not that salvation belongs to the Jews alone. Jesus does not leave the issue of living water and move on to a separate topic. He discusses the idea of living water that is eternal life, and we know the living water to be the Holy Spirit that is given to us. He is not speaking about corporate worship, but worshipping in spirit and in truth. God is Spirit and those who worship Him must worship in spirit and truth.

It is essential that when we pray, we first understand what we are doing. Too often when we speak about the divine liturgy – what we do here and now – we focus on symbols and we divide it into parts. But we need to look holistically, and not divide the liturgy into little pieces. We must understand the big picture, the direct implications the Eucharist has on our personal lives.  

Christianity is a community of worship. The church is a community of the body of Christ. Our own personal bodies are members of the body of Christ. This is what comes first; before any theology, before any doctrine, any dogma, before any Creeds, before there was anything, that we have now in the church, we are a community of worship.

In the very first church of Acts, they would come together, united in the Spirit and they would pray. They would come together and enter the Spirit of praise and worship. Even immediately after Christ’s Resurrection, the disciples gathered in the upper room. During the 40 days after the Resurrection, and the 10 days between the Ascension and Pentecost, you never hear them say, “Okay guys, let’s get together for our mission statement, what’s our mission statement going to be? How are we going to advertise ourselves to the world, how are we going to explain ourselves to the world? What are we going to do, let’s divide up the tasks, the jobs, and who’s going to be here, or who is going to do this?”

But this is how we look at our service. Our first meetings are to organise tasks, when the early church spent their time together in prayer. The work of the church is to pray, and to be a worshipping community. Ask yourself, how am I part of the church? I may know theology, doctrine, dogma but I am first a worshipper of the church.

As a worshipper in the church, how do I attend the services? How do I participate in the services? How do I come to church? What do I seek when I am coming to church? This directly affects your personal life. Our personal devotion cannot be separated from the church.

“Personal devotion and community worship belong intimately together, and each of them is genuine and authentic, and truly Christian, only through the other.” – Georges Florovsky

When we come together to pray, it presupposes and requires that we pray as individuals. When we come together as a church, we are supposed to come as individuals who pray by themselves at home coming together to pray as a group. This isn’t the only time you should be praying. The church is a gathering of people who pray. Personal prayer itself, is only possible because we belong to the group, the community. Since no person is a Christian except as a member of the body, even in the solitude of our chamber, when we enter into the inner room, we pray as a member of the redeemed community as a church. And that when we worship God, in spirit or truth, we can’t worship in one way or the other.

I can’t say I come to church but my actual worship is when I am alone. My worship at church should reflect my worship at home. The problem is that we put one over the other. And both can turn over to something terrible. When personal prayer become, “I, me, I want this, I asked for this, I need this…” This is not a prayer of the church but a disconnection.

In church, we pray for, “Our fathers and brethren who have fallen asleep repose their souls.” And, “Heal those who are sick. Visit the sick among your people, heal them.” We do not pray on behalf of ourselves but on behalf of the entire church community and it’s important to understand that WE, as a community, are entering the church and pray with the church.

The most important parts of the Liturgy, when the priest calls for the Holy Spirit to come upon the bread and the wine to turn into the Body and the Blood. He doesn’t say “I” ask You. He says “WE” as a community, “ask You, to bring Your Holy Spirit upon us and upon these things.”

As much as possible, we must participate fully as a community, to give us this idea that I’m not separate from the body of Christ, but that I’m part of the body of Christ and when I worship, and I worship with the body of Christ.

If we don’t understand the words we still should sing the words because there are three things that happen. First, we sing the words with our mouth. Then we bring our mind to where our mouth is so we concentrate on the words and then eventually our hearts. Our heart embraces the words, but it starts in that order. Don’t wait for your heart, and then for your mind, and then you’ll sing. You sing first and then your mind goes with your mouth, then your heart with your mind. Simple.

Every time the deacon says “let us attend”, or “let us pray”, it means something important is happening and we have to pay attention to what is happening. Even if I might not be in the very spiritual mood, I remember to pay attention to God. We’re in the house of God we’re not in the house of me or any of the other priests.

When you see people coming to church who haven’t been here in a long time, pray that God keeps them in the church. Don’t judge them. If you yourself haven’t come to church in a long time and you’re scared about coming when you just happen to be here today? Come to church with a sincere desire to be a true member of the Church of God, asking God for

forgiveness, which He is willing to give to everyone who seeks this repentance. But we have to actively live the life. You can’t just say forgive me, and then we go do what we want to do afterwards. The church becomes a standard in the way that we live our life. May God be glorified in His church and may He teaches always to worship Him in spirit and in truth now and ever and unto the ages of all ages. Amen.

⛪️ Full sermon ⛪️

I Want To Find You

I Want To Find You

By Michael

Original post by Becoming Fully Alive blog site

“I love you,” You whisper to me. “You’re mine.” “I have a huge plan for you.” You keep assuring me.“You’re special. You’re chosen. You’re sanctified.” I look to You, look straight into Your eyes and see You for a split second and I feel overwhelming peace. Then You disappear.

And I feel empty and broken. I run out of my house and into the streets looking for You but You’re nowhere to be found. You’re gone. Darkness. Brokenness. Hurt. Back to square one.

I’m nervous, so overcome by fear. Every word I hear, every thought I think, every emotion I feel scares me. I think of my future and this ‘huge plan’ you’ve promised me and all I feel is hurt. I utter a few words to You and fall asleep. Waking up is what I dread… those first couple of minutes lying in bed are what get me thinking. Thinking about my future, my purpose, my calling. I feel crippled, I literally can’t move out of fear. Fear of moving forward. Fear of the future. I close my eyes and my lips are shut. Closed as if they’ve been locked. But somehow my soul sings a song of hurt. My soul whispers to You “I need You now. You promised. You promised. Don’t let go now. Don’t let me slip away like this. I need your peace.” I pray. My heart bows down. “I surrender.”

“Peace I leave with you, my peace I give to you,” I hear You whisper in the faintest voice.“I do not give to you as the world gives. My peace is real. My peace is eternal. And I freely give it to you.” My heart remains bowed. Finally You’ve come back. “You’re here, You’re here!” I think to myself. I want to look to You, look straight into Your eyes… then I remember. What if You disappear again? What if I’m left alone again? What if this means the cycle will restart? I think and think and think… I begin to cry, even in Your presence my enemy has managed to find its way into my heart. Fear. Again.

Suddenly I feel Your hand on my face and You make me look to You. I keep my eyes shut. “No more hurt. No more pain. No more.” I think to myself.

Then You wipe my tears with Your hand and say with a bold voice, “Do not let your heart be troubled and do not be afraid. I give you peace. I give you courage. I give you faith. ”

I open my eyes for the first time since You’ve entered the room and Your eyes look so deeply into mine. I see Fire. I see Glory. I see Love.

I look to the palms that are holding mine and see the marks, of the depth of the love You have for me. You whisper to me “a grain of wheat must fall to the ground and die before it can grow and produce much more wheat. If it never dies, it will never be more than a single seed.” I cry. You continue and say, “you are Mine and I am yours. You didn’t choose me, I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit – fruit that will last. I have a purpose for you. I will use you, but first you must die.” “Do it now! Please, please… take me now, take my life so I can be with You always… I need You. I really need You. I love You.” I cry, begging You to take me where You are.

Then You smile and pray to the Father saying “I am not asking you to take him out of the world. But I am asking that you keep him safe from the Evil One. He doesn’t belong to the world, just as I don’t belong to the world. Make him ready for your service through Your truth. Your teaching is truth. I have sent him into the world, just as You sent me into the world.” I understand. I know what You’re telling me. I accept Your will.

You place your finger on my chest and tell me “the Spirit of truth, He will guide you into all truth my son. He will bring glory to me by taking what is mine and making it known to you. Remember you are Mine and I am yours. You’re already living eternity. The Father Himself loves you because you’ve loved Me. You do not realise now what I’m doing, but later you will understand. I love you.” I feel Your peace. I know Your truth.

Then You, my Creator, get down on Your knees in my little room and begin to wash my feet and You whisper “I love you beyond measure my son.” I get down on my knees and hug You. I love You Jesus. I really do. I stay in the stillness of Your arms for what seems like eternity, then You whisper “Father, I want everyone you have given me to be with me, wherever I am. Then they will see the glory that You have given me, because You loved me before the world was created.” Then You stand up, walk up to my desk and pick up my Bible. You come back and present it to me open and my eyes are drawn to Isaiah 26:3. As I read it I hear you whisper “you will have perfect peace if you keep focused on Me.”

You place Your hands on my heart, look me dead in the eyes and proclaim with an Almighty voice “in this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” And with that promise, You leave my room, my house…

But I no longer need to go into the streets to search for You. I am Yours and You are mine. I know where I can find You, any time of the day in any circumstance You’re here. I know You have a purpose and a plan for me. I know You will use me.

I wanted to find You but You, You found me.

Original blog found at- https://becomingfullyalive.com/i-want-to-find-you/