Tag: repentance

A Model of Repentance

A Model of Repentance

By BFA Team

Originally seen on Becoming Fully Alive blog site, 12th October 2016

This post is a homily by St Ephraim the Syrian on the sinful woman. May her story encourage us in our repentance!

Hear and be comforted, beloved, how merciful is God. To the sinful woman He forgave her offenses; yea, He upheld her when she was afflicted. With clay He opened the eyes of the blind, so that the eyeballs beheld the light. To the palsied He granted healing, who arose and walked and carried his bed. And to us He has given the pearls; His holy Body and Blood. He brought His medicines secretly; and with them He heals openly. And He wandered round in the land of Judea, like a physician, bearing his medicines. Simon invited Him to the feast, to eat bread in his house. The sinful woman rejoiced when she heard that He sat and was feasting in Simon’s house; her thoughts gathered together like the sea, and like the billows her love surged. She beheld the Sea of Grace, how it had forced itself into one place; and she resolved to go and drown all her wickedness in its billows.

She bound her heart, because it had offended, with chains and tears of suffering; and she began weeping (with herself): What avails me this fornication? What avails this lewdness? I have defiled the innocent ones without shame; I have corrupted the orphan; and without fear I have robbed the merchants of merchandise, and my rapacity was not satisfied. I have been as a bow in war, and have slain the good and the bad. I have been as a storm on the sea, and have sunk the ships of many. Why did I not win me one man, who might have corrected my lewdness? For one man is of God, but many are of Satan.

These things she inwardly said; then began she to do outwardly. She washed and put away from her eyes the dye that blinded them that saw it. And tears gushed forth from her eyes over that deadly eyepaint. She drew off and cast from her hands the enticing bracelets of her youth. She put off and cast away from her body the tunic of fine linen of whoredom, and resolved to go and attire herself in the tunic the garment of reconciliation. She drew off and cast from her feet the adorned sandals of lewdness; and directed the steps of her going in the path of the heavenly Eagle. She took up her gold in her palm and held it up to the face of heaven, and began to cry secretly, to Him who hears openly: This, O Lord, that I have gained from iniquity, with it will I purchase to myself redemption. This which was gathered from orphans, with it will I win the Lord of orphans.

These things she said secretly; then began to do openly. She took up the gold in her palm, and carried the alabaster box in her hands. Then hastily went she forth in sadness to the perfumer. The perfumer saw her and wondered, and fell into questioning with her; and thus he began to say to the harlot in the first words he spoke: Was it not enough for you, harlot, that you have corrupted all our town? What means this fashion that you show today to your lovers— that you have put off your wantonness and hast clothed yourself in modesty? Heretofore, when you came to me, your aspect was different from today’s. You were clothed in goodly raiment, and brought little gold; and asked for precious ointment, to make your lewdness pleasant. But lo! Today your vesture is mean, and you have brought much gold. Your change I understand not; wherefore is this fashion of yours? Either clothe you in raiment according to your ability, or buy ointment according to your clothing. For this ointment becomes not or is suited to this attire. Can it be that a merchant has met you, and brings great wealth; and you have seen that he loves it not, the fashion of your lewdness? So you have put off your lewdness and hast clothed yourself in meekness, that by various fashions you may capture much wealth. But if he loves this fashion because he is a chaste man in truth, then woe to him! Into what has he fallen? Into a gulf that has swallowed up his merchandise. But I give you advice, as a man that desires your welfare, that you send away your many lovers who have helped you nought from your youth, and henceforth seek out one husband who may correct your lewdness.

These things spoke the perfumer, in wisdom, to the harlot. The sinful woman answered and said to him, to the perfumer after his discourse, Hinder me not, O man, and stop me not by your questioning. I have asked of you ointment, not freely, but I will pay you its value not grudgingly. Take you the gold, as much as you demand, and give me the precious ointment; take you that which endures not and give me that which endures; and I will go to Him who endures, and will buy that which endures. And as to that you said, about a merchant; a Man has met me today Who bears riches in abundance. He has robbed me and I have robbed Him; He has robbed me of my transgressions and sins, and I have robbed Him of His wealth. And as to that you said of a husband; I have won me a Husband in heaven, Whose dominion stands for ever, and His kingdom shall not be dissolved. She took up the ointment and went forth.

In haste went she forth; as Satan saw her and was enraged; and was greatly grieved in his mind. At one time he rejoiced, and again at another he was grieved. That she carried the perfumed oil, he rejoiced in his inward mind; but that she was clad in mean raiment— at this doing of hers he was afraid. He clave then to her and followed her, as a robber follows a merchant. He listened to the murmurs of her lips, to hear the voice of her words. He closely watched her eyeballs (to mark) whither the glance of her eyes was directed; and as he went he moved by her feet (to mark) whither her goings were directed. Very full of craft is Satan, from our words to learn our aim. Therefore, our Lord has taught us not to raise our voice when we pray, that the Devil may not hear our words and draw near and become our adversary. So then, when Satan saw that he could not change her mind, he clothed himself in the fashion of a man, and drew to himself a crowd of youths, like her lovers of former times; and then began he thus to address her: By your life, O woman, tell me whither are your footsteps directed? What means this haste? For you hastes more than other days. What means this your meekness, for your soul is meek like a handmaid’s? Instead of garments of fine linen, lo! You are clothed in sordid weeds; instead of bracelets of gold and silver, there are not even rings on your fingers; instead of goodly sandals for your feet, not even worn shoes are on your feet. Disclose to me all your doing, for I understand not your change. Is it that some one of your lovers has died, and you go to bury him? We will go with you to the funeral, and with you will (take part with you) in sorrow.

The sinful woman answered and said to him, (even) to Satan, after his speech: Well have you said that I go to inter the dead, one that has died to me. The sin of my thoughts has died, and I go to bury it. Satan answered and said to her, (even) to the sinful woman after her words: Go to, O woman, I tell you that I am the first of your lovers. I am not such as you, and I place my hands upon you. I will give you again more gold than before.

The sinful woman answered and said to him, even to Satan after his discourse: I am wearied of you, O man, and you are no more my lover. I have won me a husband in heaven, Who is God, that is over all, and His dominion stands for ever, and His kingdom shall not be dissolved. For lo! In your presence I say; I say it again and I lie not. I was a handmaid to Satan from my childhood unto this day. I was a bridge, and he trode upon me, and I destroyed thousands of men. The eyepaint blinded my eyes, and (I was) blind among many whom I blinded. I became sightless and knew not that there is One Who gives light to the sightless. Lo! I go to get light for my eyes, and by that light to give light to many. I was fast bound, and knew not that there is One Who overthrows idols. Lo! I go to have my idols destroyed, and so to destroy the follies of many. I was wounded and knew not that there is One Who binds up wounds; and lo! I go to have my wounds bound. These things the harlot spoke to Satan in her wisdom; and he groaned and was grieved and wept; and he cried aloud and thus he spoke:— I am conquered by you, O woman, and what I shall do I know not.

As soon as Satan perceived that he could not change her mind, he began to weep for himself and thus it was that he spoke: Henceforth is my boasting perished, and the pride of all my days. How shall I lay for her a snare, for her who is ascending on high? How shall I shoot arrows at her, (even) at her whose wall is unshaken? Therefore, I go into Jesus’ presence; lo! she is about to enter His presence; and I shall say to Him thus: This woman is an harlot. Perchance He may reject and not receive her. And I shall say to Him thus: This woman who comes into Your presence is a woman that is an harlot. She has led captive men by her whoredom; she is polluted from her youth. But You, O Lord, are righteous; all men throng to see You. And if mankind see You that You have speech with the harlot, they all will flee from Your presence, and no man will salute You.

These things Satan spoke within himself, nor was he moved. Then he changed the course of his thought, and thus it was that he spoke. How shall I enter into Jesus’ presence, for to Him the secret things are manifest? He knows me, who I am, that no good office is my purpose. If haply He rebuke me I am undone, and all my wiles will be wasted. I will go to the house of Simon, for secret things are not manifest to him. And into his heart I will put it; perchance on that hook he may be caught. And thus, will I say unto him: By your life, O Simon, tell me; this man that sojourns in your house is he a man that is righteous, or a friend of the doers of wickedness? I am a wealthy man, and a man that has possessions, and I wish like you to invite him that he may come in and bless my possessions.

Simon answered and thus he said to the Evil One after his words: From the day that (first) I saw Him I have seen no lewdness in Him, but rather quietness and peace, humility and seemliness. The sick He heals without reward, the diseased He freely cures. He approaches and stands by the grave, and calls, and the dead arise. Jairus called Him to raise his daughter to life, trusting that He could raise her to life. And as He went with him in the way, He gave healing to the woman diseased, who laid hold of the hem of His garment and stole healing from Him, and her pain which was hard and bitter at once departed from her. He went forth to the desert and saw the hungry, how they were fainting with famine. He made them sit down on the grass, and fed them in His mercy. In the ship He slept as He willed, and the sea swelled against the disciples. He arose and rebuked the billows, and there was a great calm. The widow, the desolate one who was following her only son, on the way to the grave He consoled her. He gave him to her and gladdened her heart. To one man who was dumb and blind, by His voice He brought healing. The lepers He cleansed by His word; to the limbs of the palsied He restored strength. For the blind man, afflicted and weary, He opened his eyes and he saw the light. And for two others who besought Him, at once He opened their eyes. As for me, thus have I heard the fame of the man from afar; and I called Him to bless my possessions, and to bless all my flocks and herds.

Satan answered and said to him, to Simon after his words: Praise not a man at his beginning, until you learn his end; hitherto this man is sober and his soul takes not pleasure in wine. If he shall go forth from your house, and holds not converse with an harlot, then he is a righteous man and no friend of them that do wickedness. Such things did Satan speak in his craftiness to Simon. Then he approached and stood afar off, to see what should come to pass.

The sinful woman full of transgressions stood clinging by the door. She clasped her arms in prayer, and thus she spoke beseeching:— Blessed Son Who hast descended to earth for the sake of man’s redemption, close not Your door in my face; for You have called me and lo! I come. I know that You have not rejected me; open for me the door of Your mercy, that I may come in, O my Lord, and find refuge in You, from the Evil One and his hosts! I was a sparrow, and the hawk pursued me, and I have fled and taken refuge in Your nest. I was a heifer, and the yoke galled me, and I will turn back my wanderings to You. Lay upon me the shoulder of Your yoke that I may take it on me, and work with Your oxen. Thus did the harlot speak at the door with much weeping. The master of the house looked and saw her, and the colour of his visage was changed; and he began thus to address her, (even) the harlot, in the opening of his words:— Depart hence, O harlot, for this man who abides in our house is a man that is righteous, and they that are of his companions are blameless. Is it not enough for you, harlot, that you have corrupted the whole town? You have corrupted the chaste without shame; you have robbed the orphans, and have not blushed, and have plundered the merchants’ wares, and your countenance is not abashed. From him your heart [and soul] labour [to take]. But from him your net takes no spoil. For this man is righteous indeed, and they of his company are blameless.

The sinful woman answered and said to him, even to Simon when he had ceased: You surely are the guardian of the door, O you that know things that are secret! I will propose the matter in the feast, and you shall be free from blame. And if there be any that wills me to come in, he will bid me and I will come in. Simon ran and closed the door, and approached and stood afar off. And he tarried a long time and proposed not the matter in the feast. But He, Who knows what is secret, beckoned to Simon and said to him:— Come hither, Simon, I bid you; does anyone stand at the door? Whosoever he be, open to him that he may come in; let him receive what he needs, and go. If he be hungry and hunger for bread, lo! In your house is the table of life; and if he be thirsty, and thirst for water, lo! The blessed fountain is in your dwelling. And if he be sick and ask for healing, lo! The great Physician is in your house. Allow sinners to look upon Me, for their sakes have I abased Myself. I will not ascend to heaven, to the dwelling whence I came down, until I bear back the sheep that has wandered from its Father’s house, and lift it up on My shoulders and bear it aloft to heaven. Simon answered and thus he said to Jesus, when He had done speaking:— My Lord, this woman that stands in the doorway is a harlot: she is lewd and not free-born, polluted from her childhood. And You, my Lord, are a righteous man, and all are eager to see You; and if men see You having speech with the harlot, all men will flee from beside You, and no man will salute You. Jesus answered, and thus He said to Simon when he was done speaking:— Whosoever it be, open for him to come in, and you shall be free from blame; and though his offenses be many, without rebuke I bid you [receive him].

Simon approached and opened the door, and began thus to speak:— Come, enter, fulfil that you will, to him who is even as you. The sinful woman, full of transgressions, passed forward and stood by His feet, and clasped her arms in prayer, and with these words she spoke:— My eyes have become watercourses that cease not from [watering] the fields, and today they wash the feet of Him Who follows after sinners. This hair, abundant in locks from my childhood till this day, let it not grieve You that it should wipe this holy body. The mouth that has kissed the lewd, forbid it not to kiss the body that remits transgressions and sins. These things the harlot spoke to Jesus, with much weeping. And Simon stood afar off to see what He would do to her. But He Who knows the things that are secret, beckoned to Simon and said to him:— Lo! I will tell you, O Simon, what your meditation is, concerning the harlot. Within your mind you imagine and within your soul you said, ‘I have called this man righteous, but lo! The harlot kisses Him. I have called Him to bless my possessions, and lo! The harlot embraces Him.’ O Simon, there were two debtors, whose creditor was one only; one owed him five-hundred [pence], and the other owed fifty. And when the creditor saw that neither of these two had anything, the creditor pardoned and forgave them both their debt. Which of them ought to render the greater thanks? He who was forgiven five hundred, or he who was forgiven fifty? Simon answered, and thus he said to Jesus, when He had done speaking:— He who was forgiven five hundred ought to render the greater thanks. Jesus answered and thus He said: You are he that owes five hundred, and this woman owes fifty. Lo! I came into your house, O Simon; and water for My feet you brought not; and this woman, of whom you said that she was an harlot, one from her childhood defiled, has washed My feet with her tears, and with her hair she has wiped them. Ought I to send her away, O Simon, without receiving forgiveness? Verily, verily, I say unto you, I will write of her in the Gospel. Go, O woman, your sins are forgiven you and all your transgression is covered; henceforth and to the end of the world.

May our Lord account us worthy of hearing this word of His:— Come, enter, you blessed of My Father, inherit the kingdom made ready for all who shall do My will, and observe all My commandments. To Him be glory; on us be mercy; at all times. Amen!

Original blog available at- https://becomingfullyalive.com/a-model-of-repentance/

Repentance and Confession

Repentance and Confession

Prayer

O’ Holy Father, who awaits the return of sinners, You promised that You are always ready to accept a repent heart. Look now upon my humble and miserable soul that was lost in the valleys of disobedience. I have tasted the bitterness of misery for too long when I strayed from You.

Now I come back to You to be purified, accept and do not reject me, for when You look at me with mercy and compassion, I will be cleansed and saved. If you turn away, I shall perish. Grant me O Lord, Your blessing to strengthen my will to come closer to You in faith and hope, to confess my sins and detest returning to them.

May Your Holy Spirit remind me not to stray. May You enlighten my heart so I can see the graveness of my sins and negligence and have the will to obey Your commandments and live for the Glory of Your Holy Name. Amen.

Repentance and Confession

Repentance and Confession

Quote

“Is our repentance driven from fear, Or out of sadness that we broke the heart of One who love us?”

Bishop Kallistos Ware

“Are you sad because you sinned, or because you saddened God’s heart? Is all you think about how to be rid of the punishment of sin, or do you desire to restore the love and relationship between you and God?”

Pope Shenouda III

Repentance and Confession

Repentance and Confessions readings

New Testament Passage

1 John 1:5-10

“This is the message which we have heard from Him and declare to you, that God is light and in Him is no darkness at all. If we say that we have fellowship with Him, and walk in darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth. But if we walk in the light as He is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus Christ His Son cleanses us from all sin. If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. If we say that we have not sinned, we make Him a liar, and His word is not in us.”

Discussion Questions

  1. The Lord is faithful in his promises. He wants to bless us and is waiting for us to come to Him so he may purify and bless us. How can we then show him that we are willing to be purified?
  2. When we go to our father of Confession. Do we go because we truly want purification or is it because we think we are obliged to as Orthodox Christians?
  3. How often do we prepare for confession, making sure all our sins are poured our before our father of Confession and our Father in Heaven?  

Old Testament Passage

Joel 2:12-27

““Now, therefore,” says the LORD, “Turn to Me with all your heart, With fasting, with weeping, and with mourning.” So rend your heart, and not your garments; Return to the LORD your God, For He is gracious and merciful, Slow to anger, and of great kindness; And He relents from doing harm. Who knows if He will turn and relent, And leave a blessing behind Him— A grain offering and a drink offering For the LORD your God? Blow the trumpet in Zion, Consecrate a fast, Call a sacred assembly; Gather the people, Sanctify the congregation, Assemble the elders, Gather the children and nursing babes; Let the bridegroom go out from his chamber, And the bride from her dressing room. Let the priests, who minister to the LORD, Weep between the porch and the altar; Let them say, “Spare Your people, O LORD, And do not give Your heritage to reproach, That the nations should rule over them. Why should they say among the peoples, ‘Where is their God?’ ” Then the LORD will be zealous for His land, And pity His people. The LORD will answer and say to His people, “Behold, I will send you grain and new wine and oil, And you will be satisfied by them; I will no longer make you a reproach among the nations. “But I will remove far from you the northern army, And will drive him away into a barren and desolate land, With his face toward the eastern sea And his back toward the western sea; His stench will come up, And his foul odor will rise, Because he has done monstrous things.” Fear not, O land; Be glad and rejoice, For the LORD has done marvelous things! Do not be afraid, you beasts of the field; For the open pastures are springing up, And the tree bears its fruit; The fig tree and the vine yield their strength. Be glad then, you children of Zion, And rejoice in the LORD your God; For He has given you the former rain faithfully, And He will cause the rain to come down for you— The former rain, And the latter rain in the first month. The threshing floors shall be full of wheat, And the vats shall overflow with new wine and oil. “So I will restore to you the years that the swarming locust has eaten, The crawling locust, The consuming locust, And the chewing locust, My great army which I sent among you. You shall eat in plenty and be satisfied, And praise the name of the LORD your God, Who has dealt wondrously with you; And My people shall never be put to shame. Then you shall know that I am in the midst of Israel: I am the LORD your God And there is no other. My people shall never be put to shame.”

Discussion Questions

  1. Should my repentance mainly be an outward or an inward endeavour? Is it primarily, a matter of changing ones actions or of quiet reflection and prayer with the Lord?
  2. Joel tells us to “rend our heart” first, thus do we repent with our hearts before our actions? How can I make the repentance of my heart the first step, allowing it to be a platform for a more outward repentance?
  3. Is it wrong to do the outward actions (fasting, prostrations, and even confession) if I don’t feel that my heart truly desires to repent?

The Thief’s Plea

The Thief’s Plea

By Shery Abdelmalak

“This is how we survive”
My father’s words piercing every time.
At every theft;
At every crime,
All I know is, this is how I survive.

I see the same look in their eyes,
Wishing someone would hear their cries.
At first, I would it feel so deep;
To my very core.
But there is so much more,
Than one person’s weep.

I see them all,
Praying to their God.
Waiting for some kind of lightening rod
But does He hear their call?

Their faith seems so strong,
Until their money is robbed.
Did they get it wrong?
They cry out but He doesn’t respond.

This is how I operate,
Waiting for their emotions to cloud their judgement
Knowing then will they cooperate
It isn’t long before my next target.

This is too easy.
I begin to become complacent.
One slip leaves me uneasy,
This day is my ultimate repayment.

The judge makes a final declaration.
For a life of theft,
I receive my arrest,
Death by crucifixion is their only request.

Theft felt like a simple transaction,
Yet it left my victims in torment
I have become the main attraction
But how can I lament?

It doesn’t seem fair,
Theft was all I had known.
Why does no one care?
I had nowhere to call home.
A life lived trying to fill a void
Yet now I am left decoyed.

But in His outstretched arms,
I see something,
I feel something,
That words could never describe.
The void I could never fill,
Was now right by my side.

I see love
I see why they run to Him
In His eyes,
I know that I have sinned,
I am so small,
Weaker than them all.
But even on the Cross,
He is mightiest to behold.
I know I am not alone.

I see love that inscribed my name on the palm of His hand
I see love that gives life to dry bones
I see love that was enslaved for my sake alone
I see love that can soften even a heart like mine.

For Him, I can only plead;
This one will make all the difference
I submit before His omnipotence.

Remember me, O Lord when you come into your Kingdom.
Remember me, in my pride filled spin.
Remember me, and fill me with Your wisdom
Remember me, when it comes time to pay the price of sin;

Remind me that it was You, that was eternally by my side.

Drowning in Mercy

Drowning in Mercy

Adapted from a sermon by Johnny Sharkawi

Would it be accurate to say that God’s mercy is available to us?

To anyone in the church, the answer would be, yes. The Bible presents us with a different answer. A more accurate answer is that God dumps His mercy on our heads.

A common prayer that Fr Elijah would pray was, “Thank You God for pouring Your mercy and blessings upon us.” I would hear this prayer time and time again. The attitude that God is pouring mercy without falter is the more accurate description.

What is strange is that in the Bible, God pours mercy even on those that do not ask for it. On the Cross, there were none that asked for His mercy. The reality was that they were opposing Him. The first time He opened His mouth on the Cross was to pour mercy upon them. He said, “Father forgive them, for they do not know what they do” (Luke 23:34). Even to those that did not ask nor want His mercy, the Lord still with the largest bucket possible, dumped His mercy upon them.

Till today, He continues to poor blessings on those that do not ask. In Matthew 5:45, we read, “for He makes His sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust.” His mercy is poured on the evil, just as the sun rises on all people. There is no distinction made between His children, all receive mercy. It would be weak for us to say that His mercy is merely available to us. God does not reluctantly give mercy if we beg. He is not that kind of Lord.

“Come now, and let us reason together,” Says the Lord, “Though your sins are like scarlet, They shall be as white as snow; Though they are red like crimson, They shall be as wool.” – Isaiah 1:18.

He says, ‘come,’ as if the Lord is grabbing us by the arm and pulling us. He wants to reason with us that even though we are sinful, He wants to make us white like snow. This is not a Lord reluctantly giving away mercy but a Lord that is looking for every opportunity to give away His mercy.

Another example of His pleasure in mercy is in Micah 7:18-19; “Who is a God like You, Pardoning iniquity and passing over the transgression of the remnant of His heritage? He does not retain His anger forever, Because He delights in mercy. He will again have compassion on us, And will subdue our iniquities. You will cast all our sins Into the depths of the sea.”

The Lord’s delight is in mercy. If you think of the way you delight in your favourite meal, you do not leave in remnants behind. You lick the plate clean, and you get every last drop off your fingers, too. You do this in delight. This is the Lord’s approach to mercy. The Lord’s delight is in mercy so that His forgiveness is never short of 100%. He licks His fingers until there is no mercy left to give, this is His greatest delight.

More than this, “I, even I, am He who blots out your transgressions for My own sake; And I will not remember your sins.” – Isaiah 43:25.

He tells us that He forgives us not for our sake, but His. Even if we do not want our sins forgiven, He can’t help but forgive. This is the extent of His mercy, He wants it more than we do. He does not desire the death for a single sinner but that all should return and live (Ezekiel 18:23).

If we were to ask the Lord what he really wanted from us, I think He would respond in the same way He responded in Ezekiel 36: 25-26, “I will sprinkle clean water on you, and you shall be clean; I will cleanse you from all your filthiness and from all your idols. 26 I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit within you; I will take the heart of stone out of your flesh and give you a heart of flesh. 

Why does the Lord want us to be clean? Because it is a pre-requisite to seeing God. If we are to see God, we must first be clean. In Hebrews 12:14, it says, “Pursue peace with all people, and holiness, without which no one will see the Lord.”

We will not see the Lord without holiness. The objective is not to be clean in our own eyes, or to be clean in the eyes of other people, but am I clean in God’s eyes? Without true holiness that only the Lord sees, we will not be able to see Him.

The Lord pours His mercy, He dumps His mercy on us all now so that now is the time to pursue holiness so we may see the Lord. There will come a time that the door will be shut and it will not be opened again. We must pursue holiness now while His mercy is being poured upon us.

Many of us will ask is confession a struggle? The answer is yes. Even HH Pope Kyrillos VI would agree, he said, “do not keep your thoughts hidden but struggle to purify your thoughts through confession.” It is a struggle; It is not easy. If we take on the heart of Jesus who said, “I am gentle and lowly in heart,” (Matthew 11:29) then confession will be easier. A major reason why we find confession is a struggle is because we want to look good. I want Abouna to think well of me. The truth is, it is my pride that stops me from confessing my sins.

On Covenant Thursday, the Lord breaks Himself for us. He took His Body (that is the Eucharist), and He broke Himself for our sake. Confession is me breaking myself, for my own sake.

“Then two men will be in the field: one will be taken and the other left.” – Matthew 24:40. Confessions is the difference between the one taken and the one left behind. We do this for ourself. We do not have confession so that we can tell others that we have had confession and we are now clean, but we do it so that we may be clean in God’s eyes. We do it so that we are not the ones left behind of Judgement day. The door is open now while we have life in us.

“Seek the Lord while He may be found, Call upon Him while He is near. Let the wicked forsake his way, And the unrighteous man his thoughts; Let him return to the Lord, And He will have mercy on him; And to our God, For He will abundantly pardon” – Isaiah 55:6-7.

The Lord is ready to pour His mercy and He waits for us. The Lord is so simple, repent for the kingdom of heaven is at hand (Matthew 3:2). Sometimes, we translate this wrongly, because we are complicated while the Lord is simple. We interpret this as dwell on your sin, for the Kingdom is at hand. Think a lot about your sin. Feel really bad about your sin. Let this manifest into depression about your sin. Hide your sin. This is complex and it is not the Bible. If we are weighed down by our sin then we have missed the whole point of the week.

The Lord shed His blood to make us clean. We do not need to carry our sin. He came that we may have life and live it more abundantly (John 10:10).

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Not One Bone Broken

Not One Bone Broken

By Shery Abdelmalak

The climax of the greatest love story ever told with the ultimate sacrifice of the most perfect Bridegroom. Every moment of human history came down to this one fateful day. The final covenant between God and His creation, a promise of salvation and freedom for the faithful.

Every little detail on this day had profound meaning and a tremendous cost. Nothing was by accident, all the prophecies led to this final moment of the Lord’s crucifixion. Our God, the author of Love, orchestrated every little detail to show us His Love truly knows no bounds. While there were moments that seemed unnecessarily harsh, these were glimpses into His everlasting love. For it was in His affliction that we hear His call, “I am my beloved’s, And my beloved is mine” (Song of Solomon 6:3). 

The Jews were relentless, but they stopped short in one instance. When they went to break the legs of the crucified, they found that Jesus had breathed His last and there was no need. Some early church fathers have contemplated the question, why the legs? Why not the head, for a swift death? Breaking the legs caused the greatest pain, while speeding up death slightly. They wanted them to die faster, but not without pain. They needed the bodies to be taken down before the Passover so that the stench of the dead bodies did not defile the atmosphere. God-forbid they appeared to be an unclean nation. They were completely blinded to reality and fixated on an honourable appearance, and so, our Bridegroom still had more ways of showing His love to soften even the hardest hearts.

To their surprise, Christ had died already. Could it be that this was a sacrificial death? Could He really be the Saviour they had waited for? We know He died out of free will, out of love. This was His choice to grant us freedom. By His death, He overcame death so that it could no longer have dominion over us. Through His victory in love, He gave up His Spirit at a time He chose, at the fulfilment of all the prophecies, and not at the expected time.  

The Jews knew their prophecies and maybe it was in this moment that they recalled the sacrifice the Israelites offered in remembrance of their freedom from the Egyptians. The one sacrifice that the Lord commanded, “nor shall you break one of its bones” (Ex 12:46), was Christ the sacrifice of freedom; 

He guards all his bones; Not one of them is broken. – Ps. 34:20

If Christ had endured the height of suffering already, why stop at the breaking of bones? Beyond the prophecies, there is more the Bridegroom has to offer to you and I, His bride. We are the bones of Christ. We may endure suffering, but we do not break away from Him. We remain in Christ and by His stripes we are healed (Is. 53:5). For it was in the crucifixion that we were freed from the death of sin and united with Christ for eternity, so how could any one of His bones be broken?

We may leave Christ, but Christ will never leave us. There were so many signs, calling out to the hardest of hearts. When we look upon the hidden brokenness of the heart, the pain almost physical yet unseen. The brokenness we experience, caused by our own accord or otherwise, represents a detachment from the Bridegroom. 

When a bone is broken, modern medicine teaches us that it will never be as strong as it was before. If you repeatedly break the same bone, extra precautions are taken to prevent future breakages. To protect a heart that has been broken, we harden its surroundings, we don’t let people in, just in case it breaks in the same way it broke before – just in case that the next time it breaks, it is beyond repair. 

Don’t show love. Don’t show weakness. Don’t show any sign of humanity that can lead to being hurt.  

‘There is no safe investment. To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket – safe, dark, motionless, airless – it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. The alternative to tragedy, or at least to the risk of tragedy, is damnation. The only place outside Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers and perturbations of love is Hell.’

C.S. Lewis

That is option one. 

Option two, the option that Christ gives us on the Cross – choose love. Choose love that breaks. When a broken heart is given to God, He heals it so that it is stronger than it ever was before. 

“I am dark, but lovely” (Song of Solomon 1:5). I may be tainted by mistakes, sin, brokenness, but this does not cause God to love me any less. On the contrary, He calls for the one lost sheep among the hundred. For every mistake I make and the subsequent hurt I feel, He heals my heart, He makes me capable of loving more than I ever could before. He helps me fight the reflex to harden against things that hurt me. To harden against pain is to choose a bandaid over the healing Hands of God. He can only heal wounds that are given to Him as they are, as wretched as they may be. May we always remember that on Good Friday, Christ endured all suffering but did not allow His bones to be broken, He did not allow His children to be broken away from Him. There is no hurt too great that He cannot repair.

Our brokenness is a calling to love, to be reunited with Christ in repentance. When we come back to Christ in repentance, we are not just healed, but renewed. Let it break, let it be renewed, for this is the purpose of His Crucifixion. On the day of Resurrection, we are renewed. We put to death all that leaves us feeling broken and we prepare to be risen in Christ. 

“A broken and a contrite heart, these O God, You will not despise.” Ps 51:17

A Sweet Soothing Aroma

A Sweet Soothing Aroma

Adapted from a sermon by Fr Augustinos Nada

Imagine the worst, ghastly smelling thing you have ever smelt. Many of us will think of fesekeeh, in line with the Easter Monday tradition, or milk that has gone bad, or any kind of food that is left out for too long.

Can you imagine if we can then harness this smell into the sweetest swelling aroma? It doesn’t seem possible, but that is what God does for us. He took the stench of our sin and turned into a sweet-smelling aroma.

In Exodus, Leviticus and Numbers, we read of the law of atonement. God spoke to Moses and said that to expel the odour of sin, to offer a burnt sacrifice. Anyone who had sinned would offer up a livestock animal, sheep or bird that was without blemish; a symbol of Christ. This animal was then brought to the door of the temple. The person would confess their sins with their hands on the head of the animal and then they would slaughter it, blood would come forth and this was the form of atonement. The priest would take it to the altar, that would become a sweet soothing aroma to the Lord.

And the priest shall burn it on the altar for a sweet aroma to the Lord. So the priest shall make atonement for him, and it shall be forgiven him (Leviticus 4:31).

Throughout these books of the Old Testament, the sweet aroma of the sacrifice is mentioned 25 times. Could you imagine the rot of sin being transferred through repentance into a sweet aroma to the Lord? Imagine the Lord enjoying the smell of aroma. That is the power of our repentance when we return to the Lord. The fowl smelling of sin – pornography, lies, anger, adultery, disputes, cheating, drugs, alcohol, smoking – is all turned into a sweet incense before the Lord in repentance.

Beyond repentance, we see the sweet aroma in one Person, and that is our Lord, Jesus Christ Himself. The Lord sent His sweet aroma to us in His Son. The ultimate sacrifice was His blood on the Cross. He carried our sins in His body to give us atonement as a sweet aroma. No longer do we sacrifice animals because we have the ultimate sacrifice in Christ.  

2 And walk in love, as Christ also has loved us and given Himself for us, an offering and a sacrifice to God for a sweet-smelling aroma (Ephesians 5:2).

How can we be the sweet aroma to the Lord? The way we live. If we are Christ-like in our conduct, in righteousness, in honest repentance, we become the sweet aroma to the Lord.

For we are to God the fragrance of Christ among those who are being saved and among those who are perishing. (2 Cor. 2:15)

We are the fragrance of God if we imitate Christ and live in His footsteps. Thursday Eve describes two kinds of aromas. The bad smell in the betrayal of Judas for 30 pieces of silver. This was a symbol of man’s sin and the stench that followed the rot of sin. The second was an aroma of love and repentance from the woman that poured the expensive fragrant oil. The sinner woman who did not say one word but the Lord understood her tears of repentance. She anointed Him and prepared His body for burial (Matthew 26:12).

What we know about expensive fragrances is how strong the smell is, the aroma will stick for days. The sinner woman anointed Jesus so that the aroma was beautiful even unto the Cross. Christ was crucified just before the Passover, at a time when they wanted the bodies taken down quickly for burial. There was no time to prepare the spices and anoint His body, He was quickly rushed to the tomb. He went to the Cross and rose with the same sweet smelling aroma from the sinner woman’s repentance.

What can we offer to the Lord?

Our sins and habits when turned to sincere and honest repentance is the sweetest aroma to our Lord. The Lord will carry this to the Cross. The doors of our church are closed now. The churches will, of course, be open again. But this is an important reminder that one day the heavenly church will be closed. These events are a re-enactment of the Second Coming. He said the doors will be shut and there will be people left outside. We have a glimpse of that feeling now with the churches doors closed. It’s not a good feeling, but imagine being left out of the doors of heaven. One day, the doors of heaven will be closed, but they will not be re-opened. In those days, there will be wailing and gnashing of teeth (Matthew 13:42). They will knock on the doors and Christ will respond, I do not know you (Matthew 7:23).

But today, we have a second chance. Let us offer sincere and honest repentance. Then we will have the beauty of being in the presence of God in His peace. We will have answered prayer, and growth in virtue.

Every Good Friday, we find the most expensive perfumes donated to the church for the icons. Instead of giving this to the church, let us leave it to prepare for the church in our homes. The first homily of Monday morning says, “Every person who was baptised in the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit has an angel responsible for him till their death, and to convey and raise their deeds to God.” – St Shenouda the Archimandrite.

The Lord has sent an angel to listen to our prayers and supports us. If the church is the house of angels, and our homes our now the church then what appears to be a family of four is actually a church of eight if we consider the angels, not to mention the saints and the heavenly hosts. This is the beauty of our home churches.

Let us practice finding a sweet aroma to give our home churches as a reminder of the sweet-smelling aroma that the Lord delights in when we repent. Let it be a constant reminder of repentance that turns the rottenness of sin into an aroma.

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Is This the End of the World?

Is this the End of the World?

Adapted from a sermon by Fr Mark Basily

There are a lot of questions on our minds, especially as we look around and we see what is taking place around the world. A pandemic that has crippled the Globe. We see numerous deaths, churches closed, streets empty, communities in isolation. This raises so many questions. One question that most people will ask, whether Christian or not, religious or not;

Could this be the end of the world?

In Holy Week, we are following our Lord’s actions and teaching. The week begins with Christ’s triumphant entry into Jerusalem on Palm Sunday. He cleanses the Temple and curses the fig tree. There is a gap of time before the betrayal of Wednesday. Monday and Tuesday almost seem like filler days. What is taking place is a significant part of our Lord’s teaching in those two days.

The readings of Wednesday Eve provide a sample of what Christ spoke and taught. The three synoptic gospels (Matthew, Mark and Luke) dedicate a large portion of their gospels to the teaching on these two days. A key theme was the end of all things. The church refers to this as the Eschatology – the study of the last things.

Christ in His final week spoke significantly about the last things. Matthew has 6 chapters dedicated (Matthew 21-26) to the last things; the second coming, the final judgement and heaven and hell. 

We see a glimpse of this in the readings of Wednesday Eve. We read the parable of the wedding, where all were invited but someone came without a wedding garment and they were cast into hell, revealing the theme of heaven and hell (Matthew 22:1-14). It continues, you must be ready, because two people will be in the field, one will be taken, one is left. Two women grinding at the mill, one is taken, one is left (Matthew 24:40-42). Death can occur at any time. We also have the theme of the Second Coming. The Second Coming is like a thief in the night, it can come at any time so we must always be ready (Matthew 24:43). We also have the theme of judgement with the five wise and five foolish virgins, five were taken in while five were excluded (Matthew 25).

Eschatology is widely considered by scholars to be one of the most difficult areas of study. The confusion is typically surrounding the tense that Christ uses – past, present or future. He speaks about the end of things like they are present, here and now. Surely the kingdom of God has come upon you (Matthew 12:28) – as if the kingdom is now here. It is present.

Elsewhere, when asked when the kingdom of God will come, Christ responded, The kingdom of God does not come with observation; 21 nor will they say, ‘See here!’ or ‘See there!’ For indeed, the kingdom of God is within you” (Luke 17:21). We are given the impression that it is all here now.

Then, there is a future tense that Christ also uses. “So it will be at the end of the age. The angels will come forth, separate the wicked from among the just” (Matthew 13:49). Here, the kingdom appears in future tense. In the Lord’s prayer we say, “Your kingdom come,” implying that the Kingdom is not here but is coming. So, is the Kingdom coming, or is it presently within us?

“Assuredly, I say to you, there are some standing here who shall not taste death till they see the Son of Man coming in His kingdom” (Matthew 16:28). Another confusion is that it is not present, or future, but will be in their lifetime.

How do we make sense of this all? When Christ speaks of the end of all thing, He speaks of four aspects that are weaved together;

  1. The end of the temple – the destruction of the temple in 70 AD. Jerusalem was destroyed.
  2. The True Temple – meaning Christ, His own death and end on earth.

Both allude to the end of the earth. For Jews, no Temple meant the end of the world. For God, the Creator of the Universe to die, the world cannot go on. But there are two more personal ends.

  1. The end of our own lives at our death
  2. The end of the world

What we see taking place is a paradox where the end is already here, but not yet. The church speaks in that language – the already and the not yet. The end has begun at the death of Christ, the end has begun by the destruction of the temple, the end is happening as people are dying and the end is waiting to be fulfilled at the end of the entire world. With the birth, death and resurrection of Christ, He has inaugurated the end of the world. The end has begun.

If the end has begun, it changes how we view Heaven, Judgment and the Second Coming of Christ. It is no longer part of the unforeseeable future. It is here and now.  It can change the way we see heaven and hell, judgement, our own death and how we live.

If the end has already begun then judgement has begun. I am not waiting to be judged. I begin judging myself now in the presence of Christ. If I begin judging myself now so that when the final judgment day comes, I pass judgement. I begin judging myself now with repentance.

In the last days, there will no judge or jury; just Christ and me. A true repentance overcomes judgement. The end has begun. I stand with Him now to judge myself while I am alive. If the end has begun, then the Second Coming is not in the unknown future, it is here and now. I can prepare myself for the second coming now.

During the Pascha, the church is watching from home. Even five of the seven priests follow on from home. We use this time to prepare for the second coming of Christ. The second coming is unlikely to occur while we are in church. Let us stay out of the church to prepare for that moment. We can prepare ourselves to that extent. The end has begun; it is already here. The first Christians lived in that way; as if the end would happen in their lifetime.

If the end has begun, it changes the way I live my life. It changes my view of heaven. Heaven is no longer a place in the future. The Kingdom is here and now and I can live heaven on earth.  When you go to heaven or hell, what will you see? You won’t see anything distinct. Nothing will be different. It will just be the same as where you are.

“Earth, I think, will not be found by anyone to be in the end a very distinct place. I think earth, if chosen instead of Heaven, will turn out to have been, all along, only a region in Hell: and earth, if put second to Heaven, to have been from the beginning a part of Heaven itself.”

C.S. Lewis, The Great Divorce

When we are in heaven, we will look back and realise, we were living heaven all along. Nothing will change. I need to begin my heavenly life here and now, in the already. The age to come will be a continuation. Heaven and the Kingdom is here and now to be realised here and now.

So, is this the end of the world? Yes. It is the end of world. The end of the world began at the death of Christ. We are living judgment, preparing for the second coming and living Heaven on earth. This is our hope.

In the Creed, we end in a joyful tune, “And we look for the resurrection of the dead and the life of the world to come, Amen.” It’s joy. This is what it all about. We can’t wait for the resurrection, but we start here and now.

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