The Comparison Game

Talents, Blessings and Spiritual Gifts Part 1

The Comparison Game

By Ereeny Mikhail


“I don’t think I am talented at anything.”
“If only I was prettier or smarter.”
“If I am not one of the best at it, then I am not talented.”
“I just wish I had more money.”
“But so-and-so is more spiritual than me.”
“I am not worthy enough.”

How many times have you heard someone you know say one of these statements or something similar? In fact, I think most of us have fallen into that trap at some point in our lives. In this day and age, we are exposed to so much information and content via the internet, social media, books, talks and the like. And often, the line between what is true and false, right and wrong, and good and bad, becomes blurred. We see an incredibly talented individual and we think there’s no point trying because we will never be as good. We see people share their success and think what we have is not enough. And we see one another spiritually progress and feel we are left behind, drowned in our own sin.

One of the greatest pitfalls of how we perceive our talents, blessings and spiritual gifts, is comparison.

The Oxford dictionary defines a talent (n). as ‘a natural aptitude or skill’. This natural aptitude or skill can come in many forms. Some of us are good speakers, some of us are artistic, some of us are financially gifted, some of us are talented at sports, some of us are musically inclined and so on. However, what I find most striking about the definition is it does not in any way state that we need to be at the top of the game. We simply should just know how to do a certain thing to be talented. St Paul, in II Corinthians 10:12, states, “For we dare not class ourselves or compare ourselves with those who commend themselves. But they are measuring themselves by themselves, and comparing themselves among themselves, are not wise.”

Take this for example, two women take a painting class together. Both women had good paintings, and enjoy painting, but one painting is totally abstract, and the other is perfect to the last stroke. Now, let me pose the question. Who is more talented? Is it the woman who had an abstract painting or the woman who is a perfectionist? The answer is actually both. Not one painter is better or more talented. Both are there for a purpose. One artwork is for the person who enjoys looking at something relaxed and expresses a bit of chaos in their art. The other is for the eye that loves to see everything in a particular place at a particular time. The point of the story is talent is not defined as something you are better at than someone else. It is defined as something that someone just naturally knows how to do, which in this case, both women enjoyed the activity, and knew how to do it, in different ways.

Sometimes the key to recognising your talent is stop comparing your talents to other people. That very person that you look at and think that your talents are insignificant compared to, probably looks at you in the same light. This breeds jealousy, contempt, insecurity and so much more that is harmful to our inner selves.

Further to this, what kind of friend do you want to be? The one that compares yourself and is trying to do better than those around you, or the one that supports, encourages and tries to build the talents of those around us?

When we stop comparing ourselves to others, we begin to see the beauty in the differences we possess. We see each individual as part of the body of Christ. A fearfully and wonderfully made masterpiece, that could never compare to another.

Changing the Mindset of our Churches

Changing the Mindset of our Churches

By Fr Abraham Fam

Originally seen at goCoptic blog (October 30, 2019)


Have you ever heard that change is good? Change is not something we should shrink away from. Change is progress. 

It is important to note that we are not changing the Faith, but progressing towards Mission as a way of life. We would actually change back to the original mindset. The Mind of Christ. The Mind of the Early Church was Mission and Evangelism. It is the Orthodox Way.

The goal is to have the Mind of Christ and the Mind of the Early Apostolic Church so the Mind of Evangelism can flourish in our Churches today.

We are not used to it because our mindset over the years, due to persecution, was more preserving the Faith. Or trying to adjust to immigration in a new county.

We are in a different stage now and it is time to go back to our original mindset. It will take great patience and humility for the Church to get back again.

Below are points on how we can reach the original mindset again:

  1. We need the Mind of Christ.

Fulfill my joy by being like-minded, having the same love, being of one accord, of one mind. Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself. Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others. Let this mind be in you which was also in Christ Jesus 

Philippians 2:2-5

It is our aim and goal to have the Mind of Christ. The way He thought and the way He served and moved. This is the way we should go towards. 

The Mind of Christ is not merely having programs but loving others better than myself. Loving the unlovable, unbeliever and the lost sheep.

Sometimes in this movement towards Bold Evangelism and Preserving Faith and Adapting to Culture, we have a stubborn mind that is not Christ’s mind. 

We need to be students again of the Mind of Christ and the way He wants it. 

What are some of the characteristics of the Mind of Christ so that we can attain it?

Spiritually Minded

I must care about spiritually minded things and not have a carnal mind. (Romans 8:5-6). A carnal or earthly mind filled with selfish desires is death to evangelism and reaching out to all people. The spiritual mind cares about the salvation of others.

The problem is not having evangelism programs in my Church but not having a spiritual mind.

Humble Mind not Double Mind

Be of the same mind toward one another. Do not set your mind on high things, but associate with the humble. Do not be wise in your own opinion.

Romans 12:16

Today we hear a lot of opinions and we are set in our own ways. Are we open to listen and discuss? There are so many visions and opinions and not much humility.

Early on in my priesthood, I was very stubborn and shut down other ideas. I have since learned a valuable lesson in humility.

Like-minded

There are many verses in the Bible and the Early Apostolic Church that shows a focus for being like-minded and one minded (Romans 15:5, 1 Corinthians 1:10, 2 Corinthians 3:11, Philippians 1:27).

Like-minded means that there are no divisions among us. Yes, we will have disagreements and we will be different than each other but we have to work towards being one in our Churches. 

It is ok to meet and pray and discuss ideas of how to make the Church grow and for the church to have the Mindset of Christ and Mindset for Evangelism.

We can’t look down at someone who didn’t experience what I experienced. For example, I have been in Africa for over 12 years and have some mission and evangelism experiences. I can’t come back to the States and judge everyone for not having the same focus.

No matter where we are in the Church and what we believe, never lose the unity and being of ONE mind. It is a process and we will get there as a Church. Let’s be patient during the process but let’s move one step.

Pray to Renew your Mind

And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.

Romans 12:2

This should be our prayer to get to the Mind of Christ. God renew my mind. Let Your will be done in my life and in our Church.

Don’t let us be like the world and conform to it, but help be part of saving it. 

Before you are set in stone with something, let’s pray for God to renew our mind and soften it.

2. Mind of the Early Church continued to have the Mind of Christ

If you read the Book of Acts, you will see the great love and unity the Early Church had for each other. Because of that, many were being saved daily (Acts 2:42-47).

The Faith was not just statement in the Creed that was recited. It was the way they lived because of what they believed. 

I think that is the biggest change we need to ask God to renew in our mind and our heart.

May we have the Mind of the First Church. We need to return to it.

3. Mind of Evangelism Today

Here is the hard part that I have seen in the Church today. We all have so many different ideas, cultures, beliefs, personalities, and baggage. All of it comes together at once and we become hard-headed on what we think should be done.

It is hard to find 7 people to agree together on any given topic. If we can’t be like-minded and have one mind, how are we going to reach out to even more different ideas, cultures, beliefs, races, personalities, and baggage? 

We have to prepare ourselves and our churches for what God is getting ready to do. The harvest is ready (John 4:35) so GO!

As Orthodox Christians, however, many of us fall into a stubborn way of protecting the faith. Some would say that you should be like St. Athanasius and St. Basil so the faith doesn’t get watered down.

But don’t stop having the Mind of Christ while you do that. Let us be firm to protect our faith in a godly, humble way.

Let us listen and discuss and keep the forum open so we can grow our Churches in the mission area God has given us. 

Main goal of this talk is to have the Mindset of Evangelism we will need for all to reach towards the Mind of Christ and the Apostles. 

Let us work together without bullying each other or judging each other or hurting each other.

Imagine what the Church would look like in 5o years in North America and the rest of the world if we have the Mind of Christ, Mind of Apostles, and the Mind of Evangelism. 

Will our children and their children still be in the Church?

We need to pray to change the mindset. 

We are on the same team. Let us work together in to reach out. Let us look back to go forward. 

See more at the BOLD Evangelism Conference


Fr Abraham and Dalia Fam (2019). goCoptic. Changing the Mindset of our Churches by Fr Abraham Fam. Original post- https://gocoptic.org/changing-the-mindset-of-our-churches/

Friendship is…

Friendship is…

Reposted from Lilies and Thorns blog


”You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” “Tell me who your friends are, and I’ll tell you who you are.” “You become who you hang out with.” “If you want to see your future, look at your friends.” “When the character of a man is not clear to you, look at his friends” “You are who you are, by virtue of the company you keep.” Any of these sound familiar? Friendships are a crucial part of life, and the influence of friends on you is undeniable.

Friendship is First Loving Yourself

We should all aim to have a friendship like David and Jonathan. “Then Jonathan and David made a covenant, because he loved him as his own soul.” (1 Samuel 18:3) First, it’s important to note that they loved their own soul, and therefore were able to love each other with that same vigor. We should not be looking for someone else’s validation in a friendship. Before we chase love from others, we have to know our worth, and love ourselves first. We should not be looking to friends to fill the insecurities we have. Yes, they will encourage us and help us reach a better place, but getting rid of our insecurities is a journey between us and God.

If we fail to first love and invest in ourselves, we risk unknowingly placing a burden on our precious friends to fill that void for us, and this can be fatal to friendships. By knowing where we stand with God, we organically attract friends who are able to complement our beliefs, ambitions, and lifestyles.

Friendship is Built on Similar Values

Another common saying is “birds of a feather flock together.” This just means people who have the same interest and values tend to stick together. I can definitely attest to this in my life. I’ve had many friends throughout the years, but the one group of friends that I’ve kept for over 20 years are the ones I met in church. I’ve changed neighborhoods, schools, and even church parishes, but I’ve never changed my faith. Faith is an extremely strong tie that can withstand any time and place. So I hope you can find a God-loving group of friends that can help you stay on the right track. I’m not saying don’t have non-Christian friends; as long as they’re not a bad influence, have all the friends you want. You want friends to bring you closer to Christ (as you should also be doing for them), not further away from Him.

Friendship is Investing Both Ways

We’ve all had friends that make more withdrawals out of the friendship account than deposits. Some people require a lot of energy and attention, but don’t provide the same in return. Sometimes those friendships can leave us feeling drained. The seemingly Christian thing to do is to keep loving and giving, but I recognize we’re all human and might not always be able to handle the load. So maybe it might be time to cut back on the abundant giving, and don’t have such high expectations. I’m not saying cut them off, I’m just saying find a happy middle ground where you are both putting in the same effort into the friendship, that way there is no resentment or heavy feelings.

Friendship is Knowing What Load to Carry

“Do not be deceived: ‘Evil company corrupts good habits.’” (1 Corinthians 15:33) I’m cringing as I write this part, but the truth can be hard to face sometimes. There are times when friendships do more harm than good. I like to lean towards giving the other person the benefit of the doubt, and believing they have good intentions. But sometimes those intentions fail to show in their actions. If you find yourself in a friendship that is affecting you negatively, then it might be time to move on. I say this with caution, and urge you to consult your father of confession to seek guidance in the situation. I do not want you to stay in an unhealthy friendship (or any relationship) because you feel obligated to carry someone else’s load, when you can barely carry your own, and in fact, it is weighing you down.

Friendship is Edifying

Edifying friendships are the most beautiful friendships, and I pray you can all find them and keep them. My longest friendship started about 20 years ago, when I moved to America. Throughout the years we have journeyed together through middle school, high school, college, singleness, marriage, and now motherhood. We’ve leaned on each other countless times, always drawing strength from the Lord to give to each other. Our friendship was a two-way street of giving and taking. We’ve shared wonderful memories and hard ones too.

We’ve had our ups and downs, just like any normal friendship. We’ve had times where we didn’t see eye to eye, or misunderstood each other. But the one common thing that kept us together was our common love for God and each other, because “A friend loves at all times.” (Proverbs 17:17) In every situation we tried to see the best in the other person. We constantly communicated, even when the conversations were hard to have. When we found ourselves in uncomfortable situations, we stopped and tried to mend it. Not saying our friendship is perfect, but perfectly imperfect. And that’s the beauty of it.

God gave us friends so we can lift each other up.

Two are better than one, Because they have a good reward for their labor. For if they fall, one will lift up his companion. But woe to him who is alone when he falls, For he has no one to help him up.”

Ecclesiastes 4:9-10

We can try to convince ourselves that we can go through life alone, but man, that can be super hard. Truth is, we need each other. The Bible says so, and even Christ sent out the apostles in groups of two.

If you are in a season in your life where you don’t have a strong friendship(s), then by all means ask God to send you a friend or two. Doesn’t He say, “Ask and it shall be given to you”? (Matthew 7:7)

I pray that you can all have fruitful and edifying friendships that bring you closer to Him, as well as be a great friend that someone can depend on. We should all be holding each other’s hands so we can help each other reach His.

“Ointment and perfume delight the heart, And the sweetness of a man’s friend gives delight by hearty counsel.”

Proverbs 27:9

Iron Sharpens Iron

Iron Sharpens Iron

by Amy Saleam


“But if we walk in the light as He is in the light, we have fellowship with one another…” 1 John 1:6 (NKJV).

Fellowship is one of the most commonly used words in Christianity and is pivotal to Christian living. When we hear that term, it reminds us of hanging out after Friday night youth group, having a chat with someone after Sunday liturgy or attending Church events. Of course, the aforementioned activities are beautiful ways of building relationships with fellow Christians and creates a sense of community, however, they only scratch the surface of what fellowship is at its core. Lets dig deeper.

Biblically speaking, fellowship comes from the word koinonia. This means to participate, to share or be in communion with God and fellow Christians. Understanding this reveals that fellowship with one another recognises a common denominator between us, something that links us together – and that is Christ himself. And so if we truly are in fellowship with Christ, we must embrace true fellowship with one another and this involves more than just superficial conversation.

Fellowship amongst Christians entails sharing our own individual experiences with one another and to also participate in experiences together. The purpose of this sharing is to encounter Christ communally, draw and encourage each other to pursue a deeper relationship with Him and support one another in our walk of faith, particularly during hardships and discouragement.

Pray for each other, with each other

Prayer is a key demonstration of Christian fellowship. When we pray, we experience an intimate relationship with God and put before Him our deepest sorrows, thanks, fears and requests. So if we are able to do this for ourselves, we should do so for each other. Since we collectively are the Body of Christ, how can we focus on one part and neglect the other? If you have a rash on both of your arms, do you only treat the one on the right hand and leave the left? Are they not of the same body? Similarly, just as we pray for ourselves and our own struggles, we should pray for one another. We are not just individual Christians who are meant to live our faith alone; rather we are in communion with each other within the Body of Christ. So let us not just consider one part of Christ’s body i.e. ourselves, but pray for the whole Body – our brothers and sisters.

Support one another – build one another

“As iron sharpens iron, so a man sharpens the countenance of his friend” Proverbs 27:17.

The principle of sharpening each other does not mean convicting with harsh judgment, but rather to approach others with our humble concern. Many a time this can be difficult as the execution of our concern can rather seem as a criticism, but if we approach one another with compassion and remind ourselves that we are not perfect in our own flesh, but are made perfect in Him, then we are able to approach each other with humility.

The book of Proverbs places onus on each of us to “sharpen” our friend for the purpose of building one another. Over time, an iron tool may become blunt if not constantly sharpened by a second piece of iron and heat. Likewise, when we do not place ourselves in God’s presence daily, our faith may too become blunt and our sense of dependence on Him weakens. Our focus then shifts onto life’s distractions and we become clouded with our burdens and fears. So we see that it becomes the responsibility of the second iron to sharpen the first in order to regain its purpose. Similarly, our walk in faith requires us to be in fellowship with one another so that when one does become spiritually lukewarm and faith is dampened, we can be the second iron for each other.

Hence, we are also prompted to be a friend who sits with others in their darkest days to remind them of and embody Christ’s heart. As we are in koinonia and called to share experiences with each other, we can help carry and lift each other’s burdens and sorrows. Actually when we do so, we half the sorrow and double the joy – and that joy is one which we share in being a part of the Body of Christ. This joy is made evident when we help our brothers and sisters through life’s inevitable valleys. Therefore being in fellowship requires us to place one hand on our friend’s shoulder in this valley, and the other hand pointing to and redirecting their focus to our mountain peak – Christ.

Our sharpening should be motivated by the desire of wanting nothing less than Christ for one another. When a friend is discouraged and experiencing hardship, our fellowship involves us reminding them of God’s truths and making His light apparent during their spiritual winter. When we share this experience with each other, let us remind one another that our hearts are held by Him, and that even when the trees look barren, God is working beneath the soil.

Glory be to God forever. Amen.