new man – Upper Room Media Blogs

Put Off Deceit, Put on Honesty

The New Man: Part 4

By Shery Abdelmalak

“I was just being honest, it’s not my fault you can’t handle it.”

A phrase that claims to be honest but is in fact, hurtful, is more deceit than one that doesn’t even try. It may not be, “your fault,” but there is more to being honest than meets the eye. Every spoken word has an element of subjectivity based on an individual’s perspective, understanding and experiences. You are expressing an opinion but to express it as truth can be scrutinised greatly. If love rejoices in the truth, but there is a lack of love in your words, can it be inferred that your words are more rightly iniquity, rather than truth (1 Cor. 13:6)? Technically, it is your fault that someone can’t handle your honesty, because truth is the combination of honesty in love.

This phrase probably originated from the command, “do not lie.” But honesty runs deeper than spoken words. Honesty entails love and kindness and could never coexist with deceit. In the end, truth will always be revealed by our gracious Saviour, when it is beneficial and only when we are prepared to receive it.

There was a monk named, Abba Paphnuitus. It is written that he was, “full of grace that even the renowned and great men of that time admired his gravity and steadfast constancy, and although he was younger in age, yet put him on a level with the Elders out of regard for his virtues” (The Conferences by John Cassian, pg. 289) Jealousy grew among his brethren to the extent that they wanted to tarnish his great name through an accusation of wrongdoing. A complaint was brought to Abba Isidore of a stolen book. In a land inhabited by the Cross-bearers, theft was not a common occurrence nor were there set repercussions in place. Abba Isidore ordered the cell of each monk to be searched while they were praying in the church. The book was found in the cell of Paphnutius. When questioned, Paphnutius gave himself up so that peace would be restored and humbly requested a plan of repentance.

At this point in the story, the truth was not made known by Paphnutius. If anything, it appears to be hindered by his words. Paphnutius’ sole focus was on his surroundings. He wanted to restore peace and cover the sin of the one who had committed the crime. The request he made was beyond admirable. Which one of us is not in need of repentance? It is not wrong to defend yourself, but for the one that was focused solely on his inner life, defending himself could never measure up to repentance.

When we defend our actions, we begin to see the good within ourselves and in turn, create a niche for pride. We can toss and turn and be filled with distress trying, or we can turn to the joy of repentance and let Christ be our defence. At the very least, repentance should be our first step before every action, in that way we guarantee peace. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who live in me (Galatians 2:20). If He wants me to be seen as a liar, as a thief, as the worst of all sinners, then so be it. Let it be according to His will. I am not my own so how can I be affected by accusations brought against me? All I desire is to be a pen in the Hands of the ready writer of Christ, my Saviour(Psalm 45:1).

Paphnutius began to fast three times as often and prostrate at the doors of the church, not entering to receive Communion because of the magnitude of his unworthiness. After 14 days, the monk that had accused Paphnutius became possessed by a demon so strong that not even the prayers that guarded Scetes could stop him. No one could exorcize the demon, not even the great Abba Isidore. Our Lord would only allow young Paphnutius to exorcize the demon and thus, truth was revealed in the most astonishing way that reached the height of Paphnutius’ repentance.

For truth, the absolute truth, we need more than words. Fr Matta El Meskeen says, “The Word is a double-edged sword, but who is holding the sword? It is God’s own Word, for which He sacrificed Himself on the Cross to give us eternal life from the midst of darkness and death.” Christ is the One that bears witness of the truth. When Pilate asked Him what the truth was, He answered nothing, for His coming death and resurrection would reveal more than words ever could (John 18:37-38).

If the truth can only be revealed through the grace of the Holy Spirit, we are assured that its impact will be for our edification and salvation. Until then, may our words speak love, kindness and compassion, while we await the revelation of all truth from Above. “Nothing is secret that will not be revealed, nor anything hidden that will not be known and come to light” (Luke 8:17).

Put off Worldly Lust, Put on Spiritual Nourishment

The New Man Part 2: Put off Worldly Lust, Put on Spiritual Nourishment

By Ereeny Mikhail

I want you to think to a time you bought your favourite treat. A box of Favourites chocolates. A dozen of Krispy Kreme donuts. A container of cookies. You bought it at the end of the week after you’ve spent the week eating healthy and exercising. You tell yourself I will only have one. Then you have one, enjoy it and carry on with your day. But then you see the rest of the treats sitting there…you eye it…think about it…then you have one more. And once you start, you can’t stop.

How do you feel after it? Guilty? Angry with yourself? Upset? Or maybe you feel happy? Joyful? Satisfied?

Our initial aim is self-control but when the temptation presents itself, we often act on impulse, desire and lust. You may ask yourself; why don’t I have self-control? Why are others able to control themselves with certain things while I cannot?

Let me reassure you, there is an explanation to all this. There are different parts to the brain which control for these responses. The frontal lobe, specifically the prefrontal cortex, controls for resisting temptation. It is actually responsible for something described by scientists as “executive function”. In simpler terms, “executive function” refers to judgment/decision making, focusing, planning, coordinating, social control and emotional control. Individuals who have less activity in this part of the brain may struggle with impulse control problems, lack of self-control, trouble learning from past experiences amongst others. Of course, each individual is affected differently depending on the level of activity. There are multiple other sectors of the brain which ultimately play a role in our fleshly lusts such as the limbic system which supports different functions including our emotions. Our hormones are also responsible for feelings of joy and happiness which results in people seeking certain fleshly lusts. Essentially, multiple factors play a role in temptation. These all interact in ways that we still do not fully understand.

Does that mean we give up? When my brain is wired like this, is there a point? If my brain tells me to fulfil the lusts of my body, should I do it?

St Paul tells us in Ephesians 4:20-24: “But you have not so learned Christ, if indeed you have heard Him and have been taught by Him, as the truth is in Jesus: that you put off, concerning your former conduct, the old man which grows corrupt according to the deceitful lusts, and be renewed in the spirit of your mind, and that you put on the new man which was created according to God, in true righteousness and holiness.” He specifically says to ‘be renewed in the spirit of your mind.’ St Jerome reflects on this and says:

“We are not being renewed in our thinking process apart from the renewal of our spirits. Nor are we renewed in our spirits without thinking.”

We can only renew our spirits when we renew our mind and vice versa. How can we renew our mind if we are wired as such? Again, let me reassure you, the mind controls the brain, which is the single most malleable organ in the entire body. As it says in 2 Timothy 1:7, “For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.” God has given us a sound mind which we can train.

I am reminded of the story of the World War II veteran, Louis Zamperini, who later became a Christian evangelist. His biography “Unbroken: A World War II Story of Survival, Resilience, and Redemption,” is the exact example of the flexibility of the mind. At the beginning of his story, he and two others survive a plane crash which leaves them stranded at sea for 47 days. Zamperini and one other plane crash survivor, Phil, live through the extreme circumstances. The third plane crash survivor, Mac, on the other hand, who does not believe he will survive, is the one that dies. All three individuals were put under the horrible circumstances with the same supplies. However, Mac dies because he believed he would die. After the 47 days, they are caught by the Japanese and become prisoners of war. They are faced with extremely harsh and violent conditions but still continue to survive. Zamperini, specifically, is violently targeted by the Japanese corporal, Mutsuhiro Watanabe. Watanabe often hurt Zamperini, leaving him weak and hungry. On a day, when Zamperini’s body was not able to continue working at the camp, Watanabe punishes him by telling him to carry a heavy beam above his head. Watanabe asks the guard to shoot Zamperini if he drops it. Zamperini, put his mind to it, lifts the beam and held the beam above his head for an impossible 37 minutes. Through his weakness, he controlled his mind to believe he could do it and he did. If the mind is focused on something, it can achieve it. No matter the circumstance, no matter the temptation, no matter the spiritual warfare, the ‘sound mind’ Christ has given us can do anything. Thus, we must exercise our mind to overcome our fleshly lusts.

As I mentioned, both the mind and the spirit work hand in hand, not one before the other. St Paul in Galatians 5:16-17 tells us, “Walk in the spirit, and you shall not fulfil the lust of the flesh. For the flesh lusts against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh; and these are contrary to one another, so that you do not do the things that you wish.” The mind can be trained by ‘walk[ing] in the spirit’. And, if we train our mind, then our spirit is also lifted. By doing this, we overcome the lusts of the flesh.

I think the first hurdle to train our mind and spirit, should really be answering the almighty; WHY? Why should I overcome the lusts of the flesh? St John Chrysostom reflects on this and says;

“Pleasures often are destructive. They end up being not really pleasures but bitterness and deceit and pretense, like a theatrical illusion.”

Our lusts are but masked happiness which lead to eternal condemnation. We must not live in lust, because we don’t know when our last day may be. We often tell ourselves, its ok if I overindulge today, I will be better tomorrow. By we must deny ourselves because “…you do not know what will happen tomorrow. For what is your life? It is even a vapor that appears for a little time and then vanishes away.” (James 4:14) Likewise, “His spirit departs, he returns to his earth; in that very day his plans perish.” (Psalm 146:4)

A priest once described to me the notion of something called a “beloved sin.” He said it was a sin that a certain individual always finds themselves returning to, a sin they sometimes think they have no control over, a sin they might even enjoy. Let’s return to the donut, the cookie, the chocolate…I asked a question…How do you feel after it? You might feel guilt, upset, or angry. Or you might feel happy, joyful, and satisfied. Our favourite treat is like our ‘beloved sin’, our fleshly lust. We may be burdened by our fleshly lust, we may feel we have no control over our fleshly lust, we might even enjoy fulfilling our fleshly lust. But because our life is but a ‘vapour’, we must put on spiritual nourishment. “If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross and follow Me. For whoever desires to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it. For what profit is it to a man if he gains the whole world, and loses his own soul?” (Matthew 16:24-26) We must endure and deny our burden, that is our fleshly lust, whether that be money, sexual desire, gluttony, or other sins… because as St Peter says in 1 Peter 2:11 it is a “…war against the soul.”

Most importantly, we are reminded of God’s love. That love is the single, most epic love of all time. No other love can compare. If our body, mind and spirit recognise this love, then all impulse drive in our mind, all emotions in our systems, and all hormones which are associated with temporary fleshly lust, will then desire that eternal love because it is the only way to feel full for longer. Like in the story of the Samaritan woman, “Whoever drinks of this water will thirst again, but whoever drinks of the water that I shall give him will never thirst. But the water that I shall give him will become in him a fountain of water springing into everlasting life.” (John 4:13-14)

Now that I have answered the almighty WHY, we know that our fleshly lusts may be a burden, an ‘illusion’ of happiness and to overcome it we are reminded of Christs love and must take up our cross. How do we practically take up our cross? The contemplations of the Saints guide us.

“But the Word of God kills in such a way as to make the dead one come alive. He then seeks the Lord whom he did not know before his death. He does not corrupt but kills the old man…As the outer man decays the inner man is renewed.”
St Jerome

“When you control your body, the spirit will do its job and the might of the body will be controlled by fasting.”
Pope Kyrillos VI

“Ignore the needs of the body when you stand for prayer. Even if you are bitten by a fly or an insect, do not be bothered by it so as not to lose the great benefit of prayer.”
St Evagrius

Through fasting, prayer and the word of God, we put off our fleshly lusts. We put on spiritual nourishment. We become one with God.

“Let us see how the saints reached heaven. They did not have an easy life but had to struggle in patience and great long suffering. The Scriptures gave us the commandments, and the saints left us their experience regarding the path leading to the Kingdom. Let us see how much they loved God. Let us contemplate their lives. We will realize that they lived in humility and meekness, in hard work, in struggle, in love for God and others, in vigilance and prayer, in addition to their manual work.”
Tamav Ereeny

Put Off Anger, Put on Patience

The New Man: Part 1

By Myrna Ishak

Picture this – you’re seven-ish years old, sitting on the floor while your school teacher reads a book aloud. Something about a boy living in a peach. The carpet is scratchy and it makes your legs itch; why do you even have to sit here – the lunch bell rings! Your train of thought is cut short as you, and about twenty other children, scramble madly outside. You make a beeline for your favourite playground spot, systematically dodging and weaving between those in your way. You clutch your lunch tightly to your chest – a ham sandwich, an apple, and a bag of Cheetos-equivalent chips. This isn’t working, the thronging crowd of students isn’t even close to dispersing. So, you take a short cut. It’s a risky move, running past the principal’s office when no one’s supposed to be indoors, but really, when is she ever actually in her office?

“And where do you think you’re going?”

Your heart sinks as you turn to face the voice’s source. Her face is pinched, arms crossed, and you feel like a bug under a microscope. To make a long story short, you’ve earned a detention. But so what if you were indoors? You were just passing by – how else were you supposed to get outside with enough time to enjoy your lunch? Your sheepishness and embarrassment are replaced by another feeling and you see red. Time slows down. An orange blur flies through the air, colliding with Mrs Jones’ back as she walks away from of you. Her brown jacket is now pelleted with orange cheese dust where the individual Cheetos made contact, and your single detention has suddenly turned into several.

Over a decade later, I can finally look back at this memory with some amusement. It comes as no surprise that anger has been confirmed to temporarily impact cognition and the way we process external stimuli. I’m sure everyone has a similar story where anger has caused rash behaviour, as Solomon so frankly states:

“For anger rests in the bosom of senseless men” – Ecc 7:9

To put it simply, anger is an emotional state often secondary to a perceived threat. We know it is an inevitable feeling as a range of Biblical figures, from Cain to Jesus, encounter it – but what separates the passion that would cause a man to slaughter his own brother and that which drove our Lord to overturn vendors’ tables in the temple?

Motive and result.

Anger is only justified if its root cause is love of God. If my anger is triggered by my desire for self-preservation, driven by my ego, or in defence of my values or beliefs – it is unjustified.

And what becomes of unjustified anger? There are essentially only a few ways this can go:

My anger is aggressive – I hurt those who hurt me, be it verbally, physically, or with Cheetos. Choose your weapon.
My anger is assertive – I call out those who hurt me and hold them accountable.
My anger is passive – I redirect my anger through other mediums; I ignore, I feign disinterest, I manipulate.
My anger is suppressed – I’m fine, really! The rejection I suffered will only gnaw at my insides until it evolves into bitterness and malice; maybe it’ll even impact my physical health. But I really am just fine.

“An angry man digs up strife, but a furious man digs up sins” – Proverbs 29:22

HH Pope Shenouda III suggests a beautifully practical strategy for dealing with anger:

1. Avoid circumstances known to provoke your anger –

“Do not be a companion to an angry man and do not associate with a quick-tempered friend, lest you learn his ways and receive a snare for your soul” – Proverbs 22:27-28

2. Do not make decisions, be it by thought, word, or action, during a time of anger –

“He who refrains from uttering a harsh word is intelligent, and a longsuffering man has discernment” – Proverbs 17:29

3. And finally, take off the old man and put on the new – put off anger and put on patience. Confess the weaknesses that may have caused you to sin in anger, and train yourself to adopt a disposition of love, long-suffering, and self control.

“But now, you yourselves are to put off all these: anger, wrath, malice, blasphemy, filthy language out of your mouth. Do not lie to one another, since you have put off the old man with his deeds, and put on the new man who is renewed in knowledge according to the image of Him who created him …” – Colossians 3:8-10