Loveable Self-Image

Loveable Self-Image

By Lilyan Andrews

Originally seen on Lilyan Andrews’ blog Lilies and Thorns, September 19, 2020.


Self-Image Definition: the way you think about yourself and your abilities or appearance.

The topic of self-image is a near and dear one to my heart. I’ve previously mentioned it in an earlier post about confidence, and as I promised in that post, here is more about it.

I recently asked people on my Instagram how they view their self-image, and here are some of the responses I got:

  • Not as I would like myself to be
  • As someone who has failed in life
  • A very broken work in progress
  • Too chubby not so smart

Do any of these sound familiar? We are always our own worst critic; quickly pointing out our flaws and failing to see how great we are. So how do we get out of that negative mentality?

The secret is to focus on the positives, and rewire how you look at the negatives. You also have to figure where these negative thoughts are coming from and how to overcome them.

So I am going to start out with giving you a little homework assignment. I want you to take a long look in the mirror and write down three things that you see that you love about yourself. The next day add more to that list, and the following day do the same thing, and keep going. If you hit a roadblock just ask your close friends or family what they like about you, and I bet their list is probably longer than yours.

Since this topic is about self-image, I’m talking about writing down physical attributes. Yes, your personality is wonderful too, but I hope you already know that (if you don’t, check out the other posts in this series). So if you love your hair, arms, eyes, smile or anything else, write that down, because too often when we look in the mirror the first things that jump out at us are our “flaws.” For example, if you don’t like your legs, that’s the first place your eyes will go when you look in the mirror. And here is an even bigger challenge. Ask yourself, “Why don’t I like my ______?” (you fill in the blank).

Is it because I see other girls that look better and it makes me feel less-than? Is it because I’ve been bullied to believe I am not beautiful enough or thin enough? Is it because I was told to dress a certain way to hide my femininity? Let’s explore these thoughts together.

Our self-image really takes a big hit when we compare ourselves to others. In the world of social media we can be bombarded with thousands of people who are picture-perfect. Please do yourself a huge favor and ignore the Instagram models. Do you know how long it takes them to look like that? I’d argue it takes a few hours to do full hair and makeup and pose for a hundred pictures until they get the perfect one. Not to mention the photo editing that follows. Trust me, the whole “woke up like this” thing is a myth. So if you find yourself feeling down after looking at those posts, it’s totally okay (and highly recommended) to unfollow them. You have full control over what fills your newsfeed. I suggest following people with a similar body type, who you can tell from the way they dress have similar values to you. That means their page isn’t full of bikini pictures and provocative poses.

Ladies, don’t let your self-worth be defined by the likes and how many fire emojis you get in the comments. Don’t you dare give people that much power over your self-confidence. Stop giving people on the internet or in real life any power over how you feel!

If you give an ear to people’s negative comments then you start believing their hurtful judgement. This is where you have to take things in one ear and out the other, which is easier said than done. Bullies exist and unfortunately sometimes they are unavoidable. They could be your classmates, or sadly even your family members. I write this with a heavy heart because I know it’s sometimes our own parents that are constantly putting us down about things like our weight. To that I say, if you are doing your best to be healthy and take care of your body then forget whatever anyone else says! But if you’re not, then what’s stopping you from taking care of your body like the temple it truly is?

“Or do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and you are not your own? For you were bought at a price; therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God’s.”

1 Corinthians 6:19-20

Our community sometimes doesn’t know how to properly teach us to love our bodies. The main message you might have heard growing up is to be modest and cover up. While there is a truth to that, this message might have been delivered and also taken the wrong way by some. I do believe that no one should be flaunting cleavage or wearing super tight clothing that shows just about everything. However, I don’t ever want you to believe that there is something wrong with your body or your curves that you need to go to extremes to hide them. Embrace your femininity in a healthy and God-fearing way.

I knew a girl in high school that would always tie sweaters around her waist to cover her backside. She was a little blessed in that area, and was so self-conscious about it that she felt the need to always hide it. She didn’t realize that God made her that way on purpose and that there was absolutely nothing wrong with being comfortable in her own skin. It’s not her fault that popular culture sometimes over-sexualizes a woman’s figure, and she was trying to be mindful not to draw the wrong kind of attention to herself.

Girls, God created Eve with all that beauty for a reason, and He doesn’t make mistakes. After all, we were created in His image. “So God created man in His own image; in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them.” (Genesis 1:27). You are the Lord’s handiwork, and to judge your appearance as anything less than beautiful is to deem God’s work as inadequate.

I totally believe in the idea of “look good, feel good, do good.” I’m all about healthy self-care. It’s totally fine to spend time on your hair, your outfit or your makeup if you choose, as long as your self-worth isn’t based on that. Because we all have bad hair days, and our self-love should not disappear on those days. Love yourself and be confident in yourself no matter what your outside appearance looks like. As long as you are following St. Peter’s advice in 1 Peter 3: 3-4 then you’re good. “Do not let your adornment be merely outward—arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel—rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God.

Candace Cameron Bure does a great job talking about this point in chapter five of her book “Kind is the New Classy.” She focuses on practicing healthy self-care and knowing that what’s on the inside is more important than what’s on the outside.

On that instagram question I mentioned in the beginning, I also got some good answers. Some people wrote:

  • His daughter
  • Beautiful
  • Priceless; my “price tag” is the blood of Christ
  • Resilient and confident… wasn’t always like this actually

These are the kind of answers I want you to have when you think about your self-image. Confidence doesn’t just show up overnight, it is something you work on, struggle with and conquer by the grace of God. And if you ever need any encouragement, I’m always a message away!


(c) Lilyan Andrews (2020). Loveable Self-Image by Lilyan Andrews. Available at: https://www.liliesandthorns.com/post/lovable-self-image

Intentional Self-Love

Intentional Self-Love

By Lilyan Andrews

Originally posted on Lilyan Andrews’ blog Lilies and Thorns, Sept 5, 2020.


Self-Love Definition: Love of self: an appreciation of one’s own worth or virtue.

It looks like this title caught your attention and you’re here to read more about it. Awesome. Now tell me, what thoughts or feelings did that title evoke in you? Are you struggling with self-love? Or do you have a good sense of self-love and want to grow it even more? Or is this a foreign concept that you’ve never heard of?

Whatever your answer is, please allow me to walk you through why I think self-love is one of the most important things you can do for yourself. And how it is the foundation of every other relationship in your life.

God is the Source of All Love

Let’s start with where to get this self-love from. God Himself is the epitome of love. So where else would we find love other than the source himself? God proved His ultimate love for us by sending His Son to die on our behalf, so that we may be reunited with Him. His love for us is everlasting and unconditional. When Christ died for mankind on the cross, He did not only die for everyone, but especially just for you. I know that can be a hard concept for us to wrap our minds around, but it’s a foundational concept we must understand. His love for each of us is personal and special.

God loves you and therefore you should love yourself. If the most perfect Being loves you to the point of death, then why in the world would you not also love yourself? What is holding you back from diving straight into loving yourself? Is it the thought and shame of your past mistakes?

Forgiving Yourself is Essential for Loving Yourself

If your sins are hindering you from self-love, you need to know that this is from Satan and not from God. Because once you’ve repented and confessed, your sins are erased and you’re as good as new. We read in 2 Corinthians 5:17, “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new.”

Satan has a way of making us feel worthless and unlovable, and that’s total (for a lack of a better word) garbage. Ladies, forgive yourself. If the Almighty Judge has already forgiven you, why are you still punishing yourself? Lift your head up high and walk confidently knowing that forgiveness renews all, and from that you can start or continue on the path of self-love.

Let’s take the Samaritan woman as an example. When God’s love touched her, she could not contain her joy. She ran to the town people and told them about Christ. “And many of the Samaritans of that city believed in Him because of the word of the woman who testified, ‘He told me all that I ever did.’ ” (John 4:39). Here is a woman who went to draw water from the well at the most undesirable time so she would not run into anyone. She was embarrassed about her lifestyle, and when the Lord asked her about her husband she didn’t give him the whole story. But through His gentle and loving way she found forgiveness and was made new. There is no doubt that her self-love and love for God grew tremendously through that experience.

Love Yourself so You Can Love Others

There is a great Ted Talk I listened to about self-love (if you can’t already tell from last week’s post, I love Ted Talks). In it the speaker says, “Once you decide to love who you are, you can then take that love that you have for yourself and spread it to other people. Because without that self-love you limit your ability to pour into the loves of other people and add value to them.” I’m going to take that idea a step further and say that on top of self-love you need to be also filled with God’s love.

God is the source of all good things. From Him we learn what true love looks like. And as human beings we long to receive love and give love. But in order to give love you must draw that love from Him. We cannot give what we do not have.

How many relationships in your life are depending on love? Maybe it’s love to your parents, siblings, friends, or – if applicable to you – a spouse. All those people need love from you, but you can run dry if you are not filled with love for yourself and love for God.

So here is a simple breakdown:

  1. Love God
  2. Love Yourself
  3. Love Others

Before I got into a relationship with my husband I was at a place where I was very comfortable with who I was as a person. I wasn’t looking for someone to complete me. God was already doing that for me. I struggled a lot to get to a place where I fully loved myself, but thank God I made it there somehow. And because of that I could give love and receive love in a healthy way. Self-love is instrumental in any serious relationship.

An issue that can occur when we lack self-love is trying to find it in an unhealthy way. Some people lack that self-love and place such a heavy burden on the close people in their life to fill that hole for them. Or in their search for love, they can compromise themselves and their values just to get the attention they so desperately want. If you are struggling with this I pray that your eyes are open to see your true worth, and you fall so deeply in love with God and yourself that you are no longer tempted by false love from others.

Self-Love is Key

Loving yourself means you are in control of your own joy. You recognize that God’s love is the first and foremost love that you need, and that you actually already have it! You’re working on loving Him and getting to know Him. Once you’re filled with self-love fueled by His love, you can now love others. That self-love is such an important foundation for everything else in your life.

Practical Tip

I love to write things down. I’ve started getting into the habit of writing letters, especially when I’m super zealous, to myself to open at a future time. The letters are usually titled, “Open When You Need Encouragement,” “Open When You Feeling Like Quitting,” and “Open When You Need a Reminder that You are Enough.” I’ve recently added one titled, “Open When You’re Lacking Self-Love.” I encourage you to do the same. Your letter has to be personal to you, write about your struggles and your motivations for overcoming them. Keep that letter around and read it when you need a little boost of positivity.


(c) Lilyan Andrews (2020). Intentional Self-Love by Lilyan Andrews. Available at https://www.liliesandthorns.com/post/intentional-self-love